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12 days until I'm home and completely worn down by jet lag and a general lack of sleep throughout the entire time I've been here.
I had my first final in Russian Lit yesterday. That class kind of ended up being a joke, which was a bummer because I really like Russian Literature a lot, but whatever. I feel bad that I didn't read at all while I was here, but it's so hard to sit inside and read when there's so much else around you that you still feel you have to see.
It's weird already looking at flight information, arranging things with people back home, and thinking about packing, no doubt about that, but I'm really not as upset to be coming home as I thought I'd be.
When I signed up for this program and even at the beginning of this year, I was under the impression that I'd be really afraid once my semester here started to come to an end. While I've built a whole life here, had an amazing time, and built lifelong friends, I realize that I actually have a lot to look forward to figuring out once I get back.
1. Family. I have a new cousin, my brother is coming home for break and I haven't seen him since July, my parents fixed the hot tub and painted the house, my mom and I are going to make pumpkin bread, and my Dad and I are going to play Fable together once I get back. I have a new cousin who I get to meet the Wednesday I'm home, and my Grandma will be beyond excited that I got my ears pierced and I'll get her collection of antique earrings.
2. Friends. I'm really excited to see everyone. There was a short period where I was insecure over being forgotten about or something dumb like that, but after being here and getting messages from people I've never even expected to get in touch with me, it feels great to know that I have a lot of good friends to come home to, as well as some new ones I've made since I've been here. I have a sweetheart of a boyfriend who's going to help me move in sometime during the week when I get back, plus I made some great friends here, especially my roommate Christine who, even though we're different in so many ways, gets me like it's nobody's business and is now one of my close friends.
3. Being lucky in general. I'm getting driving lessons within a week of being home, I've managed to find a place to live that is convenient, adorable, and inexpensive, I have good grades, almost everyone I know is in good health, and I'm figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life, kinda. Nothing will ever be perfect, but I don't want it to be, and I'm happy where I am now. I just really appreciate what I have now more than ever, and being here really helped with that.
4. Small luxuries I would have taken for granted before will seem that much more awesome. All I can say is that, after being here, I'm never going to:
-have a glass of water straight from the tap, sans viruses
-do my laundry without having to pay only in 5 ruble (about 15 cent) coins
-easily be able to find and afford pumpkin anything/almond milk/Mexican and Southeast Asian food/etc.
-shop at a second-hand clothing store
-cook with something more advanced than hot plates
...without thinking about how awesome it is to be able to do these things with ease at home. It's not that I'm complaining about this, or that I think ~*~America RULES~*~ and Russia is super backwards, it's just that not being used to luxuries you've had your whole life requires some adjusting and it's certainly made me a lot more creative and resourceful.
That being said, do I want to come back someday? Of course, and I will. But I think that it will be under different circumstances. There's something about being in a program with 40 other American students that, while it seems great now, probably isn't going to be enough of a challenge in the future. It's a lot harder to meet Russians (although we have! yay) when you're both surrounded by a large group of Americans who are anything but approachable when you go out, and when your dorm is really far from the city center. So while I learned a lot of the language, I really wished that putting it to use outside of class felt like more of a necessity than a choice.
At the end of the day, I know that St. Petersburg isn't where I want to live for the rest of my life, but my roommate and I vowed to go back to Moscow someday at the very least. I'm still figuring that out, and even though a huge part of me feels like I probably belong somewhere in Scandinavia after being there on vacay, who knows? So here's coming back to reality for a little bit, figuring stuff out, and not being nearly as unhappy with that fact as I thought I'd be.
St. Petersburg, know that I'll miss you and that you have a little piece of my heart after our hundred days together. I hope you'll be happy to inherit an unfinished container of Old Bay Seasoning, Sriracha hot sauce, a recipe for Pico de Gallo, and Jif brand peanut butter.