Once Upon A Time I Was Falling In Love
Took a necessary art evening after sort of almost writing essay for tomorrow. Never mind everything else I need to do for tomorrow. Painting felt wonderful mid brush stroke, but now... not seeming like the best idea ever.
Had a random ridiculously deep talk with Dr. W today (?!). Dr. W is AWESOME. But the talk, for various reasons, made me want to burst into tears. Too raw. Still. So so so very nice to know that, at the very least, I'm not the only one to think the things I do. Never mind believing them.
I hate cog lab. Worst. Lab. EVER.
Also hate research design. But ad lit takes both the most useless and most boring categories. And then, of course, there's physio. Wince much. And research with pigeons I pretend I a) understand and b) am not morally opposed to. Suck suck suck!
At least I have research with Dr. W. Even though none of the programs I need are working.
...Grad application? What grad application...
So! In summary! This semester:
1. Hate classes
2. Don't understand classes
3. Avoidance response to all discriminative stimuli for grad school
4. Not doing enough art
5. Too stressed out to sleep
6. Continuing to question morality, justice, myself, and the universe
7. Love Dr. W
8. Scared of future (and dark/snakes/unknown/everything?)
9. Miss family (per usual)
ps: Oh yeah also I'm reading the bible (just started "Numbers"). I can't believe anyone could pick this up and actually walk away thinking yeah that totally makes sense. It is some BULLSHIT. And God is kind of a big moody jerk. (but I'm kind of afraid to say that because what if this shit IS real - God is scary and he's seriously going to kick my ass)
Had a random ridiculously deep talk with Dr. W today (?!). Dr. W is AWESOME. But the talk, for various reasons, made me want to burst into tears. Too raw. Still. So so so very nice to know that, at the very least, I'm not the only one to think the things I do. Never mind believing them.
I hate cog lab. Worst. Lab. EVER.
Also hate research design. But ad lit takes both the most useless and most boring categories. And then, of course, there's physio. Wince much. And research with pigeons I pretend I a) understand and b) am not morally opposed to. Suck suck suck!
At least I have research with Dr. W. Even though none of the programs I need are working.
...Grad application? What grad application...
So! In summary! This semester:
1. Hate classes
2. Don't understand classes
3. Avoidance response to all discriminative stimuli for grad school
4. Not doing enough art
5. Too stressed out to sleep
6. Continuing to question morality, justice, myself, and the universe
7. Love Dr. W
8. Scared of future (and dark/snakes/unknown/everything?)
9. Miss family (per usual)
ps: Oh yeah also I'm reading the bible (just started "Numbers"). I can't believe anyone could pick this up and actually walk away thinking yeah that totally makes sense. It is some BULLSHIT. And God is kind of a big moody jerk. (but I'm kind of afraid to say that because what if this shit IS real - God is scary and he's seriously going to kick my ass)