pikasu
in
crosswards
eyes like oceans
Title: eyes like oceans (we were walking on tightropes from the very beginning)
Rating: pg
Pairing: jaejoong/changmin
Summary: sometimes, it isn't that easy to love something after all. but neither is it that difficult either.
A/N: fic ~challenge~ with maxism12 who fails very much. prompt beneath cut.
"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too." - William Shakespeare
summer 2003 is when changmin meets jaejoong. jaejoong is exiting from the dance studio, lingering at the corridors, hair ruffled and drenched in sweat. changmin is a wide-eyed, fifteen year old, with little knowledge about the world but too big a voice not to be heard. when their eyes meet for the first time, there is nothing but awkward silence, and changmin tries very hard to swallow a mouthful of water, before he abruptly turns away. there's something about jaejoong that makes his breath catch. maybe that's why jaejoong's here after all. maybe he's born to stand on the stage and drown in oceans of fans.
and maybe changmin is not.
-
when changmin was 5, he was roped into a singing contest at a family gathering. mouth slathered with cake and brain filled with nursery rhymes, changmin wasn't very happy about it at all. nonetheless, a smiling umma had been more important to him than anything else. as reluctant as changmin was, when he began he couldn't stop. and neither could the applause when the song eventually came to an end. everyone was stunned. so was changmin.
it was a beautiful day.
-
in between singing and breathing changmin realized he had nothing else. mathematics only served as a stimulant for his brain and logic his guiding principles. but they didn't teach him how to live.
singing did.
but not anymore.
-
the next time he crashes into jaejoong is at a back alley, jaejoong's face half shrouded in fumes of smoke. his fists are bloodied, a layer of blood crusting over the knuckles like cracks on a mirror. when their eyes meet, changmin freezes, long limbs socially inept and expression awkward. the smoke changmin inhales fills his lungs, murky and heavy, and jaejoong's lips curl into a smile, as if amused by changmin.
he brings the cigarette to his lips, and fishes for the packet in his pocket, offering a stick to changmin, face horrified. hesitant, he takes one. because there's something about jaejoong that makes him reckless too. there's something about jaejoong that makes him not the shim changmin he knows.
changmin takes a puff, and he chokes on it, smoke still foreign to his lungs and smoking to his life. jaejoong smirks at that, and gestures at him, coaxing him to carry on.
"do you like it?" jaejoong asks, voice deeper and coarser than changmin would've imagined. the smoke spirals and dances in the air, a slow funeral march, as changmin bites his lips. in the end, he goes for a shrug, and jaejoong's smirk widens.
when they leave changmin does not know jaejoong any more, or any lesser. but he has a cigarette clutched tight in his hands, and an unreadable stare on his face.
he nearly forgot how smoking would cost him his voice one day.
-
soon changmin has more than a name and a face to jaejoong, and they are attending the same vocal classes. jaejoong's voice is smooth and pure and nothing like how he speaks. changmin's though, is rough around the corners and too screechy to his ears. his vocal teacher gives him a brief glance, at least, before attending to the others, and he gulps.
perhaps he's not meant for this after all.
after everything, changmin stays behind and begs the teacher for pointers.
there's nothing else i can do for you, is what she says, kind with a tinge of admiration even.
there's nothing i can do to help you, is what changmin hears, sympathetic and gentle, like she's afraid to pull on changmin's heartstrings. it takes all of his might not to break down right then and there. perhaps singing meant more to him than he ever thought.
when he exits, jaejoong is leaning against the wall, waiting for him. they leave in silence, and jaejoong passes another stick to changmin, who accepts it without a blink of his eye.
the smoke that escapes changmin's lips is heavier than ever.
-
"do you like to sing?" changmin asks him one day, but he feels as if he's asking himself instead.
"i do," jaejoong replies, soft and nonchalant. they are in the studio again, changmin fixing his awkward limbs and jaejoong too, trying to correct his dance moves. a bottle is tossed over. changmin catches it and drinks from it, a generous gulp.
"then why do you smoke?" another question, but directed at who?
jaejoong laughs, and faces him, expression amused.
"life's too short for regrets." jaejoong says.
"sometimes you have to throw everything to the wind, damn the consequences," he lifts his head to face the ceiling, light impossibly glaring.
"and maybe the wind will take you along with it."
-
jaejoong skips vocal lessons and practices as many a time as changmin attends them. it makes him doubt jaejoong's words back at the dance studio, but it also makes him curious as to where jaejoong's heart really lies.
changmin cuts class, for the first time, to find out.
jaejoong works part time at a restaurant and it just so happens to cut into lesson time. he can't quit so he has to skip them, is what changmin finds out.
"shouldn't you be in class?" jaejoong asks him, eyes wide in surprise, yet happy to see changmin, his face stained with grease.
changmin gulps a glass of water down, and his throat stings with guilt.
-
it's difficult to believe in yourself when everyone around you is of a different level. after too many late nights and too many vocal lessons, changmin feels as if he's jaded, and just frustrated at singing, annoyed at how his voice. just. won't. come. out. right.
he imagines stage lights and how his skin is bleached white because of them. and then he imagines himself on the stage, performing to everyone out there.
every time before the song ends, changmin always imagines his voice cracking, and giving way, like concrete shattering, leaving bits of debris in his heart.
at times he recalls his 9 year old self singing in the showers, on the bus and even in his dreams. there was always a smile on his face whenever he sang.
but most times, changmin wonders if he's really cut out for this at all.
-
jaejoong is like an anchor to changmin, a rope that binds him to vocal lessons and never letting him escape. but the anchor is old, and sometimes changmin wonders if it's going to give way someday. jaejoong is unpredictable as he is spontaneous after all.
when he sings, changmin sees stars.
when changmin sings, all he hears is chalk on a blackboard, voice ugly and too high.
but jaejoong smiles whenever changmin is done, like everyone else.
changmin thinks they pity him, that's why.
but he stays on.
-
sometimes the mountain you have to overcome is not the obstacle in front of you, but is that of yourself. changmin thinks his mountain is huge, and it looms at him so big and frightening it engulfs his entire body in its shadow, deep and never-ending.
one day changmin is going to fall and he will never get out.
months later brings changmin back to the alley, now with his own cigarette packet in his hand. jaejoong is there, minutes later, and they share a smoke. changmin does not cough anymore. instead, he exhales and forms patterns in the air with smoke shielding his eyes from being read. jaejoong's gaze at him is wonderous as it is strained, and it pierces straight through the smoke.
"do you like to sing?" jaejoong asks him this time, curious, yet his eyes are grounded for the very first time, by the weight of concern. and changmin is stunned. he clutches onto the cigarette and snubs it out.
the smoke clears, and changmin's eyes are glazed with uncertainties and an ocean of salt tears replace that ocean of lights that once shined so very bright.
"i don't know," he finally admits.
"i don't even know."
-
when jaejoong was young he had kissed his neighbour, park yoochun. yoochun was like the wind that jaejoong wanted to avoid, but was inexplicably drawn to. he smiled with secrets glazed on his lips and laughed with mystery in every breath. yoochun was american and played the piano. above all, he loved to sing.
so did jaejoong.
they made a lovely pair. soulmates, people called them. they were a little more than that though.
until yoochun decided that singing was more important than jaejoong ever was.
jaejoong wonders if he'd ever feel the same.
-
in winter, changmin quits and pulls out from training. jaejoong is in the midst of debuting and years later, they are at the alley once again, sharing yet another smoke.
this time, the smoke that escapes from changmin's lips is uncertain, yet lighter than ever before.
when they kiss, it is nothing momentous. but it makes changmin warm and his lips bruised, and he feels as if the wind is finally taking him away.
"do you love me?" changmin asks, frightened.
"i do," jaejoong smiles. "do you love me?"
"i-" changmin blurts out, then catches himself. the kiss lingers on changmin's lips and the sound of an applauding audience dies down in his ears. behind jaejoong, the street lights cast a faint orange on the both of them, like a dim stage light. a melody floats into his ears and it is as slow as it is melancholic. jaejoong's eyes sparkle brighter than anything else changmin has ever seen, and for once, changmin can read the music notes behind everything and the orchestra of love playing in tune with every breath jaejoong takes. but then changmin looks at himself, his calloused hands and chapped lips. and he questions himself once again.
"i-"
snow falls and it is the coldest they've ever had.
-
it's been a long time since i've last wrote jaemin and i hope it turned out okay! the prompt above was actually given to ~inspire~ maxism12 but turned out in the end as a fic ~challenge~ (which kind of failed because both of us went way over the stipulated time lololol). i understand that there are inconsistencies in jaejoong's character, so i'm really really sorry about that T___T nonetheless, i hope you like this! :) ♥
read maxism12's one here ! :D
Rating: pg
Pairing: jaejoong/changmin
Summary: sometimes, it isn't that easy to love something after all. but neither is it that difficult either.
A/N: fic ~challenge~ with maxism12 who fails very much. prompt beneath cut.
"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too." - William Shakespeare
summer 2003 is when changmin meets jaejoong. jaejoong is exiting from the dance studio, lingering at the corridors, hair ruffled and drenched in sweat. changmin is a wide-eyed, fifteen year old, with little knowledge about the world but too big a voice not to be heard. when their eyes meet for the first time, there is nothing but awkward silence, and changmin tries very hard to swallow a mouthful of water, before he abruptly turns away. there's something about jaejoong that makes his breath catch. maybe that's why jaejoong's here after all. maybe he's born to stand on the stage and drown in oceans of fans.
and maybe changmin is not.
-
when changmin was 5, he was roped into a singing contest at a family gathering. mouth slathered with cake and brain filled with nursery rhymes, changmin wasn't very happy about it at all. nonetheless, a smiling umma had been more important to him than anything else. as reluctant as changmin was, when he began he couldn't stop. and neither could the applause when the song eventually came to an end. everyone was stunned. so was changmin.
it was a beautiful day.
-
in between singing and breathing changmin realized he had nothing else. mathematics only served as a stimulant for his brain and logic his guiding principles. but they didn't teach him how to live.
singing did.
but not anymore.
-
the next time he crashes into jaejoong is at a back alley, jaejoong's face half shrouded in fumes of smoke. his fists are bloodied, a layer of blood crusting over the knuckles like cracks on a mirror. when their eyes meet, changmin freezes, long limbs socially inept and expression awkward. the smoke changmin inhales fills his lungs, murky and heavy, and jaejoong's lips curl into a smile, as if amused by changmin.
he brings the cigarette to his lips, and fishes for the packet in his pocket, offering a stick to changmin, face horrified. hesitant, he takes one. because there's something about jaejoong that makes him reckless too. there's something about jaejoong that makes him not the shim changmin he knows.
changmin takes a puff, and he chokes on it, smoke still foreign to his lungs and smoking to his life. jaejoong smirks at that, and gestures at him, coaxing him to carry on.
"do you like it?" jaejoong asks, voice deeper and coarser than changmin would've imagined. the smoke spirals and dances in the air, a slow funeral march, as changmin bites his lips. in the end, he goes for a shrug, and jaejoong's smirk widens.
when they leave changmin does not know jaejoong any more, or any lesser. but he has a cigarette clutched tight in his hands, and an unreadable stare on his face.
he nearly forgot how smoking would cost him his voice one day.
-
soon changmin has more than a name and a face to jaejoong, and they are attending the same vocal classes. jaejoong's voice is smooth and pure and nothing like how he speaks. changmin's though, is rough around the corners and too screechy to his ears. his vocal teacher gives him a brief glance, at least, before attending to the others, and he gulps.
perhaps he's not meant for this after all.
after everything, changmin stays behind and begs the teacher for pointers.
there's nothing else i can do for you, is what she says, kind with a tinge of admiration even.
there's nothing i can do to help you, is what changmin hears, sympathetic and gentle, like she's afraid to pull on changmin's heartstrings. it takes all of his might not to break down right then and there. perhaps singing meant more to him than he ever thought.
when he exits, jaejoong is leaning against the wall, waiting for him. they leave in silence, and jaejoong passes another stick to changmin, who accepts it without a blink of his eye.
the smoke that escapes changmin's lips is heavier than ever.
-
"do you like to sing?" changmin asks him one day, but he feels as if he's asking himself instead.
"i do," jaejoong replies, soft and nonchalant. they are in the studio again, changmin fixing his awkward limbs and jaejoong too, trying to correct his dance moves. a bottle is tossed over. changmin catches it and drinks from it, a generous gulp.
"then why do you smoke?" another question, but directed at who?
jaejoong laughs, and faces him, expression amused.
"life's too short for regrets." jaejoong says.
"sometimes you have to throw everything to the wind, damn the consequences," he lifts his head to face the ceiling, light impossibly glaring.
"and maybe the wind will take you along with it."
-
jaejoong skips vocal lessons and practices as many a time as changmin attends them. it makes him doubt jaejoong's words back at the dance studio, but it also makes him curious as to where jaejoong's heart really lies.
changmin cuts class, for the first time, to find out.
jaejoong works part time at a restaurant and it just so happens to cut into lesson time. he can't quit so he has to skip them, is what changmin finds out.
"shouldn't you be in class?" jaejoong asks him, eyes wide in surprise, yet happy to see changmin, his face stained with grease.
changmin gulps a glass of water down, and his throat stings with guilt.
-
it's difficult to believe in yourself when everyone around you is of a different level. after too many late nights and too many vocal lessons, changmin feels as if he's jaded, and just frustrated at singing, annoyed at how his voice. just. won't. come. out. right.
he imagines stage lights and how his skin is bleached white because of them. and then he imagines himself on the stage, performing to everyone out there.
every time before the song ends, changmin always imagines his voice cracking, and giving way, like concrete shattering, leaving bits of debris in his heart.
at times he recalls his 9 year old self singing in the showers, on the bus and even in his dreams. there was always a smile on his face whenever he sang.
but most times, changmin wonders if he's really cut out for this at all.
-
jaejoong is like an anchor to changmin, a rope that binds him to vocal lessons and never letting him escape. but the anchor is old, and sometimes changmin wonders if it's going to give way someday. jaejoong is unpredictable as he is spontaneous after all.
when he sings, changmin sees stars.
when changmin sings, all he hears is chalk on a blackboard, voice ugly and too high.
but jaejoong smiles whenever changmin is done, like everyone else.
changmin thinks they pity him, that's why.
but he stays on.
-
sometimes the mountain you have to overcome is not the obstacle in front of you, but is that of yourself. changmin thinks his mountain is huge, and it looms at him so big and frightening it engulfs his entire body in its shadow, deep and never-ending.
one day changmin is going to fall and he will never get out.
months later brings changmin back to the alley, now with his own cigarette packet in his hand. jaejoong is there, minutes later, and they share a smoke. changmin does not cough anymore. instead, he exhales and forms patterns in the air with smoke shielding his eyes from being read. jaejoong's gaze at him is wonderous as it is strained, and it pierces straight through the smoke.
"do you like to sing?" jaejoong asks him this time, curious, yet his eyes are grounded for the very first time, by the weight of concern. and changmin is stunned. he clutches onto the cigarette and snubs it out.
the smoke clears, and changmin's eyes are glazed with uncertainties and an ocean of salt tears replace that ocean of lights that once shined so very bright.
"i don't know," he finally admits.
"i don't even know."
-
when jaejoong was young he had kissed his neighbour, park yoochun. yoochun was like the wind that jaejoong wanted to avoid, but was inexplicably drawn to. he smiled with secrets glazed on his lips and laughed with mystery in every breath. yoochun was american and played the piano. above all, he loved to sing.
so did jaejoong.
they made a lovely pair. soulmates, people called them. they were a little more than that though.
until yoochun decided that singing was more important than jaejoong ever was.
jaejoong wonders if he'd ever feel the same.
-
in winter, changmin quits and pulls out from training. jaejoong is in the midst of debuting and years later, they are at the alley once again, sharing yet another smoke.
this time, the smoke that escapes from changmin's lips is uncertain, yet lighter than ever before.
when they kiss, it is nothing momentous. but it makes changmin warm and his lips bruised, and he feels as if the wind is finally taking him away.
"do you love me?" changmin asks, frightened.
"i do," jaejoong smiles. "do you love me?"
"i-" changmin blurts out, then catches himself. the kiss lingers on changmin's lips and the sound of an applauding audience dies down in his ears. behind jaejoong, the street lights cast a faint orange on the both of them, like a dim stage light. a melody floats into his ears and it is as slow as it is melancholic. jaejoong's eyes sparkle brighter than anything else changmin has ever seen, and for once, changmin can read the music notes behind everything and the orchestra of love playing in tune with every breath jaejoong takes. but then changmin looks at himself, his calloused hands and chapped lips. and he questions himself once again.
"i-"
snow falls and it is the coldest they've ever had.
-
it's been a long time since i've last wrote jaemin and i hope it turned out okay! the prompt above was actually given to ~inspire~ maxism12 but turned out in the end as a fic ~challenge~ (which kind of failed because both of us went way over the stipulated time lololol). i understand that there are inconsistencies in jaejoong's character, so i'm really really sorry about that T___T nonetheless, i hope you like this! :) ♥
read maxism12's one here ! :D