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Wow...so livejournal. Yeah. It's been awhile. Myspace has taken over my life. Thanks a lot for that one Jo. But more importantly, SCHOOOOOL has taken over my life.
Things are getting hectic way to fast, and I find myself already pulling all nighters. I keep getting distracted and I can't find any way to focus. I have tiem in the afternoon, but i end up procastinating and not actually starting homework till like 9. And its all way too much.
I know I'm bombing Bio...87 on the article test, and I seriously failed this last test plus I'm freaking myself out on the college level labs he expects. Choir is amazing, but im really getting pissed off, no ones listening, and people are getting mad at me when I tell them to shut up...Ive officially been deemed the choir bitch...Deweys amazing. He totally understands that religion work isnt going to be our top priority, which helps...but this year it actually counts to colleges, so i need to work hard...and its a lotta work when you group leaves you with everything. Chem...Chem is sanity, my sanctuary. Moreso than Bio and choir...Its all review so far but that class is just amazing...the non related conversations that we have are awesome, and i love that we have all the time to do our homework. But I know i should be doing more...taking better notes, because its not going to be this easy forever and i should get ready for when i dont totally understand it. Math is great...its easy and i get it, but she has to go over it over and over because the other side doesnt listen, and doesnt pay attention, and they dont understand, and they want to waste time...god i really wanna be in a higher math. Mrs Pratt scares me. not in the intimidating i dont want to talk to her or look her in the eye way. In the i ahve no idea what she expects but i dont want to disappoint her way. she never told us her standards, how she grades, what shes looking for. So I could be putting my heart into an assignment and get it back with a check X or a check O and have no clue why because she doesnt leave comments either. I want to do well in that class..i think shes an amazing teacher AND person and i love the class. I just dont want it to bring down my senior year. History is weird, its nothing like last year, she jumps around, theres no continuity, no flow, just random facts and events thrown at us (sorta like this entry so far) she throws assignments at us at the end of class, and is totally scatter brained.
Which brings me to model senate. she handed me the attendance lists late, so i had to rush to come up with a master list and a system, one that i was pretty proud of. During the second ParPro meeting, she comes up to me and tells me that the attendance has to be done this way, not my way. That there has to be a riduculous color code based on time, and adding up half meetings and full meetings (and 1.5 meetings i think?) and how if they talk and answer questions it negates so much time, and all the other stuff. But she gave me this, look, i dunno when i hadnt known that i had to do it this way and that i had to change my system. were supposed to have weekly leader meetings in the morning...they dont happen. Shes supposed to tell all the leaders to come to ParPro...she doesnt. Shes supposed to post bulletins and write announcements...she doesnt. And she doesnt listen. Then theres the fact that model senate and drama ALWAYS fall on the same day. I try to legislate, but its hard. I should be at model senate. its my job. I wrote a speech, and did public speaking for this position. I should be able to handle it. its not that hard. But i feel like if I leave meetings early, im not giving model senate the time i should be.
I NEED to be at the play. I'm stage manager...thats huge for me, and I love it. ANd I dont want to let Mr. A down...he trusted me with this, even though I dont have a lot of experience, and I wanna make him proud. At the same time, I dont really know what I'm doing. I dont know if its just me, but I feel like Im always doing something wrong, or not doing enough. I just wish i had a more set idea of what im expected to do. I dont wanna ask Geri because she has her hands full-its why she didnt take on the play, plus itll be like admitting that im totally incapable of handling it. ANd I feel like I'm letting the cast down because most of them are more experienced than i am and they expect more and i dont know what to give them.
I feel totally excluded from NHS. No ones telling me whats going on. I missed one meeting, ONE MEETING, for a very good reason, by the way, and all of a sudden, it feels like Im being ostracised..ms. judd took some of my job away (im no longer doing anything involved with attendance)I have no clue whts going on with services..even though im supposed to be in charge of knowing whose showing up to stuff like that. I should go talk to her, but I dunno, its...
And then theres college stuff. Shays already handed hers in...Im so far behind its not even funny. I seriously think im not going to get in anywhere. My parents cant take me to visit places, so Ive resorted to tagging along on trips (Daniella, Krista, Geri, your amazing for taking/offering to take me, it means so much to me, you dont even know) which makes me feel bad. I dont know how I'm going to do interviews, or if I'll even be able to do them....applications, transcripts, essays, its way too much to think about...especially the essay. I wrote one that im totally proud of but i have no clue how good it really is (i have to talk to mrs pratt at one point :\) and its still close too 250 words too long, even though ive already cut two paragraphs from it. UGHH...okay yea
Yea so that rant felt good...trust me guys, you dont wanna read it. Its long, and wordy, and makes no sense, its just stuff that i wanted to say. And its just the tip of the iceberg. But some stuff doesnt get written about in LJ...some stuff is for talking to yourself, or screaming while listening to music, or to cry about when a overly dramatic Full House moment triggers the tear ducts. oh yeah...this is supposed to be the happy thoughts sections...happy thoughts..
ummm I <3 Newsies now...and Veronica Mars...umm yeah. Just though Id share.
ODD COUPLE
DECEMBER 2nd and 3rd
...be there, or i'll love you less. no seriously.
Umm, quick shout out to ALLLLL of my friends. Especially the ones who let me mindless rant to them, or know just when and how to cheer me up, or know when I need a break...I love you all so much, your how Im gonna get through this year.
PS
Missy - Sorry I didnt call you back. I hope everythings okay, we need to hang out..its been awhile.
Fluorine - Dont friend cut me. I try to read when I can lol. My friends page just made my toolbar...so readings will be more frequent. We need to talk, catch up. I miss you, and we never get to see each other anymore. :(