Rite of Passage.

[cruelbitch]

Let's talk shit about marriage.

In advance: Appy-polly-logies to those of y'all who have been there, done that, while I armchair critique sans experience. I sympathize that it must be heavily obnoxious to read my disjointed musings about a general Fact of Life(TM), but this will only take a moment

Comments

[leaper182]

What's funny is that when my parents got married, Mom took my Dad's last name, and yet the two kids who were born had hyphenated last names. Dad's surname, then Mom's. Mostly because "Rodriguez-Bury" doesn't flow very well.

Then again, we're Hispanic, and damn can we pile on the last names. :D

[tsunami]

HEY WE TALKED ABOUT THIS OVER SUSHI. ILU.

[cruelbitch]

WE DID. YOU'VE ASSISTED IN JUMP-STARTING MY ~INSPIRATION~. ILU2.

[tsunami]

Serious comment soon.

[tsunami]

When you and I were talking about this, I had mentioned that I wondered about changing my last name after my parents divorced and GOSH my dad is kind of a dick. But we also talked about I like my last name, and my grandfather was pretty bomb. However, this brings up something that I think we may or may not have neglected to mention the other night.

Using myself as an example, if these women who claim to want to rid themselves of a terrible name/memory really felt this way, why the fuck not change it on your own as soon as you're an adult? That's perfectly legal and within reason. Changing your name is not as complicated as it seems, especially if they're so willing to once they're married. There's no need to wait for some knight in shining armor (who possesses a sweet name!!11) to save you from the horror of your original surname. Which naturally just makes these tradition lovers seem like even bigger bullshitters than before.

[cruelbitch]

Yeah. My mother was kind of a dickhead too, but I'm pretty content maintaining her "brand" on my paperwork -- and not because of romantic conceptions of Bounding To Family Ties, either. I'm always amazed when people have such an enormous attachment to the concept of perpetuating THE FAMILY LINE(TM); it's sort of in the same creepy boat as "passing your genes" and multiplying like a virus. Can't we still maintain a functioning civilization even if everybody ~individuates~?

Good point. If I had an embarrassingly shoddy last name, I'd change it so fast everyone's head would spin upon adulthood. This is the part where people backpedal: upon marriage, you are merging yourself to your lifemate, so the name-changing carries more intense meaning. But where exactly is the merging, here? Doesn't that require both parties to give something up to gain mutuality? Nay, one party forfeits. That's imbecilic.

[meleth]

I'm actually planning on keeping my last name partly to perpetuate the family line, but not all creepy-like. I have a strong connection to my family (plus the legally protected name deal I told you about), and see no reason I should have to give that up just because I'm a girl.

Also I hope to have a professional reputation by the time I am wed.

[tsunami]

Yeah. When I said to myself "Oh, my dad was a dickhead..." I thought, "Grampa was cool, though!" Kind of my own way of telling myself that the family relations, good or bad, really don't matter in names. A name is a name. You like it, or you don't. I'm lucky that I like mine

[veriteblesse]

Yes, yes, yes. Especially the part about the excuses. Anytime any sexist institution comes up (engagement rings, name changing, anything), people flood the conversation about how they are so progressive and they are only doing it because of this totally feminist friendly excuse they have. Which of course, is not the point of the conversation at all.
Did you know that in some states, it is free for the woman to change her name when she gets married but if a man wants to do it costs more money and there's extra paperwork? What a bunch of nonsense.

[meleth]

Engagement rings?

[veriteblesse]

Yep. If someone starts a conversation about the concepts of ownership/capitalism/patriarchy whatever in the context of engagement rings, a lot of people will immediately start saying things like, "Oh well, I don't care what it used to represent, it doesn't meant that to me", or "well, my situation is different because" and so on and so forth, like she posted above.

[meleth]

Ah. I just looked it up, and now actually know what you're talking about. I had no idea there was the ownership aspect, because all the engaged couples I know both have rings, simply as an outward sign of their commitment to each other, so I figured both men and women got rings.