Dating is only as difficult as I make it. Stop making it difficult, Angelique.
Angelique's 10 Rules of Dating
(c) 2005, Angelique Mattin Crumley & Aumielle Stokes
1. I don't want a real relationship with anyone. I want a quasi-relationship with very little expectations. This expectation of a lack of expectations must be discussed in depth before anything too physical happens.
2. I will flirt with anyone I am interested in, but I will not ask anyone on a date. If he's not interested enough to ask me, then it gets left at flirting. It's not just a issue of gender roles, it's also about communication. See #10.
3. If he's too chickenshit to be open about discussing expectations, do not delay. He's out. It is useless to attempt to establish those lines of communication. See #10.
4. I can have standards, but they must be abstract and not directly related to anyone else. Mike has awesome qualities, but he may not be a standard by which to judge others. People are too unique to be judged against other people.
5. I cannot be too quick to dismiss guys I'm attracted to without giving them a chance. Does he make me laugh? Is he attractive? Is he intelligent? Would I have a good time hanging out with him? If the answer is yes, and he asks me out, then my answer is yes. No over-analyzing, just give it a try.
6. I will follow, but I must not go anywhere I don't want to go. I'm a better follower than a leader, but I have to be strong enough to not end up going down the wrong course, or going too fast. See #10.
7. No falling in love for fuck's sake...at least not until you know the feeling is mutual. I don't have a handle on this one at all, but it must be addressed. The way to prevent closing off completely is to not fall in love...even with lovable guys. I will not close my heart off to the world, but I must be better at protecting it.
8. My dating motto is "What's the worst that can happen?" I won't name the source of that brilliant piece of wisdom. It wouldn't be the end of the world if it doesn't work out, nor would it be the end of the world if it does.
9. Inevitably I will do something that causes me to feel guilty. I didn't guilt so easily when I was younger, but 5 years of OD-ing on Jewish guilt changes a person. My guilt triggers an obsession to undo what I have done and make everything well again. Life doesn't work that way. The only way to let it go is to communicate it to whomever I am dating (see #10). If he can't make the guilt go away, or if he makes it worse, he is not for me. Guilt has no place in a healthy relationship.
10. None of this works without communication, which is probably the single most difficult part of any relationship. If it's not there, no relationship should follow.
There they are. Quite simple, quite unrestrictive, and now my options are greater. I like being single, but single and dating, not single and stuck single. Single with the realistic prospect of being un-single is the only way to enjoy being single.