[chaptered] The Noisy Empty Room 5/?
Title : The Noisy Empty Room (Chapter 5)
Author : lovu_lovu_aiba
Beta : andreja1989
Pairing : Sakuraiba
Genre : AU, Romance, Psychological
Rating : PG13
Disclaimer : The boys aren't mine, I really hope I own them tho XD
Summary : Sakurai Sho, an introvert and normal psychology student, his world was somersaulted after he got a confession from Aiba Masaki, a popular weirdo from music department. But how if Aiba forgot that he talked to Sho in the very next day? Or the shocking fact that Aiba has more than one personality?
~*~
Summer, July 7th
The more I’m together with Aiba, the more I feel unsure about so many things. There were some periods when I felt confused about things… There were times when I didn’t even trust my own thoughts and judgments; sometimes I felt that I can’t make a line between real life and my imagination. There is an example for that… if suddenly a vampire, that is supposed to be only a legend and myth, comes into your life for real, won’t you feel confused about that?
Although it was a bad example…
Aiba is way better than any vampire, despite his not-shiny-under-sunlight skin…
….and the fact that the reason he loves me isn’t because my blood smells nice makes me feel lots better.
To do list:
- Asking Nino and Jun about the past, slow approach, it’s hard for them.
Aiba moved steadily around Sho’s kitchen while the other’s eyes darted to him, trying to not seem too obvious. Jun was appearing in the consciousness at night when they needed to feed, taking Nino’s place, who just protected Aiba from Sho. The latter couldn’t help but sigh deeply, knowing Aiba was still afraid of him and out from that problem he had a high school reunion to face with him. Sho really had no idea what kind of life Aiba had back in high school. Did his personality split already? Did it happen when he was in high school? Is it a good idea to attend the reunion? Sho didn’t even dare to ask Nino, the only alter that was stable and had at least a bit of trust in him. He was afraid it would bring bad impact on them, Aiba’s past would be the only thing that got him scared to approach his lover.
There was one more fact he found out about Aiba, Nino wasn’t only an alter, he was a real person and alive. Was it possible to copy someone’s personality and make it into an alter Sho didn’t even understand. People with multiple personality usually formed new alters, without copying people from real life, then why did Aiba copy one? If Aiba formed the alter Nino from real Nino then Sho was sure that Nino gave a very big impact on Aiba’s life. Sho didn’t dare to make both real and alter Nino meet, afraid that would make a bad effect on Aiba, so he only promised the real Nino that he would give the invitation to Aiba. He had to lie that Aiba told him lots about him, since the real Nino had same sharp intuition and was as smart as the alter one. Or maybe it’s better to say the alter one had sharp intuition just like the real one and was also as smart as the real one. Another big question in Sho’s head is… Is it possible that Ohno and Jun were also copied from real persons? Thinking about that brought Sho goose bumps all over his skin.
“Did you cook lots?” Sho asked his lover, or Jun to be exact just to make some noises or actually he tried to drive his thought about reunion invitation away. He never really talked to Jun as much as he talked to Nino anyway and he needed to know all alters more.
“If everyday means lots the yes, I did cook lots,” Aiba answered in a stern voice, “Besides no one can cook except me, I won’t let anyone poison us.”
Sho smiled, he couldn’t really imagine someone cook as manly as MatsuJun did in his kitchen, although he liked Aiba’s presence in his kitchen if he forgets about the alter that surfaced at that time. “MatsuJun is kind… I think Masaki will like you if he knows you…”
“He will freak out,” Aiba answered shortly, “He is not ready to accept us.”
“When will you think he is ready then?”
Aiba turned off the stove, “I don’t know… and why do you ask about that so suddenly?”
Sho spin the invitation card on his palm as Aiba turned around and frowned at him, “What’s that?”
“Masaki’s high school reunion invitation… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for him to attend…”
Aiba suddenly glared at him with a gaze that able to make him run his ass off, “And it’s not your right to decide for him!” he pointed out ferociously.
Sho stared at his lover but he didn’t find anything in his eyes, what remained was only the empty feeling he always had whenever he looked into other alters’ eyes. “You are right… But I want to protect him as much as you want to protect him.”
Aiba glared at him as the other continued bravely, “You guys are here to take his pain, to replace him when he feels hurt, to protect him! You won’t believe how I want to be a part of him and protect him instead! I stay beside him but know nothing about him! I don’t know his worries, nor I know his fears! While you guys are there to support him, I feel useless because I can’t do anything for him!”
“Sometimes you guys appeared even when he was with me, which means he felt insecure, he felt I’m a danger, that I can hurt him! Badly! Do you even understand my frustration?!” He felt his palm hurt as he clutched to the chair tightly.
Sho felt ashamed for his sudden outburst as it wasn’t Jun’s fault in the first place. Jun had nothing to do with his complexion. Yet he still felt the anger built on his chest although he sincerely mumbled, “I’m sorry…”
“You are the one who feels insecure about things… that he doesn’t love you enough to trust you fully and tell you everything…” Aiba stared at Sho with his pity gaze the similar gaze that usually Nino showed to him, “He was hurt badly… again and again until he couldn’t take it anymore and gave his life to us, although we take it more than it is needed. He was facing it alone… every single thing that scattered and destroyed him… That’s why he created us, to face it together with him… He just doesn’t want to be alone…”
In his head, Sho could imagine how lonely Aiba hugged himself in the corner of a room, his body swayed to front and back. He shook his head to drive away the thoughts. “What happened to him…? Nino, Ohno and you… I believe you guys have each other’s memories including Masaki’s. I’m sure it’s only him who forgets about anything if one of you appear in the consciousness…”
Aiba sighed before he answered, “Ohno is first one who appeared… After that me and the last one is Nino.”
Sho exhaled through his lips, he actually still had suspiciousness that Aiba still had more alters, he was already prepared if some more people appeared in front of him after Ohno. Now, even after Jun confirmed that Aiba only had 4 alters including himself, Sho still couldn’t feel relaxed. Because there was a possibility that there were another alters that no one knows the existence yet, “The three of you share all memories?”
Aiba shook his head as the answer, “No, Ohno did see the things all of us see, including Masaki’s. But Nino and I don’t, we can’t see what happens when Ohno takes control but we can see each other, we can see Masaki also. Ohno told me once about his appearance… I was curious back then…”
“How do things work between you guys? You can talk to each other?”
Aiba nodded calmly, “Pretty much yes, we can talk to each other if we want to. We share our parts; I will come up if Masaki feels cornered or physical pain, also if he feels someone endangering him. Nino usually takes part if he starts to feel nervous in the crowd, his part is to make sure we socialize enough without attracting too much attention, we need people to leave us alone. Ohno appears when Masaki feels lonely, he can’t stand the soreness…”
Everything Aiba said made sense, that’s why Ohno appeared out of blue when Sho left him alone in the room, because Aiba just couldn’t stand being alone. That made Sho even more wondering, “Why? What happened to him?”
Aiba’s expression was a bit stern although he answered almost emotionlessly, “Ohno appeared when he lost his family in an accident… thirteen years ago…”
Sho felt like a lightning struck right in his head. Aiba… who he dates for months couldn’t possibly…
He blamed himself for how incapable he was to be a boyfriend, he didn’t even know Aiba’s background, “He lost his parents?”
Aiba laughed dryly, “He lost the whole family including his younger brother and sister. They would go to beach after they had picked up Masaki from his school, but they never reached him and Masaki waited for his family that never arrived… excitedly…”
Sho tried to form a coherent sentence above all chaos that happened inside his head, a seven years old Aiba who was waiting his family for a picnic… a family that never picked him up anymore. Imagining Aiba’s feelings at that time only made Sho feel sick, his lover’s life had been corrupted since he was 7 years old. He felt the whole world spin as the image of 7 years old Aiba emerged his head, the skinny tall boy who stood alone in his family funeral, broken and wrecked, as he closed himself from real life forever.
“I think it’s enough for today, I don’t think you are as clueless as before…” Aiba broke the silence that drowned Sho so deep.
Sho pushed his droughty throat to speak as his voice sounded dry, he needed to apologize to Jun about how rude he was to ask about Aiba’s past, while it was the taboo thing between them. “I’m… sorry… It’s possibly hard-for you… to tell it…” he really, really needed a glass of water, “to me…”
Aiba walked toward Sho who felt his hand turn icy cold and freeze to the side of his chair, “It wasn’t hard for me… really…” Sho saw it again, Aiba’s pity gaze on him, “But it was, for you.”
Sho didn’t have time to voice out his confusion as Aiba closed his eyes so sudden and gone to his trance state. After some minutes he opened his eyes again looked shocked when he scanned his surroundings. His terrified eyes met Sho’s who was still unable to move As if his whole body glued to the chair. Without needs anymore clue Sho understood that Jun brought Aiba back already, “Sho-chan?”
Sho wanted to answer, he wanted to hug Aiba and tell him that he would never leave him. He wanted to tell Aiba that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Sho-chan? Why are you crying?”
Crying?
Did he?
Sho was too late for some minutes to feel his own tears streamed down his cheeks, he felt so numb but he closed his eyes when he felt Aiba’s warm hands brushed his cheeks tenderly, wiped away his tears. His body was shaking crazily as Aiba’s hands extended to bring him into the warmth. Sho bawled into Aiba’s neck as he cling dearly to the other’s t-shirt. “Sho-chan… what happened?”
“I love you…” he whispered the only thing that made sense in his head to Aiba’s ears.
“I love you…” he repeated it desperately, “I really do…”
He felt Aiba’s body quivered, laughing lightly, “I’m supposed to feel happy but you are really scarring me…”
He loosened his arms to cup the other’s face, Aiba‘s puzzled look still watching him, “I’m here, Masaki… You are not alone… I’m here and I love you.”
“Sho-chan, I don’t understand…”
“You don’t need to…” Sho buried his fingers to Aiba’s hair as he continued, “You just need to remember it…”
“How can I forget the moment when Sho-chan cried like a baby and confessed at the same time?” Aiba laughed loudly until Sho reached and kissed him fervently, his body stiffed for a moment but calmed immediately after he heard his lover’s whisper between the kiss, “I love you, Masaki…”
~*~
AN: OMG it's been so long! I'm really sorry, I've been really busy with job hunting and graduation... and MF problem -.-
This fic isn't supposed to be this long but... in the end I, myself, don't know how many chapters more to end it, and how long will I take to write them all... T^T
Sumimasen~ T^T
But finally~ a bit of Aiba's past~ will be more later? stay tuned :D
Author : lovu_lovu_aiba
Beta : andreja1989
Pairing : Sakuraiba
Genre : AU, Romance, Psychological
Rating : PG13
Disclaimer : The boys aren't mine, I really hope I own them tho XD
Summary : Sakurai Sho, an introvert and normal psychology student, his world was somersaulted after he got a confession from Aiba Masaki, a popular weirdo from music department. But how if Aiba forgot that he talked to Sho in the very next day? Or the shocking fact that Aiba has more than one personality?
~*~
Summer, July 7th
The more I’m together with Aiba, the more I feel unsure about so many things. There were some periods when I felt confused about things… There were times when I didn’t even trust my own thoughts and judgments; sometimes I felt that I can’t make a line between real life and my imagination. There is an example for that… if suddenly a vampire, that is supposed to be only a legend and myth, comes into your life for real, won’t you feel confused about that?
Although it was a bad example…
Aiba is way better than any vampire, despite his not-shiny-under-sunlight skin…
….and the fact that the reason he loves me isn’t because my blood smells nice makes me feel lots better.
To do list:
- Asking Nino and Jun about the past, slow approach, it’s hard for them.
Aiba moved steadily around Sho’s kitchen while the other’s eyes darted to him, trying to not seem too obvious. Jun was appearing in the consciousness at night when they needed to feed, taking Nino’s place, who just protected Aiba from Sho. The latter couldn’t help but sigh deeply, knowing Aiba was still afraid of him and out from that problem he had a high school reunion to face with him. Sho really had no idea what kind of life Aiba had back in high school. Did his personality split already? Did it happen when he was in high school? Is it a good idea to attend the reunion? Sho didn’t even dare to ask Nino, the only alter that was stable and had at least a bit of trust in him. He was afraid it would bring bad impact on them, Aiba’s past would be the only thing that got him scared to approach his lover.
There was one more fact he found out about Aiba, Nino wasn’t only an alter, he was a real person and alive. Was it possible to copy someone’s personality and make it into an alter Sho didn’t even understand. People with multiple personality usually formed new alters, without copying people from real life, then why did Aiba copy one? If Aiba formed the alter Nino from real Nino then Sho was sure that Nino gave a very big impact on Aiba’s life. Sho didn’t dare to make both real and alter Nino meet, afraid that would make a bad effect on Aiba, so he only promised the real Nino that he would give the invitation to Aiba. He had to lie that Aiba told him lots about him, since the real Nino had same sharp intuition and was as smart as the alter one. Or maybe it’s better to say the alter one had sharp intuition just like the real one and was also as smart as the real one. Another big question in Sho’s head is… Is it possible that Ohno and Jun were also copied from real persons? Thinking about that brought Sho goose bumps all over his skin.
“Did you cook lots?” Sho asked his lover, or Jun to be exact just to make some noises or actually he tried to drive his thought about reunion invitation away. He never really talked to Jun as much as he talked to Nino anyway and he needed to know all alters more.
“If everyday means lots the yes, I did cook lots,” Aiba answered in a stern voice, “Besides no one can cook except me, I won’t let anyone poison us.”
Sho smiled, he couldn’t really imagine someone cook as manly as MatsuJun did in his kitchen, although he liked Aiba’s presence in his kitchen if he forgets about the alter that surfaced at that time. “MatsuJun is kind… I think Masaki will like you if he knows you…”
“He will freak out,” Aiba answered shortly, “He is not ready to accept us.”
“When will you think he is ready then?”
Aiba turned off the stove, “I don’t know… and why do you ask about that so suddenly?”
Sho spin the invitation card on his palm as Aiba turned around and frowned at him, “What’s that?”
“Masaki’s high school reunion invitation… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for him to attend…”
Aiba suddenly glared at him with a gaze that able to make him run his ass off, “And it’s not your right to decide for him!” he pointed out ferociously.
Sho stared at his lover but he didn’t find anything in his eyes, what remained was only the empty feeling he always had whenever he looked into other alters’ eyes. “You are right… But I want to protect him as much as you want to protect him.”
Aiba glared at him as the other continued bravely, “You guys are here to take his pain, to replace him when he feels hurt, to protect him! You won’t believe how I want to be a part of him and protect him instead! I stay beside him but know nothing about him! I don’t know his worries, nor I know his fears! While you guys are there to support him, I feel useless because I can’t do anything for him!”
“Sometimes you guys appeared even when he was with me, which means he felt insecure, he felt I’m a danger, that I can hurt him! Badly! Do you even understand my frustration?!” He felt his palm hurt as he clutched to the chair tightly.
Sho felt ashamed for his sudden outburst as it wasn’t Jun’s fault in the first place. Jun had nothing to do with his complexion. Yet he still felt the anger built on his chest although he sincerely mumbled, “I’m sorry…”
“You are the one who feels insecure about things… that he doesn’t love you enough to trust you fully and tell you everything…” Aiba stared at Sho with his pity gaze the similar gaze that usually Nino showed to him, “He was hurt badly… again and again until he couldn’t take it anymore and gave his life to us, although we take it more than it is needed. He was facing it alone… every single thing that scattered and destroyed him… That’s why he created us, to face it together with him… He just doesn’t want to be alone…”
In his head, Sho could imagine how lonely Aiba hugged himself in the corner of a room, his body swayed to front and back. He shook his head to drive away the thoughts. “What happened to him…? Nino, Ohno and you… I believe you guys have each other’s memories including Masaki’s. I’m sure it’s only him who forgets about anything if one of you appear in the consciousness…”
Aiba sighed before he answered, “Ohno is first one who appeared… After that me and the last one is Nino.”
Sho exhaled through his lips, he actually still had suspiciousness that Aiba still had more alters, he was already prepared if some more people appeared in front of him after Ohno. Now, even after Jun confirmed that Aiba only had 4 alters including himself, Sho still couldn’t feel relaxed. Because there was a possibility that there were another alters that no one knows the existence yet, “The three of you share all memories?”
Aiba shook his head as the answer, “No, Ohno did see the things all of us see, including Masaki’s. But Nino and I don’t, we can’t see what happens when Ohno takes control but we can see each other, we can see Masaki also. Ohno told me once about his appearance… I was curious back then…”
“How do things work between you guys? You can talk to each other?”
Aiba nodded calmly, “Pretty much yes, we can talk to each other if we want to. We share our parts; I will come up if Masaki feels cornered or physical pain, also if he feels someone endangering him. Nino usually takes part if he starts to feel nervous in the crowd, his part is to make sure we socialize enough without attracting too much attention, we need people to leave us alone. Ohno appears when Masaki feels lonely, he can’t stand the soreness…”
Everything Aiba said made sense, that’s why Ohno appeared out of blue when Sho left him alone in the room, because Aiba just couldn’t stand being alone. That made Sho even more wondering, “Why? What happened to him?”
Aiba’s expression was a bit stern although he answered almost emotionlessly, “Ohno appeared when he lost his family in an accident… thirteen years ago…”
Sho felt like a lightning struck right in his head. Aiba… who he dates for months couldn’t possibly…
He blamed himself for how incapable he was to be a boyfriend, he didn’t even know Aiba’s background, “He lost his parents?”
Aiba laughed dryly, “He lost the whole family including his younger brother and sister. They would go to beach after they had picked up Masaki from his school, but they never reached him and Masaki waited for his family that never arrived… excitedly…”
Sho tried to form a coherent sentence above all chaos that happened inside his head, a seven years old Aiba who was waiting his family for a picnic… a family that never picked him up anymore. Imagining Aiba’s feelings at that time only made Sho feel sick, his lover’s life had been corrupted since he was 7 years old. He felt the whole world spin as the image of 7 years old Aiba emerged his head, the skinny tall boy who stood alone in his family funeral, broken and wrecked, as he closed himself from real life forever.
“I think it’s enough for today, I don’t think you are as clueless as before…” Aiba broke the silence that drowned Sho so deep.
Sho pushed his droughty throat to speak as his voice sounded dry, he needed to apologize to Jun about how rude he was to ask about Aiba’s past, while it was the taboo thing between them. “I’m… sorry… It’s possibly hard-for you… to tell it…” he really, really needed a glass of water, “to me…”
Aiba walked toward Sho who felt his hand turn icy cold and freeze to the side of his chair, “It wasn’t hard for me… really…” Sho saw it again, Aiba’s pity gaze on him, “But it was, for you.”
Sho didn’t have time to voice out his confusion as Aiba closed his eyes so sudden and gone to his trance state. After some minutes he opened his eyes again looked shocked when he scanned his surroundings. His terrified eyes met Sho’s who was still unable to move As if his whole body glued to the chair. Without needs anymore clue Sho understood that Jun brought Aiba back already, “Sho-chan?”
Sho wanted to answer, he wanted to hug Aiba and tell him that he would never leave him. He wanted to tell Aiba that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Sho-chan? Why are you crying?”
Crying?
Did he?
Sho was too late for some minutes to feel his own tears streamed down his cheeks, he felt so numb but he closed his eyes when he felt Aiba’s warm hands brushed his cheeks tenderly, wiped away his tears. His body was shaking crazily as Aiba’s hands extended to bring him into the warmth. Sho bawled into Aiba’s neck as he cling dearly to the other’s t-shirt. “Sho-chan… what happened?”
“I love you…” he whispered the only thing that made sense in his head to Aiba’s ears.
“I love you…” he repeated it desperately, “I really do…”
He felt Aiba’s body quivered, laughing lightly, “I’m supposed to feel happy but you are really scarring me…”
He loosened his arms to cup the other’s face, Aiba‘s puzzled look still watching him, “I’m here, Masaki… You are not alone… I’m here and I love you.”
“Sho-chan, I don’t understand…”
“You don’t need to…” Sho buried his fingers to Aiba’s hair as he continued, “You just need to remember it…”
“How can I forget the moment when Sho-chan cried like a baby and confessed at the same time?” Aiba laughed loudly until Sho reached and kissed him fervently, his body stiffed for a moment but calmed immediately after he heard his lover’s whisper between the kiss, “I love you, Masaki…”
~*~
AN: OMG it's been so long! I'm really sorry, I've been really busy with job hunting and graduation... and MF problem -.-
This fic isn't supposed to be this long but... in the end I, myself, don't know how many chapters more to end it, and how long will I take to write them all... T^T
Sumimasen~ T^T
But finally~ a bit of Aiba's past~ will be more later? stay tuned :D