Superficial caring
I have studied this, and 99.999998% of people that say "My problem is, I care too much about everyone else and not enough about myself", is always thinking ONLY about themselves 100% of the time.
Why is this?
Someone who is consciously thinking "I'm doing this for so and so because I have to for them" is already thinking "oh I'm obligated to do whatever" followed by a conscious/subconscious "or else I won't get/have ___ from them." And then they get pissed off when THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT from their STRAINED EFFORT for an act of "kindness".
Being nice isn't currency, just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean they owe you shit.
You know what I do? I send my boyfriend cards, for no reason whatsoever. It could be a Tuesday and I'll feel like celebrating that fact with him, so I'll walk myself down to CVS and pick him up a card. I don't get mad that the only thing he's sent me is a valentine's card. Why? Because I'm not expecting him to do anything just because I sent him a card. I want him to feel nice that he got a card, I don't do it because I want a card (or anything) in return.
I do care about other people. And its not a drawback at all. If I go out to be nice to people, and be there for them, and if for some reason they respond in a way that I would not agree with, then what I do, as an honest person that actually does care for people, is say "oh well, move on".
Because all you can do when someone is a jackass to you, is to cut the damage right where it starts and say "oh well" instead of brooding over it and blaming everyone and humanity that you don't always get what you want, and assuming your courtesy should be regarded as a gift from god.
Someone who cares about other people in general doesn't respond with "ohh look what you've done, oh yes, you will pay and you will be sorry for this." That sort of bipolar attitude just doesn't work.
Its everyone's job to get along. And when people don't respect you, the best thing you can do is get over it and move on. Its wasted effort to get upset over someone not fawning over you just because you don't hate them.
Whatever.
Maybe my boyfriend and I like to argue, but the both of us are nice people. We work because we don't have that insane logic that the both of us have to constantly play nice-nice to each other or else we bring on each other's wraith of 1,000 demons. When we do nice things, we don't expect something in return, we do them because we want to make each other happy, and enjoy those happy moments. And when we fight/argue/disagree, we're still good with each other because we know that anything worth loving requires a little bit more "give" than is convenient or easy to keep and maintain. And that extra "give", -genuine caring-, is what makes us work.
You can't give part of yourself and expect "all" in return.
And it makes me angry that every single completely selfish asshole says "My problem is I care too much about other people, and not enough about myself".
And you know what?
I blame EMO and MTv.
(yes, I'm aware this issue has been a problem before both, but emo and MTv has made it super-trendy for everyone to be a selfish asshole.)
If you find yourself using that phrase, take a moment to clear your head and say "what have I done for them, and what was I expecting in return." If you can completely answer that- you are indeed a selfish asshole.
1. You've been keeping track of your "nice points-currency"
2. You actually expect people to let you cash in on those points by doing things for you.
Being nice isn't a job, you don't get paid for it. If anything, its volunteer work that can only afford to pay you with the satisfaction that you've done something nice.
Get over it...
(Just a few notes: yes there are people who do give a bit too much of themselves, in which case a friend pointing this out as their trait doesn't fall under the above and make that person a selfish asshole. It only applies to people who broadcast their "niceness" and how they were cheated out of whatever they wanted in return. Anyone who really cares too much about others doesn't blame others for not returning favors.)
I want some cheesecake today.
Why is this?
Someone who is consciously thinking "I'm doing this for so and so because I have to for them" is already thinking "oh I'm obligated to do whatever" followed by a conscious/subconscious "or else I won't get/have ___ from them." And then they get pissed off when THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT from their STRAINED EFFORT for an act of "kindness".
Being nice isn't currency, just because you're nice to someone doesn't mean they owe you shit.
You know what I do? I send my boyfriend cards, for no reason whatsoever. It could be a Tuesday and I'll feel like celebrating that fact with him, so I'll walk myself down to CVS and pick him up a card. I don't get mad that the only thing he's sent me is a valentine's card. Why? Because I'm not expecting him to do anything just because I sent him a card. I want him to feel nice that he got a card, I don't do it because I want a card (or anything) in return.
I do care about other people. And its not a drawback at all. If I go out to be nice to people, and be there for them, and if for some reason they respond in a way that I would not agree with, then what I do, as an honest person that actually does care for people, is say "oh well, move on".
Because all you can do when someone is a jackass to you, is to cut the damage right where it starts and say "oh well" instead of brooding over it and blaming everyone and humanity that you don't always get what you want, and assuming your courtesy should be regarded as a gift from god.
Someone who cares about other people in general doesn't respond with "ohh look what you've done, oh yes, you will pay and you will be sorry for this." That sort of bipolar attitude just doesn't work.
Its everyone's job to get along. And when people don't respect you, the best thing you can do is get over it and move on. Its wasted effort to get upset over someone not fawning over you just because you don't hate them.
Whatever.
Maybe my boyfriend and I like to argue, but the both of us are nice people. We work because we don't have that insane logic that the both of us have to constantly play nice-nice to each other or else we bring on each other's wraith of 1,000 demons. When we do nice things, we don't expect something in return, we do them because we want to make each other happy, and enjoy those happy moments. And when we fight/argue/disagree, we're still good with each other because we know that anything worth loving requires a little bit more "give" than is convenient or easy to keep and maintain. And that extra "give", -genuine caring-, is what makes us work.
You can't give part of yourself and expect "all" in return.
And it makes me angry that every single completely selfish asshole says "My problem is I care too much about other people, and not enough about myself".
And you know what?
I blame EMO and MTv.
(yes, I'm aware this issue has been a problem before both, but emo and MTv has made it super-trendy for everyone to be a selfish asshole.)
If you find yourself using that phrase, take a moment to clear your head and say "what have I done for them, and what was I expecting in return." If you can completely answer that- you are indeed a selfish asshole.
1. You've been keeping track of your "nice points-currency"
2. You actually expect people to let you cash in on those points by doing things for you.
Being nice isn't a job, you don't get paid for it. If anything, its volunteer work that can only afford to pay you with the satisfaction that you've done something nice.
Get over it...
(Just a few notes: yes there are people who do give a bit too much of themselves, in which case a friend pointing this out as their trait doesn't fall under the above and make that person a selfish asshole. It only applies to people who broadcast their "niceness" and how they were cheated out of whatever they wanted in return. Anyone who really cares too much about others doesn't blame others for not returning favors.)
I want some cheesecake today.