flippin'
I had a flash on the bus just now. It wouldn't've been a flash except for Kirsten's conversation with me about autism last night. I gazed out at the clusterfuck of cars leading into a toll check and geared my mind toward contemplation of humanity on a large scale, at which i registered a pang of empathy for us all in the manner of beginning the last chapter of Watchmen, at the absurd way that every conscious being we ever encounter will pass into nothingness after too short a time to accomplish anything truly miraculous.
At this pang i had to suppress a strange urge to bang on the bus window with my wrist, similar to the urge at social embarrassment to say "Wow." or start working meaningless arithmetic in my head but without the associated desire for invisibility. Had only close ones been present i would've gone ahead and hit the window.
Pondering on this for a moment, i realized that the urge to hit the window was a circumstantial interpretation of a generic urge to shake off the "humanity blanket" i felt wrapped in at the moment, i.e. to sever the ethereal link that connected me with these pitiable mortals (no condescension intended). This sounds (though i'm not introspective enough to know if it feels) like a variant of the urge to feel free that some actress's son (autistic) professed to inspire his spontaneous flapping gestures.
Anyway, this post is for her and solicits her feedback in particular. She can also find the article to which i referred during our conversation here.
At this pang i had to suppress a strange urge to bang on the bus window with my wrist, similar to the urge at social embarrassment to say "Wow." or start working meaningless arithmetic in my head but without the associated desire for invisibility. Had only close ones been present i would've gone ahead and hit the window.
Pondering on this for a moment, i realized that the urge to hit the window was a circumstantial interpretation of a generic urge to shake off the "humanity blanket" i felt wrapped in at the moment, i.e. to sever the ethereal link that connected me with these pitiable mortals (no condescension intended). This sounds (though i'm not introspective enough to know if it feels) like a variant of the urge to feel free that some actress's son (autistic) professed to inspire his spontaneous flapping gestures.
Anyway, this post is for her and solicits her feedback in particular. She can also find the article to which i referred during our conversation here.