Seventh Circle, Inner Ring (Ring Ring)
Title: Seventh Circle, Inner Ring (Ring Ring)
Authors: Josh (cranperryjuice) and tamaofdeath
Pairings: Sean/Juan, Sean/porn websites, Sean/complimentary dildo
Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Warnings: The religious imagery might bother some people.
"Good morning, sir. Have you accepted gay sex as your only way to salvation?"
"... No! Who is this?"
"You really should look into it, sir, you wouldn't want to burn in Hell for being a close-minded non-believer."
Sean blinked blankly for a few seconds, then hung up.
***
"Hello, sir, I'm calling to confirm your subscriptions to Size Queens Monthly and Gloryhole Gayngstas. You will receive your complimentary ten-inch black dildo in the mail shortly, but first I'd like to confirm your address and your credit card number."
It took a moment of sputtering before Sean was able to speak. "Pleasedon'tsendmeanything."
"Oh, but sir, if you don't subscribe now, you'll be missing out on our special interracial promotion--"
Sean hung up.
***
"Hey, Big S, how you doin'? Remember me? It's Juan, we met at the leather club near the pagoda park. I'm still sore from last night, can't believe it was the first time you tried fisting. I wanna suck on your balls again, so call me back, okay?"
Sean jabbed at the erase button frantically while trying to cover both of Haeum's ears with his free hand. This week was not going well for him.
***
"Hey, Sean? I'm just calling you to talk to you about the crucifix thing, remember?"
Finally, someone who wasn't insane and gay. "Oh, yes. What is it?"
"Well, I thought about it, and I decided that I'm willing to do it, but it's gonna cost you an extra two hundred dollars."
"... Um, okay?"
"And I managed to get the crotchless nun oufit just for you. Hope you're gonna like it, sexy."
Sean hung up wordlessly.
***
"Hello, sir. Since you have been a faithful subscriber to our website, LadyboysBukkake.com for three years, we would appreciate your participation in a very brief, five-minute survey we are conducting to evaluate our customers's satisfaction with the service we offer."
"W-What? I don't even--"
"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your satisfaction with our creampie section?"
Sean slammed the phone down, hoping they wouldn't call back when Hye Yeong was there.
***
"C'mon, you know who I am. You left your riding crop in my place, man! You should come over and pick it up."
"I don't know who you are! Just stop calling me!"
"Fine, but I'm keeping the--" Perry was interrupted by the dial tone. He grinned and hung up the phone, then pulled the popcorn bowl closer to grab a handful. "It's almost too easy."
Jinu picked himself off the floor and wiped the tears from his eyes. "That was fuckin' genius, the thing about licking his sneakers."
G-Dragon snickered as he passed the joint to Jinu. "When are we meeting tomorrow?"
"Aww, let's just wait ten minutes and call again. He has no idea who's doing it, anyway," Jinu protested.
Perry eyed the phone consideringly, then snatched the joint from Jinu and took a long drag. "A'ight, who wants to go next?"
Authors: Josh (cranperryjuice) and tamaofdeath
Pairings: Sean/Juan, Sean/porn websites, Sean/complimentary dildo
Rating: R
Genre: Humor
Warnings: The religious imagery might bother some people.
"Good morning, sir. Have you accepted gay sex as your only way to salvation?"
"... No! Who is this?"
"You really should look into it, sir, you wouldn't want to burn in Hell for being a close-minded non-believer."
Sean blinked blankly for a few seconds, then hung up.
***
"Hello, sir, I'm calling to confirm your subscriptions to Size Queens Monthly and Gloryhole Gayngstas. You will receive your complimentary ten-inch black dildo in the mail shortly, but first I'd like to confirm your address and your credit card number."
It took a moment of sputtering before Sean was able to speak. "Pleasedon'tsendmeanything."
"Oh, but sir, if you don't subscribe now, you'll be missing out on our special interracial promotion--"
Sean hung up.
***
"Hey, Big S, how you doin'? Remember me? It's Juan, we met at the leather club near the pagoda park. I'm still sore from last night, can't believe it was the first time you tried fisting. I wanna suck on your balls again, so call me back, okay?"
Sean jabbed at the erase button frantically while trying to cover both of Haeum's ears with his free hand. This week was not going well for him.
***
"Hey, Sean? I'm just calling you to talk to you about the crucifix thing, remember?"
Finally, someone who wasn't insane and gay. "Oh, yes. What is it?"
"Well, I thought about it, and I decided that I'm willing to do it, but it's gonna cost you an extra two hundred dollars."
"... Um, okay?"
"And I managed to get the crotchless nun oufit just for you. Hope you're gonna like it, sexy."
Sean hung up wordlessly.
***
"Hello, sir. Since you have been a faithful subscriber to our website, LadyboysBukkake.com for three years, we would appreciate your participation in a very brief, five-minute survey we are conducting to evaluate our customers's satisfaction with the service we offer."
"W-What? I don't even--"
"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your satisfaction with our creampie section?"
Sean slammed the phone down, hoping they wouldn't call back when Hye Yeong was there.
***
"C'mon, you know who I am. You left your riding crop in my place, man! You should come over and pick it up."
"I don't know who you are! Just stop calling me!"
"Fine, but I'm keeping the--" Perry was interrupted by the dial tone. He grinned and hung up the phone, then pulled the popcorn bowl closer to grab a handful. "It's almost too easy."
Jinu picked himself off the floor and wiped the tears from his eyes. "That was fuckin' genius, the thing about licking his sneakers."
G-Dragon snickered as he passed the joint to Jinu. "When are we meeting tomorrow?"
"Aww, let's just wait ten minutes and call again. He has no idea who's doing it, anyway," Jinu protested.
Perry eyed the phone consideringly, then snatched the joint from Jinu and took a long drag. "A'ight, who wants to go next?"