Twelve Thoughts About A Dance With Dragons
12. Tyrion Lannister. 'Nuff said.
11. Thank you George, for what you did to Janos Slynt. I have been waiting for that since forever.
10. I gotta tell you man...dragons. They're where it's at. I mean, I don't dislike reading about Daenaerys or anything. But having her dragons locked up or missing for more than half the book drove me crazy. I don't give a shit about how withered and greasy the Slaver Bay people are. I don't care about how the flux made everyone shit brown water. I just really wanted to see some goddamn dragon training. I want How To Train Your Dragon, Westeros-style.
9. I also don't care so much about Arya. People might seek to slay me for saying so, but she just annoys me. Granted, I do like the idea of her stealing the secrets of the most awesome Assassins Guild in the history of ever, and using those secrets for personal reasons. If anyone can cheat the many-faced god out of taking every last bit of her, it's Arya the warg.
8. I saw Jon Connington a mile away. I did not see Aegon coming at all. I don't know what to make of him, except in my head he looks like a hot, underage blue-haired punk. But really...it's the fifth book, and this is the first we see of him? He's late, like Quentyn.
7. Quentyn did everything right. He just got handed the short end of the stick. And the stick was on fire. He couldn't go back empty-handed, so better for his princely reputation that he die trying.
6. For the longest time I had no idea why I liked reading about Theon. I hate Theon. Then Paul pointed out that Theon is a more interesting version of Jon Snow...more interesting because he had too much pride and made really dumb mistakes. We love our gray characters, the ones who are evil and good at the same time. Like Davos, and Tyrion. But they're more like good gray guys. Theon is a bad gray guy.
5. Every time someone came into the house while I was reading this book, I really wanted to scream: "FORGET 'WINTER IS COMING', WINTER IS FUCKING HERE, BITCHES!!!"
4. I am almost as sick of Rh'lorr as I am of Christian fundamentalism. Nobody ever shuts up about either one.
3. Why is Brynden 'Bloodraven' Rivers being used as a tree root support system? This is silly. I don't even remember reading that he was psychically inclined. He was just a baseborn albino dragon who boned his sister. Also, this book series has totally desensitized me towards incest. You fucked your sister, or your daughter, or your niece? Meh. Whatevs.
2. Alys Karstark and the Manderlys are respectively awesome. Their chutzpah makes me smile. So does Asha, who has her moments.
1. After one thousand pages, with that epilogue, my brains are made of butter. I am going to bed.