So-Called Occurrence

[crimsonplum]

The scruffy orange tabby crouched low in the bushes, listening to the birds calling to each other in the darkness. He'd been waiting there for an hour, silent, watching with his one good eye for the flap of a wing or a skinny tail. Suddenly, his ears perked up as the leaves above him rustled ever so slightly. His midnight snack was nearby now, and

Comments

[theun4givables]

I like Miss Hazel. And Lily. And Charlie.

I'm curious as to what happens next. :) The tension in this piece was good, including the comedic moments -- they're very well placed to help ease the tension. At least a little. ;)

[crimsonplum]

I like them too. :) Glad the tension and the humor worked together! Thanks for reading!

[tatdatcm]

This was great. Just the right amount of quaint to set up the weird.

[crimsonplum]

Thanks! Glad the balance worked - it originally had more quaint, but it seemed to overwhelm the weird. :)

[jem0000000]

He most certainly can. :)

This is nicely detailed. I would suggest a touch more clarity regarding the protagonist right at the beginning, but the pacing is great and the characters wonderful, and you set the scene well.

[crimsonplum]

Ha! When "can" equals "pretty much have to"... :)

What were you looking for in the way of more clarity? Glad you liked it otherwise!

[jem0000000]

I thought, initially, that Hazel was the protagonist, so going from her to a sheriff talking to Ranger Reynolds caught me by surprise, and there was some uncertainty on my part as to whether the sheriff or Lily or Hazel was the protagonist. It didn't last long, but I was thinking maybe if there were a way to fit Lily's name in there between Hazel and the sheriff? It's really a combination of Hazel's and Lily's story, so I like having Hazel up front.

I did like it! That was the only thing I saw to give you concrit on, and the rest of the story was wonderful. :)

[halfshellvenus]

What a fun set of characters! Including Pumpkin, and the kind of old lady who calls him that to piss him off. :D

[crimsonplum]

I like them too. :) Have to love a spritely old lady with a twinkle in her eye, right?

[whipchick]

Such a creepy ending!

[crimsonplum]

I hope that's a good thing. ;)