[Nozomi22] Let Me Love You Tonight
Let Me Love You Tonight
Title: Let Me Love You Tonight
Pairing: HaeHyuk
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Smut
Disclaimer: Super Junior own themselves and I own this fic.
Summary: Eunhyuk knew his life was pitiable. It didn’t matter though because he knew that nothing will change until they met, turning his world upside down.
Love, what is it really? Is it an emotion or an illusion conjured up by the mind? Is it lust or desire? Is it happiness or contentment? Or is it pain? For years, the word love had developed and now there are about a hundred different connotations existing just so people could grasp what it really is.
However, for Eunhyuk, love was hate, as simple as that. It was disgusting and absolutely stupid. Something unnecessary and something absolutely fake. What is love? It brings nothing but disaster and betrayal. He didn't get why so many people were so hooked in falling in love. He didn’t understand why most songs and movies were all about love.
Some people commit suicide for love and some would become mentally retarded just because of it. Eunhyuk never understood why people were so stupid as to be blinded by such an illusion. It’s pathetic really. When he saw the news about a woman being beaten up by his husband, he scoffed and rolled his eyes, especially when she shares the reason as to why she’s keeping it all in; because of love.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Were the only things running through his mind. When he’d find out about married couples fighting and end up getting divorced, he’d laugh mockingly. Why get married in the first place anyway? They would say the same thing as any other married couple would say; it’s all because of love.
Everything was so fake. So disgustingly unreal that it makes him want to puke. Of course, he believes in familial love and love between friends but other than that, there’s nothing. The heartbreaks and the suffering his family and friends go through just because of love, he’s seen it all.
How he saw his best friends cry and cry after every breakup, how he saw his mother crumble and sob whenever she finds out about his father’s deeds, and how his relatives would pretend to care for them but when they’re not there, they’d become backstabbers.
How his sister would run to his room for comfort because his husband was mad at her and how he broke down after half of the class during his last year in high school betrayed him by accusing him of being a liar and slanderer. His class mates he loved so dearly became his down fall. He witnessed and experienced all this. And that honed him into becoming the person he was now.
Someone cold inside but happy on the outside. Someone people thought they could rely on but in reality he could care less about anyone else. A person they thought was kind but the truth is he’s indifferent and wouldn't bat an eyelash if someone died in front of him. After 20 years of living life surrounded with fake people and illusionary love, he was nothing now but an empty shell.
He’s not totally inhuman though because as much as he hates love that’s how much he cherished his beloved people. His mother, sister, two best friends, and some others were all the ones he held dear. He’s protective of them and would do absolutely anything he could just so that they can be happy. His happiness was not of importance because he doesn’t even know what that is.
Happiness and pain are just some of the emotions he’s forgotten throughout the years. Being indifferent for so long had its consequences, and his was this. To not care whether he gets hurt or not because years of pain and suffering had numbed all else. Now, even if people betrayed him or even if people will leave him someday whether they be one of the people he loved or not; he knew that he wouldn’t feel anything still.
Because all his life, he’s been betrayed, made fun of, and tossed aside. Nothing else would hurt him again. His life was like this and he couldn’t do anything about it. He was living a pitiable life and he knew it. The only way he copes is by dancing his heart out every night while tears fell from his eyes.
It sounds weird but every time he danced, his heart became free and every emotion he bottled up around people became rampant. And as he weeps silently while dancing around the studio his best friend so graciously lets him use, he can’t help but feel what it’s like to fall in love again. He once fell in love; he actually felt it for seven years for one particular person.
He thought that they were best friends especially when they studied in the same school for eight years. They were the new kids back then and realizing that, they became friends right away. From then on, the both of them were always together. Showering each other with affection, everyday was bliss for Eunhyuk until 10 days before high school graduation came. There, he found out that his so-called best friend was part of the people who accused him.
He broke down and cried and cried. He didn’t go to school until the day of the ceremony came; he was able to graduate even though he skipped classes for more than a week because he finished early, he was smart after all. As the ceremony came to a close, not once did he glance at the people who happily betrayed him, instead, he stayed with the people who stood by him.
From then on, he swore off love. He concluded that it would bring nothing but pain, suffering, and stupidity. Cowardly as it may seem but nothing can change his mind. But sometimes, he can’t help but feel jealous at how some of his friends always seemed happy as they narrate their stories about their significant other.
Sometimes when he watches from the sidelines, he’d wonder. What if I had someone of my own? Eunhyuk would sometimes wish that he had someone who would cherish him and for once love him truly but he knew that would just be wishful thinking. Because as years passed, he learned a valuable lesson.
Unfulfilled hope is the most painful thing of all....
.........................................................
Donghae hummed and happily twirled around as he entered his university. Today, they’re going to be having visitors from the Dance Department. He was excited because for once his mundane life would be altered a bit. He enjoys class and hanging out with friends but everything becomes mediocre once you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again.
They say that the students from the Dance Department were unapproachable and highly self-absorbed. That made Donghae all the more curious as to who their visitors were. Their university was divided into a number of departments. Each building consists of all the related courses and so the people you get to know are of the same course as you or something similar to that.
He was in the music department, majoring in music composition and vocals but on the side he dances too. There would be collaboration between the Music and Dance Departments for the upcoming festival and everyone was getting restless. This only happens once in five years and Donghae is thankful that he can be a part of it.
As he walked towards their meeting place, he stopped when he heard voices coming his way. Looking around, he realized that it was coming from outside. Donghae walked towards the window by the hallway and looked down.
“Yah Sungmin! Stop running around!” A brunette shouted over the laughter surrounding the group.
“But hyung! I’m excited!” Donghae smiled seeing how much fun they’re having. As he observed each one of them, he noticed one particular person with crimson hair. Heechul-hyung? Squinting his eyes, he tried valiantly to see who the person was. The red haired man was far away to be clearly seen but he was curious.
“Hyung!” Surprised, Donghae screamed in fright. He almost fell out the window; it’s a good thing he was holding onto the glass pane tight. Trying to still his fast beating heart, he turned around.
“Aish! Wookie! Don’t ever do that again! I almost fell because of you.” Ryeowook laughed with his ever tinkling melodic voice causing Donghae to glare.
“Not funny. Keep that up and I’ll tell Yesung that you like him.” Donghae smirked when he saw the younger male pale a bit. He laughed and ruffled Ryeowook’s hair.
“I was joking you know. Anyway, do you happen to know them?” He gestured downwards. Tilting his head in confusion, Ryeowook leaned on the glass pane before looking down.
“Oh! They’re from the dance department. Hyungs!!!” Ryeowook shouted and waved. His sudden outburst caused the rowdy bunch below them to stop and look up. Seeing Ryeowook, they all smiled and waved in return. Donghae raised an eyebrow and looked on.
“You know them?”
“Yep! We’re living at the same apartment complex and one of them is my roommate.” Donghae nodded and looked down once again. As he did so, he can’t help but let his gaze linger on that red-haired man. He realized that it wasn’t Heechul but his curiosity was still at its peak and he can’t help but stare at the man.
He can’t see them clearly yet but he knew that they’d be meeting soon enough. With that in mind, he straightened himself before taking Ryeowook’s hand and dragging him along. The appointed time for their gathering was near and they need to be there on time or else his hyungs will give them hell.
..................................................................
“Isn’t this just amazing hyung?! This happens rarely and we’re some of the lucky people to experience it!” Sungmin laughed and ran towards the entrance of the Music Department. Leeteuk sighed and turned to the others.
“Seriously, is he always like this?” The others just laughed but Eunhyuk stayed silent. He was still wondering why his professor sent him with the others. He was a Science major, he doesn’t dance. Why was he here in the first place? It was strange. This collaboration thing was supposed to be between the music and dance departments.
It was highly unheard of to let someone with a different major to participate. He was worried about this. He can dance of course but never has he shown his love for dancing to anyone but himself, well, except his friends which were all in the dance department. But Eunhyuk knew that his friends wouldn’t just recommend him; they knew what he felt about dancing.
Dancing was his freedom. It was sacred to him and they knew that once he danced, no one can stop him. It was the air he breathes and he cherished it more than anything. That’s why he didn’t choose to be a dance major. He didn’t plan on ever letting other people see something he considered a part of himself.
Eunhyuk wasn’t oblivious to his talent but he knew that whether he wanted to be a dancer or not, he won’t be able to pursue it. Not when your family wants you to be a doctor someday. He’s not complaining though; he loves science.
As he contemplated silently, his friends would glance at him once in awhile. They knew what’s bothering him but they couldn’t do anything about it. Once you’re chosen, you can’t back out. Since they were dance majors, it was no big deal because they loved it. But for Eunhyuk, it was a different matter. If he didn’t participate in this, he will fail his physical education subject and he has yet to fail.
“Neh Hyukkie, stop worrying. Besides, you’ll do fine. You’re better than all of us.” Leeteuk smiled trying to somehow ease his dongsaeng. He knew Eunhyuk didn’t want to do this but he has no choice.
“I’m fine, hyung.” Eunhyuk smiled as per usual but they all knew that his smile as always wasn’t genuine. Because Eunhyuk’s real smile will reveal his whitish teeth and pink gums, but ever since high school graduation, it disappeared. Now, it’s been three years since then and yet no change can be seen.
As they walked towards their destination, they happily talked among themselves. All excited to know what they’ll be doing for the upcoming festival. Stopping, Leeteuk slowly opened the door. They walked in only to be met by differing people. Some were glaring at them while some were smiling. Ignoring everyone else, they proceeded to Ryeowook who was happily waving at them.
“Wookie! How are you?” As the group exchanged pleasantries with each other, Eunhyuk sat down and pulled out his iPod; he really didn’t care anymore. Worrying would get him nowhere. He can’t get out of this anyway. And as he closed his eyes and rocked his head to the music playing in his ears, he didn’t notice that he’s being watched.
Donghae stood there leaning on the wall near their group. When the people from the dance department came in, he didn’t spare them a glance but when something red caught his eyes, he was left gaping stupidly. He forgot that the red-haired man he was so interested in would be part of this collaboration.
He can’t believe that he’d look like that though. When he saw him awhile ago, his face was a little blurry since they were on the third floor at the time but now at a closer angle, you’d see how beautiful the other man was. Well, he looked dorky with his glasses and beanie on but beneath that you could see it clearly if you look close enough.
Donghae grinned as his gaze lingered on the man across from him. He knew somehow that this person would be very interesting; he just can’t wait what he’s made of. It’s the first time he became interested with someone and he enjoyed the thought that maybe he’s attracted to him.
And as they all went about their ways, their instructor came in. Seeing this, all the buzz and noise around the room died down to hushed whispers.
"I'm glad you're all here. But before we start please introduce yourselves." With a flick of his wrist, everyone started their introductions. All were not surprised when their majors were uttered. It was already common knowledge that their gathering was for the people from the dance and music categories.
However, when Eunhyuk’s time came. All the noise died down once again as the other occupants of the room stared at the strangely dressed man.
“I’m Lee Hyukjae, you can call me Eunhyuk. I’m a Science major.” With that, he sat down and waited for the introduction session to continue. Well, Eunhyuk can’t blame them for being surprised even now he’s still wondering why the hell he was there.
It didn’t take long for them to introduce themselves; they were only 13 anyway. They found out that there were 6 dancers and 7 singers among them. The dance majors were: Sungmin, Shindong, Leeteuk, Kibum, and Hankyung. The music majors were: Kyuhyun, Donghae, Kangin, Ryeowook, Siwon, Heechul, and Yesung
When the last person was done, the instructor stood up and walked towards the front. Reaching for the microphone, he took out a paper from his folder.
"I'm Tablo, no need for formalities just call me hyung. Anyway, everyone has a role already. We’ll be dancing and singing for the upcoming festival and I hope you'll all do your best. Remember that this is graded so make sure you do well. OK, the lead singers are......" Everyone listened attentively as the list went on but then some protested once they heard who the lead dancers were.
“The lead dancers are Hankyung, Shindong, Donghae, and Eunhyuk.”
“What?!!” It was funny that the music majors were the ones complaining when the dance majors should be the one affected.
“But why?! He’s from the Science Division why is he part of the lead? This performance is graded and we can’t let some idiot bring us down!” Heechul was mad and everyone in the vicinity knows that. Their grades and reputation were at stake here and he can’t let some newbie cause their downfall.
Tablo sighed and stared at the paper he was holding. He was only doing his job and he didn’t know how the line-up was chosen but he was certain that they wouldn’t just choose someone who wasn’t capable of this. The performance was important since it would showcase their talents to everyone and it could be an opportunity for them to be scouted.
“I don’t know either. This is the list the director gave me and I have no say in it.” His explanation didn’t lessen the tension brewing in the air.
“That’s just unreasonable! What if he fails? We’re a big group, darn it!”
“Give him a chance, maybe he can learn along the way.”
“You don’t know that for sure, people from the Science Division are considered bookworms and have no life!”
“Yah! Don’t insult my best friend!” And as the arguments continued, Eunhyuk kept silent; he was too angry to speak. They have no right to assume that he was someone incapable. He didn’t want to be here but if they were going to doubt his worth then there’s no turning back. He’s a man after all and every man has pride and he’s no exception.
“Let him dance then.” This sudden suggestion stopped the commotion quickly. Eunhyuk was surprised and turned to the person that spoke. His eyes widened as he stared at the person before him. Eunhyuk knew that everyone in the vicinity was attractive but this person’s looks were unique. Shaking his head, he turned away and walked towards the center.
“Alright, let’s go with Donghae’s idea. I assume that would be fine?” With their nods, Tablo plugged the stereo and started the music. Eunhyuk by then had removed his glasses and beanie and was now waiting with his head bowed down.
Heechul and some others smirked and waited. They knew that it would be embarrassing for him. He’s not usually as mean as this but when his reputation was at stake that would be a totally different matter.
The beat and rhythm started and along with it Eunhyuk’s body moved. Taking one step forward, he turned abruptly only to stop and drop down onto his knees before standing up. He moved across the floor as his feet carried him away. He popped, locked, and twisted his body in ways that many people can only dream off.
Eunhyuk’s body moved fluidly and his hands moved precisely the way he wanted it to. He danced as passionately as he always had. This was his life and for once he didn’t care if other people could see it. Because once he started, he won’t stop until the song dies down from his ears.
As Eunhyuk danced, the people around him gaped and stared at the scene before them. The way he danced was incredible. His movements were powerful yet there was subtle grace that can’t be hidden. And once the music died, all was silent until Sungmin and Ryeowook happily clapped their hands and within moments the whole room was filled with applause.
“Hyukkie! You were great!” Sungmin was about to glomp the other male but he gasped when he saw Eunhyuk raise his head.
“Hyukkie, are you okay?!” Everyone turned to look at Eunhyuk. Their eyes widened when they saw what Sungmin’s pertaining to.
Confused, Eunhyuk tilted his head to the side. “Eh?” Sungmin touched his face and finally it dawned on him. He was crying again. Touching his cheeks, he felt wetness and with that he bowed his head.
“Sorry.” That’s all Eunhyuk could mutter before he ran out the door. He forgot that every time he danced, he lets himself free and he stupidly showed other people how pathetic he was. I’m so stupid!!!
The people left in the room was left with an awkward silence that was only broken when Tablo sighed.
“Now, do you still have any complaints?” Everyone shook their heads.
“Good, because whether you like it or not, he’s staying. You’re dismissed, practice starts tomorrow after class.” With that, he walked out and closed the door lightly.
Sighing, Leeteuk and his friends left but not before taking one last glance at the singers. Really, why couldn’t they just shut their mouths? Eunhyuk was pressured enough as it is and they just had to be brats about it. He can only hope that he’ll show up in practice tomorrow.
Soon after the dance troupe went out, the singers followed. Some felt guilty while some felt too exhilarated to feel anything else. They filed out of the room until only one person was left. When he was sure no one was left, Donghae dropped down on his knees.
What happened just now was surreal. What he saw took his breath away. He knew that Eunhyuk would be interesting but never thought that he could be a whole lot more. Because as Eunhyuk raised his head, tears fell and mixed with his sweat. With hair stuck to his forehead and chest heaving for air, he looked breathtaking.
............................................................
The next day, they were surprised to see Eunhyuk come in through the doors and drop his bag in the corner. They thought that he’d skip practice but they were wrong.
“Hyukkie? Are you ok?” Eunhyuk smiled and ruffled Sungmin’s hair.
“I’m fine Minnie, don’t worry.” Heechul didn’t want to do it but he had no choice. His lover would be breathing down his neck if he didn’t do it. With that in mind, he pulled on Kangin’s ear and dragged him to where the red-haired man was.
“Yah! What the hell?! It hurts let go!” Heechul rolled his eyes and ignored the whining of the idiot he was currently dragging around.
“Oh shut up, you know what needs to be done and I won’t be doing it alone.” They stopped in front of Eunhyuk making the other man stare at them in confusion. Heechul let go of Kangin's ear and kicked him on the shin.
“Oww!! Ok I get it! We acknowledge you kiddo.” Kangin walked away as soon that was said leaving Heechul alone. Sighing, he turned to Eunhyuk. He did feel a little bit guilty about yesterday. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Eunhyuk’s head and ruffled the mop of hair.
“You were great, brat.” Eunhyuk didn’t know why but for some reason he felt warm and so without realizing it, he smiled. The one smile his friends have yet to see was shown to someone he barely knows.
“Thank you, hyung.” The words were mumbled but Heechul heard it all too well. This kid wasn’t so bad after all and with a smile like that. Who can get mad? He rolled his eyes and walked away without saying another word. No one needs to know that he’s getting soft because of some brat.
As their interaction came to an end, the trance that Donghae was in broke causing him to blink stupidly at what he just saw. This person who he met yesterday was wrecking havoc in his mind. Out of all the times he would smile, why did it have to be when he needed something from Heechul? This was insane but he knew that his attraction towards the other man was getting stronger. With that in mind, he made a decision. It’s time for him to make his move.
..............................................................
It was about 8 pm when practice finished. Eunhyuk was exhausted and the only thing he needs right now was a quick bath and sleep. His roommate and other friends decided that they’d eat out for dinner leaving him to go home by himself. It wasn’t a big deal; he was tired anyway. But it would have been nice if someone would just leave him alone.
“Yah! Would you stop following me?” He looked back and there he was grinning happily at him.
“I’m not following you; we’re just going the same way.” Eunhyuk sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration.
“I’m not stupid so can you just tell me what you want and leave me alone?” Donghae grinned and approached the other.
“I like you. Let’s be friends.” He raised his hand offering it for a handshake but the red-haired man ignored it and took a step back.
“No, now leave me alone.” He turned around and proceeded walking towards his apartment but stopped when he heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind him.
“Aish! Stop it! Leave me alone, Donghae-sshi.” Eunhyuk didn’t know what was up with this guy. The whole time they practiced, he can feel someone’s eyes on him. And when he turns around, he’d see Donghae grinning at him. He didn’t even feel ashamed that he was caught blatantly staring.
“No! Become my friend first!” Donghae pouted and stomped his foot. Eunhyuk can’t help but roll his eyes. For goodness’ sake, he’s acting worse than his 4-year old niece!
“Fine! Can you leave now?” Nodding eagerly, Donghae happily hugged Eunhyuk tight before letting go and running towards the opposite direction.
“I like you! See you tomorrow!” Eunhyuk was left there gaping at Donghae in disbelief. Has he no shame? You don’t hug someone you barely know just because you feel like it. Eunhyuk sighed and continued his walk. Maybe agreeing to that was a bad idea.
.............................................................
Eunhyuk was right because the next day and the days after that, Donghae would cling to him. He always followed him around like a lost puppy. Every day, Donghae would walk him to his apartment once practice ended and every single day he’d mutter the words ‘I like you.’ With Eunhyuk’s personality, he’d brush it off because those kinds of feelings were unnecessary and totally useless.
He ignored how Donghae’s ‘I like you’ changed to ‘I love you.’ He didn’t mind it but as much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. Because as months passed by, he’d realize that Donghae’s affectionate manner and words were getting to him. He was scared. He didn’t want to fall. He didn’t want to get hurt and he knew that would happen if he let himself be carried away.
He told himself before that for him to avoid ever feeling those stupid emotions again, he’d always avoid letting someone in. That’s why whenever Donghae hugged him, he didn’t respond. Every time he uttered the words he dreaded to hear, he’d reply with ‘that’s disgusting.’ Because he knew that love, it’s all just an illusion.
It can only bring harm but no matter how much he tried. The feelings grew and he cried every night thinking how cruel life was to him. Closing his eyes in exhaustion, he’d mutter brokenly.
“What is love?”
.........................................................
It was finally the day of the festival. Everyone was excited except for 13 boys who were currently pacing backstage. Their turn to perform was soon and they were all feeling more than nervous. Sure, they practiced this for months but that doesn’t justify how well they’ll do tonight.
Donghae was restless and everyone knows it. He was pacing back and forth around the room. Some were already getting annoyed but some could care less. Well, Eunhyuk couldn’t take it anymore and so he approached Donghae and grabbed his face. Startled, Donghae was about to scream when fingers were suddenly pressed on his mouth.
“Hae, it’s going to be fine.” Eunhyuk smiled and once again it took his breath away and the only think he could do was nod stupidly as Eunhyuk patted his cheek softly before stepping away. But before the other could leave, Donghae pulled Eunhyuk close and hugged him tight.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” He breathed out. Donghae knew what the other’s response would be as always it would be that’s disgu-
“I know.” His eyes widened. That wasn’t what he expected. Eunhyuk would always answer him with ‘that’s disgusting.’ He was about to ask, when Tablo called them out. Sighing, he pouted. He wanted to know what’s wrong but they have a performance to do. Asking will have to wait. But strangely, he didn’t feel anxious anymore. Grinning to himself, he knew the reason why.
It’s because of Hyukkie.
.......................................................................
Their performance was a success. The mini concert they held were enjoyed by everyone and each of them was approached by a talent scout. It was a great night for all but for one individual it was not.
They all decided that tonight, everyone would camp out at his and Wookie’s apartment. Honestly, why can’t it be Heechul’s or Leeteuk’s apartments? Their apartment would be thrashed by the end of the night. Added to that was Kangin’s insatiable need to drink and Heechul’s drive to party. Eunhyuk could just hope that their living space would survive.
Looking around, he could see everyone having a good time. He wasn’t in the mood for this. Grabbing his jacket, he walked towards the door and proceeded to his hideout. The place he knew he can be free, the dance studio. Once inside, he closed the door and his usual routine started.
As he glided across the floor, his feelings soared free and he was once again weeping silently as he moved across the dance floor. Turning, stopping, gliding; these he did and more. And as hours passed and body spent, he lay there staring at the ceiling. Tears already dry on his cheeks as he breathed in.
It was game over and he knew it. After years of denial, he can finally say that he’s in love and he knew that once again it will never be reciprocated. Because as much as he wants to believe that Donghae was in love with him, he knows it’s not true. Not with the way he gazed at Kibum like that.
“What is love? Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk gasped. He stood up quickly and turned around. Donghae was standing there leaning by the door.
“Hae! What are you doing here? How did you get here? How long-"Before he could ask anymore, he found himself cornered to one of the walls of the room with lips on his soft and gentle.
Donghae pulled away and gently caressed Eunhyuk’s cheeks. His mouth only a breath’s away from the other.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk’s breath hitched as he felt tears gathering at the back of his eyes. He looked to the side only to see his reflection on the mirror beside him.
“Stop it. That’s not true. Love is an illusion and nothing more.” Donghae chuckled and pressed his nose on the pale neck exposed to him.
“If it is, then why are you craving it, Hyukjae?” Eunhyuk shivered. His name sounding so foreign to his ears.
“Does an illusion make your heart feel warm, feel content, feel happy?” Donghae pressed on. He needed Eunhyuk to understand. For so long, he knew Eunhyuk’s condition. The way he feared love: to love and be loved. It was saddening but he wanted to change that.
“Love is disgusting, Hae but why do I want it so bad?” He can’t hide it anymore. Not when Donghae’s seen everything. Not when he knows. Sobbing, he slid down to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest.
“Hyukkie....” Donghae kneeled down and pried the hands covering Eunhyuk’s face. He smiled and wiped the tears falling down carelessly from the pinkish cheeks.
“Hae, I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want love.” Donghae didn’t move from his position, all he did was to wipe away the river of tears Eunhyuk was currently producing.
“But you need it.” And with that, Eunhyuk sobbed harder causing him to lean slightly on Donghae’s chest. It was true; it’s the only thing he’s been craving for half of his life. For his father to acknowledge him, for his classmates to like him, and for his best friend to return his feelings and all these acts of love he wished for but never received.
Donghae wrapped his arms around the trembling body before laying him down gently on the floor. He moved on top of Eunhyuk and bent down sealing all his sobs and hiccups into the kiss. Eunhyuk’s eyes widened as he lay there frozen, not knowing what to do but it didn’t last long. Donghae pulled away and laughed.
“You stopped, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk stared at the person above him and sniffed. He didn’t feel like crying anymore. What he felt now was embarrassment as he realized the position they were in. Donghae was in between his legs and was close enough for their breaths to mingle.
“H-Hae?” Eunhyuk sniffed again making Donghae smile softly.
“Neh Hyukkie?”
“Y-Yes?” Donghae chuckled softly as Eunhyuk hiccupped for the umpteenth time.
“Will you let me love you?” Lightly touching the other’s cheek, Donghae waited patiently as he stared at the male below him.
“Eh?” Is he asking what I think he’s asking?
“Will you?” Eunhyuk blushed and turned away as Donghae lightly pinched his left cheek.
“But I-“Another kiss and another breathless moment for Eunhyuk.
“Just for tonight. Will you let me?” Eunhyuk felt tears prickling at his eyes again because he can’t believe that he’s agreeing to this. With a nod, Donghae bent down and kissed him hard.
Eunhyuk was left breathless as Donghae lavished his mouth with affection. Tongues playing with each other, teeth bumping, and lips pressing countless of times before they pulled away. He was panting by then as Donghae kissed his way down the pale neck, stopping only to suck and bite at the skin playfully before continuing down.
Eunhyuk gasped as he felt Donghae’s hands ghosting over the bare skin underneath his shirt. Jerking in shock, he stopped the hands from moving. Donghae stopped sucking the skin on his neck and turned to look at him.
“H-Hae, I d-don’t think this is a good idea. I can’t....” His words trailed off when he saw Donghae’s mouth twitch and eyes darken.
“Hyukkie, for tonight just let go.” Donghae bent down and kissed Eunhyuk disabling the male from answering back and continued roaming his hands underneath his shirt. He lightly pinched a nipple causing Eunhyuk to pull away from the kiss and moan. Moving away slightly, Donghae removed Eunhyuk’s shirt off in one fluid motion making Eunhyuk arch his back due to the coldness of the floor.
Bending down, Donghae engulfed a nipple while playing with the other. From slow to fast, he swirled his tongue around one nipple then sucking hard before pulling away and doing the same thing to the next one but that wasn’t enough. Eunhyuk cried out when Donghae placed his hand over his crotch and stroked him slowly.
Revelling in the sounds that spew forth from Eunhyuk’s mouth, Donghae smirked before straightening himself. He stood up and removed his shirt and pants along with his boxers. He threw them across the floor and straddled Eunhyuk’s waist while removing the other’s remaining clothes.
They stayed that way for awhile staring at each other bare and naked, nothing to hide. Just them and only them. Eunhyuk raised his hand gesturing for the other to move closer and Donghae did. Once he was close enough, Eunhyuk pulled him closer and shyly placed his lips on Donghae’s firm ones. Donghae smiled into the kiss, Eunhyuk is just way too adorable.
He pulled away only to lean down once again to crash his lips onto Eunhyuk’s. Donghae plunged his tongue in Eunhyuk’s mouth while rubbing his erection with the other causing them to groan at the delicious friction it created. Donghae proceeded down the milky skin; he kissed his way down the lovely skin making the other writhe in pleasure.
“H-Hae, it feels weird.” Panting, Eunhyuk bit his fingers trying to figure out what he’s feeling. The sensations were making his body tremble, every touch Donghae was giving him. It’s making his whole body feel hot.
“Shhh. Just feel Hyukkie.” And Eunhyuk did. As a hand wrapped itself around his aching member, he closed his eyes and moaned. It was so good. The pressure and the warmth were making him feel light-headed until something wet and hot engulfed his cock. He felt his eyes roll back and his mouth opened slightly.
Donghae deep throated Eunhyuk while sucking hard once in awhile. He alternated between licking the slit and biting the head teasingly to engulfing the whole shaft until it hit the back of his throat before going up again. Eunhyuk fisted Donghae’s hair tightly trying to get as much of that arousing heat around him but his hips were held down tightly disabling him from bucking into that tight, wet cavern.
After a few more licks, Eunhyuk came with a scream. Panting, he looked down to see Donghae swallowing his cum and kissing the head of his cock lightly. He blushed and turned away. It was weird seeing and feeling something like this, but it was arousing him way too much. He looked up only to see Donghae staring down at him.
“I’m doing it, Hyukkie. Are you ready?” They’ve already come this far. What’s the point of stopping it? Eunhyuk nodded making Donghae smile a bit. He stood up and took out a white bottle from his jeans before straddling him once again.
Eunhyuk stared curiously as white liquid was poured onto Donghae’s hands. It looked thick and he wondered what it was for.
“Hae? What’s that?” He tried reaching for the bottle only for it to be thrown across the room. Pouting, he turned to Donghae who was currently grinning at him.
“It’s lube, Hyukkie.”
“Lube?” What’s that?
Donghae can’t help but laugh. For someone who’s older than him, Eunhyuk was way too innocent for his own good.
“It’s needed to make the penetration less painful.” Tilting his head to the side, Eunhyuk stared at the person above him.
“Penetration? What do you me-Ah!” Something went inside his entrance making him arch back instinctively. It didn’t hurt but it feels really strange. Before Eunhyuk had time to think, another one was pushed in scissoring his entrance wider. Tears flowed down his cheeks, it really hurts. As Donghae shoved another finger inside, he kissed the tears falling down Eunhyuk’s cheeks.
“Relax Hyukkie.” Breathing deeply, Eunhyuk concentrated on the kisses that Donghae was planting all over his face. Little by little, his body sagged and the pain he was feeling was now replaced by something akin to pleasure. His body tingled when those fingers pumping in and out of him scratched something inside.
Eunhyuk mewled as the Donghae pumped the fingers inside him harder. Deciding Eunhyuk was ready, Donghae took out his fingers making the other writhe in discontent. Donghae smirked and grabbed Eunhyuk’s ankles and placing the back of his knees over his shoulders.
“I’m going in, Hyukkie.” Not waiting for a reply, he pushed in his hardened member in the puckered hole. Eunhyuk almost screamed in surprise only to be replaced with a moan when a hand wrapped itself around his hard shaft once again. Seeing Eunhyuk distracted from the pain, Donghae watched as his cock was engulfed inch by inch into Eunhyuk’s tight entrance. Groaning, he turned away from the delicious sight. Watching his member go inside Eunhyuk, it was arousing him more than he could imagine.
Once inside, Donghae stayed still waiting for Eunhyuk to adjust. It didn’t take long though because a minute later and Eunhyuk was moving against Donghae’s hard cock. He couldn’t take it anymore and so Donghae grabbed Eunhyuk’s waist before thrusting deep and hard. With that Donghae began his brutal pace, not caring that Eunhyuk was still a virgin.
As Donghae shoved his hardened member inside Eunhyuk, he kissed him hard making Eunhyuk lose his breath for a second before responding back with equal fervour. As they continued their dance on the dance floor, the only sounds that can be heard inside the room were their pants, groans, and slapping of skin against skin.
And with one particular strong thrust, Eunhyuk came with a scream and Donghae followed soon after. Riding his orgasm, Donghae sucked on Eunhyuk’s neck until he was milked dry. Spent, he lied down beside Eunhyuk and hugged him close.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” A whisper and a kiss on the temple and Donghae was fast asleep. And as Donghae slept peacefully, he didn’t see the tears grazing Eunhyuk’s eyes and the trembling of his body.
.............................................................
Donghae groaned and rolled over only to face plant himself on the hard floor below. Cursing, he sat up only to realize he was naked with his clothes on top of him. As he surveyed his surroundings, his eyes widened when he realized that Eunhyuk was missing and that the place was clean, erasing any signs of their tryst last night.
He hurriedly dressed himself and ran out. He needs to know where Eunhyuk is. Donghae somehow knew what the other might be thinking right now. For now, all he could ask for was to see Eunhyuk safe and sound in his room.
As soon as he stepped inside Eunhyuk’s and Ryeowook’s apartment. He proceeded jumping over the number of bodies littered around the room. His friends didn’t hold back last night. Well, it’s not like he held back either. What happened between him and Eunhyuk was still fresh in his mind. Shaking his head, he cleared all those thoughts away. He needs to resolve this before he can indulge himself.
Crossing his fingers, Donghae entered Eunhyuk’s room. When he saw the one he’s looking for sitting on his bed, Donghae sighed in relief. Closing the door, he walked towards the bed and sat beside Eunhyuk’s huddled figure. Shifting a little, Donghae raised a hand towards Eunhyuk but stopped when the other flinched.
“Hyukkie? Why did you leave?” Eunhyuk remained silent.
“Please answer me, Hyukkie.” Donghae looked at Eunhyuk worriedly. Did he do something wrong?
“Hae....”
“Yes?” Eunhyuk raised his head and turned to Donghae.
“Why did you do it?” Donghae smiled and reached for Eunhyuk’s hand. Lacing their fingers together, he held tight.
“Because I lo-“
“Stop saying that! Love is disgusting! It’s fake and will never last!” Eunhyuk’s outburst caused his eyes to tear and before he knew it, he was crying again. Donghae’s eyes softened seeing this. He leaned down and pulled Eunhyuk towards him.
“Hyukkie, look at me.” Eunhyuk shook his head and struggled from Donghae’s hold.
“I said look at me.” Donghae’s voice was firm and Eunhyuk knew that disobeying would bring drastic consequences. He looked up and stared at Donghae's eyes.
“If words aren’t what you need to understand what love is, then everyday I’ll show you what it is.” Eunhyuk whimpered and turned away. He’s scared and this feeling that Donghae was inflicting on him feels so foreign. He thought he knew what love was before but now he doubts himself.
“Hae, don’t do this to me, please.” Donghae chuckled and hugged Eunhyuk tight.
“I already did.” Donghae pulled away before kissing Eunhyuk softly. He broke the kiss soon after and gently caressed Eunhyuk’s cheeks.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk sniffled and opened his mouth slightly.
“I-"Before he could proceed, a finger was pressed on his lips. Donghae shook his head.
“Don’t, not now Hyukkie. I’ll wait, so for now let me be the one to love you.” Donghae grinned when Eunhyuk burst out crying again. He hugged him tight and laughed into the strawberry-scented hair.
Neh Hyukkie, let me love you forever, ok?
........................................................
As Donghae comforted Eunhyuk, their friends watched by the door.
“I think I’m going to puke.” Kangin rolled his eyes and hugged Leetuek who was currently bawling his eyes out.
“Yeah right, then what’s that coming out of your eyes? Sweat?” Heechul wiped his eyes with his sleeve before stomping away with Hankyung following close behind.
“Let’s just leave them alone, guys.” Everyone nodded and walked away but before closing the door, Sungmin took one last glance at the couple on the bed and smiled.
It’s your turn now, Hyukkie.
Title: Let Me Love You Tonight
Pairing: HaeHyuk
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst, Smut
Disclaimer: Super Junior own themselves and I own this fic.
Summary: Eunhyuk knew his life was pitiable. It didn’t matter though because he knew that nothing will change until they met, turning his world upside down.
Love, what is it really? Is it an emotion or an illusion conjured up by the mind? Is it lust or desire? Is it happiness or contentment? Or is it pain? For years, the word love had developed and now there are about a hundred different connotations existing just so people could grasp what it really is.
However, for Eunhyuk, love was hate, as simple as that. It was disgusting and absolutely stupid. Something unnecessary and something absolutely fake. What is love? It brings nothing but disaster and betrayal. He didn't get why so many people were so hooked in falling in love. He didn’t understand why most songs and movies were all about love.
Some people commit suicide for love and some would become mentally retarded just because of it. Eunhyuk never understood why people were so stupid as to be blinded by such an illusion. It’s pathetic really. When he saw the news about a woman being beaten up by his husband, he scoffed and rolled his eyes, especially when she shares the reason as to why she’s keeping it all in; because of love.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Were the only things running through his mind. When he’d find out about married couples fighting and end up getting divorced, he’d laugh mockingly. Why get married in the first place anyway? They would say the same thing as any other married couple would say; it’s all because of love.
Everything was so fake. So disgustingly unreal that it makes him want to puke. Of course, he believes in familial love and love between friends but other than that, there’s nothing. The heartbreaks and the suffering his family and friends go through just because of love, he’s seen it all.
How he saw his best friends cry and cry after every breakup, how he saw his mother crumble and sob whenever she finds out about his father’s deeds, and how his relatives would pretend to care for them but when they’re not there, they’d become backstabbers.
How his sister would run to his room for comfort because his husband was mad at her and how he broke down after half of the class during his last year in high school betrayed him by accusing him of being a liar and slanderer. His class mates he loved so dearly became his down fall. He witnessed and experienced all this. And that honed him into becoming the person he was now.
Someone cold inside but happy on the outside. Someone people thought they could rely on but in reality he could care less about anyone else. A person they thought was kind but the truth is he’s indifferent and wouldn't bat an eyelash if someone died in front of him. After 20 years of living life surrounded with fake people and illusionary love, he was nothing now but an empty shell.
He’s not totally inhuman though because as much as he hates love that’s how much he cherished his beloved people. His mother, sister, two best friends, and some others were all the ones he held dear. He’s protective of them and would do absolutely anything he could just so that they can be happy. His happiness was not of importance because he doesn’t even know what that is.
Happiness and pain are just some of the emotions he’s forgotten throughout the years. Being indifferent for so long had its consequences, and his was this. To not care whether he gets hurt or not because years of pain and suffering had numbed all else. Now, even if people betrayed him or even if people will leave him someday whether they be one of the people he loved or not; he knew that he wouldn’t feel anything still.
Because all his life, he’s been betrayed, made fun of, and tossed aside. Nothing else would hurt him again. His life was like this and he couldn’t do anything about it. He was living a pitiable life and he knew it. The only way he copes is by dancing his heart out every night while tears fell from his eyes.
It sounds weird but every time he danced, his heart became free and every emotion he bottled up around people became rampant. And as he weeps silently while dancing around the studio his best friend so graciously lets him use, he can’t help but feel what it’s like to fall in love again. He once fell in love; he actually felt it for seven years for one particular person.
He thought that they were best friends especially when they studied in the same school for eight years. They were the new kids back then and realizing that, they became friends right away. From then on, the both of them were always together. Showering each other with affection, everyday was bliss for Eunhyuk until 10 days before high school graduation came. There, he found out that his so-called best friend was part of the people who accused him.
He broke down and cried and cried. He didn’t go to school until the day of the ceremony came; he was able to graduate even though he skipped classes for more than a week because he finished early, he was smart after all. As the ceremony came to a close, not once did he glance at the people who happily betrayed him, instead, he stayed with the people who stood by him.
From then on, he swore off love. He concluded that it would bring nothing but pain, suffering, and stupidity. Cowardly as it may seem but nothing can change his mind. But sometimes, he can’t help but feel jealous at how some of his friends always seemed happy as they narrate their stories about their significant other.
Sometimes when he watches from the sidelines, he’d wonder. What if I had someone of my own? Eunhyuk would sometimes wish that he had someone who would cherish him and for once love him truly but he knew that would just be wishful thinking. Because as years passed, he learned a valuable lesson.
Unfulfilled hope is the most painful thing of all....
.........................................................
Donghae hummed and happily twirled around as he entered his university. Today, they’re going to be having visitors from the Dance Department. He was excited because for once his mundane life would be altered a bit. He enjoys class and hanging out with friends but everything becomes mediocre once you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again.
They say that the students from the Dance Department were unapproachable and highly self-absorbed. That made Donghae all the more curious as to who their visitors were. Their university was divided into a number of departments. Each building consists of all the related courses and so the people you get to know are of the same course as you or something similar to that.
He was in the music department, majoring in music composition and vocals but on the side he dances too. There would be collaboration between the Music and Dance Departments for the upcoming festival and everyone was getting restless. This only happens once in five years and Donghae is thankful that he can be a part of it.
As he walked towards their meeting place, he stopped when he heard voices coming his way. Looking around, he realized that it was coming from outside. Donghae walked towards the window by the hallway and looked down.
“Yah Sungmin! Stop running around!” A brunette shouted over the laughter surrounding the group.
“But hyung! I’m excited!” Donghae smiled seeing how much fun they’re having. As he observed each one of them, he noticed one particular person with crimson hair. Heechul-hyung? Squinting his eyes, he tried valiantly to see who the person was. The red haired man was far away to be clearly seen but he was curious.
“Hyung!” Surprised, Donghae screamed in fright. He almost fell out the window; it’s a good thing he was holding onto the glass pane tight. Trying to still his fast beating heart, he turned around.
“Aish! Wookie! Don’t ever do that again! I almost fell because of you.” Ryeowook laughed with his ever tinkling melodic voice causing Donghae to glare.
“Not funny. Keep that up and I’ll tell Yesung that you like him.” Donghae smirked when he saw the younger male pale a bit. He laughed and ruffled Ryeowook’s hair.
“I was joking you know. Anyway, do you happen to know them?” He gestured downwards. Tilting his head in confusion, Ryeowook leaned on the glass pane before looking down.
“Oh! They’re from the dance department. Hyungs!!!” Ryeowook shouted and waved. His sudden outburst caused the rowdy bunch below them to stop and look up. Seeing Ryeowook, they all smiled and waved in return. Donghae raised an eyebrow and looked on.
“You know them?”
“Yep! We’re living at the same apartment complex and one of them is my roommate.” Donghae nodded and looked down once again. As he did so, he can’t help but let his gaze linger on that red-haired man. He realized that it wasn’t Heechul but his curiosity was still at its peak and he can’t help but stare at the man.
He can’t see them clearly yet but he knew that they’d be meeting soon enough. With that in mind, he straightened himself before taking Ryeowook’s hand and dragging him along. The appointed time for their gathering was near and they need to be there on time or else his hyungs will give them hell.
..................................................................
“Isn’t this just amazing hyung?! This happens rarely and we’re some of the lucky people to experience it!” Sungmin laughed and ran towards the entrance of the Music Department. Leeteuk sighed and turned to the others.
“Seriously, is he always like this?” The others just laughed but Eunhyuk stayed silent. He was still wondering why his professor sent him with the others. He was a Science major, he doesn’t dance. Why was he here in the first place? It was strange. This collaboration thing was supposed to be between the music and dance departments.
It was highly unheard of to let someone with a different major to participate. He was worried about this. He can dance of course but never has he shown his love for dancing to anyone but himself, well, except his friends which were all in the dance department. But Eunhyuk knew that his friends wouldn’t just recommend him; they knew what he felt about dancing.
Dancing was his freedom. It was sacred to him and they knew that once he danced, no one can stop him. It was the air he breathes and he cherished it more than anything. That’s why he didn’t choose to be a dance major. He didn’t plan on ever letting other people see something he considered a part of himself.
Eunhyuk wasn’t oblivious to his talent but he knew that whether he wanted to be a dancer or not, he won’t be able to pursue it. Not when your family wants you to be a doctor someday. He’s not complaining though; he loves science.
As he contemplated silently, his friends would glance at him once in awhile. They knew what’s bothering him but they couldn’t do anything about it. Once you’re chosen, you can’t back out. Since they were dance majors, it was no big deal because they loved it. But for Eunhyuk, it was a different matter. If he didn’t participate in this, he will fail his physical education subject and he has yet to fail.
“Neh Hyukkie, stop worrying. Besides, you’ll do fine. You’re better than all of us.” Leeteuk smiled trying to somehow ease his dongsaeng. He knew Eunhyuk didn’t want to do this but he has no choice.
“I’m fine, hyung.” Eunhyuk smiled as per usual but they all knew that his smile as always wasn’t genuine. Because Eunhyuk’s real smile will reveal his whitish teeth and pink gums, but ever since high school graduation, it disappeared. Now, it’s been three years since then and yet no change can be seen.
As they walked towards their destination, they happily talked among themselves. All excited to know what they’ll be doing for the upcoming festival. Stopping, Leeteuk slowly opened the door. They walked in only to be met by differing people. Some were glaring at them while some were smiling. Ignoring everyone else, they proceeded to Ryeowook who was happily waving at them.
“Wookie! How are you?” As the group exchanged pleasantries with each other, Eunhyuk sat down and pulled out his iPod; he really didn’t care anymore. Worrying would get him nowhere. He can’t get out of this anyway. And as he closed his eyes and rocked his head to the music playing in his ears, he didn’t notice that he’s being watched.
Donghae stood there leaning on the wall near their group. When the people from the dance department came in, he didn’t spare them a glance but when something red caught his eyes, he was left gaping stupidly. He forgot that the red-haired man he was so interested in would be part of this collaboration.
He can’t believe that he’d look like that though. When he saw him awhile ago, his face was a little blurry since they were on the third floor at the time but now at a closer angle, you’d see how beautiful the other man was. Well, he looked dorky with his glasses and beanie on but beneath that you could see it clearly if you look close enough.
Donghae grinned as his gaze lingered on the man across from him. He knew somehow that this person would be very interesting; he just can’t wait what he’s made of. It’s the first time he became interested with someone and he enjoyed the thought that maybe he’s attracted to him.
And as they all went about their ways, their instructor came in. Seeing this, all the buzz and noise around the room died down to hushed whispers.
"I'm glad you're all here. But before we start please introduce yourselves." With a flick of his wrist, everyone started their introductions. All were not surprised when their majors were uttered. It was already common knowledge that their gathering was for the people from the dance and music categories.
However, when Eunhyuk’s time came. All the noise died down once again as the other occupants of the room stared at the strangely dressed man.
“I’m Lee Hyukjae, you can call me Eunhyuk. I’m a Science major.” With that, he sat down and waited for the introduction session to continue. Well, Eunhyuk can’t blame them for being surprised even now he’s still wondering why the hell he was there.
It didn’t take long for them to introduce themselves; they were only 13 anyway. They found out that there were 6 dancers and 7 singers among them. The dance majors were: Sungmin, Shindong, Leeteuk, Kibum, and Hankyung. The music majors were: Kyuhyun, Donghae, Kangin, Ryeowook, Siwon, Heechul, and Yesung
When the last person was done, the instructor stood up and walked towards the front. Reaching for the microphone, he took out a paper from his folder.
"I'm Tablo, no need for formalities just call me hyung. Anyway, everyone has a role already. We’ll be dancing and singing for the upcoming festival and I hope you'll all do your best. Remember that this is graded so make sure you do well. OK, the lead singers are......" Everyone listened attentively as the list went on but then some protested once they heard who the lead dancers were.
“The lead dancers are Hankyung, Shindong, Donghae, and Eunhyuk.”
“What?!!” It was funny that the music majors were the ones complaining when the dance majors should be the one affected.
“But why?! He’s from the Science Division why is he part of the lead? This performance is graded and we can’t let some idiot bring us down!” Heechul was mad and everyone in the vicinity knows that. Their grades and reputation were at stake here and he can’t let some newbie cause their downfall.
Tablo sighed and stared at the paper he was holding. He was only doing his job and he didn’t know how the line-up was chosen but he was certain that they wouldn’t just choose someone who wasn’t capable of this. The performance was important since it would showcase their talents to everyone and it could be an opportunity for them to be scouted.
“I don’t know either. This is the list the director gave me and I have no say in it.” His explanation didn’t lessen the tension brewing in the air.
“That’s just unreasonable! What if he fails? We’re a big group, darn it!”
“Give him a chance, maybe he can learn along the way.”
“You don’t know that for sure, people from the Science Division are considered bookworms and have no life!”
“Yah! Don’t insult my best friend!” And as the arguments continued, Eunhyuk kept silent; he was too angry to speak. They have no right to assume that he was someone incapable. He didn’t want to be here but if they were going to doubt his worth then there’s no turning back. He’s a man after all and every man has pride and he’s no exception.
“Let him dance then.” This sudden suggestion stopped the commotion quickly. Eunhyuk was surprised and turned to the person that spoke. His eyes widened as he stared at the person before him. Eunhyuk knew that everyone in the vicinity was attractive but this person’s looks were unique. Shaking his head, he turned away and walked towards the center.
“Alright, let’s go with Donghae’s idea. I assume that would be fine?” With their nods, Tablo plugged the stereo and started the music. Eunhyuk by then had removed his glasses and beanie and was now waiting with his head bowed down.
Heechul and some others smirked and waited. They knew that it would be embarrassing for him. He’s not usually as mean as this but when his reputation was at stake that would be a totally different matter.
The beat and rhythm started and along with it Eunhyuk’s body moved. Taking one step forward, he turned abruptly only to stop and drop down onto his knees before standing up. He moved across the floor as his feet carried him away. He popped, locked, and twisted his body in ways that many people can only dream off.
Eunhyuk’s body moved fluidly and his hands moved precisely the way he wanted it to. He danced as passionately as he always had. This was his life and for once he didn’t care if other people could see it. Because once he started, he won’t stop until the song dies down from his ears.
As Eunhyuk danced, the people around him gaped and stared at the scene before them. The way he danced was incredible. His movements were powerful yet there was subtle grace that can’t be hidden. And once the music died, all was silent until Sungmin and Ryeowook happily clapped their hands and within moments the whole room was filled with applause.
“Hyukkie! You were great!” Sungmin was about to glomp the other male but he gasped when he saw Eunhyuk raise his head.
“Hyukkie, are you okay?!” Everyone turned to look at Eunhyuk. Their eyes widened when they saw what Sungmin’s pertaining to.
Confused, Eunhyuk tilted his head to the side. “Eh?” Sungmin touched his face and finally it dawned on him. He was crying again. Touching his cheeks, he felt wetness and with that he bowed his head.
“Sorry.” That’s all Eunhyuk could mutter before he ran out the door. He forgot that every time he danced, he lets himself free and he stupidly showed other people how pathetic he was. I’m so stupid!!!
The people left in the room was left with an awkward silence that was only broken when Tablo sighed.
“Now, do you still have any complaints?” Everyone shook their heads.
“Good, because whether you like it or not, he’s staying. You’re dismissed, practice starts tomorrow after class.” With that, he walked out and closed the door lightly.
Sighing, Leeteuk and his friends left but not before taking one last glance at the singers. Really, why couldn’t they just shut their mouths? Eunhyuk was pressured enough as it is and they just had to be brats about it. He can only hope that he’ll show up in practice tomorrow.
Soon after the dance troupe went out, the singers followed. Some felt guilty while some felt too exhilarated to feel anything else. They filed out of the room until only one person was left. When he was sure no one was left, Donghae dropped down on his knees.
What happened just now was surreal. What he saw took his breath away. He knew that Eunhyuk would be interesting but never thought that he could be a whole lot more. Because as Eunhyuk raised his head, tears fell and mixed with his sweat. With hair stuck to his forehead and chest heaving for air, he looked breathtaking.
............................................................
The next day, they were surprised to see Eunhyuk come in through the doors and drop his bag in the corner. They thought that he’d skip practice but they were wrong.
“Hyukkie? Are you ok?” Eunhyuk smiled and ruffled Sungmin’s hair.
“I’m fine Minnie, don’t worry.” Heechul didn’t want to do it but he had no choice. His lover would be breathing down his neck if he didn’t do it. With that in mind, he pulled on Kangin’s ear and dragged him to where the red-haired man was.
“Yah! What the hell?! It hurts let go!” Heechul rolled his eyes and ignored the whining of the idiot he was currently dragging around.
“Oh shut up, you know what needs to be done and I won’t be doing it alone.” They stopped in front of Eunhyuk making the other man stare at them in confusion. Heechul let go of Kangin's ear and kicked him on the shin.
“Oww!! Ok I get it! We acknowledge you kiddo.” Kangin walked away as soon that was said leaving Heechul alone. Sighing, he turned to Eunhyuk. He did feel a little bit guilty about yesterday. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Eunhyuk’s head and ruffled the mop of hair.
“You were great, brat.” Eunhyuk didn’t know why but for some reason he felt warm and so without realizing it, he smiled. The one smile his friends have yet to see was shown to someone he barely knows.
“Thank you, hyung.” The words were mumbled but Heechul heard it all too well. This kid wasn’t so bad after all and with a smile like that. Who can get mad? He rolled his eyes and walked away without saying another word. No one needs to know that he’s getting soft because of some brat.
As their interaction came to an end, the trance that Donghae was in broke causing him to blink stupidly at what he just saw. This person who he met yesterday was wrecking havoc in his mind. Out of all the times he would smile, why did it have to be when he needed something from Heechul? This was insane but he knew that his attraction towards the other man was getting stronger. With that in mind, he made a decision. It’s time for him to make his move.
..............................................................
It was about 8 pm when practice finished. Eunhyuk was exhausted and the only thing he needs right now was a quick bath and sleep. His roommate and other friends decided that they’d eat out for dinner leaving him to go home by himself. It wasn’t a big deal; he was tired anyway. But it would have been nice if someone would just leave him alone.
“Yah! Would you stop following me?” He looked back and there he was grinning happily at him.
“I’m not following you; we’re just going the same way.” Eunhyuk sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration.
“I’m not stupid so can you just tell me what you want and leave me alone?” Donghae grinned and approached the other.
“I like you. Let’s be friends.” He raised his hand offering it for a handshake but the red-haired man ignored it and took a step back.
“No, now leave me alone.” He turned around and proceeded walking towards his apartment but stopped when he heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind him.
“Aish! Stop it! Leave me alone, Donghae-sshi.” Eunhyuk didn’t know what was up with this guy. The whole time they practiced, he can feel someone’s eyes on him. And when he turns around, he’d see Donghae grinning at him. He didn’t even feel ashamed that he was caught blatantly staring.
“No! Become my friend first!” Donghae pouted and stomped his foot. Eunhyuk can’t help but roll his eyes. For goodness’ sake, he’s acting worse than his 4-year old niece!
“Fine! Can you leave now?” Nodding eagerly, Donghae happily hugged Eunhyuk tight before letting go and running towards the opposite direction.
“I like you! See you tomorrow!” Eunhyuk was left there gaping at Donghae in disbelief. Has he no shame? You don’t hug someone you barely know just because you feel like it. Eunhyuk sighed and continued his walk. Maybe agreeing to that was a bad idea.
.............................................................
Eunhyuk was right because the next day and the days after that, Donghae would cling to him. He always followed him around like a lost puppy. Every day, Donghae would walk him to his apartment once practice ended and every single day he’d mutter the words ‘I like you.’ With Eunhyuk’s personality, he’d brush it off because those kinds of feelings were unnecessary and totally useless.
He ignored how Donghae’s ‘I like you’ changed to ‘I love you.’ He didn’t mind it but as much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. Because as months passed by, he’d realize that Donghae’s affectionate manner and words were getting to him. He was scared. He didn’t want to fall. He didn’t want to get hurt and he knew that would happen if he let himself be carried away.
He told himself before that for him to avoid ever feeling those stupid emotions again, he’d always avoid letting someone in. That’s why whenever Donghae hugged him, he didn’t respond. Every time he uttered the words he dreaded to hear, he’d reply with ‘that’s disgusting.’ Because he knew that love, it’s all just an illusion.
It can only bring harm but no matter how much he tried. The feelings grew and he cried every night thinking how cruel life was to him. Closing his eyes in exhaustion, he’d mutter brokenly.
“What is love?”
.........................................................
It was finally the day of the festival. Everyone was excited except for 13 boys who were currently pacing backstage. Their turn to perform was soon and they were all feeling more than nervous. Sure, they practiced this for months but that doesn’t justify how well they’ll do tonight.
Donghae was restless and everyone knows it. He was pacing back and forth around the room. Some were already getting annoyed but some could care less. Well, Eunhyuk couldn’t take it anymore and so he approached Donghae and grabbed his face. Startled, Donghae was about to scream when fingers were suddenly pressed on his mouth.
“Hae, it’s going to be fine.” Eunhyuk smiled and once again it took his breath away and the only think he could do was nod stupidly as Eunhyuk patted his cheek softly before stepping away. But before the other could leave, Donghae pulled Eunhyuk close and hugged him tight.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” He breathed out. Donghae knew what the other’s response would be as always it would be that’s disgu-
“I know.” His eyes widened. That wasn’t what he expected. Eunhyuk would always answer him with ‘that’s disgusting.’ He was about to ask, when Tablo called them out. Sighing, he pouted. He wanted to know what’s wrong but they have a performance to do. Asking will have to wait. But strangely, he didn’t feel anxious anymore. Grinning to himself, he knew the reason why.
It’s because of Hyukkie.
.......................................................................
Their performance was a success. The mini concert they held were enjoyed by everyone and each of them was approached by a talent scout. It was a great night for all but for one individual it was not.
They all decided that tonight, everyone would camp out at his and Wookie’s apartment. Honestly, why can’t it be Heechul’s or Leeteuk’s apartments? Their apartment would be thrashed by the end of the night. Added to that was Kangin’s insatiable need to drink and Heechul’s drive to party. Eunhyuk could just hope that their living space would survive.
Looking around, he could see everyone having a good time. He wasn’t in the mood for this. Grabbing his jacket, he walked towards the door and proceeded to his hideout. The place he knew he can be free, the dance studio. Once inside, he closed the door and his usual routine started.
As he glided across the floor, his feelings soared free and he was once again weeping silently as he moved across the dance floor. Turning, stopping, gliding; these he did and more. And as hours passed and body spent, he lay there staring at the ceiling. Tears already dry on his cheeks as he breathed in.
It was game over and he knew it. After years of denial, he can finally say that he’s in love and he knew that once again it will never be reciprocated. Because as much as he wants to believe that Donghae was in love with him, he knows it’s not true. Not with the way he gazed at Kibum like that.
“What is love? Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk gasped. He stood up quickly and turned around. Donghae was standing there leaning by the door.
“Hae! What are you doing here? How did you get here? How long-"Before he could ask anymore, he found himself cornered to one of the walls of the room with lips on his soft and gentle.
Donghae pulled away and gently caressed Eunhyuk’s cheeks. His mouth only a breath’s away from the other.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk’s breath hitched as he felt tears gathering at the back of his eyes. He looked to the side only to see his reflection on the mirror beside him.
“Stop it. That’s not true. Love is an illusion and nothing more.” Donghae chuckled and pressed his nose on the pale neck exposed to him.
“If it is, then why are you craving it, Hyukjae?” Eunhyuk shivered. His name sounding so foreign to his ears.
“Does an illusion make your heart feel warm, feel content, feel happy?” Donghae pressed on. He needed Eunhyuk to understand. For so long, he knew Eunhyuk’s condition. The way he feared love: to love and be loved. It was saddening but he wanted to change that.
“Love is disgusting, Hae but why do I want it so bad?” He can’t hide it anymore. Not when Donghae’s seen everything. Not when he knows. Sobbing, he slid down to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest.
“Hyukkie....” Donghae kneeled down and pried the hands covering Eunhyuk’s face. He smiled and wiped the tears falling down carelessly from the pinkish cheeks.
“Hae, I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want love.” Donghae didn’t move from his position, all he did was to wipe away the river of tears Eunhyuk was currently producing.
“But you need it.” And with that, Eunhyuk sobbed harder causing him to lean slightly on Donghae’s chest. It was true; it’s the only thing he’s been craving for half of his life. For his father to acknowledge him, for his classmates to like him, and for his best friend to return his feelings and all these acts of love he wished for but never received.
Donghae wrapped his arms around the trembling body before laying him down gently on the floor. He moved on top of Eunhyuk and bent down sealing all his sobs and hiccups into the kiss. Eunhyuk’s eyes widened as he lay there frozen, not knowing what to do but it didn’t last long. Donghae pulled away and laughed.
“You stopped, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk stared at the person above him and sniffed. He didn’t feel like crying anymore. What he felt now was embarrassment as he realized the position they were in. Donghae was in between his legs and was close enough for their breaths to mingle.
“H-Hae?” Eunhyuk sniffed again making Donghae smile softly.
“Neh Hyukkie?”
“Y-Yes?” Donghae chuckled softly as Eunhyuk hiccupped for the umpteenth time.
“Will you let me love you?” Lightly touching the other’s cheek, Donghae waited patiently as he stared at the male below him.
“Eh?” Is he asking what I think he’s asking?
“Will you?” Eunhyuk blushed and turned away as Donghae lightly pinched his left cheek.
“But I-“Another kiss and another breathless moment for Eunhyuk.
“Just for tonight. Will you let me?” Eunhyuk felt tears prickling at his eyes again because he can’t believe that he’s agreeing to this. With a nod, Donghae bent down and kissed him hard.
Eunhyuk was left breathless as Donghae lavished his mouth with affection. Tongues playing with each other, teeth bumping, and lips pressing countless of times before they pulled away. He was panting by then as Donghae kissed his way down the pale neck, stopping only to suck and bite at the skin playfully before continuing down.
Eunhyuk gasped as he felt Donghae’s hands ghosting over the bare skin underneath his shirt. Jerking in shock, he stopped the hands from moving. Donghae stopped sucking the skin on his neck and turned to look at him.
“H-Hae, I d-don’t think this is a good idea. I can’t....” His words trailed off when he saw Donghae’s mouth twitch and eyes darken.
“Hyukkie, for tonight just let go.” Donghae bent down and kissed Eunhyuk disabling the male from answering back and continued roaming his hands underneath his shirt. He lightly pinched a nipple causing Eunhyuk to pull away from the kiss and moan. Moving away slightly, Donghae removed Eunhyuk’s shirt off in one fluid motion making Eunhyuk arch his back due to the coldness of the floor.
Bending down, Donghae engulfed a nipple while playing with the other. From slow to fast, he swirled his tongue around one nipple then sucking hard before pulling away and doing the same thing to the next one but that wasn’t enough. Eunhyuk cried out when Donghae placed his hand over his crotch and stroked him slowly.
Revelling in the sounds that spew forth from Eunhyuk’s mouth, Donghae smirked before straightening himself. He stood up and removed his shirt and pants along with his boxers. He threw them across the floor and straddled Eunhyuk’s waist while removing the other’s remaining clothes.
They stayed that way for awhile staring at each other bare and naked, nothing to hide. Just them and only them. Eunhyuk raised his hand gesturing for the other to move closer and Donghae did. Once he was close enough, Eunhyuk pulled him closer and shyly placed his lips on Donghae’s firm ones. Donghae smiled into the kiss, Eunhyuk is just way too adorable.
He pulled away only to lean down once again to crash his lips onto Eunhyuk’s. Donghae plunged his tongue in Eunhyuk’s mouth while rubbing his erection with the other causing them to groan at the delicious friction it created. Donghae proceeded down the milky skin; he kissed his way down the lovely skin making the other writhe in pleasure.
“H-Hae, it feels weird.” Panting, Eunhyuk bit his fingers trying to figure out what he’s feeling. The sensations were making his body tremble, every touch Donghae was giving him. It’s making his whole body feel hot.
“Shhh. Just feel Hyukkie.” And Eunhyuk did. As a hand wrapped itself around his aching member, he closed his eyes and moaned. It was so good. The pressure and the warmth were making him feel light-headed until something wet and hot engulfed his cock. He felt his eyes roll back and his mouth opened slightly.
Donghae deep throated Eunhyuk while sucking hard once in awhile. He alternated between licking the slit and biting the head teasingly to engulfing the whole shaft until it hit the back of his throat before going up again. Eunhyuk fisted Donghae’s hair tightly trying to get as much of that arousing heat around him but his hips were held down tightly disabling him from bucking into that tight, wet cavern.
After a few more licks, Eunhyuk came with a scream. Panting, he looked down to see Donghae swallowing his cum and kissing the head of his cock lightly. He blushed and turned away. It was weird seeing and feeling something like this, but it was arousing him way too much. He looked up only to see Donghae staring down at him.
“I’m doing it, Hyukkie. Are you ready?” They’ve already come this far. What’s the point of stopping it? Eunhyuk nodded making Donghae smile a bit. He stood up and took out a white bottle from his jeans before straddling him once again.
Eunhyuk stared curiously as white liquid was poured onto Donghae’s hands. It looked thick and he wondered what it was for.
“Hae? What’s that?” He tried reaching for the bottle only for it to be thrown across the room. Pouting, he turned to Donghae who was currently grinning at him.
“It’s lube, Hyukkie.”
“Lube?” What’s that?
Donghae can’t help but laugh. For someone who’s older than him, Eunhyuk was way too innocent for his own good.
“It’s needed to make the penetration less painful.” Tilting his head to the side, Eunhyuk stared at the person above him.
“Penetration? What do you me-Ah!” Something went inside his entrance making him arch back instinctively. It didn’t hurt but it feels really strange. Before Eunhyuk had time to think, another one was pushed in scissoring his entrance wider. Tears flowed down his cheeks, it really hurts. As Donghae shoved another finger inside, he kissed the tears falling down Eunhyuk’s cheeks.
“Relax Hyukkie.” Breathing deeply, Eunhyuk concentrated on the kisses that Donghae was planting all over his face. Little by little, his body sagged and the pain he was feeling was now replaced by something akin to pleasure. His body tingled when those fingers pumping in and out of him scratched something inside.
Eunhyuk mewled as the Donghae pumped the fingers inside him harder. Deciding Eunhyuk was ready, Donghae took out his fingers making the other writhe in discontent. Donghae smirked and grabbed Eunhyuk’s ankles and placing the back of his knees over his shoulders.
“I’m going in, Hyukkie.” Not waiting for a reply, he pushed in his hardened member in the puckered hole. Eunhyuk almost screamed in surprise only to be replaced with a moan when a hand wrapped itself around his hard shaft once again. Seeing Eunhyuk distracted from the pain, Donghae watched as his cock was engulfed inch by inch into Eunhyuk’s tight entrance. Groaning, he turned away from the delicious sight. Watching his member go inside Eunhyuk, it was arousing him more than he could imagine.
Once inside, Donghae stayed still waiting for Eunhyuk to adjust. It didn’t take long though because a minute later and Eunhyuk was moving against Donghae’s hard cock. He couldn’t take it anymore and so Donghae grabbed Eunhyuk’s waist before thrusting deep and hard. With that Donghae began his brutal pace, not caring that Eunhyuk was still a virgin.
As Donghae shoved his hardened member inside Eunhyuk, he kissed him hard making Eunhyuk lose his breath for a second before responding back with equal fervour. As they continued their dance on the dance floor, the only sounds that can be heard inside the room were their pants, groans, and slapping of skin against skin.
And with one particular strong thrust, Eunhyuk came with a scream and Donghae followed soon after. Riding his orgasm, Donghae sucked on Eunhyuk’s neck until he was milked dry. Spent, he lied down beside Eunhyuk and hugged him close.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” A whisper and a kiss on the temple and Donghae was fast asleep. And as Donghae slept peacefully, he didn’t see the tears grazing Eunhyuk’s eyes and the trembling of his body.
.............................................................
Donghae groaned and rolled over only to face plant himself on the hard floor below. Cursing, he sat up only to realize he was naked with his clothes on top of him. As he surveyed his surroundings, his eyes widened when he realized that Eunhyuk was missing and that the place was clean, erasing any signs of their tryst last night.
He hurriedly dressed himself and ran out. He needs to know where Eunhyuk is. Donghae somehow knew what the other might be thinking right now. For now, all he could ask for was to see Eunhyuk safe and sound in his room.
As soon as he stepped inside Eunhyuk’s and Ryeowook’s apartment. He proceeded jumping over the number of bodies littered around the room. His friends didn’t hold back last night. Well, it’s not like he held back either. What happened between him and Eunhyuk was still fresh in his mind. Shaking his head, he cleared all those thoughts away. He needs to resolve this before he can indulge himself.
Crossing his fingers, Donghae entered Eunhyuk’s room. When he saw the one he’s looking for sitting on his bed, Donghae sighed in relief. Closing the door, he walked towards the bed and sat beside Eunhyuk’s huddled figure. Shifting a little, Donghae raised a hand towards Eunhyuk but stopped when the other flinched.
“Hyukkie? Why did you leave?” Eunhyuk remained silent.
“Please answer me, Hyukkie.” Donghae looked at Eunhyuk worriedly. Did he do something wrong?
“Hae....”
“Yes?” Eunhyuk raised his head and turned to Donghae.
“Why did you do it?” Donghae smiled and reached for Eunhyuk’s hand. Lacing their fingers together, he held tight.
“Because I lo-“
“Stop saying that! Love is disgusting! It’s fake and will never last!” Eunhyuk’s outburst caused his eyes to tear and before he knew it, he was crying again. Donghae’s eyes softened seeing this. He leaned down and pulled Eunhyuk towards him.
“Hyukkie, look at me.” Eunhyuk shook his head and struggled from Donghae’s hold.
“I said look at me.” Donghae’s voice was firm and Eunhyuk knew that disobeying would bring drastic consequences. He looked up and stared at Donghae's eyes.
“If words aren’t what you need to understand what love is, then everyday I’ll show you what it is.” Eunhyuk whimpered and turned away. He’s scared and this feeling that Donghae was inflicting on him feels so foreign. He thought he knew what love was before but now he doubts himself.
“Hae, don’t do this to me, please.” Donghae chuckled and hugged Eunhyuk tight.
“I already did.” Donghae pulled away before kissing Eunhyuk softly. He broke the kiss soon after and gently caressed Eunhyuk’s cheeks.
“I love you, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk sniffled and opened his mouth slightly.
“I-"Before he could proceed, a finger was pressed on his lips. Donghae shook his head.
“Don’t, not now Hyukkie. I’ll wait, so for now let me be the one to love you.” Donghae grinned when Eunhyuk burst out crying again. He hugged him tight and laughed into the strawberry-scented hair.
Neh Hyukkie, let me love you forever, ok?
........................................................
As Donghae comforted Eunhyuk, their friends watched by the door.
“I think I’m going to puke.” Kangin rolled his eyes and hugged Leetuek who was currently bawling his eyes out.
“Yeah right, then what’s that coming out of your eyes? Sweat?” Heechul wiped his eyes with his sleeve before stomping away with Hankyung following close behind.
“Let’s just leave them alone, guys.” Everyone nodded and walked away but before closing the door, Sungmin took one last glance at the couple on the bed and smiled.
It’s your turn now, Hyukkie.