CAG@LOCS#38
We are largely defined by our relationships to others. This is the theme of this email, and one thing that i've had to be continually reminded of; in Amherst i almost felt like i would be my own person forever if i were clear-headed enough. Sentimentality: Is it something to rise above, acknowledge and resolve, or immerse oneself into? (Appropriately, "We Will Become Silhouettes" just began. Chris would approve.)
One small measure i've decided to take (as of five minutes ago) is to differentiate in my sentence structure (a) those things i feel because i focus, dwell, or seize upon them and (b) those things i feel involuntarily because of my own faulty hard-wiring (the greatest cliché of the Electronic Age). For example (now it's "Brand New Colony"), i take pleasure in fooling around with with these punchcard data because i understand and seek out connections between the silly little periods and plus signs and some very deep mathematical ideas. On the other hand, hearing offhand that my ex-girlfriends aren't faring too well gives me momentary satisfaction, not because i consciously wish them poorly but because i'm conditioned against them. I posit that such distinctions are worth making, possibly by some way more subtle than restriction to the active and passive voices, respectively.
My advisor once mentioned that he prefers to focus on the present than to reminisce over the past, during a conversation about taking pictures. This seems like a local analogue to the less appreciative quip "Ignorance is bliss."; maybe it is, and maybe there's a duality here that i'm not keen enough to grasp. Rational is the way to be if we want our species to merit any special consideration, even from ourselves, and it certainly should not be a sacrifice of bliss to rationalize our discourse, policies, and so forth in the trend that has defined our species since the adoption of stone tools (though it may well be argued that it has in the past). Conversely, the more we dwell over our personal pasts, the less rational we become. (This i gleam only from personal experiences, though not only with myself as the subject.) So is the key to distance ourselves from our own actions and focus on the lessons of others? Or must we go through the process of learning to look at our own behavior objectively, which seems to take so incredible an amount of time, patience, and encouragement that only a handful of people i've ever met can honestly attest to have done so? Or is the reason for our general failure to do so a product of current societal norms, which will gradually we worked out of our species like superstition and murderous mentalities?
My advisor is also my greatest research catalyst. One meeting with him and i have three or four great ideas that take far too long to implement and produce far too menial results. But having results differentiates my advisor-associating weeks from those he's out of town.
Having even someone reluctant to challenge me too fiercely is much more enlightening than an internal monologue by a fireplace would be, though i think even i might have been able to come up with the coordinate axes with enough parchment and ink and time. But again this process is experimentation - a dialogue with reality, should the analogy prove fruitful. Perhaps once i'm able to listen closely enough to the world beyond the luxury of language, i'll produce some decent ideas of my own.
These things always seem more thematically unified in my head.
One small measure i've decided to take (as of five minutes ago) is to differentiate in my sentence structure (a) those things i feel because i focus, dwell, or seize upon them and (b) those things i feel involuntarily because of my own faulty hard-wiring (the greatest cliché of the Electronic Age). For example (now it's "Brand New Colony"), i take pleasure in fooling around with with these punchcard data because i understand and seek out connections between the silly little periods and plus signs and some very deep mathematical ideas. On the other hand, hearing offhand that my ex-girlfriends aren't faring too well gives me momentary satisfaction, not because i consciously wish them poorly but because i'm conditioned against them. I posit that such distinctions are worth making, possibly by some way more subtle than restriction to the active and passive voices, respectively.
My advisor once mentioned that he prefers to focus on the present than to reminisce over the past, during a conversation about taking pictures. This seems like a local analogue to the less appreciative quip "Ignorance is bliss."; maybe it is, and maybe there's a duality here that i'm not keen enough to grasp. Rational is the way to be if we want our species to merit any special consideration, even from ourselves, and it certainly should not be a sacrifice of bliss to rationalize our discourse, policies, and so forth in the trend that has defined our species since the adoption of stone tools (though it may well be argued that it has in the past). Conversely, the more we dwell over our personal pasts, the less rational we become. (This i gleam only from personal experiences, though not only with myself as the subject.) So is the key to distance ourselves from our own actions and focus on the lessons of others? Or must we go through the process of learning to look at our own behavior objectively, which seems to take so incredible an amount of time, patience, and encouragement that only a handful of people i've ever met can honestly attest to have done so? Or is the reason for our general failure to do so a product of current societal norms, which will gradually we worked out of our species like superstition and murderous mentalities?
My advisor is also my greatest research catalyst. One meeting with him and i have three or four great ideas that take far too long to implement and produce far too menial results. But having results differentiates my advisor-associating weeks from those he's out of town.
Having even someone reluctant to challenge me too fiercely is much more enlightening than an internal monologue by a fireplace would be, though i think even i might have been able to come up with the coordinate axes with enough parchment and ink and time. But again this process is experimentation - a dialogue with reality, should the analogy prove fruitful. Perhaps once i'm able to listen closely enough to the world beyond the luxury of language, i'll produce some decent ideas of my own.
These things always seem more thematically unified in my head.