Comments | crisp_sobriety: LJ Idol Week 32: Disarm

crisp_sobriety

LJ Idol Week 32: Disarm

Jan 08, 2015 17:12

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lj idol, poetry

Comments 18

jexia January 9 2015, 07:58:39 UTC

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

crisp_sobriety January 9 2015, 17:57:42 UTC

:3 Thank you!

jexia January 9 2015, 22:16:36 UTC

Shared it on FB, I loved it that much.

crisp_sobriety January 9 2015, 22:22:48 UTC

Oh, wow! *blushes*

fodschwazzle January 9 2015, 20:11:31 UTC

Narrator, what are you? The line "I am both and neither," definitely has me spinning in a loop, but the narrator's fascination with getting stabbed as a method to wreck the machismo is awesome, telling me that there is plenty more under the surface of this character. Is the man at the club fascinated in stabbing the narrator because he abhors difference? Is the narrator taking it like this because it's time something was done about it?

Also getting a heavy sexual vibe towards the end, terminated with that last line. Rich detail for telling it as it happened.

crisp_sobriety January 12 2015, 09:13:00 UTC

"Wreck the machismo." Oh, I like that very much.

i_17bingo January 10 2015, 09:04:45 UTC

He thinks he walks in time to the music.

Boys. Amiright?

So, no pun intended, this really punched me in the stomach, and then reached into me and twisted.

crisp_sobriety January 12 2015, 09:09:25 UTC

:3

Glad to hear it. It means a lot that it has impact, since it's of a more personal nature.

alycewilson January 10 2015, 13:30:11 UTC

Funny last stanza. FYI, there have been a lot of "victim becomes the killer" pieces on LJ Idol before, but since I believe you're new this season you probably aren't aware of that. However, you get extra points for doing this as a narrative poem.

In a way, I wanted this to be the poem I thought it was initially: about a (possibly transgender) guy in a club, with mixed feelings about being picked up.

crisp_sobriety January 10 2015, 17:36:33 UTC

It was not intended as a 'victim becomes the killer' piece. I considered the violence metaphor when I wrote it.

Your initial interpretation is closer to what I was thinking, actually. Oh well!

alycewilson January 10 2015, 19:33:18 UTC

I may be the only person who noticed that. I hadn't considered that the violence might just be a metaphor.

halfshellvenus January 12 2015, 20:14:44 UTC

Sorry,
But you’re not getting your knife back.
Metaphor or not metaphor, the aggression was absorbed and then stolen by the narrator's choice, and no matter how well or badly it might end for the narrator, the agressor never expects THAT!

crisp_sobriety January 15 2015, 09:08:09 UTC