} 032 - [VIDEO] - failed private to Sarah, so PUBLIC!

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda's slumped up against a wall in one of the Barge's many hallways. She looks drugged out of her mind, because she IS. Hoffman just did to her the one thing she couldn't handle. A cloth gag has fallen to hang around her neck. Also: this is her first public entry featuring her short, butchered haircut. It makes her look smaller and younger,

Comments

[Spam]

[whattheytellyou]

[Sarah didn't even bother waiting to reply. She was on her feet and running for the stairs. As she tore down the stairwell, she talked in her communicator.]

Where are you, Amanda? What level?

Re: [Spam]

[creatingalegacy]

Level 5. Near the library...

[Spam]

[whattheytellyou]

[Sarah nearly stumbled in her haste to reach her inmate, but detoured on to level five only a few moments later. When she saw Amanda, she silently cursed Hoffman. She would deal with this, get her inmate to the infirmary, and then find that fat bastard and teach him not to cross her again.

She crouched down beside the other woman, doing a perfunctory check for any other injuries.]

I'm going to get you on your feet. Can you walk?

Re: [Spam]

[creatingalegacy]

[Amanda made an effort to look around, but she was so exhausted that she could barely even keep her eyes open. She followed Sarah's voice, at least, which was good.]

I feel like my body weighs half a ton.

[She shakes her head, lethargic, as tears slip down her face.]

I failed. I was clean...for two years. And I failed!

voice - after Sarah's spam

[creatingalegacy]

Infirmary now. She came.

Re: voice

[creatingalegacy]

Yeah. [She laughs. It sounds pretty loopy.]

Kill 'im.

Private

[raisedinabox]

[...Damn it Amanda, the stars have aligned between your issues and Jim's issues, to the point where he is actually having a very quiet emotional reaction to this.]

Amanda, you're going to be okay. [Pause] Look, I know I'm telling you something that you already know now, but things that other people do to us don't change what we are. He's going to want you to think that his doing this to you makes you weak, when in reality you know that you have the strength to overcome it because you've overcome it before.

[He's guessing here, being shot up with Heroin is only this big a deal for an ex-junkie.] Don't let yourself believe in his vision of you, for our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.

Re: Private

[creatingalegacy]

Two years clean. Shit...three if you count 'here-time'.

[That's TOTALLY a real word to her right now. She's pretty loopy, but sadly, not out of it quite enough for the significance of this to pass her by. And GOOD GUESS, Jim! She'd praise him for his attention to detail if not for, well, all of this.]

And it's all wrecked. The drugs are quick and, uh...and with a kiss I'll die. Something like that, fuck...

[She's unintentionally fucking up the quote in her drugged state. John said Romeo and Juliet was cheap--that Shakespeare had stolen a regional story, changed a few details and slapped his name on it--but Amanda had always found it terribly beautiful, to die so willingly out of love for someone. Anyway, it's not actual death she's referring to, but death of a different sort entirely.]

[Private]

[majorum_pride]

Someone I loved... she was forced to take the drug her father was addicted to. It was done to try and control her. It nearly broke her, but she was the most incredibly strong woman I ever knew. [He hopes Beka wouldn't mind that he told her this.] You can't allow someone to force you to be less than them. He's trying to make himself seem like he's better. He's taking away your strength to lie to himself and convince himself that he's stronger.

[Having seen a lot of subjugation before he came back, he's feeling very bitter about that.]

Don't let him make you weak. Survive and prove to yourself you're stronger. [He doesn't even know if she'll be lucid enough to understand him.]

[Private] - from a bed in the infirmary

[creatingalegacy]

Can't think straight--but. [She rubs at her forehead, as if that will clear her mind. Obviously, it doesn't, but she manages to gather herself a little nonetheless.]

'm not taking anything for it, none of that methadone shit. I'll do this cold turkey again or I won't do it at all.

[Private]

[majorum_pride]

She didn't take anything, either. She never stopped fighting the addiction, and it never went away.

But she was strong. And she never gave in.

[He hopes she didn't have to go through the same thing she went through in Harper's timeline, now that he thinks about it.] Does it hurt?

Re: [Private]

[creatingalegacy]

Used to think it felt good when I was a junkie. [She repositions her head on the pillow, trying to find a comfortable angle, but there isn't one.] Now it's hell.

In which Crane attempts to be helpful

[doctor_j_crane]

Try to breathe as deeply as you can. Hopefully someone is close enough to give you CPR when you pass out.

later, from her hospital bed

[creatingalegacy]

Fine now. In the infirmary.

[She's not fine at ALL, but that's not what she means of course.]

later, from her hospital bed

[doctor_j_crane]

That's good.

[Private]

I don't mean to interrogate you, but do you know where he got the drugs from?

Private

[creatingalegacy]

No fuckin' clue.