DW fic: Gone
Title: Gone
Author: Rambling Rose / irishlullaby
Beta Babe: crimedoc1
The Prompt: Per 25moments #11 - Weather
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing/Characters: TenII/Rose
Rating: Teen
Summary: He still remembered what the weather had been like that day. Warm. Sunny. Slightly cool autumn breeze made Rose’s hair flutter about.
Gone
He still remembered what the weather had been like that day. Warm. Sunny. Slightly cool autumn breeze made Rose’s hair flutter about. If she hadn’t looked so sad… if she hadn’t been carrying their son on her hip and holding their daughter’s hand… if Pete and Jackie hadn’t been frowning as they loaded suitcases filled with clothes for Rose and the kids into the back of a car… he would have been transfixed by the sight of the sun shining on her hair.
Rose took the children to the car and strapped them in before returning to him. She sighed sadly and then pulled him into a hug. “Don’t go,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly as if it would prevent her from leaving.
She pulled back slightly. “I have to, Doctor. If you had done this before… before the kids were born then, yeah, I could be here for you. But I can’t… not anymore. I’ve got to think about what’s best for them. And… and it’s not good for them to be around you right now.” She forced herself away from his encircling arms and then gently cupped his cheek. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before opening her mouth to speak. Instead of words, she made a soft noise that sounded vaguely like a repressed sob. She closed her eyes tightly for a moment before trying again to speak. “When… when you accept exactly who and what you are… when you accept that it’s you I love, you that I want to spend my life with… Well, you know where we are. You know we’ll be waiting.”
Rose softly kissed his cheek and turned to walk away. Before she could move very far he grabbed her hand, clinging to it as if to a lifeline. His mouth moved but all that came out was a whispered, “Rose…” She looked down at their joined hands and sighed, gently pulling her own hand free and walking away, climbing into the car with the children..
Then she was gone.
In the days that followed, the sky mocked him. The weather was beautiful and calm, not a cloud in sight. That was wrong, he thought, it should be raining. WTat’s how it always was in the movies… the male lead wallow in guilt and pain while it rained. And yet, as if London itself was spiting him, the weather remained freakishly clear and sunny.
So instead of lamenting his loss against the backdrop of a dreary London autumn, he was forced to gaze blindly out of his window at neighbourhood children laughing and playing with their mums and dads. He found that he couldn’t even cry because it wasn’t raining. He was lost with his own thoughts, constantly going over and over every moment since he had been “born” seeing himself as nothing more than a pale copy of the man he resembled. He found himself dialling Rose’s mobile and listening as it went straight to the message they had made together in a happier moment.
He found himself only able to say “I need you” or “I love you” before ringing off.
It didn’t rain until he had been on his own for eight days. The rain seemed to be what he needed because less than five minutes after the rain began, he was up on his feet, pacing, running his fingers through his hair, contemplating his existence, his love for Rose and the twins, their love for him. Why didn’t he feel he was good enough for them? Why was he trying to be the Doctor? Why couldn’t he just be… himself?
Well the answer to that one was simple. He was the Doctor… mostly. He was still half Time Lord after all. He had all the Doctor’s memories and knowledge, but not his abilities. He couldn’t give Rose and the children the stars, no matter how much he wanted to, and…
He paused in his pacing so quickly he almost tripped over his own feet. He couldn’t give them the stars, even though he wanted to so badly. Only as a Time Lord, a full Time Lord, could he do that. But he wasn’t a whole Time Lord anymore. If he was, he would be able to traverse space and time with Rose at his side and … No, they wouldn’t have had the children if he was a Time Lord. He probably wouldn’t have ever admitted his feelings to Rose if he had still been a Time Lord.
He dialled her mobile once again and got the expected voice mail. He listened to his voice, and Rose’s, both cheerful and giggling, saying “Hello! This is Rose and the Doctor…” “We’re busy.” “Doctor! That’s rude.” “No, rude would be saying we’re busy sha--” tone.
His heart raced as he took n a deep breath and began to speak, “I can’t give you time and space at your fingertips anymore,“ he admitted. “and I’m scared that… that one day you’ll realise it. Realise that I’m not really him. That I’m just some stupid human with the brain and consciousness of a Time Lord and not the man who really deserves your love. That you won’t want me anymore because I can’t give you those things. And… I want to be able to give our children the whole of time and space as their playground. But I can’t. I’m just… useless. Please come home Rose, I need you. I just… I just want you to need me too. To need me, not him, because I’m not him and I don’t think I ever will be. And I’m sorry.”
Closing his eyes, he rang off and then collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.
Author: Rambling Rose / irishlullaby
Beta Babe: crimedoc1
The Prompt: Per 25moments #11 - Weather
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing/Characters: TenII/Rose
Rating: Teen
Summary: He still remembered what the weather had been like that day. Warm. Sunny. Slightly cool autumn breeze made Rose’s hair flutter about.
Gone
He still remembered what the weather had been like that day. Warm. Sunny. Slightly cool autumn breeze made Rose’s hair flutter about. If she hadn’t looked so sad… if she hadn’t been carrying their son on her hip and holding their daughter’s hand… if Pete and Jackie hadn’t been frowning as they loaded suitcases filled with clothes for Rose and the kids into the back of a car… he would have been transfixed by the sight of the sun shining on her hair.
Rose took the children to the car and strapped them in before returning to him. She sighed sadly and then pulled him into a hug. “Don’t go,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly as if it would prevent her from leaving.
She pulled back slightly. “I have to, Doctor. If you had done this before… before the kids were born then, yeah, I could be here for you. But I can’t… not anymore. I’ve got to think about what’s best for them. And… and it’s not good for them to be around you right now.” She forced herself away from his encircling arms and then gently cupped his cheek. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before opening her mouth to speak. Instead of words, she made a soft noise that sounded vaguely like a repressed sob. She closed her eyes tightly for a moment before trying again to speak. “When… when you accept exactly who and what you are… when you accept that it’s you I love, you that I want to spend my life with… Well, you know where we are. You know we’ll be waiting.”
Rose softly kissed his cheek and turned to walk away. Before she could move very far he grabbed her hand, clinging to it as if to a lifeline. His mouth moved but all that came out was a whispered, “Rose…” She looked down at their joined hands and sighed, gently pulling her own hand free and walking away, climbing into the car with the children..
Then she was gone.
In the days that followed, the sky mocked him. The weather was beautiful and calm, not a cloud in sight. That was wrong, he thought, it should be raining. WTat’s how it always was in the movies… the male lead wallow in guilt and pain while it rained. And yet, as if London itself was spiting him, the weather remained freakishly clear and sunny.
So instead of lamenting his loss against the backdrop of a dreary London autumn, he was forced to gaze blindly out of his window at neighbourhood children laughing and playing with their mums and dads. He found that he couldn’t even cry because it wasn’t raining. He was lost with his own thoughts, constantly going over and over every moment since he had been “born” seeing himself as nothing more than a pale copy of the man he resembled. He found himself dialling Rose’s mobile and listening as it went straight to the message they had made together in a happier moment.
He found himself only able to say “I need you” or “I love you” before ringing off.
It didn’t rain until he had been on his own for eight days. The rain seemed to be what he needed because less than five minutes after the rain began, he was up on his feet, pacing, running his fingers through his hair, contemplating his existence, his love for Rose and the twins, their love for him. Why didn’t he feel he was good enough for them? Why was he trying to be the Doctor? Why couldn’t he just be… himself?
Well the answer to that one was simple. He was the Doctor… mostly. He was still half Time Lord after all. He had all the Doctor’s memories and knowledge, but not his abilities. He couldn’t give Rose and the children the stars, no matter how much he wanted to, and…
He paused in his pacing so quickly he almost tripped over his own feet. He couldn’t give them the stars, even though he wanted to so badly. Only as a Time Lord, a full Time Lord, could he do that. But he wasn’t a whole Time Lord anymore. If he was, he would be able to traverse space and time with Rose at his side and … No, they wouldn’t have had the children if he was a Time Lord. He probably wouldn’t have ever admitted his feelings to Rose if he had still been a Time Lord.
He dialled her mobile once again and got the expected voice mail. He listened to his voice, and Rose’s, both cheerful and giggling, saying “Hello! This is Rose and the Doctor…” “We’re busy.” “Doctor! That’s rude.” “No, rude would be saying we’re busy sha--” tone.
His heart raced as he took n a deep breath and began to speak, “I can’t give you time and space at your fingertips anymore,“ he admitted. “and I’m scared that… that one day you’ll realise it. Realise that I’m not really him. That I’m just some stupid human with the brain and consciousness of a Time Lord and not the man who really deserves your love. That you won’t want me anymore because I can’t give you those things. And… I want to be able to give our children the whole of time and space as their playground. But I can’t. I’m just… useless. Please come home Rose, I need you. I just… I just want you to need me too. To need me, not him, because I’m not him and I don’t think I ever will be. And I’m sorry.”
Closing his eyes, he rang off and then collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.