Extreeeeeemely nerdy entry.

[creepyguywas]

Somewhat related, I'm now 99% sure it goes:

• Goddesses create the world. Din creates the physical planet, Farore creates life, Nayru creates order by delegating divine powers to a hierarchy of fairies. Great fairies and spirits protect the light of the world as a whole, while on a lower level, fairies and minish make magic happen. The physical location where they leave the world is Hyrule, and their passing into another dimension creates another realm, the Golden Land in their wake. In the exact point where they exited the universe, inside the Golden Land, is the Triforce--the last piece of the Goddesses power, cable of granting any wish.
  
• The first creatures created, the Oocca, create fairies and Cuccoo, and eventually get around to making humans.
  
• All of Hyrule fights over the Triforce.
  
• Seven sages--Hylian wise men devoted to the Goddesses--build temples to worship them and pray for peace. These sages are the closest living beings to the Goddesses, and they retain their power even after death, when reincarnated as different people.
  
• Three men (somewhat of an anti-god to the three goddesses) use the Fused Shadow to create a portal to the Golden Land so they can get the Triforce, and the Goddesses banish them to the Twilgiht Realm and fill it with a magic that turns them into monsters. The Sages are given The Mirror of Twilight, which allows them to create a portal to the Twilight Realm, and they use it to banish the worst criminals. They become the Twili tribe. The Golden Land becomes known as the Twilight Realm by its inhabitants.
  
• The sages build the Temple of Light around the portal to Hyrule from the Twilight Realm, and then on the other side, in Hyrule, they build the Temple of Time, and seal the portal with the Master Sword, which is something like a key that only someone chosen by the gods can wield. They also seal the Master Sword inside a chamber that can only be opened with a four keys given to each race (the fourth key is the Song of Time, given to the Sheika--the precursors to the Hylian royalty).
  
• The Picori (called the Minish by humans because of their relative size) tire of the fighting deliver the Picori Sword to Gustav, the Hero of Men, so that he can end the wars over the Triforce. Gustav stops the war by locking all the monsters who are after the Triforce inside a chest and sealing it with the Picoir Sword. Gustav becomes the first King of Hyrule.
  
• One of Gustav's descendants has a son and a daughter named Zelda. The prince is told by a wizard that Zelda knows where the Triforce is. The wizard and the prince try to force the information out of her, and the wizard's magic puts her into an eternal sleep. Only the Triforce, which has the power to grant any wish, can wake her up, so the King of Hyrule asks the Goddesses to divide the triforce up into three parts, and that if anyone ever does actually touch it, it will break apart. One piece will be chosen to go to someone with great power, another will go to current princess of the royal family, and another to a boy who is of the right age and character to be heroic enough to unite the three pieces and wish for his daughter to wake. As a result of this event, all princesses in the Hyrule family are traditionally named Zelda. (This is the actual 'Legend of Zelda' that the title refers to)
  
• The Minish Cap: A boy accidentally allows, Vaati, a Minish who used the magical Minish Cap to turn into a human sorcerer, and in turn turn the hat's maker into a hat himself (...yeah...) to open the chest containing all the monsters that Gustav banished. Vaati steals the Light Force--the a power similar to that held by the Great Faries/spirits that keeps Hyrule safe--from Princess Zelda, turning her to stone. The boy, who is the first Link, is aided by Elzo, and fuses four sacred elemental stones with the Picori Sword, turning it into the Four Sword. Vaati is defeated and sealed inside the Four Sword. This is the origin of the Four Sword, monsters, and Link's hat.
  
• There is a war between the Gerudo and the Hylains over territory; the Gerudo seek to acquire Hyrule's verdant and livable land, since they live in a harsh desert.
  
• Ocarina of Time: Link is reincarnated as an orphan whose parents died in the war. He lives with the Kokiri, a race close to fairies who are most likely related to the Picori (aka, the Minish). Most likely to honor the Hero of the Minish, the Kokiri children wear green tunics and pointed green caps. Link is not a Kokari, but was taken in by the Deku tree after his parents died, and raised as one. Link is summoned by Zelda in a dream, using her psychic abilities granted to her by the Triforce of Wisdom. She fears that Ganondorf, the leader of the Gerudo, is up to something. Link sneaks into the castle and meets Zelda, and they watch Ganondorf sign a peace treaty with King Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule III. Zelda asks Link to unlock the Temple of Time and get the Master Sword so he can stop Ganondorf. In doing so, he opens the portal to the Golden Land/Twilight Realm, and Ganondorf enters it and gets his hands on the Triforce of Power. Ganondorf touches it and it breaks apart, however, he is able to keep the Triforce of Power, as he meets the requirements. Wisdom immediately goes to Zelda, and Courage eventually goes to Link, 7 years later when he becomes an adult. Link is only able to gain the Triforce of Courage when he's an adult. Courage prevents Link from ever succuming to darkness; Wisdom (in addition to the Light Force) allows Zelda to control light and magic; Power allows Ganondorf to transform into a demon. Though the sages are all currently alive in Hyrule, they are unaware that they are sages, and Ganondorf seals away their power in their own temples, which are guarded by monsters. Link allows all the sages to awaken, and they seal ganondorf in the Twilight Realm, using the Mirror of Twilight (not shown in OoT). Zelda is sorry that Link did not have a childhood, and sends him back in time to before they met, to prevent this entire event from ever happening, thus creating a tangent universe where OoT never happened:
  
  
  
  • Majora's Mask: Young Link goes in search of Navi, and gets lost in the lost woods. He somehow ends up in a parallel universe, Termina, which he he saves from destruction. It's vastly irrelevant.
    
  • Oracle of Ages/Seasons: Because Link had never defeated Ganondorf's mother Twinrova in OoT (because he did that as an adult, which never happened now) she tries to summon Ganon in a far off land. She does this by manipulating two other people capture two of the three goddesses (who took human form so they could like sing and dance and play skiball) and then sap the light out of the two Maku trees who protect each country. This allows them to create a dark power strong enough to not let anyone interfere with them. They eventually summon Ganon, and Link kills him.
    
  • This is the end of the tangent universe time line.
    
  
  
• Twilight Princess: Ganondorf, now that he has the Triforce of Power, is unstoppable. Even though even though he is banished to the Twilight Realm, he still harasses Hyrule remotely by aiding monsters and the Twili to help him be freed from his prison. The Triforce of Power makes Ganondorf immortal. Even though he is killed by Link, his spirit still lingers in Hyrule as a ghost.
  
• King Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule III also lingers in Hyrule as a ghost, due to his regret over the fact that he allowed Ganondorf to gain the Triforce of Power. Both Ganondorf and the King are bound to Hyrule by their strong emotions for the country itself; Daphnes wants to save it, Ganondorf wants to destroy it. Realizing that they cannot stop Ganondorf and his monsters, Daphnes and the seven sages freeze Hyrule in time (with the Master Sword) and seal it under a veil of water. Because Ganondorf and Daphnes are spirits bound to Hyrule, they are unable to go to the surface. The citizens of Hyrule migrate to mountain tops, which become islands.
  
• The Wind Waker: Link is reincarnated as a boy on Outset Island. Ganondorf eventually uses dark magic to pass to the surface, despite the seal. Daphnes uses a magical device to interact with the surface by proxy. Daphnes guides Link, and eventually his last remaining ancestor, Tetra, to unseal Hyrule so that they may ultimately defeat Ganondorf. Once Tetra realizes she is in fact Zelda, her Triforce of Wisdom fuses with the peice Daphnes keeps. Link, however, must find the shards of the Triforce of Courage, as they have been physically scattered around Hyrule. Though Link is still young, he becomes 'man enough' to gain the Triforce of Courage. Link uses the Master Sword--a blade which repels evil--to impale Ganondorf, essentially repeling his entire evil spirit out of his "body", which was more of a golem-like-thing his spirit attatched itself to give him physical form. The Triforce unites, but Link does not wish on it. Rather, Daphnes does, and instead of wishing to wake up the still-sleeping original Zelda (which no one seems to care about) he decides that Hyrule isn't worth saving, and floods it, finally giving Ganondorf's spirit (and his own) no more reason to stick around. Also, at some point in this adventure, Link helps the Deku tree plant trees on various islands around the Great Sea.
  
• Phantom Hourglass: The same Link and Zelda explore the ocean and probably go on some wack adventure?
  
• The Deku Tree uses the trees all around the ocean to grow inward and pull all the islands together. He raises the Hyrule Castle from underwater and connects all the islands into one single island. This process takes thousands of years and is not complete until sometime between Four Swords Adventures and Link to the Past.
  
• The Legend of Zelda: The new Hyrule is somewhat primitive. Link is a little boy, who meets Zelda's nursemaid Impa. Impa informs Link that Ganon (the demon form of Ganondorf, somehow reborn as a pig monster with no alternate human form) has attempted to capture Zelda (and ultimately did capture her) but she managed to break up her Triforce of Wisdom and hide it all around Hyrule. Link recovers the Triforce of Wisdom peices and kills Ganon, then takes his Triforce of Power. He saves Princess Zelda.
  
• Zelda II: Link comes of age, and awakens as the Hero. Ganon's minions cast a spell on him, so that if he ever dies, Ganon can return. Link overcomes some trials set up by the original Zelda's father, and eventually gains the Triforce of Courage by ousting all darkness from himself, by fighting his evil doppleganger, Dark Link. With the complete Triforce, he awakens the original Princess Zelda.
  
• Four Swords Adventures: Zelda wants to check on the seal again. Zelda is dumb. Vaati conjures Dark Link, who tricks Link into pulling the Four Sword. Vaati capture Zeldas, and the other maidens. Vaati places them in dark crystals and hides them in dungeons guarded by monsters. Together they house the spirits of the seven sages, so their absense dims the power of light in Hyule so that Ganon can resurface. A new Gerudo king, also named Ganondorf, is born. He was apparently sane, until Vaati got to him. Link uses the Four Sword's magic to split into four boys who go around rescuing the maidens. Vaati helps Ganondorf get the Trident of Power, which allows him to transform into Ganon, and he essentially becomes the same Ganon/dorf from before... Some how. But now he's more pig like and has a trident. Also, this Ganondorf is really fat and looks like Buddha (you see a statue of him in LttP) so it's no wonder her perfers his Ganon form. Dark Link temporarily gets ahold of the Mirror of Twilight (but it's now called the Magic Mirror) and the Link recovers it. Links eventually defeat Ganon and seal both him in Vaati inside the Four Sword.
  
• Four Swords: Zelda wants to go check on Vaati's seal. She breaks it. Link fixes it. Zelda is dumb. Also both Vaati and Ganon were released, but they never actually mention that Ganon was even sealed.
  
• Ganon returns to the Twilight Realm, and takes over the place. He also somehow obtains the entire Triforce and doesn't use it, he just hordes it inside the Pyramid of Power and uses it to amass an army. Much like he did after OoT, he's hanging out in the Twilight Realm and sending monsters and shit over to Hyrule.
  
• Link to the Past: Ganon sends his alter ego, Agahnim, to Hyrule. He kills the kind, and crystalizes the maidens. One of the ancestors of the sages has the Mirror of Twilight (called the Magic Mirror) and gives it to Link. Link uses it to travel to the Twilight Realm (now called Dark World) to rescure the maidens. Link uses a Moon Pearl to retain his form. Link finally kills Ganondorf, and gets the Triforce. Now, with no other pressing things to wish for (like the destruction of Hyrule, or waking up the original Princess Zelda) Link finally wishes for everything to just stop fucking up.
  
• Link's Awakening: Link has a dream.

My head hurts.