Writing Exercise

[keke_25]

Title: Writing Exercise:  Expressions

Author: Keke_25

Genre:  fictional

Rating: General

Warnings: None, its pretty fluffy.

Critique: Yes!! Please!!  Any level.

Summary:

My mother was doing that thing she did. That thing with the rag in the sink. She only did it when she was annoyed or angry, and today, it was both. I could tell because there were

Comments

Long Minutes ?

[alohamac]

Keke , The piece is good . The clinkers to me were the long minutes-- I would have thought long moments .. Also the couple I dids . Somehow to me things that I had done went with the flow better as I did is such a full stop .
Good stuff.

[kakkui_1037]

Okay. To be honest, I laughed out loud after reading "long minutes". Just imagine waiting for someone to speak that long. I can imagine the narrator fidgeting or looking around the room during this period.

Spelling mistakes:
principle -- principal
manor -- manner

Also, the mother is scary in this scene, so I'm surprised to see the girl argue as much as she does. If it was me, I'd be scared to say anything lest I get something thrown at me or slapped.

You should reveal what the mother is doing with the rag in the sink because I was puzzled after it says that there are screams coming from underneath the metal sink? Maybe the wording was confusing and you meant to say that the mother is screaming? Or is the screaming the personification of an inanimate object?

Otherwise, I'd be interested to see where this coming of age story goes.