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time for part 3! warning, this one is going be VERY image heavy for obvious reasons. again, this is both Bad Wolf and The Parting of Ways. lots of jack goodness. and will DEFINITELY break your dial up.
The Adventures of Captain Jack Harkness
Part 3 - NAKEY TIME!
Last time on Doctor Who...Satelite Five, Jagrefress, things coming out of people's heads, cute kid who never made it past the next episode.
So we find the Doctor in the fetal position in some closet, and when he emerges he finds himself on an episode of Big Brother - Bazillion. Rose wakes up in a very dark studio to find herself on The Weakest Link.
Jack, however, wakes up with two robot women looking over him commenting about his 21st Century Denim. As with Rose, he's like "WTF WHERE'S THE DOCTOR?!"
The robot women tell him he's getting a new look, they chat about his ho-down farming clothes, then tell him that the de-fabricator is going to do all the work. Jack is all "what's a de-fabricator?"
Oh just you wait Jack.
Fangirls (and boys) : OMG
Jack is like "wait, I'm naked infront of a bazathousand viewers?"
The robots : Yep. Jack: "Ladies, your viewing figures just went up."
Back on Big Brother, Doctor remembers what happened. Starts babbling about theplanetwiththereallybigname and some other place, and how they were laughing and having a good time.
Then, WHITE LIGHT OF DOOM!
Doctor is all TOTES GOING TO FIND YOU! Rose is like I'M TOTES WINNING THIS! And has a laughing fit doing it. Meanwhile, Jack is showing off his guns...
With the pirate look aparently.
Then the robot tells him never to wear color with black. Oh honey, never tell a gay man what not to wear.
Even the robots like his butt.
Then he fondles the robots fake ta-ta's. Oh Jack, you're such. a. whore.
The Robot then puts Rose in her place (Yet you can still buy Peroxcide), then the first person gets ZAPPED and everyone is like OMG WOT?!
Back in the Big Brother house, girl gets kicked off, and they're all TEN SECONDS OR DIE. Then she gets zapped. And the Doctor is all OMG WOT?!
Then we see some sexual tension with the people who work for these crazy game people who ZAP whenever you lose. And then...SOME LADY HOOKED UP TO A MILLION WIRES WHAT?!
"When mother's pack and leave poor father because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros...Anything Goes."
(I had to. I'm sorry. I'm done now.)
So the robots zap him naked again...
(FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BBC JUST A FEW MORE INCHES WITH THE CAMERA)
And then they're all "WE TAKES YOUR PRETTY FACE NAO!"
Then out of no where, Jack pulls out a gun. All of Fandom, the Robots, and hell, everyone on the planet, is like WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!
Jack: Teehee.
And he blows their heads off.
Meanwhile, more people are getting zapped from The Weakest Link, more Bad Wolf stuff haunts Rose, the Doctor gets evicted from the house but really doesn't, and he gets Lynda with a Y out of the house as well. Then he's like OH SHIT THIS IS SATELITE FIVE!!
Jack then turns into a geek with a very large gun and a new outfit.
The Doctor finds out that whenever he blasted apart all the news channels, Earth pretty much froze because they had nothing else going on.
Doctor: Well fuck me.
More zapping on the weakest link, Rose is in the finals. Then Jack finds the Doctor. "Hey Handsome" is how he greets him. More fan fic.
Then he flirts with introduces himself to Lynda with a Y, and the Doctor is all FLIRT LATER and Jack is all YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU!
Finally, the Doctor finds rose. Aparently she's with the AnnDroid. Doctor and Jack are like WOT?
They get up to the floor, Jack's like LET ME PLAY WITH MY GUN OMG! But the Doctor is determined to open it with his Sonic Screwdriver. But they don't make it in time, as Rose is zapped when she runs for the Doctor.
So what does Jack do? Threaten people with his giant gun.
And then they're arrested.
But they aren't just going to sit back and admit defeat. Because they then get up and kick some serious ass.
And they're off to floor 500 (but not without Jack's big gun and his new jacket). The Doctor is pissed off like woah, barks some orders to Jack (Yes, Sir!) and tries to get some answers.
Jack wants to enter Archive 6, which is aparently out of bounds, but he's all "I HAS BIG GUNS NAO"
Well lookie there! It's the TARDIS! And the Doctor loves likes Jack so much that he already has his own key to his new love shack
Once inside, he sees Rose's jacket (which makes him emo) then types some stuff into the computer and is all WOT?!
Then the chick with all the wires can talk to him cause the sun comes out of nowhere which shut everything down. The Doctor is like WHERE THE HELL IS ROSE and she's all IT DON'T MATTER THERE'S DALEKS EVIL!!!
Jack comes back and is like HAY GUYS I HAVE THE SMARTS!
He tells them that the thing killing everyone isn't actually killing everyone it's just sending them somewhere else which means that Rose is still alive and the Doctor rejoices! So does Jack! AND THEY HUG!
When Rose wakes up, she's all WTF and there's this thing looking at her and she's all WOT and then the wire chick starts spouting off numbers then SHE gets zapped and we're all WOT?! and then she goes GLOW-Y GREEN OF DOOM!
So one of the worker guys aparently has part of the equation that's left and Jack's all "Hey you're hot! I'm Jack." and the Doctor is like REALLY CAN WE JUST SHAG ALREADY!
They try to figure out where Rose is, realize that there are invisible signals coming from somewhere, and then there's a whole bunch of ships! And Jack's like "oh shit." and the Doctor is like "Oh fuck me, it's Dalek's." And we're all HEY I THOUGHT THEY WERE DEAD?!
They use Rose as a captive and are like DO WHAT WE SAY and the Doctor is all FUCK YOU and the Daleks (and us) are like WOT?!?
and the Doctor is all I'M GOING TO BE BAD ASS IN THE NEXT EPISODE HA HA!
And Jack is like You just got THAT MUCH hotter.
And we get another cliff hanger. Christ, if I watched this while it aired, I'd be throwing shit about now.
But I'm not going to do that to you. Besides, you all know how it ends by now anyway.
SO back on the Dalek ship, the Daleks are all TELL US WHAT HE'S DOING NOW, meanwhile Jack and the Doctor are trying to pilot the TARDIS to the Dalek ship.
The Daleks fire a missle, but the Surfboard thing that is aparently still hooked up to the TARDIS despite it almost destroying Cardiff made a forcefield. "The extrapulator is working. We've got a fully functional forcefield. Try saying THAT when you're drunk." Because obviously all Jack can think about when he's under pressure is getting drunk and shagging the Doctor
They land in the middle of the Dalek Ship, and Jack is all ready with his big gun.
The Dalek is all DIE BITCH and Jack's like I HAS A GUN!
And the Dalek goes essplodey. The Doctor and Rose hug, then Jack's all "IT IS CAN BE HUG TIEM NAO" and Rose is all "duh" but Jack's like "no really, I wanted to hug him. But I'll hug you anyway."
Then we hear some deep Dalek voice and we're all BUZZAH and Rose is like "hey I thought they were dead" and Jack's like "Ditto" and the Doctor's like "Nope, fought in the time war," and Jack's all "OMG THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?"
No Jack He's just messing with your head. And then the Doctor goes all emo. But then gets excited and runs out of the TARDIS, and the Daleks are all HA HA KILL THE DOCTOR but he's all HA HA I HAS A FORCEFIELD!
So then he tries getting into the heads of the Daleks, and is like "hey I killed all of you wtf?" and we hear deep Dalek voice again. Look up, and there's a HUGE FUCKING DALEK HEAD THING EW!
Dalek brain thing babbles, the Doctor is all "I HATE YOU", Rose is all "I feel like I'm going to throw up," and Jack is all "Ok annoyed now. When can I have the Doctor back in peace?"
Turns out that Dalek brain created new Daleks out of old people parts. Ew?
The Doctor is then annoyed, and is all "time to go now" and the Daleks are all KILL YOU NAO and then the Doctor is all *headTARDIS*.
Back in the Game Station, everything is about to go to shit and all the dude that won The Weakest Link cares about is his monies. The Doctor starts going on about some scientificy type stuff, and everyone is all "buzzuh?" But then Jack figures out that he wants to build a Delta Wave! Which, according to Jack, can BBQ your brain. He is not amused.
Jack then hooks up the surfboard to the Game Station and is all "I HAVE A FORCEFIELD" and the game station dude is all "that's hot."
So he sends the people off to get guns and Jack is like "okay, I guess that's it ima go die now." And Rose is all "Don't say that." But Jack is like "Rose. You are worth fighting for."
AND THEN!
He turns to the Doctor and is all "I wish I never met you Doctor. I was much better off a coward."
AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN!
"See you in hell."
And a bajillion fanfics arise. And are still coming.
So Jack goes down to the 0 level to round up the people stuck down there, but they're all freaking out. So he's all HEY STFU!! with his big gun.
And the dude is like DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! And Jack's like NO REALLY STFU AND LISTEN TO US DIE!
And so Jack is off with like 10 people to prepare to go up against a bazillion Daleks. Chances of survival? 0
Doctor and Rose meanwhile are building the Delta Wave, and the Doctor is like you know we can just leave. But Rose is like Nah...but then the Doctor is like OMG WE CAN CROSS THE TIMELINES and they run into the TARDIS and he's all hang on I'll brb. But then he sends the TARDIS away. Rose is all WTF?! The Doctor is slightly emo now, but just wants Rose safe. And then the TARDIS lands in London and Rose is all NO FUCKING WAY I'M GOING BACK!
Mickey is all YAY TARDIS NOISE! and Rose is all OMG I WANT TO GO BAAAAACK!
Jack tries talking to Rose but the Doctor's all she's at home now. And Jack is like well fuck. I was kind of hoping to survive this and have a threesome see you lot again.
So Doctor is all "WTF Is this Bad Wolf thing" and Dalek Brain is all "no clue?"
Back in London, Mickey is all YAY ROSE and Rose is like "THE DOCTOR IS DYING WTF" and Jackie is like "WTF STFU YOU'RE SAFE" I heart Jackie. Rose goes all emo-y and runs off back to the TARDIS. Back on the Game Station, Jack is giving more orders to Lynda with a Y
Rose then sees More Bad Wolf stuff (written in REALLY LARGE CHALK LETTERS) and realize that it's not a warning, it's a link to the Doctor!
More Jack giving commands...
...Doctor freaking out over the Delta Wave, and then OMG DALEKS!
Meanwhile, Rose wants to get into the heart of the TARDIS. Bad call Rose.
The Daleks get to the first wave of gun fire, but now THEY HAVE THE FORCEFIELDS and people get zapped!
Mickey tries hooking up the heart of the TARDIS seal to his car to open it, but no luck.
The Daleks get to floor 495 and Jack is all "I LIKE 495 WE SHOULD BE FINE!" When the Daleks get there, they find ANNDROID who is all "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOODBYE" and zaps the hell out of them. Jack: AnnDroid FTW!
But then she gets her head blown off. And then the Daleks go down to floor 0 and kill everyone there. Lynda with a Y is all crying and emo.
Rose channels her dad and is all "I'm going to save him Mum deal with it!" and tells Jackie about meeting her dad before he died.
Meanwhile, the Daleks start bombing the hell out of Old Earth, the Dalek Brain is pleased. Jack starts barking orders again because they're the last line of defence. He's hot when barking orders.
Jackie then returns with this big ass yellow rescue truck to pull open the heart of the TARDIS door. Jackie FTW!
Daleks come to 496, Jack and company start blasting the hell out of them. It doesn't work. One of the Game Station workers gets zapped, dude that Jack was flirting with flips out and starts shooting everywhere, Jack is like oh fuck...
And starts screaming and spraying bullets everywhere. Then the Daleks kill Lynda with a Y. Which makes the Doctor very sad.
Jack is the last man standing and is all "GOD DAMNIT DOCTOR FINISH THAT STUPID THING!"
The big yellow truck of awesomeness opens the door to the heart of the TARDIS, and this yellow light takes over Rose and she turns into complete awesome and manages to get the TARDIS to listen to her, taking her back to the Game Station.
Jack is trying his damndest to keep the Daleks at bay, but they're persistent little bastards, aren't they?
The TARDIS goes flying through the vortex via Rose's eyes, then Jack runs out of bullets in his big gun. So he whips out his little gun.
But he runs out of bullets in THOSE as well. Jack is pretty much screwed and he knows it. But he wants to protect his lover the Doctor.
So Jack is all "BRING IT ON BITCH!"
And he's gone... ;_____________;
The Doctor FINALLY gets the Delta Wave ready, just as all the Daleks surround him. Doctor's like "PS if I do this all of you and everyone else is going to die." Dalek brain is all BRING IT ON! But then the Doctor changes his mind. Way to go Jack's Dad Doctor (sorry, Lost reference).
Just as he's ready to be exterminated, Rose is back! And all kinds of yellow! And awesome! She stops the Daleks and sends the Bad Wolf stuff to give herself a warning. Doctor is like OMG WOT and Rose is all STFU DALEK BRAIN and kills the Daleks just by moving her hands! But Dalek Brain is all "I'M AWESOME I CAN'T DIE!" and Rose is all STFU AND DIE ALREADY!! And Doctor is all OMG ROSE STOP!
AND THEN JACK IS ALIVE!!!
ROSE FOR THE FRAKING WIN!
The Doctor is all ROSE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AND IT'S MY FAULT STOP IT!!
And then he kisses her!! The fangirls explode in happiness!!
So now the Doctor has all this power and is going to spontaneously combust. They go back into the TARDIS and get the hell out of Dodge, but without Jack.
But Jack sees them take off.
And internally cries emo timelord tears.
Jack's adventure is now over. Or is it?
The Doctor meanwhile, spontaneously combusts and regenerates.
Fandom: OH MY GOD IT'S BARTY CROUCH JR!!!
So we leave Doctor Who series one in 2005 thinking "WAIT WHAT HAPPENED TO JACK?!?" Thankfully RTD heard the Fangirls cries.
Coming up: The Adventures of Captain Jack Harkness - CSI Cardiff
All caps are from here with the exception of the last two caps of Jack, which are from here curtosey of _chokeanddie
Just a note: the Torchwood adventures aren't going to be as in-depth as the Doctor Who adventures, mainly because I have 13 episodes in two days to deal with. I'll figure it out though, I promise :)
ETA: If you missed them - PART ONE and PART TWO
The Adventures of Captain Jack Harkness
Part 3 - NAKEY TIME!
Last time on Doctor Who...Satelite Five, Jagrefress, things coming out of people's heads, cute kid who never made it past the next episode.
So we find the Doctor in the fetal position in some closet, and when he emerges he finds himself on an episode of Big Brother - Bazillion. Rose wakes up in a very dark studio to find herself on The Weakest Link.
Jack, however, wakes up with two robot women looking over him commenting about his 21st Century Denim. As with Rose, he's like "WTF WHERE'S THE DOCTOR?!"
The robot women tell him he's getting a new look, they chat about his ho-down farming clothes, then tell him that the de-fabricator is going to do all the work. Jack is all "what's a de-fabricator?"
Oh just you wait Jack.
Fangirls (and boys) : OMG
Jack is like "wait, I'm naked infront of a bazathousand viewers?"
The robots : Yep. Jack: "Ladies, your viewing figures just went up."
Back on Big Brother, Doctor remembers what happened. Starts babbling about theplanetwiththereallybigname and some other place, and how they were laughing and having a good time.
Then, WHITE LIGHT OF DOOM!
Doctor is all TOTES GOING TO FIND YOU! Rose is like I'M TOTES WINNING THIS! And has a laughing fit doing it. Meanwhile, Jack is showing off his guns...
With the pirate look aparently.
Then the robot tells him never to wear color with black. Oh honey, never tell a gay man what not to wear.
Even the robots like his butt.
Then he fondles the robots fake ta-ta's. Oh Jack, you're such. a. whore.
The Robot then puts Rose in her place (Yet you can still buy Peroxcide), then the first person gets ZAPPED and everyone is like OMG WOT?!
Back in the Big Brother house, girl gets kicked off, and they're all TEN SECONDS OR DIE. Then she gets zapped. And the Doctor is all OMG WOT?!
Then we see some sexual tension with the people who work for these crazy game people who ZAP whenever you lose. And then...SOME LADY HOOKED UP TO A MILLION WIRES WHAT?!
"When mother's pack and leave poor father because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros...Anything Goes."
(I had to. I'm sorry. I'm done now.)
So the robots zap him naked again...
(FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BBC JUST A FEW MORE INCHES WITH THE CAMERA)
And then they're all "WE TAKES YOUR PRETTY FACE NAO!"
Then out of no where, Jack pulls out a gun. All of Fandom, the Robots, and hell, everyone on the planet, is like WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!
Jack: Teehee.
And he blows their heads off.
Meanwhile, more people are getting zapped from The Weakest Link, more Bad Wolf stuff haunts Rose, the Doctor gets evicted from the house but really doesn't, and he gets Lynda with a Y out of the house as well. Then he's like OH SHIT THIS IS SATELITE FIVE!!
Jack then turns into a geek with a very large gun and a new outfit.
The Doctor finds out that whenever he blasted apart all the news channels, Earth pretty much froze because they had nothing else going on.
Doctor: Well fuck me.
More zapping on the weakest link, Rose is in the finals. Then Jack finds the Doctor. "Hey Handsome" is how he greets him. More fan fic.
Then he flirts with introduces himself to Lynda with a Y, and the Doctor is all FLIRT LATER and Jack is all YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU!
Finally, the Doctor finds rose. Aparently she's with the AnnDroid. Doctor and Jack are like WOT?
They get up to the floor, Jack's like LET ME PLAY WITH MY GUN OMG! But the Doctor is determined to open it with his Sonic Screwdriver. But they don't make it in time, as Rose is zapped when she runs for the Doctor.
So what does Jack do? Threaten people with his giant gun.
And then they're arrested.
But they aren't just going to sit back and admit defeat. Because they then get up and kick some serious ass.
And they're off to floor 500 (but not without Jack's big gun and his new jacket). The Doctor is pissed off like woah, barks some orders to Jack (Yes, Sir!) and tries to get some answers.
Jack wants to enter Archive 6, which is aparently out of bounds, but he's all "I HAS BIG GUNS NAO"
Well lookie there! It's the TARDIS! And the Doctor loves likes Jack so much that he already has his own key to his new love shack
Once inside, he sees Rose's jacket (which makes him emo) then types some stuff into the computer and is all WOT?!
Then the chick with all the wires can talk to him cause the sun comes out of nowhere which shut everything down. The Doctor is like WHERE THE HELL IS ROSE and she's all IT DON'T MATTER THERE'S DALEKS EVIL!!!
Jack comes back and is like HAY GUYS I HAVE THE SMARTS!
He tells them that the thing killing everyone isn't actually killing everyone it's just sending them somewhere else which means that Rose is still alive and the Doctor rejoices! So does Jack! AND THEY HUG!
When Rose wakes up, she's all WTF and there's this thing looking at her and she's all WOT and then the wire chick starts spouting off numbers then SHE gets zapped and we're all WOT?! and then she goes GLOW-Y GREEN OF DOOM!
So one of the worker guys aparently has part of the equation that's left and Jack's all "Hey you're hot! I'm Jack." and the Doctor is like REALLY CAN WE JUST SHAG ALREADY!
They try to figure out where Rose is, realize that there are invisible signals coming from somewhere, and then there's a whole bunch of ships! And Jack's like "oh shit." and the Doctor is like "Oh fuck me, it's Dalek's." And we're all HEY I THOUGHT THEY WERE DEAD?!
They use Rose as a captive and are like DO WHAT WE SAY and the Doctor is all FUCK YOU and the Daleks (and us) are like WOT?!?
and the Doctor is all I'M GOING TO BE BAD ASS IN THE NEXT EPISODE HA HA!
And Jack is like You just got THAT MUCH hotter.
And we get another cliff hanger. Christ, if I watched this while it aired, I'd be throwing shit about now.
But I'm not going to do that to you. Besides, you all know how it ends by now anyway.
SO back on the Dalek ship, the Daleks are all TELL US WHAT HE'S DOING NOW, meanwhile Jack and the Doctor are trying to pilot the TARDIS to the Dalek ship.
The Daleks fire a missle, but the Surfboard thing that is aparently still hooked up to the TARDIS despite it almost destroying Cardiff made a forcefield. "The extrapulator is working. We've got a fully functional forcefield. Try saying THAT when you're drunk." Because obviously all Jack can think about when he's under pressure is getting drunk and shagging the Doctor
They land in the middle of the Dalek Ship, and Jack is all ready with his big gun.
The Dalek is all DIE BITCH and Jack's like I HAS A GUN!
And the Dalek goes essplodey. The Doctor and Rose hug, then Jack's all "IT IS CAN BE HUG TIEM NAO" and Rose is all "duh" but Jack's like "no really, I wanted to hug him. But I'll hug you anyway."
Then we hear some deep Dalek voice and we're all BUZZAH and Rose is like "hey I thought they were dead" and Jack's like "Ditto" and the Doctor's like "Nope, fought in the time war," and Jack's all "OMG THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?"
No Jack He's just messing with your head. And then the Doctor goes all emo. But then gets excited and runs out of the TARDIS, and the Daleks are all HA HA KILL THE DOCTOR but he's all HA HA I HAS A FORCEFIELD!
So then he tries getting into the heads of the Daleks, and is like "hey I killed all of you wtf?" and we hear deep Dalek voice again. Look up, and there's a HUGE FUCKING DALEK HEAD THING EW!
Dalek brain thing babbles, the Doctor is all "I HATE YOU", Rose is all "I feel like I'm going to throw up," and Jack is all "Ok annoyed now. When can I have the Doctor back in peace?"
Turns out that Dalek brain created new Daleks out of old people parts. Ew?
The Doctor is then annoyed, and is all "time to go now" and the Daleks are all KILL YOU NAO and then the Doctor is all *headTARDIS*.
Back in the Game Station, everything is about to go to shit and all the dude that won The Weakest Link cares about is his monies. The Doctor starts going on about some scientificy type stuff, and everyone is all "buzzuh?" But then Jack figures out that he wants to build a Delta Wave! Which, according to Jack, can BBQ your brain. He is not amused.
Jack then hooks up the surfboard to the Game Station and is all "I HAVE A FORCEFIELD" and the game station dude is all "that's hot."
So he sends the people off to get guns and Jack is like "okay, I guess that's it ima go die now." And Rose is all "Don't say that." But Jack is like "Rose. You are worth fighting for."
AND THEN!
He turns to the Doctor and is all "I wish I never met you Doctor. I was much better off a coward."
AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN!
"See you in hell."
And a bajillion fanfics arise. And are still coming.
So Jack goes down to the 0 level to round up the people stuck down there, but they're all freaking out. So he's all HEY STFU!! with his big gun.
And the dude is like DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! And Jack's like NO REALLY STFU AND LISTEN TO US DIE!
And so Jack is off with like 10 people to prepare to go up against a bazillion Daleks. Chances of survival? 0
Doctor and Rose meanwhile are building the Delta Wave, and the Doctor is like you know we can just leave. But Rose is like Nah...but then the Doctor is like OMG WE CAN CROSS THE TIMELINES and they run into the TARDIS and he's all hang on I'll brb. But then he sends the TARDIS away. Rose is all WTF?! The Doctor is slightly emo now, but just wants Rose safe. And then the TARDIS lands in London and Rose is all NO FUCKING WAY I'M GOING BACK!
Mickey is all YAY TARDIS NOISE! and Rose is all OMG I WANT TO GO BAAAAACK!
Jack tries talking to Rose but the Doctor's all she's at home now. And Jack is like well fuck. I was kind of hoping to survive this and have a threesome see you lot again.
So Doctor is all "WTF Is this Bad Wolf thing" and Dalek Brain is all "no clue?"
Back in London, Mickey is all YAY ROSE and Rose is like "THE DOCTOR IS DYING WTF" and Jackie is like "WTF STFU YOU'RE SAFE" I heart Jackie. Rose goes all emo-y and runs off back to the TARDIS. Back on the Game Station, Jack is giving more orders to Lynda with a Y
Rose then sees More Bad Wolf stuff (written in REALLY LARGE CHALK LETTERS) and realize that it's not a warning, it's a link to the Doctor!
More Jack giving commands...
...Doctor freaking out over the Delta Wave, and then OMG DALEKS!
Meanwhile, Rose wants to get into the heart of the TARDIS. Bad call Rose.
The Daleks get to the first wave of gun fire, but now THEY HAVE THE FORCEFIELDS and people get zapped!
Mickey tries hooking up the heart of the TARDIS seal to his car to open it, but no luck.
The Daleks get to floor 495 and Jack is all "I LIKE 495 WE SHOULD BE FINE!" When the Daleks get there, they find ANNDROID who is all "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOODBYE" and zaps the hell out of them. Jack: AnnDroid FTW!
But then she gets her head blown off. And then the Daleks go down to floor 0 and kill everyone there. Lynda with a Y is all crying and emo.
Rose channels her dad and is all "I'm going to save him Mum deal with it!" and tells Jackie about meeting her dad before he died.
Meanwhile, the Daleks start bombing the hell out of Old Earth, the Dalek Brain is pleased. Jack starts barking orders again because they're the last line of defence. He's hot when barking orders.
Jackie then returns with this big ass yellow rescue truck to pull open the heart of the TARDIS door. Jackie FTW!
Daleks come to 496, Jack and company start blasting the hell out of them. It doesn't work. One of the Game Station workers gets zapped, dude that Jack was flirting with flips out and starts shooting everywhere, Jack is like oh fuck...
And starts screaming and spraying bullets everywhere. Then the Daleks kill Lynda with a Y. Which makes the Doctor very sad.
Jack is the last man standing and is all "GOD DAMNIT DOCTOR FINISH THAT STUPID THING!"
The big yellow truck of awesomeness opens the door to the heart of the TARDIS, and this yellow light takes over Rose and she turns into complete awesome and manages to get the TARDIS to listen to her, taking her back to the Game Station.
Jack is trying his damndest to keep the Daleks at bay, but they're persistent little bastards, aren't they?
The TARDIS goes flying through the vortex via Rose's eyes, then Jack runs out of bullets in his big gun. So he whips out his little gun.
But he runs out of bullets in THOSE as well. Jack is pretty much screwed and he knows it. But he wants to protect his lover the Doctor.
So Jack is all "BRING IT ON BITCH!"
And he's gone... ;_____________;
The Doctor FINALLY gets the Delta Wave ready, just as all the Daleks surround him. Doctor's like "PS if I do this all of you and everyone else is going to die." Dalek brain is all BRING IT ON! But then the Doctor changes his mind. Way to go Jack's Dad Doctor (sorry, Lost reference).
Just as he's ready to be exterminated, Rose is back! And all kinds of yellow! And awesome! She stops the Daleks and sends the Bad Wolf stuff to give herself a warning. Doctor is like OMG WOT and Rose is all STFU DALEK BRAIN and kills the Daleks just by moving her hands! But Dalek Brain is all "I'M AWESOME I CAN'T DIE!" and Rose is all STFU AND DIE ALREADY!! And Doctor is all OMG ROSE STOP!
AND THEN JACK IS ALIVE!!!
ROSE FOR THE FRAKING WIN!
The Doctor is all ROSE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AND IT'S MY FAULT STOP IT!!
And then he kisses her!! The fangirls explode in happiness!!
So now the Doctor has all this power and is going to spontaneously combust. They go back into the TARDIS and get the hell out of Dodge, but without Jack.
But Jack sees them take off.
And internally cries emo timelord tears.
Jack's adventure is now over. Or is it?
The Doctor meanwhile, spontaneously combusts and regenerates.
Fandom: OH MY GOD IT'S BARTY CROUCH JR!!!
So we leave Doctor Who series one in 2005 thinking "WAIT WHAT HAPPENED TO JACK?!?" Thankfully RTD heard the Fangirls cries.
Coming up: The Adventures of Captain Jack Harkness - CSI Cardiff
All caps are from here with the exception of the last two caps of Jack, which are from here curtosey of _chokeanddie
Just a note: the Torchwood adventures aren't going to be as in-depth as the Doctor Who adventures, mainly because I have 13 episodes in two days to deal with. I'll figure it out though, I promise :)
ETA: If you missed them - PART ONE and PART TWO