Just Rambling...
Posted 2 days ago:
Nothing incredibly happy to report...
The day before yesterday was my father's funeral...but it wasn't exactly emotional for me, I'v felt numb for so long now. It really made me miss him more but still no tears for a while...
What was really upsetting is that my mom decides to go out to a bar with the money she received that day...So She left for the bar pretty much as son as she got home...She was gone for so long...I refuse to get into her past right now...Just make it simple and I can say that she use to be a big drinker and stopped a few years ago...Now she decided to start again...She didn't get home tell 3:30...
All these new stories that Iv never heared..How she's been married 4 times...It goes up everytime I hear somethign new...Anyway It made me lose respect for her...I'v got to be reasonable I know..this is her way of "copeing" but she's taking is to a level that is unneccesary and wrong...Her and her friend sharyle...stayed up arguing all night...Sharyle is one of her old friends who staying with us for a while...anyway she met up with her Ex...Now she's been hanging out with him all day and Sharyle told her to come home and she didn't listen..if it wern't for her then my mom wouldn't even want to come home...
She went to bed at 5 and woke up at 6? that doesnt make any sence..she went out as soon as she got up yesterday....she didn't come home tell 10 this morning....She left me in the care of her friend so she could go out and drink...I really can't understand how she get's her relaxation that way...I can't look at her the same..she's two diffrent people now...Can't she wait a DAY before she decides to go out and do this...stuff?
My mom wants me out..I moved in to take care of her but she's made it clear to me..she'd rather have me gone so she can "do what she wants" I overheared her say I'm old enough to take care of myself, she wants to do what she wants to do and..Well, I don't matter as much as I thought I did....
I don't plan on stayign here that long anymore...a few month'...but what am I suppose to DO? College, but..I'v been so cradled in my life it makes me sick...Now she decides to just drop me...I'll have to wait and see how it goes...Everyone's all like "you should be able to take care of yourself" How the FUCK old are you people? Still living with your parents? If you dont have a better reason than I then fuck off...I'm fucking 17 fuck you...I don't have problams with people there just so fucking stupid!
That's a little harsh...I mean..As long as your going to college and/or try making somethign of yourself it's cool yah...but don't be a bum..like my brother...he's sucking the life outa my mom SUCKING the life outa her >.<
Anyway, she's bitching about money, she's been throwing it around on drink's, taxi's...blah...
What am I rambling about? Jeezus... Well she's home now....I don't know for how long though...
I should be more decriptive but I'm so tired of updateing about my life I'm thinking of just putting short post's like some people do...and stop treating this like an actual journal...I don't know...
I'v just lost so much in so little time...All I do now it sit and make art.....
I was going to go to Busch Garden's again with eve like we did last week but she got a job =/ ...Maybe I should look for a job..and a way to actually GET there...ha...
I still have that list of things to bitch about...maybe I'll get to that tomarrow...maybe not..
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Mike is holding a meeting this sunday and hopefully I'll get to go...So I was thinkign that everyone decided not to go Since Caleb said he wasn't but I guess not..Now everyone is jumpign in Mike's room O.o Ha this is gonna be greeeeaatt....Well I don't have to worry about paying atleast =) I already have to much shit to pay for lol Like me and Eve's ticket'....I hope we get the money I gave FOR the ticket it would help me pay for them...If not Ill have to put up ANOTHER 90 bucks...but I no mind...As long as it is for the people who actually cared...
I wodner how things are goign to work out now..and if I'm going to get my Outfit..Either way I could ride a bike to con if I have to ha, its close enough..
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Posted Today/Yesterday
The day's pass on like..days...one after the other...Fast...
My mom calmed down and isn't exactly all partyparty like she was so that's good...she really scared me...her friend still here...she's really nice...for the past few dyas she's been more of a mom to me though...She actually cooks! ...oh em gee....
Well...I really hope my mom doesn't hook up with her ex..who I'v never met..and don't plan on meeting...because if she does I think it will be the first time I actually ever hit someone...I'v never pictured my mom with anyone but my dad...and now that he's gone...I feel bad that she's alone..but she needs to slow the fuck down....I know my paretns marrage wasn't really a marrage for the past 5 to 8 years...they kinda just stoped talking and got seprate rooms...but she could atleast act like she loved him and misses him...
Anyway...I'v got nothin'....
I was thinking of going to an Art school right down the street....I need to choose though..If I go to The art School I could always switch back to USF in a year or two if I wanted..SO it wouldn't hurt...I just DON'T know what I want to do....I love art...but I also love money XD...Computer's...and being a doctor is something I COULD do if I really wanted to but it's just doesn't FIT me...Architecture is another choice that I really feel like I could be comfortable doing...I just can't decide...it jumbles my mind >.<
So everyone is all working out for Con...I think it's great cuz I felt alone XD Everyone all dieting and working on there ABS...FUCK! I'd be happy to have a FLAT stomach let alone some fucking ABS godamn xD I have been eating less...and it has been working (a little) I'm just worried Iwon't be able to get in a good enough shape in time for con..it's coming so QUICK! I'm thinking about...NOT eating...or eating very little like a week before con...All I need to lose is about...10 more pounds...then I'll be semi happy...
I'm not sure about the suit...I keep thinking everyone's gonna be like "Oh you can't pull it off" but then I'll be like "WTF? This isn't about looking GOOD this is about having FUN...that's what con IS..."...y'know? So I think I'll try...even if I don't have the right hair or the right build...goddamn lucky people with high metabolism...damn them...
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now
well...I posted that on GJ...I havn't really been keeping up with this journal so I'll just copy my updates, if I continue to make important one's...I'll probably just start makign short one's...
Anyway...Hector...What's your E-mail? (maybe I should just check you Info O.o) and Mike...Goodluck with the meeting =/
There was somethign else I can't think of...Hmmm
ByeBye~