Kiss Me Slowly (Baby Don't Run) (for mouthwash) [2/2]

[critcapmods]

"You look a lot happier these days," Lu Han says through a mouthful of paella. Tomato sauce is dripping from his chin. They're at Mi Casa for dinner, a Spanish restaurant near Joonmyun's apartment complex, because Lu Han was craving Spanish food and wouldn't take no for an answer. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Joonmyun supposes he is happier. Hiring Jongdae was probably the best decision Joonmyun had made in the last six months, but he's not about to tell Lu Han he'd followed his advice. He doesn't want to give his friend the satisfaction of knowing he's right. Even now Joonmyun's phone is vibrating with a message from Jongdae, probably asking how late he's going to be tonight. Joonmyun resists the urge to check. "I don't know how you put up with him, Minseok." He gestures at the mess on Luhan's face. "It's like taking care of a kid."

"Hey!"

Minseok laughs and dabs at the dripping sauce on Luhan's chin with a napkin. "I only put up with him because of these." He squeezes Lu Han's thighs. The naked adoration in Lu Han's eyes makes Joonmyun shiver.

"It's okay," Joonmyun says after taking a sip of his red wine. "You don't have to tell me more. Please. I don't need to know."

"You're deflecting again," Luhan observes with painful accuracy. He's gotten used to Joonmyun's defense mechanisms over the years. "You must have met someone."

Joonmyun snorts even though his heart is pounding inside his chest. "Can't I just be happy?"

"Nope," Luhan says airily. "I know you. You're hiding something."

"Stop making Joonmyun uncomfortable and just eat, Han," Minseok says. He puts a scallop on Lu Han's dish, which the other immediately eats.

"I'll find out," Lu Han says through a mouthful of food. There's a glint in his eyes that's all too familiar to Joonmyun. "You know I will."

***

The sound of a beautiful, clear tenor greets Joonmyun's ears as soon as he opens the door to his apartment. He finds Jongdae singing with his eyes closed in the living room. Jongdae looks particularly small and thin tonight, the end of one shoulder peeking from beneath his large t-shirt, but the way he sings makes him seem larger than life. Joonmyun recognizes the song as "Miracles in December," a ballad he often listens to because it's by D.O., one of his favorite artists. And yet, despite how much Joonmyun admires D.O., he can't help thinking that Jongdae sings the song with much more emotion. There's something so raw about Jongdae's voice, it's almost painful. He supposes it's because Jongdae himself is such an honest person. His breath catches when Jongdae's voice soars, reaches a high note, and holds it. Joonmyun makes an odd noise at the back of his throat.

Jongdae cuts himself off in the middle of singing at the sound. He opens his eyes and their gazes meet. "Welcome home," Jongdae says, the ends of his mouth curling upward in a smile.

"Hey." Joonmyun clears his throat to ward off any embarrassment he feels. He's always getting embarrassed around Jongdae. "Did you know…" …you look gorgeous when you sing? he finishes in his head. "..you used a hard glottal attack1 on that adlib you did after the bridge? You could damage your vocal cords if you keep doing that." Open mouth, insert foot.

Jongdae looks down, his smile turning shy. His eyelashes are so long Joonmyun can see them even though he's a few feet away. "That's what my professor said too. I'm working on it." Five seconds pass, and then Jongdae's head whips up so fast Joonmyun wonders if he hurt himself. "Hey, wait a second. How did you know that? Do you…you sing professionally, don't you? I thought there was something different about your voice."

Joonmyun laughs. It's his awkward laugh, the one Lu Han can immediately tell is fake. "Actually, I work for a music magazine, that's why." He struggles to maintain eye contact with Jongdae. "Anyway, I'm sure you'll be a better singer in no time."

Jongdae's facial expression tells Joonmyun the other knows he's lying. Joonmyun waits for the inevitable barrage of questions, but they don't come. "Thanks, hyung. I'm going to practice until I master this song." When Joonmyun looks like he's going to lecture him, he adds, "With proper breaks, of course. You think I don't know how to take care of my voice?" He grins, but Joonmyun thinks a little of the light has gone out of his eyes. Joonmyun wonders why. "It's late. You should go to bed, hyung. I'll go to my room and keep practicing there."

Jongdae turns away from him to pick up his music sheets from the sofa. Joonmyun stares at the small of his back, feeling the strange urge to touch it. Has he unintentionally hurt Jongdae with his words? The other boy turns to look at him, hand raised in goodbye. "Hyung?" Jongdae sounds confused.

Joonmyun blinks and looks down. His hand is somehow pressed against Jongdae's wrist. "Oh."

"Is something wrong?"

Joonmyun swallows. This time, he's close enough to Jongdae that he can count the other's eyelashes. "I just wanted you to know that I don't mean you're a bad singer," he blurts out. "Because you're good. Probably one of the best I've heard in years. Your voice is so beautiful it makes my heart hurt." He can feel Jongdae's fast pulse underneath his fingers, and for a moment, he allows himself to wonder what could happen if they'd met each other in different circumstances.

They stand still for what feels like forever, staring into each other's eyes, but the spell is broken when Joonmyun looks away first. He coughs and lets go of Jongdae's wrist. "Right. Um. Sorry about that."

Jongdae is silent for a moment, and then he's laughing, eyes crinkling at the corners. "That was so cheesy, hyung." Joonmyun imagines Jongdae sounds a little breathless. "But thank you."

Joonmyun smiles. His hands are shaking and he doesn't want to think about his racing heartbeat, but at least, he tells himself, at least the light is back in Jongdae's eyes.

***

Joonmyun begins the day with a sense of purpose. He's brimming with so much excitement that Jongdae immediately notices over breakfast.

"Is something happening today, hyung?"

Joonmyun grins widely.

Jongdae blinks at him. "Now that is a creepy look on you."

"I'm having a meeting with D.O. today." Joonmyun clears his throat. "He's never been on the cover of a magazine, so it will be a coup if I get him to say yes."

"Oh." Jongdae looks thoughtful as he pours milk into Joonmyun's bowl of cereal. "Is he your favorite singer?"

"One of them," Joonmyun says. "I love his voice. It's so smooth." He doesn't mention it's sexy too because only Joonmyun the fanboy would say that out loud.

D.O. has only been in the scene for roughly a year and a half, but Joonmyun can foresee that he'll have a long career ahead of him. Word on the grapevine is that D.O.'s planning to go the R&B route for his next album. Joonmyun thinks it's the right move for D.O., whose voice automatically makes him think of baby making music. D.O.'s upcoming change is also the perfect opportunity for Joonmyun to finally snag him for El Dorado.

"You like him, don't you?"

Joonmyun is amused. "Yes, I just told you that."

"No, I mean you want to fuck him," Jongdae says cheerfully.

Joonmyun drops his spoon with a clang. "Jongdae!" He might have a thing for D.O. and his tiny shoulders and his heart-shaped lips, but that's neither here nor there.

"What?" Jongdae takes a swig of his milk. "I'm just being honest. Looks like I was right. So he's your type, huh?"

Joonmyun thinks of a nice way to say it. "I do find him attractive," he says levelly, "but that doesn't really mean I want to…you know."

It's Jongdae's turn to look amused. "You're probably one of those kids who don't swear, aren't you?"

Joonmyun sighs. "Yes, I was a good kid. My parents didn't even have to tell me not to swear. There. Are you happy now?"

Jongdae's smile turns mischievous.

Joonmyun shoots Jongdae a warning look. "I don't want to know."

"I was just wondering," Jongdae says, as if he hasn't heard Joonmyun, "if you swear when you have se-"

"Lalala, I can't hear youuuu!"

Jongdae snorts. "And you say I act like a kid."

Joonmyun clears his throat and takes another spoonful of cereal, willing his mind to stop thinking about Jongdae's words and focus on work. Nothing's going to bring him down today. After Joonmyun is done with him, D.O., balladeer extraordinaire, is going to be El Dorado's next cover boy. He's sure of it.

***

The day couldn't have gone any better, Joonmyun thinks, as he's driving back to his apartment after work. D.O. had met him at a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop sans his manager, and they'd spent hours just talking about life and music. By the end of the meeting, D.O. was calling Joonmyun hyung and he'd even asked Joonmyun to call him by his real name, Kyungsoo, instead.

The singer had been coldly polite at first, but after Joonmyun dissected the strengths and weaknesses of his voice and his music, Kyungsoo started thawing, until Joonmyun was rewarded with a sweet heart-shaped smile that had him smiling back with full force.

"Forgive me, hyung," Joonmyun remembers Kyungsoo saying as the other shook his hand. "I underestimated you and thought this would be a meeting about my image."

And that was how Joonmyun got Kyungsoo to say yes to being El Dorado's next cover star.

Overall, it had been a good meeting. Joonmyun had gotten a pleasant buzz from talking about music and he could say with confidence that he had made a new friend. But at the same time, being with Kyungsoo had made him nostalgic for the old days when he was still Kim Joonmyun, aspiring singer studying music at university, a naïve boy with big dreams.

"Hey," Jongdae says softly, when he finds Joonmyun nursing a beer in the living room. His socks make a soft sound against the floor as he pads his way to the sofa.

Joonmyun raises his head. He looks at Jongdae and sees a wealth of opportunities. Jongdae's voice is a diamond in the rough. He could have the world in the palm of his hand. Joonmyun wonders if the pang in his chest is envy (Joonmyun has a habit of lying to himself).

Jongdae sits beside him, his warmth pressing into Joonmyun's side. "Rough day?"

Jongdae is always so earnest, Joonmyun thinks, as he looks into the other boy's eyes. "Kyungsoo's going to be my magazine's next cover boy."

"Kyungsoo? Is that D.O's first name?" Jongdae crosses his arms over his chest. "You're on first name basis now, I see."

"What? Are you jealous?"Joonmyun jokes.

Jongdae shrugs. "And if I am?"

Joonmyun laughs half-heartedly.

"I figured," Jongdae says. "But this isn't about me. How are you?"

Joonmyun hands Jongdae an unopened can of beer. "Drink with me?"

Jongdae tsks, but he grabs the can, removes the tab with a quick flip of his finger, and takes a long sip. He makes a loud smacking noise with his lips and raises an eyebrow at Joonmyun. "I'm not leaving empty-handed this time," he says, but his voice is soft.

"This is going to take a while," Joonmyun warns. He motions for Jongdae to lean back and make himself comfortable on the sofa. Jongdae shakes his head and maintains his position by Joonmyun's side.

Joonmyun exhales shakily. "It's clichéd, but I always knew I wanted to be a singer ever since I was a kid," he says. "You're right. I did study music professionally. Or at least, I did have a bit of training." He tries to smile. "I used to study vocal music at K-ARTS."

The entrance process for K-ARTS wasn't easy. There were rumors surrounding his entry because his family was wealthy, but Joonmyun knew he got into the vocal music program fair and square, so he ignored what everyone was saying and just focused on studying. It was gruelling but fun, taking classes in diction, chorus, and opera in his first year. None of his teachers told him he was anything but mediocre and he was always exhausted, but he persisted because being a singer was his dream. He also made time for attending open auditions for entertainment agencies and musicals, plastering a note for every rejection on his bedroom wall to motivate himself to do better.

Every time he added a rejection to his wall, his father would tell him to quit. There were better fields to be in out there, he insisted. Joonmyun should take a management course and work for their company instead. Joonmyun didn't listen at first, but after two years of toiling and getting continuous criticism in and out of school, his faith in himself was wearing thin.

"Sometimes, even if you give 100%, no, 200% of your efforts, if you don't have talent and luck, you're just not going make it," Joonmyun says. He pauses to open a new can of beer. "I used to think persistence is everything, but there's more to it than that. So I quit. I realized I won't ever be as great as I want to be and I quit." His voice cracks at the last word. "I'm a coward, Jongdae."

Jongdae runs his fingers through Joonmyun's hair, his touch soft and comforting. "You know, hyung," he says, "quitting takes a certain amount of bravery. So please stop crying. You're an ugly crier."

Joonmyun's vision is getting a little blurry. He rubs his eyes, and he's surprised when he sees that his palms are wet with tears.

"Besides," Jongdae says, wiping away the remnants of Joonmyun's tears with the corner of his shirt, "just because you aren't a professional singer, doesn't mean you can't be good at music. And you're awesome at what you do. The elusive D.O. agreed to be on the cover of your magazine because of you. I'd say that's a big accomplishment." He hands Joonmyun a piece of tissue.

"Thank you," Joonmyun says. He blows his nose with the tissue. "Don't get me wrong. I do love my job. My magazine is my baby. I just get nostalgic sometimes. Singing was my dream for so long."

"Does my singing bother you?" Jongdae asks quietly. "Because I'll practice somewhere else if it does."

"What? No! Your voice is perfect. I love listening to you." The vehemence of his statement has them looking away from each other, embarrassed.

When Joonmyun deigns to look at Jongdae again, his gaze falls on the boy's shirt. "Oh god. I got your shirt wet. I'm sorry."

Jongdae laughs. "Why do you sound so mortified? It's just water, hyung." His voice is so full of affection Joonmyun finds himself basking in it.

"Hey, Jongdae," Joonmyun suddenly says.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for listening. I mean it."

Jongdae shakes his head. "Don't mention it, hyung. I'm happy you confided in me. Don't drink yourself to death now. You still have work tomorrow. I have a test, so, alas, I can't go on a drinking binge with you. Will you be okay?" He puts a hand on Joonmyun's thigh.

"Y-yes," Joonmyun answers, lost in Jongdae's warm brown eyes.

"Good. It makes me feel sad when you cry." Jongdae starts getting off the sofa.

"Wait, Jongdae!" Joonmyun blurts out.

"Hm?"

Joonmyun clears his throat, suddenly nervous. "My name is Kim Joonmyun," he says. "I'm the publisher of El Dorado Magazine."

The smile on Jongdae's face is blinding. "Nice to meet you, Joonmyun-hyung."

Later that night, when Joonmyun lies awake in bed, unable to sleep, the door to his bedroom opens. Jongdae slips into his bed wordlessly, body curling around his on automatic until his chin is tucked into Joonmyun's shoulder.

"What-"

"Shut up, hyung," Jongdae grumbles, his voice vibrating on Joonmyun's skin. "Your tossing and turning was keeping me awake. I have a test tomorrow. Will you be responsible if I don't get my scholarship back?"

Joonmyun shuts up.

Jongdae's arms circle his waist. "You know, hyung, I actually knew who you were way before you told me your name," he says.

"You snooped around my place, didn't you?"

"No," Jongdae says, his voice sleepy. "I've seen your face on the Internet and sometimes on the news on TV. Did you think a vocal music major wouldn't know the face of Kim Joonmyun, the handsome and single publisher of the no. 1 music magazine in the country? I knew your face was familiar as soon as you opened the door."

Joonmyun is too tired to feel mortified, but he tries to make a sound of protest all the same.

"Shush. I waited for you to tell me for so long. I'm really glad you let me in, Joonmyun-hyung. I won't betray your trust." Even when he's half-asleep, Jongdae still sounds sweet, Joonmyun thinks. "Now go to sleep, little spoon. Don't be sad. Jongdae's here."

"Did you just call me-"

Jongdae shushes him.

Joonmyun relaxes in spite of himself, the warmth of Jongdae's body dissolving the tension in his own. Before he knows it, he's falling asleep, lulled by the sound of Jongdae's breathing.

***

"Hyuuung, the food's getting cold. What's taking you so long?" The text is accompanied by a picture of Jongdae making wolf ears on top of his head and growling at the camera.

Joonmyun holds back a snort. He'd had a long meeting with a possible advertiser in a music school in Hongdae, and now he's rushing through the crowd of people milling about the streets and doing their shopping. Most of them are teenagers in colorful clothing, hair styled in a myriad of colors and cuts. Joonmyun is reminded of his one moment of rebellion in high school when he'd gone to class with blazing red hair.

One of the shops catches his eye and he stops in the middle of walking. The outdoor display features several racks of earrings in different designs. Joonmyun spots a delicate pair of silver fleur de lis studs, and he thinks of Jongdae's pierced ears. Before he knows it, he's picking up the earrings and asking the shop owner, "How much for this?"

It's when he gets back to his car that he stops to think. "What am I doing?" he asks himself. The little box containing the earrings clutched in his hand suddenly feels like contraband.

His phone vibrates and his heart rate shoots up. It's just another picture message from Jongdae, Joonmyun tells himself, but it sends his senses into overdrive anyway. He's too old for this. The simple photo of Jongdae sneaking in a mouthful of jjampong is making his palms sweat and his heart beat double time. He feels like he's back in high school, replying clandestinely to his crush's texts in the middle of class. He groans aloud. It's not like Joonmyun doesn't know what this is, but it's the first time he's actually acknowledging it.

He likes Jongdae. There's no denying it. What's important is how he's going to deal with it. He stares at the box in his hands and makes a decision.

Jongdae is sprawled on the carpeted floor looking at music sheets when Joonmyun comes in. There's an open book about music theory beside him. He looks tired, the bags under his eyes a lot more obvious than usual. "Welcome home," Jongdae says, still managing to smile at Joonmyun. "Let's eat! I'm starving."

Jongdae regales Joonmyun with tales from his university while they eat. Joonmyun isn't really listening. He's too distracted by Jongdae's eyes, Jongdae's smile. Even the little bit of fuzz above Jongdae's upper lip-he obviously hasn't had time to shave today-is endearing. The box with the earrings is burning a hole in Joonmyun's pants pocket, and he squirms, mind occupied with how and when he's going to give it. It's just a thank you present, he tells himself. Lies, his mind returns.

"Is everything okay, hyung?" Jongdae's voice rings loud and clear.

"Yes, of course." Joonmyun mechanically puts noodles in his mouth.

Jongdae hums but doesn't question him any further.

Joonmyun huffs out a sigh of relief when they're done with dinner. Jongdae goes back to studying on the floor, and Joonmyun sits on the sofa and pretends to read email on his tablet. In reality, he's looking at Jongdae out of the corner of his eye. After fifteen minutes of pure mental agony, he mutters a quick good night to Jongdae and disappears into his room.

"Chicken," he tells himself sadly. "You're a chicken, Kim Joonmyun."

Joonmyun distracts himself by actually doing work. Kyungsoo and Kris have both sent him emails about the upcoming cover shoot. He checks his calendar and replies to them, saying he'll be there. He answers a supplier's inquiry after that, and before he knows it he's gone through his inbox. The next time Joonmyun looks at the clock on his tablet, an hour has already passed. He blinks bleary eyes, gaze going back to the box of earrings sitting on his bed. He sighs and takes it.

Jongdae is fast asleep in the living room, his limbs splayed on the sofa. His book on music theory is still open on the table. Joonmyun suppresses a smile. Jongdae looks harmless when he's asleep. He places the box on top of Jongdae's textbook and tiptoes back to his room to sleep. He'll deal with the aftermath tomorrow.

***

"What the-" Joonmyun swallows the curse that almost comes out of his mouth. He's in the middle of a meeting with the editorial team to finalize the details of the cover shoot. Lu Han is also sitting in because Ivy Club, the clothing brand Kyungsoo is endorsing, will be buying a full page ad in the upcoming issue.

"What do you think you're doing?" he texts Jongdae.

"Is anything wrong, Joonmyun?" Kris asks, already sounding amused.

"It's nothing, it's nothing. Which studio did you book for the shoot?" Joonmyun returns his phone in his pocket, determined to ignore it. He had just received a picture message from Jongdae, but contrary to the cute photos Jongdae often sent, this one, this one was. He shakes his head to clear it, but it's hard to forget. Jongdae had sent a closeup of himself from his face to his midriff. He was topless, his smooth skin on display for Joonmyun to see. His abs weren't defined, but he was definitely toned.

His phone vibrates, and he checks it underneath the table in spite of himself. "I'm wearing your present," the text reads. "Thank you! The earrings are really pretty. ;)"

Oh. Joonmyun looks at the photo again and wills himself not to look at Jongdae's bare skin. There they are, shining on Jongdae's ears. He calms down. Right. What was he thinking? "You're welcome," he texts back.

Joonmyun relaxes and tunes back in to the meeting. Amber, the young but very competent art director, is showing everyone pegs for the D.O. feature on her Galaxy Note. "I'm thinking classy meets sexy because D.O. seems to want to go in that direction."

"I'm seeing a parade of suits in my head," Baekhyun pipes up. He rubs his chin. "Do you think D.O. would be open to wearing nothing under a dress jacket? Has anyone seen him shirtless? Someone Naver it. I need to know if that little thing has abs."

"D.O. doesn't like baring his skin, and I'm sure his management agrees with him," Joonmyun interrupts before Baekhyun can get ahead of himself. Baekhyun's always full of ideas, but he can also get impulsive. "Think covered up but sexy."

"Hm, I can work with that." Baekhyun scrolls through pictures on his own Note.

Joonmyun opens his mouth to suggest something, but his phone vibrates again. He debates on whether or not to ignore it. Oh, who is he kidding? Joonmyun's heart jumps to his throat when he opens the message. The next photo is just a closeup of Jongdae's lips, the tip of his tongue peeking out. The caption simply reads "Thank you. :3"

"Are you making fun of me again?" he texts back.

Not even twenty seconds pass when his phone vibrates with another message. The picture he receives makes him drop his phone. It falls to the ground with a thud. Joonmyun rushes to get it, mortified, but Lu Han is faster and grabs it before he does. Lu Han's eyes widen and his mouth drops open when he sees what's on Joonmyun's phone.

"It's not what you think," Joonmyun says, confusing everyone else in the room.

"Sorry, guys," Lu Han announces as he tugs Joonmyun out of his seat and in the direction of the door. "Joonmyun and I just need to talk for a moment."

Lu Han leads them back to Joonmyun's office. He locks the door, marches Joonmyun back to his chair, and dangles his cellphone in front of him. "What the hell is this?"

This is a photo of Jongdae wearing a familiar pair of lightning bolt-patterned boxers, his hand sneaking into the waistband. The caption reads, "Not at all. I told you. This is how I say thank you. <3 You'd better hurry home after your meeting."

Joonmyun is certainly not turned on, and he's only thinking of going home early so that he can lecture Jongdae on 101 non-sexual ways to say thank you.

"You have a boyfriend and you've been hiding him from me!" Lu Han accuses. "No wonder you keep refusing my setups. Why didn't you just tell me?" Lu Han actually looks hurt. Joonmyun doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"He's not my boyfriend, Lu Han," Joonmyun says and prepares himself for the inevitable. "He's a companion I hired from Project 365. We're not really…in a romantic relationship of any sort."

Lu Han looks confused. "So? Minseok was my companion too before he became my boyfriend."

"What??" Joonmyun is flabbergasted. "You mean you-you hired Minseok for sex?"

"Well, yes. But he was so wonderful I just had to have him for keeps." Lu Han's expression takes on that dream-like quality again that he always gets when he talks about Minseok.

"Lu Han," Joonmyun says, his voice going dangerously low, "you told me that section was for people looking for company."

Lu Han puts on his best innocent look; Joonmyun would believe it if he hadn't seen it a million times over the years. "That's the general idea," he says. "Look, you were getting all mopey and grumpy and you needed to get laid. Obviously, you're a lot happier now than you were before, so you must've gotten some. I mean," he waves Joonmyun's phone, "look at you, you're sexting. I'm so proud of you, Joonmyun."

"Lu Han!" Joonmyun feels a headache coming on. "You could have warned me. I honestly thought I was just getting someone to keep me company."

Lu Han scoffs and hands Joonmyun his phone back. "It's fine. Things turned out well, anyway, didn't they?"

"No," Joonmyun says in a small voice. He looks at his phone. His wallpaper is a picture of him and Jongdae making silly faces at the camera. "We haven't had sex." Lu Han makes a sound of disbelief under his breath. "And I think I like him."

"So tell him."

Joonmyun groans. "You make it sound so easy. He thinks I just hired him for his company. It's not like I can just say, ‘Hi. I like you. Let's be boyfriends.'"

"Why not?" Lu Han asks. "That's how I confessed to Minseok."

Joonmyun definitely doesn't whimper.

"You're making things unnecessarily complicated," Luhan says, pushing at Joonmyun's shoulder. "Don't think too much and just go with the flow, okay?" He smiles. "Trust me. It's his loss if he doesn't like you back." He does a fist pump. "Now go get him, tiger!"

"You did not just say that."

Lu Han sticks his tongue out at him. "Oh, fuck off. It can't be any worse than you giving yourself a gangsta name, $uho with a dollar sign."

***

"Sorry, I can't come home early. Still really busy. ):" is what Joonmyun texts Jongdae. He makes no mention of Jongdae's risqué photo and he doesn't get any reply back.

Joonmyun spends the rest of the day flustered and worried. Does Jongdae think Joonmyun's not taking him seriously? Is he mad at Joonmyun? In the end, he leaves the office at a normal time, not forgetting to text Jongdae that he's on his way home. Jongdae doesn't reply.

Joonmyun is quiet as he enters the apartment, ears alert for the familiar sound of Jongdae's voice. His worry kicks up a notch when he doesn't find Jongdae in the living room, where the other usually is whenever Joonmyun gets home. He knocks on the door to the guestroom and opens it when no one answers. "Jongdae?" he calls. It looks like he isn't there either.

Before he goes into full-blown panic mode, Joonmyun decides to change into something more comfortable. He gets the surprise of his life when he opens the lights in his room. Jongdae is lying on his side, fast asleep in Joonmyun's bed. He must have fallen asleep while waiting for Joonmyun to come home.

Joonmyun inches closer. And stops. He blinks once, twice, and swallows dryly. Jongdae is wearing his white dress shirt, the two top buttons undone and showing his collarbones. Joonmyun's gaze strays to Jongdae's bare legs. His shirt only reaches up to Jongdae's mid-thigh, and the other boy doesn't seem to be wearing any boxers. In short, he's in Joonmyun's clothes and he's practically half-naked. Jongdae clearly wants to kill him.

Joonmyun sighs until he reaches Jongdae's bedside. He runs his fingers over Jongdae's silky hair. "You slept with your hair still wet," he says with a soft tsk. "What will I do if you get sick?"

Joonmyun is startled when Jongdae's eyes suddenly open, and then he's pulling Joonmyun onto the bed with surprising strength until Joonmyun is on all fours on top of him. "Welcome home, hyung," Jongdae says, grabbing onto Joonmyun's waist.

"Were you just pretending to be asleep?" Joonmyun asks. He wants to move, but Jongdae is hanging on to him too tightly. This position won't be good for him for long.

"You turned on the lights, so I woke up."

Joonmyun looks down, and there's Jongdae's smiling face, dangerously close to his own. "What was that this afternoon, huh?"

Jongdae lets go of Joonmyun's waist and grins. "I told you last time, didn't I? Cooking isn't my way of doing things. Why did you give me a gift?"

"I just wanted to thank you." Joonmyun's voice wavers.

"For what?" Somehow Jongdae makes it sound like a challenge. Joonmyun hates that it makes him like Jongdae more.

"Just. For everything." Joonmyun hesitates. "Did you like my present that much?"

"I liked it so much that I soiled your boxers," Jongdae says with a straight face. He grips Joonmyun's hips.

"Don't say things like that when I'm lying on top of you," Joonmyun groans. "A man could get…ideas."

Jongdae's tongue comes out to lick his lips. "Are you finally thinking dirty thoughts about me, hyung?"

Joonmyun's reply gets stuck in his throat. I think about it all the time doesn't quite cover it, he thinks. They stare at each other.

When Joonmyun doesn't say anything, Jongdae speaks. "I'm waiting for you to tell me something," he says, his voice sounding vulnerable, "so that I know I'm not the only one who wants this." His gaze is steady even as his grip on Joonmyun's hips loosen.

Joonmyun thinks of missed opportunities and before he knows it, he's tracing his fingers over Jongdae's lips. The other boy's breath tickles his fingers. He looks into Jongdae's eyes. They're still as warm and as inviting as before, but he also reads the worry in them. Joonmyun wants to ease the furrow on his brow. "I like you," he says. "I like you so much and it scares me."

"I like you and it scares me too," Jongdae says, catching the tip of one of Joonmyun's fingers with his tongue. Joonmyun watches, mesmerized, as Jongdae licks it and takes it into his mouth. When he lets go of it a few minutes later, his pupils are blown. "So don't fight me and just kiss me, hyung."

Joonmyun takes a deep breath and leans in to capture Jongdae's voice with his mouth.

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1. From K-Pop Vocal Analysis: A hard glottal attack "consists of slamming [your] vocal cords hard together, creating a harsh and rough sound at either the beginning of a note or at the end of a sustained note. Doing this frequently might cause vocal injury or vocal nodules."