life, and a drive in the dark
My life, my life is confusing, and i dont know where to begin.
I got upset tonight, and decided to drive. I drove 70 miles out into the dessert and screamed, and faught withmyself, and threw things. I found a power transfer box in the dessert, i think i blew the power for a small town somewhere, i hit it with a rock till it blew up.
But more importantly, i had thaughts...on specific people
Jon - dude, i thank whatever there is for you (dammit im not gay)....your my best friend, your the dude that i know will always keep his promises, and that everything will be coo with us, no matter where i get into school (i got into central btw) or what happens with me...Your my brother, and your soo going to have to tell your kids to call me CDJ....thanks dude, if i dont say it enough...thank you for being my friend
Courtney - .... two songs for you....the lyrics follow...
Staind - mudshovel
You take away
I feel the same
You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again
Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away
Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again
'Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again
and the following song on the cd
Staind - Home
I force myself through another day
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything
Right in my face
And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you
I've had to walk away
From everything
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
Another sleepless night again
Hotel rooms my only friend
And friends like that just don't add up
To anything
And I try so hard to be everything
That I should never take away from you again
'Cause I heard ya say
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
I cannot forget
I live with regret
I cannot forget
I live with...
I'll live through this
I can't see through this
I can't do this anymore
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I just wish I was back home
Court, you dont know how bad what you did hurt. It wasnt that you and jess had sex, it wasnt that you have feelings for jess. It was what you did, you lied dude, you promised me you would at least wait, and waiting is fine. I could handle waiting...but you told me you wouldnt...and then you turned around and did it, knowing full well what was going to happen...it didnt Just happen...you knew you wouldnt even try to hold that promise. dude, you were my bro, your not supposed to do that. bro's before hoes? not in your case i guess. so i guess you lost a friend dude, you lost a friend because you couldnt controll yourself.
(addendum to above ^^ courtney and i....semi worked things out, and although i dont trust him like i did a couple of days ago...he didnt loose a friend....just lost trust)
Kat - I love you, and im confused, and i hate to hurt you. I know that things have been all strange...and i know it was way too fast. I didnt give myself time to let go of jess. I had months alone to remember you in alaska, and well....i dont know if i love you or your memory more at this point. Youll always be my best friend, and i value that more than anything. but i love you, and im sorry for any pain i cause, have caused, or will cause after this is all done.
Jess - I love you, and im confused, and i hate to hurt you. I hate watching you cry, i hate knowing that your with someone else, and i should have listened to you, and everyone else that it was too fast to get back in a relationship. I hate that i treated you the way i did. Im sorry for the pain ive caused, and the lies, but what do i do now. and i love you, and im sorry for any pain i cause, have caused, or will cause after this is all done.
shawna - you know...sometimes you can be one hellllll of a bitch, and i reallly wanna strangle you, and shoot your ass....and then sometimes your ok...meh, i dono...its like having a annoying sister, that you wanna shoot, but cant cuz daddy will yell at you...
Sigh...its late...and i have class tommaro.....*sigh*
I got upset tonight, and decided to drive. I drove 70 miles out into the dessert and screamed, and faught withmyself, and threw things. I found a power transfer box in the dessert, i think i blew the power for a small town somewhere, i hit it with a rock till it blew up.
But more importantly, i had thaughts...on specific people
Jon - dude, i thank whatever there is for you (dammit im not gay)....your my best friend, your the dude that i know will always keep his promises, and that everything will be coo with us, no matter where i get into school (i got into central btw) or what happens with me...Your my brother, and your soo going to have to tell your kids to call me CDJ....thanks dude, if i dont say it enough...thank you for being my friend
Courtney - .... two songs for you....the lyrics follow...
Staind - mudshovel
You take away
I feel the same
You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again
Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away
Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again
'Cause you can feel my ANGER
You can feel my pain
You can feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again
and the following song on the cd
Staind - Home
I force myself through another day
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything
Right in my face
And I try to be the one
I can't accept this all because of you
I've had to walk away
From everything
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
Another sleepless night again
Hotel rooms my only friend
And friends like that just don't add up
To anything
And I try so hard to be everything
That I should never take away from you again
'Cause I heard ya say
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
I cannot forget
I live with regret
I cannot forget
I live with...
I'll live through this
I can't see through this
I can't do this anymore
I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I'm afraid to come back home
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
I just wish I was back home
Court, you dont know how bad what you did hurt. It wasnt that you and jess had sex, it wasnt that you have feelings for jess. It was what you did, you lied dude, you promised me you would at least wait, and waiting is fine. I could handle waiting...but you told me you wouldnt...and then you turned around and did it, knowing full well what was going to happen...it didnt Just happen...you knew you wouldnt even try to hold that promise. dude, you were my bro, your not supposed to do that. bro's before hoes? not in your case i guess. so i guess you lost a friend dude, you lost a friend because you couldnt controll yourself.
(addendum to above ^^ courtney and i....semi worked things out, and although i dont trust him like i did a couple of days ago...he didnt loose a friend....just lost trust)
Kat - I love you, and im confused, and i hate to hurt you. I know that things have been all strange...and i know it was way too fast. I didnt give myself time to let go of jess. I had months alone to remember you in alaska, and well....i dont know if i love you or your memory more at this point. Youll always be my best friend, and i value that more than anything. but i love you, and im sorry for any pain i cause, have caused, or will cause after this is all done.
Jess - I love you, and im confused, and i hate to hurt you. I hate watching you cry, i hate knowing that your with someone else, and i should have listened to you, and everyone else that it was too fast to get back in a relationship. I hate that i treated you the way i did. Im sorry for the pain ive caused, and the lies, but what do i do now. and i love you, and im sorry for any pain i cause, have caused, or will cause after this is all done.
shawna - you know...sometimes you can be one hellllll of a bitch, and i reallly wanna strangle you, and shoot your ass....and then sometimes your ok...meh, i dono...its like having a annoying sister, that you wanna shoot, but cant cuz daddy will yell at you...
Sigh...its late...and i have class tommaro.....*sigh*