Feeling [Part One]
Title - Feeling [Part 1]
Rating - R
Warnings - Language, self harm
Pairing - Dean/Adam
Summary - Adam just wants to feel something...
Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Eric Kripke and The CW. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.
Word Count - 1,150 approx
Author Notes - This story has not been beta'd. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Also, its rather dark. There is no slash in this part, but there is in the next part.
It was just another day for Dean Winchester as he sat in the Impala, he and Sam were in some random ass town, waiting on their potential next hunt. Life felt normal once again, considering they were on the verge of a world apocalypse. But Dean wasn’t thinking about that, he wasn’t thinking about how Sam wouldn’t look him in the eye anymore, or how he would leave the room when his cell rang. All Dean was focused on right now was the next hunt, a simple hunt.
Then, the phone rang.
Dean was sceptical, you would be too if some strange kid claimed to be John Winchester’s son. He watched as ‘Adam’ picked up the silver fork and sipped the holy water. Still Dean stood his ground. Clearly the son of a bitch that possessed this poor bastard was clever, had ways of hiding his true identity. There was no way this kid was telling the truth, no way in hell.
Then Dean saw the pictures, of Adam and John, all fucking smiles. And Dean didn’t doubt it anymore, this poor kid, whose mom was missing, probably dead. This poor kid was his brother.
Adam seemed alright. Dean could tell he was worried beyond belief about his mother, the one person that had seemingly been there for all of his life. Adam tried to hide it but Dean could see. Sam was eager to teach Adam the tricks of the trade but Dean was more hesitant. He didn’t want Adam to have this life, the kid deserved better. Adam seemed to take Dean’s rejection personally. They didn’t speak much, Adam occasionally giving him the evil eye. Dean didn’t speak much, he still felt that the kid didnt deserve this life. But Adam totally had the Winchester stubborn streak.
Eventually they find Kate’s body, Adam doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even flinch. Adam picks out her favourite clothes, the dress she wore on her day off, when she took him to the play ground and she pushed him on the swings. The bury her. Adam doesn’t speak. On the way back to the hotel he tells Sam he wants to be the one that kills the thing that killed Kate. Sam agrees. Dean doesn’t speak.
So they find the Demon motherfucker, Adam kills it, one clear bullet through the head. Sam congratulates him in the true Winchester way. Dean gives him a nod of acceptance, maybe this kid isn’t so bad afterall. Dean thinks.
Adam doesn’t feel anything. Adam thought after killing the demon he would feel something. Anything. It still hasn’t really sunk in that his mom is dead either. He hasn’t cried about it. He still thinks sometimes that the world is playing a joke on him and his mom is going to come and take him home. Deep down though, he knows, he knows she’s gone and he can’t cry. He physically cannot cry over his mother’s death, it’s like something inside of him isn’t working properly and isn’t letting the tears come out. Or maybe, he thinks, maybe he’s just heartless. I mean, not crying at the death of your own mother? The one who raised you? That’s pretty fucking heartless.
So one day, in some shitty ass motel in Connecticut, Dean orders Adam to clean the weapons. Of course that douchebag will barely let him use them but clean them? Of course he can fucking do that. So Adam lays out all of the weapons and gets to work. Polishes and oils the guns, sharpens the knifes and cuts his arm accidentally whilst doing so. On the small but sharp one. He sighs at first, and goes into the bathroom to clear the wound up but he doesn’t, instead he just sits down on the bathroom floor and looks at it curiously, looks at the crimson liquid slowly seeping out. He can feel the pain flow through his veins and he smiles, he can actually fucking feel something. He sits there for a little while, just letting himself feel. After he cleans himself up he smiles again, even fucking smiling at Dean when he comes through the door. Physical pain feels kinda good. He thinks.
So it becomes a kinda regular thing. The hardy boys are too stupid to notice a knife has gone missing so. He locks himself in the bathroom with the small knife, he does it places he knows his “brothers” won’t see. On his thighs or his abdomen. Like they’d notice anyway, they’re far too engrossed in arguing over that stupid fucking angel who dresses like an investment banker or that demon chick that has the funny lisp. Adam stops thinking about them as he drags the cool metal over his skin, his once clear skin which has now been marked. Over and over by red and purplish scars. He always cuts deep enough to leave a scar but never deep enough to hit something. They may look big and ugly but he doesn’t give a fuck. Instead he closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath, embracing the pain feeling the pain. Then looks down and the beautiful blood pooling around where the cut was made, the pain running through his body. Fuck, its almost orgasmic.
But after those five or ten minutes of just feeling he leaves the bathroom and goes out into the real world again. Where he doesn’t feel, where he sits in the back seat of the Impala and listens to Sam and Dean argue. ‘Cas this, Ruby that, blah blah fucking blah’ Sometimes they don’t talk at all and that’s worse. The silence becomes unbearable and sometimes and makes Adam reach into his inside jacket pocket for his knife, just to remind himself that its still there. And wherever the fuck they stop next, he knows he will be feeling something again.
Eventually Sam leaves, goes with the demon whore. Dean tells him “If you walk out that door, don’t you ever come back” And the bitch still walks, Adam doesn’t know what to say as Dean watches Sam pack his duffel and get into the stupid bitch’s car. Adam doesn’t know what to say. Dean doesn’t speak, instead goes out and slams the door behind him. Probably to get wasted and find some whore to fuck. Typical Dean way of dealing with things. Adam however ends up on the cold bathroom floor, blood pooling around his thigh, and fuck, it feels good. ..
Rating - R
Warnings - Language, self harm
Pairing - Dean/Adam
Summary - Adam just wants to feel something...
Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Eric Kripke and The CW. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.
Word Count - 1,150 approx
Author Notes - This story has not been beta'd. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Also, its rather dark. There is no slash in this part, but there is in the next part.
It was just another day for Dean Winchester as he sat in the Impala, he and Sam were in some random ass town, waiting on their potential next hunt. Life felt normal once again, considering they were on the verge of a world apocalypse. But Dean wasn’t thinking about that, he wasn’t thinking about how Sam wouldn’t look him in the eye anymore, or how he would leave the room when his cell rang. All Dean was focused on right now was the next hunt, a simple hunt.
Then, the phone rang.
Dean was sceptical, you would be too if some strange kid claimed to be John Winchester’s son. He watched as ‘Adam’ picked up the silver fork and sipped the holy water. Still Dean stood his ground. Clearly the son of a bitch that possessed this poor bastard was clever, had ways of hiding his true identity. There was no way this kid was telling the truth, no way in hell.
Then Dean saw the pictures, of Adam and John, all fucking smiles. And Dean didn’t doubt it anymore, this poor kid, whose mom was missing, probably dead. This poor kid was his brother.
Adam seemed alright. Dean could tell he was worried beyond belief about his mother, the one person that had seemingly been there for all of his life. Adam tried to hide it but Dean could see. Sam was eager to teach Adam the tricks of the trade but Dean was more hesitant. He didn’t want Adam to have this life, the kid deserved better. Adam seemed to take Dean’s rejection personally. They didn’t speak much, Adam occasionally giving him the evil eye. Dean didn’t speak much, he still felt that the kid didnt deserve this life. But Adam totally had the Winchester stubborn streak.
Eventually they find Kate’s body, Adam doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even flinch. Adam picks out her favourite clothes, the dress she wore on her day off, when she took him to the play ground and she pushed him on the swings. The bury her. Adam doesn’t speak. On the way back to the hotel he tells Sam he wants to be the one that kills the thing that killed Kate. Sam agrees. Dean doesn’t speak.
So they find the Demon motherfucker, Adam kills it, one clear bullet through the head. Sam congratulates him in the true Winchester way. Dean gives him a nod of acceptance, maybe this kid isn’t so bad afterall. Dean thinks.
Adam doesn’t feel anything. Adam thought after killing the demon he would feel something. Anything. It still hasn’t really sunk in that his mom is dead either. He hasn’t cried about it. He still thinks sometimes that the world is playing a joke on him and his mom is going to come and take him home. Deep down though, he knows, he knows she’s gone and he can’t cry. He physically cannot cry over his mother’s death, it’s like something inside of him isn’t working properly and isn’t letting the tears come out. Or maybe, he thinks, maybe he’s just heartless. I mean, not crying at the death of your own mother? The one who raised you? That’s pretty fucking heartless.
So one day, in some shitty ass motel in Connecticut, Dean orders Adam to clean the weapons. Of course that douchebag will barely let him use them but clean them? Of course he can fucking do that. So Adam lays out all of the weapons and gets to work. Polishes and oils the guns, sharpens the knifes and cuts his arm accidentally whilst doing so. On the small but sharp one. He sighs at first, and goes into the bathroom to clear the wound up but he doesn’t, instead he just sits down on the bathroom floor and looks at it curiously, looks at the crimson liquid slowly seeping out. He can feel the pain flow through his veins and he smiles, he can actually fucking feel something. He sits there for a little while, just letting himself feel. After he cleans himself up he smiles again, even fucking smiling at Dean when he comes through the door. Physical pain feels kinda good. He thinks.
So it becomes a kinda regular thing. The hardy boys are too stupid to notice a knife has gone missing so. He locks himself in the bathroom with the small knife, he does it places he knows his “brothers” won’t see. On his thighs or his abdomen. Like they’d notice anyway, they’re far too engrossed in arguing over that stupid fucking angel who dresses like an investment banker or that demon chick that has the funny lisp. Adam stops thinking about them as he drags the cool metal over his skin, his once clear skin which has now been marked. Over and over by red and purplish scars. He always cuts deep enough to leave a scar but never deep enough to hit something. They may look big and ugly but he doesn’t give a fuck. Instead he closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath, embracing the pain feeling the pain. Then looks down and the beautiful blood pooling around where the cut was made, the pain running through his body. Fuck, its almost orgasmic.
But after those five or ten minutes of just feeling he leaves the bathroom and goes out into the real world again. Where he doesn’t feel, where he sits in the back seat of the Impala and listens to Sam and Dean argue. ‘Cas this, Ruby that, blah blah fucking blah’ Sometimes they don’t talk at all and that’s worse. The silence becomes unbearable and sometimes and makes Adam reach into his inside jacket pocket for his knife, just to remind himself that its still there. And wherever the fuck they stop next, he knows he will be feeling something again.
Eventually Sam leaves, goes with the demon whore. Dean tells him “If you walk out that door, don’t you ever come back” And the bitch still walks, Adam doesn’t know what to say as Dean watches Sam pack his duffel and get into the stupid bitch’s car. Adam doesn’t know what to say. Dean doesn’t speak, instead goes out and slams the door behind him. Probably to get wasted and find some whore to fuck. Typical Dean way of dealing with things. Adam however ends up on the cold bathroom floor, blood pooling around his thigh, and fuck, it feels good. ..