Comments | crisp_sobriety: LJ Idol Week 32: Hands

crisp_sobriety

LJ Idol Week 32: Hands

Jan 08, 2015 17:07

He dreamt, as always, of slender fingers, and the smiling, boyish face of a friend ( Read more... )

fiction, lj idol

Comments 22

crisp_sobriety January 8 2015, 22:09:53 UTC

I drew on my real lived experiences for this one. The earwigs actually happened, you guys.

alycewilson January 10 2015, 13:25:49 UTC

Wow. I wouldn't want to stay there, either. I like the way the speaker still manages to find beauty in the guy who bandaged his hands.

crisp_sobriety January 12 2015, 09:03:49 UTC

I truly believe beauty can be found in anyone --it's nice to write a character who feels the same, even if he might not say so in so many words.

IRL I booked it out of there pretty quick. I'd gotten maybe four hours of sleep in three days and had a whole city to walk across to get home, but I wasn't staying there with the earwigs, damn it.

alycewilson January 12 2015, 11:25:23 UTC

Wow, that was some path you were on! I hope things are more stable for you now.

reckless_blues January 9 2015, 04:15:52 UTC

You have sort of a talent for describing people. I like it.

crisp_sobriety January 12 2015, 09:18:03 UTC

:3 Well, thank you.

jexia January 9 2015, 07:57:51 UTC

Errrrgh earwigs!

crisp_sobriety January 12 2015, 09:00:55 UTC

I know. It was awful.

fodschwazzle January 9 2015, 20:20:55 UTC

Phew, the atmosphere in this piece is astonishing. Is he sleeping with random strangers (trying to) in order to cope with his own unrequited feelings for his friend? With the effete way the "friend" is described, he sounds like he would be desirable to the narrator.

"Their hands were nothing alike."

This line is brilliant. Because, as a reader, I assumed that the narrator was comparing his own hands with Jacob's, but that's not the case at all, is it? By the end, the payoff for your detail dropping is just sweet desolation.

i_17bingo January 10 2015, 09:02:12 UTC

It was the most depressing slice of pizza he’d ever seen.

and

-his movements were oddly bovine, slow and heavy-

This is a perfect... painting... of a regretful incident. I've found myself in similar situations, but without the earwigs, and I know that combination of polite mixed with the latter half of the fight-or-flight reflex. The feeling is familiar, but your take on it is unique. I kind of love it.

Except for the earwigs.

“I could still give you head, if you want.”

Seriously, you kind of nailed this.