DAMN my head hurts.....
I am in a odd mood and have lots to say-if you feel like reading a LOT and commenting thats fine-if not thats cool too-just thought i would warn you before hand...
I went to therapy today for the first time in 6 weeks-its interesting how much crap and stuff you amass to talk about in 6 weeks-my therapist was aghast at all the stuff I had gotten into-and I actually have to agree with her. It's funny when you verbalize stuff how it puts it into perspective you know? Since the last time I had saw her I have broken my vow of celibacy(since I realized casual sex was killing me emotionally), went on a OCD shopping sprees amassing largeR amounts of DVD's and CD's got a new system put in my car, almost had sex with someone GROSSLY older than myself, and damn near gave myself alcohol poisoning. It's funny how talking about menial shit that you thought you dealt with years ago really does affect what you are going through and how you react to stuff in the here and now. I have a headache. Possibly the worst headache I have had in a long time-i dont know if the whole washing my hair 2 days in a row and going right out in the air did it, or if my vertigo is about to kick off-which is always fun considering i work in a hot ass factory-but either way it's not fun. I am lonely, horny, and seriously needing affection...the down side to that statement is every broad-and yes i said broad-i would normally hit a button on my phone to call i dont want to deal with. Why is it we crave so desperately what we cant have? For those of you that know me NO I am not talking about Amy-whatever mood i am in(bc i cant figure it out) somehow she aint a part of it-which is always a good thing. I just long for someone who understands me and wants to spend time with me not bc im blowing they back out or showering them with gifts; but someone who wants to love me for me. I have the greatest support system of friends...well with the exception of 2 or 3 who are rather flaky my friends rock, and i wouldnt trade them for the world...but sometimes you need more than that friendly hug you know? And its not even so much about the sexual urges I am repressing-i can fuck myself-its about the intimacy-but i have said that before. I just need a piece of mind-PERIOD-and that is something that I just cant seem to grasp. I dont know maybe one of these days I will be emotionally calm enough, financially stable enough, and settled enough to have the things I want. Until then I guess I will keep going about trying to figure whats working for me in my life and whats not. One of my many CD's i brought was Joss Stone-for the music lover in you it is GREAT-it has a MJB My Life feel to it you know-its kinda like shes the female response to Justin Timberlake. I could listen to that damn thing allll day and since I got it I have been. Well I'm sure you are tired of reading now so I should go-i think im going to go drink a soda or something to get some caffeine-maybe that will help my headache.
sorry if that was way long like i said im in a weird place so im kinda wordy :O(
Later
ME ;/
*****EDIT 2am* Okay I get home from work and am checking my mail right-and low and behold who is there a letter from AGAIN??? YES fucking Marcus!!!! This is on top of the letter he sent me for Vday-and the note he taped to my door when i wasnt home-after reading this lovely letter I now know more than ever that he is fucking INSANE!!! He wants me to go with him to his 10 year class reunion-OH HELL NAW!!!! I would rather suck a dick than be seen ANYWHERE with him-for those of you who know me personally you know i would rather live with my mom than suck a dick!!!! or fuck a guy period EWWWWW- so this leads me to believe that maybe he is going around telling people he is staying here bc of me!!! My aunt (whose basement that weird fucker lives in) told me he said he had a girlfriend and she assumed it was me-i asked her had she lost her fucking mind-i would kill myself before i would even CONSIDER getting in the car with him!!!! YES it is that serious-but if he wants me to go to this reunion im wondering who the FUCK else thinks or i should say "knows" about me; and what fucked up warped reality has this bastard made up for "me and him"??? GATDAMN!!! why cant i get a nice pretty female who wants to take me to her reunion with her?? Wouldnt mind doing that-damn if this shit gets any weirder i swear!!!!****
I went to therapy today for the first time in 6 weeks-its interesting how much crap and stuff you amass to talk about in 6 weeks-my therapist was aghast at all the stuff I had gotten into-and I actually have to agree with her. It's funny when you verbalize stuff how it puts it into perspective you know? Since the last time I had saw her I have broken my vow of celibacy(since I realized casual sex was killing me emotionally), went on a OCD shopping sprees amassing largeR amounts of DVD's and CD's got a new system put in my car, almost had sex with someone GROSSLY older than myself, and damn near gave myself alcohol poisoning. It's funny how talking about menial shit that you thought you dealt with years ago really does affect what you are going through and how you react to stuff in the here and now. I have a headache. Possibly the worst headache I have had in a long time-i dont know if the whole washing my hair 2 days in a row and going right out in the air did it, or if my vertigo is about to kick off-which is always fun considering i work in a hot ass factory-but either way it's not fun. I am lonely, horny, and seriously needing affection...the down side to that statement is every broad-and yes i said broad-i would normally hit a button on my phone to call i dont want to deal with. Why is it we crave so desperately what we cant have? For those of you that know me NO I am not talking about Amy-whatever mood i am in(bc i cant figure it out) somehow she aint a part of it-which is always a good thing. I just long for someone who understands me and wants to spend time with me not bc im blowing they back out or showering them with gifts; but someone who wants to love me for me. I have the greatest support system of friends...well with the exception of 2 or 3 who are rather flaky my friends rock, and i wouldnt trade them for the world...but sometimes you need more than that friendly hug you know? And its not even so much about the sexual urges I am repressing-i can fuck myself-its about the intimacy-but i have said that before. I just need a piece of mind-PERIOD-and that is something that I just cant seem to grasp. I dont know maybe one of these days I will be emotionally calm enough, financially stable enough, and settled enough to have the things I want. Until then I guess I will keep going about trying to figure whats working for me in my life and whats not. One of my many CD's i brought was Joss Stone-for the music lover in you it is GREAT-it has a MJB My Life feel to it you know-its kinda like shes the female response to Justin Timberlake. I could listen to that damn thing allll day and since I got it I have been. Well I'm sure you are tired of reading now so I should go-i think im going to go drink a soda or something to get some caffeine-maybe that will help my headache.
sorry if that was way long like i said im in a weird place so im kinda wordy :O(
Later
ME ;/
*****EDIT 2am* Okay I get home from work and am checking my mail right-and low and behold who is there a letter from AGAIN??? YES fucking Marcus!!!! This is on top of the letter he sent me for Vday-and the note he taped to my door when i wasnt home-after reading this lovely letter I now know more than ever that he is fucking INSANE!!! He wants me to go with him to his 10 year class reunion-OH HELL NAW!!!! I would rather suck a dick than be seen ANYWHERE with him-for those of you who know me personally you know i would rather live with my mom than suck a dick!!!! or fuck a guy period EWWWWW- so this leads me to believe that maybe he is going around telling people he is staying here bc of me!!! My aunt (whose basement that weird fucker lives in) told me he said he had a girlfriend and she assumed it was me-i asked her had she lost her fucking mind-i would kill myself before i would even CONSIDER getting in the car with him!!!! YES it is that serious-but if he wants me to go to this reunion im wondering who the FUCK else thinks or i should say "knows" about me; and what fucked up warped reality has this bastard made up for "me and him"??? GATDAMN!!! why cant i get a nice pretty female who wants to take me to her reunion with her?? Wouldnt mind doing that-damn if this shit gets any weirder i swear!!!!****