That darn phone

[creature_girl08]

Ring, ring

Comments

Possible edits

[reborn_spirit]

"What is up?" Do you really say "What is up" or "What's up?"
I think about that phone once in a while and wonder where it ended up at. (Don't think you need the at.)
I promise your phone will still be there in an hour. I think you could finish your sentence at there.

HTH
Tif

Re: Possible edits

[creature_girl08]

Thanks, fixing "what is up? to what's up does just sound better. At the time I wrote the sentance I did not think about that. And yes, I took the word at out of that one sentance.

Can you clarify what you ment here?

I promise your phone will still be there in an hour. I think you could finish your sentence at there.

Do you mean that where I ended it is fine?

Re: Possible edits

[reborn_spirit]

I mean remove "in an hour" and end the sentence at there.

Re: Possible edits

[reborn_spirit]

When you talk about getting your coffee made, you say, "better does that."
Also, another what is thing. Do you say "What is going on" or "what's going on?"
Other than that, I really think you did great with the transitions. They really added to your piece.

[alycewilson]

Reading this I wasn't always sure where you were and what was going on. I'd suggest working in some transitions to clarify movement from place to place throughout the day.

[alycewilson]

I should add that this was a creative take on the subject. I love the idea!

[creature_girl08]

Very good point. I have added some things to the story. What do you think of the changes?

Glad you like the idea I went with.

[solstice_singer]

I really like this. Phones are a constant presence in our lives today. Sometimes, this is all right. Other times, I find it annoying.

I promise that I often let my phone go to voicemail, especially if I'm reading. (Smile)

[creature_girl08]

Smile, good for you. We all need to just chill and not let the rest of life dictate our world we live in.

[basric]

I think it was wonderful, I realize you were ticketed by the grammar police, (the punctuation police got me last week). I loved your story and its so true.

[creature_girl08]

Glad you liked it. I had spacifically asked my flist to help me out this week. This post was up for a couple of days to do some editing on it.

[myrna_bird]

Enjoyed this. I resisted getting a cell phone until my kids insisted and got me one anyway...Welcome to the 21st century, grammy! 'Oh bother,' said Pooh.

[creature_girl08]

Glad you liked it. I can remember all to well the days when cell phones did not exist. Now I can't leave home without my cell phone and laptop for fear of missing out on something. Ok, the laptop stays at home unless I am traveling. Grin!