+ Red Sister +

[creaux_o]

Something random I wrote...I meant to finish it but haven't gotten around to it, yet.  It's a futuristic, post war story that takes place on another planet.  Though that planet is fairly similar to Earth.   Maybe one day I'll elaborate on this short tidbit *shrug*

Comments

[yawns_widely]

A really stellar writing effort, and a promising beginning. You established two new characters with ease, and I think you balanced action and dialogue well.

Such blatant hate Ashlee had never experienced in his life. It was like touching fire for the first time, the shock of it far greater than the pain itself. A great use of simile -- very effective.

I think I liked the dialogue best. It had a nice natural quality, not too natural, of course, but it had good pacing.

If this story was published and I had the book in my hands right now, I'd definitely be moving onto the next chapter. I want to know what happens next.

[yawns_widely]

P.S. I also love the last paragraph. The wording was very (stuggling for the right word, want to say 'pretty' but that sounds wrong for some reason). Regardless the last two sentences really stand out, have impact and do an excellent job of closing the chapter.

[creaux_o]

Oh, thanks, I just happen to be very proud of those two sentences! Especially the final one. How do I put this, I love turning something morbid into something beautiful.

[creaux_o]

First of I love your icon! I'm really glad that you liked this story...because ironically enough, I don't really like it! It's something I wrote awhile ago, and I feel as though my style has changed since then. So I'm not as happy with it as I used to be.

I like how I wrote it, maybe it's just...the topic? I'm not really sure.

I'm still happy that you liked it! Your opinion means a lot to me. Thanks so much for reading it ♥