ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. another freaking day of badness.  What is a matter with me.  All my brain thinks about is foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfood and I eateateateateateateateateateateat until I literally feel sick. Then I throw up.  But not even the entire content of my stomach. I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH I could just eat normally.  And not obsess ( Read more... )

 I was reading my recent entries, and I'm such a whiner.  I haven't eaten all day (after a glorious nearly purge free day yesterday of over-indulgence for my sis' bday).  I'm stressed with the whole transfer situation : / and I even bought a pack of cigarettes. My sis/roomie smelled it on me and took my lighter.  She's so caring and I'm really glad ( Read more... )

 My BMI is 24.4, 24.9 is considered overweight for my height.  I think I have a pretty muscular build, but idk.  It's just depressing.  I'm already back in this cursed cycle.  I might go and try to do some exercise but really.  I just want to feel comfortable in my clothes.  Ah law & order svu is on, and I really want to watch it and just cruise ( Read more... )

      I'm back in my apartment with my sister.  It's been icy, so classes are cancelled.  Which is kind of nice.  I didn't eat yesterday (the day before was miserable).  Today I probably won't either.  I look in the mirror and I'm just kind of grossed out.  By my 21st birthday I'd like to be comfortable at like 145 (ultimate goal weight is 130-135 ( Read more... )

 ...was horrible.  I binged all day and ended up purging 5 times.  It was out of control.  I only walked 30 minutes on the treadmill yesterday, because my knees were tired and I had already thrown up once.  My body was tired ( Read more... )

I'd still like a friend to talk to about this.  Nobody in my close circle of family/friends knows I'm still struggling with this.  After my last post I had a huge bowl of veggies (w/ some chicken), an apple, a special k bar, and a glass of milk.  I was thinking I didn't have dinner and I didn't want to binge later on.  My mom is healthy and doesn't ( Read more... )

 I think I've been exercising too much.  I think it's just like a compulsive aspect of my personality.  Today/tonight is going to be the first night I don't b/p.  I actually ate breakfast today too.  and a dinner.  I had greek yogurt, almonds, blueberries and a banana for breakfast.  then after working out (ran 5k, elliptical, speed walked another ( Read more... )

 After this stupid fast, I want to stick to a meal plan (somewhat of one at least).  These are foods I'd feel safe eating ( Read more... )

 I've read on a lot of websites that journaling helps to distract/identify emotional triggers.  So here it goes ( Read more... )

2nd day of fast.  I know it's bad.  I didn't get really any sleep last night because of hunger pains and maybe caffeine.  Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor for a routine check-up/maybe get a prescription for birth control/acutane.  My skin has been breaking out recently probably stress, who knows.  It's difficult though when my self-esteem is ( Read more... )