Update- in which I ramble about a lot of things.
Well, since I see a lot of people updating the LJ world, and since I saw The Social Network over the weekend, and watched the make-believe Marc Zuckerburg blog on LJ, I figure that I'll do the same.
That, and I need to vent. Though, I'm pretty content too... Go figure...
Anyway. I don't reallly know where to start so, I'm just gonna start.
I haven't cut in at least a month. I wish I knew when the last time was. I feel like I'm overestimating how long it has been since I did it. It would be nice to be able to have, like, an anniversary party for a month, year, decade free of it, but I guess not. It's probably better this way. I can't obsess over a record now.
I'm single. I hate it. I feel like a slut. I don't know how to say no to the two guys most important to me. I don't know what they want. They only tell me about the sex. I don't want to only be used for that. But I care about them so much.. That I let it happen. I mean, I enjoy it too in the moment. But after.... there is so much missing. I can't hold them, or kiss them, or claim them as my own. I feel like a failure there too. Because it's like I can't function without a guy. I could, if there weren't two parading in front of my face....
School needs to get better. That is, I need to get off the internet and stuff and start reading. But I don't learn anything, or I don't feel like I learn anything. I find that it helps when I get to the lectures. I don't feel like I take anything away after I finish the reading though. I'm better caught up now. But I have a written assignment I have to revise. Another to write. An essay to start. I have to take notes and get the answers to a review sheet for a classmate tomorrow. I kind of don't want to do that because I don't feel like she would do the same for me. But I guess it will force me to pay attention. She thinks I'm a genius in the class we have together. I get it, but I don't think I deserve the credit she gives me.
Overall though, I'm pretty happy. I love dorming. I need a job, or to sell more crafty things, but other than that, I'm happy. I'm the prefect of the new Dumbledore's Army here at school. Mark and I aren't fighting. I'm getting things done, though there are somethings that I wish I was a little further along on. But I'm getting there.
I'm loosing weight. I'm getting out there, excersising. I need to start eating better. Skipping meals isn't the way to loose weight. I just haven't really been too hungry.
I'm not sure what else there is to say.
If you have a question, any thing at all, let me know. Either comment it, or PM it. I don't know how many people follow this (prolly not many, and mostly for loli-related things, I'm sure.) But if you do read it, please comment, so I know you are out there.
-SarahMay
That, and I need to vent. Though, I'm pretty content too... Go figure...
Anyway. I don't reallly know where to start so, I'm just gonna start.
I haven't cut in at least a month. I wish I knew when the last time was. I feel like I'm overestimating how long it has been since I did it. It would be nice to be able to have, like, an anniversary party for a month, year, decade free of it, but I guess not. It's probably better this way. I can't obsess over a record now.
I'm single. I hate it. I feel like a slut. I don't know how to say no to the two guys most important to me. I don't know what they want. They only tell me about the sex. I don't want to only be used for that. But I care about them so much.. That I let it happen. I mean, I enjoy it too in the moment. But after.... there is so much missing. I can't hold them, or kiss them, or claim them as my own. I feel like a failure there too. Because it's like I can't function without a guy. I could, if there weren't two parading in front of my face....
School needs to get better. That is, I need to get off the internet and stuff and start reading. But I don't learn anything, or I don't feel like I learn anything. I find that it helps when I get to the lectures. I don't feel like I take anything away after I finish the reading though. I'm better caught up now. But I have a written assignment I have to revise. Another to write. An essay to start. I have to take notes and get the answers to a review sheet for a classmate tomorrow. I kind of don't want to do that because I don't feel like she would do the same for me. But I guess it will force me to pay attention. She thinks I'm a genius in the class we have together. I get it, but I don't think I deserve the credit she gives me.
Overall though, I'm pretty happy. I love dorming. I need a job, or to sell more crafty things, but other than that, I'm happy. I'm the prefect of the new Dumbledore's Army here at school. Mark and I aren't fighting. I'm getting things done, though there are somethings that I wish I was a little further along on. But I'm getting there.
I'm loosing weight. I'm getting out there, excersising. I need to start eating better. Skipping meals isn't the way to loose weight. I just haven't really been too hungry.
I'm not sure what else there is to say.
If you have a question, any thing at all, let me know. Either comment it, or PM it. I don't know how many people follow this (prolly not many, and mostly for loli-related things, I'm sure.) But if you do read it, please comment, so I know you are out there.
-SarahMay