[fanfic] What do you hide from me?
Fandom: B1A4
Pairing: JinDeul (Jinyoung/Sandeul = Jinyoung/Junghwan)
Word Count: 1 993
Genre: drama. fluff. friendship.
For: imheartsick ♥
The first time he saw him, he had a smile on his face bigger than anyone else’s and his eyes were already crinkling with that emotion that made his heart skip a beat. Jinyoung didn’t intend to go up to him and be friends, but when he saw how somebody else practically jumped on his boy he frowned and made his way up to him.
Soon enough he knew the other’s name, his favorite food, celebrity and a lot more information that was all a bit too much for him. But whenever he saw the smile that made Junghwan’s eyes so small that they almost disappeared he thought it was worth remembering it. Because it meant he was friends with him.
Later he realized that Junghwan was friends with a lot of people and he was nothing special among all the trainees, although he felt special.
When they were announced to debut together and he suddenly belonged to a group with Junghwan, only him and four other guys, he felt that he had achieved something. He was closer to him than anyone else, well except for the four other boys.
Their training was hard and since he was supposed to be the leader it was even harder for him. Jinyoung didn’t let anyone know about his feelings and he told himself he could endure everything, but only when he saw Junghwan jumping and playing around, throwing smiles like nobody else he felt how strength was coming back to him.
Dongwoo had talked to him once about it, being the oldest and having an eye on the leader.
“Anything up with you and Junghwan? “ At first he had only been surprised.
“Why?”
But then he had seen the look Dongwoo had been giving him and he had begun to feel nervous.
“Because you always look at him… differently than at anyone else.”
Jinyoung had frozen for a moment but then he had smiled and patted Dongwoo on the arm.
“It’s nothing. My eyes are just drawn to him because he’s so loud and energetic. Don’t you have to look at him sometimes too?” He had laughed and quickly escaped the situation before the oldest could have asked anything else.
After that he had begun to be more careful, cautious about his looks and actions towards Junghwan.
Maybe too cautious because he had noticed how Junghwan practically searched for his attention at times and he just tried to ignore him, to ignore the fluttering in his chest.
It has been two weeks since their debut and Jinyoung looked at his members with pride. They were practicing for their performances and he took a pause to watch them.
The concentrated look on their faces was so different from their on stage faces but Jinyoung wished he could see it here too, at least on Junghwan. On stage he could only watch from the corners of his eyes how cheerful and bouncy his team member was but in the practice room he could take all his time to watch.
Not that Junghwan was any different in their daily life. Sometimes Jinyoung wondered if he even became more cheerful after their debut. They knew each other really well by now and still he couldn’t say if Junghwan’s moods were at times real or only acted out for everyone else.
They never fought or argued between each other, but he hasn’t seen him really down or sad once and that scared him. Everyone had their down times or bad days, just not Junghwan.
“You’re staring.” The voice was close, too close and Jinyoung jumped away, staring a little breathless at the laughing face in front of him. Junghwan leaned onto him and laughed even harder, his eyes disappearing completely and causing the all too well known flutter in Jinyoung’s chest.
“Sorry…” The mumble was low and not really wanted, but Junghwan heard it and calmed down immediately.
“What are you apologizing for you? Aish, silly leader.” He chuckled and slapped him playfully on the back, before he left him alone with his confused thoughts.
It was already late when their trainer said they were done for the day and left together with Dongwoo and Sunwoo.
“I want to go grab something to eat, Hyung~.” Chansik’s whiney voice immediately gave Jinyoung a headache and he smiled resigned, nodding in the direction of the door.
“Fine, I will buy you something. Junghwan-ah, are you coming?” Junghwan looked up from where he was resting against the mirror and threw him a cute smile, waving exhausted with his hands.
“No, I will go on my own. Just go without me.”
“Fine, see you later at home then.”
They decided to buy food for everyone and went back home, where everyone had been waited except for Junghwan.
Nobody really worried about him, since they were all old enough to take care of themselves but when it was time to go to bed and he still hasn’t come home, Jinyoung started to worry. He blamed it on his position as a leader and his duty to look out for everyone but secretly he knew it went deeper than this.
The member started to go to bed but Jinyoung decided to wait a bit longer, waving them off and telling them not to worry. It was past 3am and still no sign of Junghwan, his cell phone was shut down and he didn’t call or texted once. It has been hours and Jinyoung felt sick of all the worry.
Finally he decided to go back to the practice room and look for him there. He didn’t know what else to do. Carefully to not disturb the others he slipped out of the dorm and headed back to where he had last seen his friend, hours ago.
There was no light and he almost wanted to leave when he heard something inside their room. Quietly Jinyoung made his way to the door and opened it, glancing inside. At first he couldn’t see anything but after a while his eyes noticed a figure sitting at window.
“Junghwan?” The voice obviously startled the other boy and he jumped up, staring at the direction of the door.
“Hyung? What are you doing here?”
Jinyoung sighed and then smiled. At least he was here and he didn’t have to worry anymore.
“I could ask you the same. Wait, I’ll turn on the lights.”
“No!!”
Jinyoung freezed, suddenly even more worried. Not about the sudden outburst and the meaning of the word but more of the tone in which it was said. There was something in Junghwan’s voice that he had never heard before.
“I mean… I’m okay. I’m just… I’ll come out, okay?” Jinyoung heard how the tone changed and he practically felt the force behind the words that Junghwan was putting on himself.
He hesitated a moment before he closed the door and carefully moved towards the window.
“Wait, I’ll come to you. Don’t move.” Junghwan didn’t answer but he stayed at the window, being slightly illuminated by the lights outside and when Jinyoung came closer he noticed the streaks on his face, barely visible but there.
He tried to choke down the sudden panic and forced himself to stay calm.
“What were you doing all the time here?” His voice was soft and calm, although he felt everything but calm.
“Just practicing.” Junghwan sounded distant and looked away from his leader, staring out the window.
He didn’t answer and so they stood in silence for a while, until Jinyoung couldn’t bear it any longer and sneaked his arms around Junghwan’s waist, holding him close from behind. He didn’t want to put any more pressure on him, but he also couldn’t stand there, not knowing and still feeling that something was not okay.
“I’m sorry, hyung.” The words were small and said with so much sadness that Jinyoung pressed only closer to his back.
“It’s okay.” He tried not to think of the warm body pressed to his, of the scent that only belonged to Junghwan and slowly started to get into his head. Instead he thought of the smile that always plastered his face and then of the sad look he had just seen on that same face.
Sometimes he had really wondered if everything was okay with Junghwan because no person could be like that all the time, could act like that in every moment.
A shudder went through Junghwan’s body and slowly he began to relax against the body holding him.
Jinyoung didn’t know how long they stayed like this but when he noticed how his friend suddenly slackened in his hold he dragged him down and leaned against the wall, still holding him.
“I was worried about you.” He didn’t mean to say anything but the words suddenly left his lips and Junghwan looked up at this, still having that look in his face but something in his eyes was softening.
“I’m sorry, I should have called or texted you.”
Jinyoung shook his head and stroked over Junghwan’s hair, suddenly feeling himself smiling.
“No, I mean, all this time. I was thinking about you.”
Oops, this came out wrong. His hand froze and Jinyoung stared at Junghwan’s face, blushing furiously suddenly.
“I.. I mean, worrying. I was worrying about you. … All this time.” He couldn’t look away when Junghwan’s face lit up in one of his wide smiles, making his eyes crinkle. It was the smile that Jinyoung fell in love with, all the years back in that room with everyone else.
But now it was only them and Junghwan was too close and Jinyoung couldn’t think.
“Hyung, you’re really cute when you’re blushing.” Junghwan chuckled and poked his cheeks, having his playful smile back and his eyes were looking at Jinyoung like he was someone special.
“S-stop that.” He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even grab Junghwan’s hands and keep him from pinching him.
However after a few more pinches Junghwan let go and only leaned back at him with a content smile. His eyes focused on the mirror where he could see them only as dark shadows, not obvious who was who or where the one began and the other ended.
“Hyung, I’m really happy.” There was such a difference in these words than to the ones before and Jinyoung felt all his worries and sadness washed away. He stared at Junghwan and was glad he was looking at something else, so he could watch him in every way he wanted.
“Thank you.” Now he was looking back at him and Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat, stumbling over this beautiful look Junghwan was giving him.
He felt special, like he was the only one Junghwan would ever look at like this and that was more than enough, it was everything he ever wanted.
It seemed like nobody could draw their eyes away and Jinyoung unconsciously grabbed Junghwan’s shoulder. He slowly leant closer and without meaning to he closed his eyes.
But then there was a hand on his mouth that made him snap his eyes open again. Junghwan was laughing at him, that unique and free laughter and Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile.
Junghwan still held onto his mouth until Jinyoung took his fingers away and pulled him up.
“Let’s go home.”
They held hands all the way back to their dorm and Jinyoung told him about the food they had bought and the time they have spent without him.
He couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed, but he knew he would never forget the look Junghwan had when they were so close. And then how his face suddenly changed just before Jinyoung had closed his eyes.
Jinyoung looked at his hand and then followed Junghwan into the kitchen to warm up some food. They still had a long way to go, music wise and career wise and maybe relationship wise too. Jinyoung decided to hold onto that and the memory of that moment.
Pairing: JinDeul (Jinyoung/Sandeul = Jinyoung/Junghwan)
Word Count: 1 993
Genre: drama. fluff. friendship.
For: imheartsick ♥
The first time he saw him, he had a smile on his face bigger than anyone else’s and his eyes were already crinkling with that emotion that made his heart skip a beat. Jinyoung didn’t intend to go up to him and be friends, but when he saw how somebody else practically jumped on his boy he frowned and made his way up to him.
Soon enough he knew the other’s name, his favorite food, celebrity and a lot more information that was all a bit too much for him. But whenever he saw the smile that made Junghwan’s eyes so small that they almost disappeared he thought it was worth remembering it. Because it meant he was friends with him.
Later he realized that Junghwan was friends with a lot of people and he was nothing special among all the trainees, although he felt special.
When they were announced to debut together and he suddenly belonged to a group with Junghwan, only him and four other guys, he felt that he had achieved something. He was closer to him than anyone else, well except for the four other boys.
Their training was hard and since he was supposed to be the leader it was even harder for him. Jinyoung didn’t let anyone know about his feelings and he told himself he could endure everything, but only when he saw Junghwan jumping and playing around, throwing smiles like nobody else he felt how strength was coming back to him.
Dongwoo had talked to him once about it, being the oldest and having an eye on the leader.
“Anything up with you and Junghwan? “ At first he had only been surprised.
“Why?”
But then he had seen the look Dongwoo had been giving him and he had begun to feel nervous.
“Because you always look at him… differently than at anyone else.”
Jinyoung had frozen for a moment but then he had smiled and patted Dongwoo on the arm.
“It’s nothing. My eyes are just drawn to him because he’s so loud and energetic. Don’t you have to look at him sometimes too?” He had laughed and quickly escaped the situation before the oldest could have asked anything else.
After that he had begun to be more careful, cautious about his looks and actions towards Junghwan.
Maybe too cautious because he had noticed how Junghwan practically searched for his attention at times and he just tried to ignore him, to ignore the fluttering in his chest.
It has been two weeks since their debut and Jinyoung looked at his members with pride. They were practicing for their performances and he took a pause to watch them.
The concentrated look on their faces was so different from their on stage faces but Jinyoung wished he could see it here too, at least on Junghwan. On stage he could only watch from the corners of his eyes how cheerful and bouncy his team member was but in the practice room he could take all his time to watch.
Not that Junghwan was any different in their daily life. Sometimes Jinyoung wondered if he even became more cheerful after their debut. They knew each other really well by now and still he couldn’t say if Junghwan’s moods were at times real or only acted out for everyone else.
They never fought or argued between each other, but he hasn’t seen him really down or sad once and that scared him. Everyone had their down times or bad days, just not Junghwan.
“You’re staring.” The voice was close, too close and Jinyoung jumped away, staring a little breathless at the laughing face in front of him. Junghwan leaned onto him and laughed even harder, his eyes disappearing completely and causing the all too well known flutter in Jinyoung’s chest.
“Sorry…” The mumble was low and not really wanted, but Junghwan heard it and calmed down immediately.
“What are you apologizing for you? Aish, silly leader.” He chuckled and slapped him playfully on the back, before he left him alone with his confused thoughts.
It was already late when their trainer said they were done for the day and left together with Dongwoo and Sunwoo.
“I want to go grab something to eat, Hyung~.” Chansik’s whiney voice immediately gave Jinyoung a headache and he smiled resigned, nodding in the direction of the door.
“Fine, I will buy you something. Junghwan-ah, are you coming?” Junghwan looked up from where he was resting against the mirror and threw him a cute smile, waving exhausted with his hands.
“No, I will go on my own. Just go without me.”
“Fine, see you later at home then.”
They decided to buy food for everyone and went back home, where everyone had been waited except for Junghwan.
Nobody really worried about him, since they were all old enough to take care of themselves but when it was time to go to bed and he still hasn’t come home, Jinyoung started to worry. He blamed it on his position as a leader and his duty to look out for everyone but secretly he knew it went deeper than this.
The member started to go to bed but Jinyoung decided to wait a bit longer, waving them off and telling them not to worry. It was past 3am and still no sign of Junghwan, his cell phone was shut down and he didn’t call or texted once. It has been hours and Jinyoung felt sick of all the worry.
Finally he decided to go back to the practice room and look for him there. He didn’t know what else to do. Carefully to not disturb the others he slipped out of the dorm and headed back to where he had last seen his friend, hours ago.
There was no light and he almost wanted to leave when he heard something inside their room. Quietly Jinyoung made his way to the door and opened it, glancing inside. At first he couldn’t see anything but after a while his eyes noticed a figure sitting at window.
“Junghwan?” The voice obviously startled the other boy and he jumped up, staring at the direction of the door.
“Hyung? What are you doing here?”
Jinyoung sighed and then smiled. At least he was here and he didn’t have to worry anymore.
“I could ask you the same. Wait, I’ll turn on the lights.”
“No!!”
Jinyoung freezed, suddenly even more worried. Not about the sudden outburst and the meaning of the word but more of the tone in which it was said. There was something in Junghwan’s voice that he had never heard before.
“I mean… I’m okay. I’m just… I’ll come out, okay?” Jinyoung heard how the tone changed and he practically felt the force behind the words that Junghwan was putting on himself.
He hesitated a moment before he closed the door and carefully moved towards the window.
“Wait, I’ll come to you. Don’t move.” Junghwan didn’t answer but he stayed at the window, being slightly illuminated by the lights outside and when Jinyoung came closer he noticed the streaks on his face, barely visible but there.
He tried to choke down the sudden panic and forced himself to stay calm.
“What were you doing all the time here?” His voice was soft and calm, although he felt everything but calm.
“Just practicing.” Junghwan sounded distant and looked away from his leader, staring out the window.
He didn’t answer and so they stood in silence for a while, until Jinyoung couldn’t bear it any longer and sneaked his arms around Junghwan’s waist, holding him close from behind. He didn’t want to put any more pressure on him, but he also couldn’t stand there, not knowing and still feeling that something was not okay.
“I’m sorry, hyung.” The words were small and said with so much sadness that Jinyoung pressed only closer to his back.
“It’s okay.” He tried not to think of the warm body pressed to his, of the scent that only belonged to Junghwan and slowly started to get into his head. Instead he thought of the smile that always plastered his face and then of the sad look he had just seen on that same face.
Sometimes he had really wondered if everything was okay with Junghwan because no person could be like that all the time, could act like that in every moment.
A shudder went through Junghwan’s body and slowly he began to relax against the body holding him.
Jinyoung didn’t know how long they stayed like this but when he noticed how his friend suddenly slackened in his hold he dragged him down and leaned against the wall, still holding him.
“I was worried about you.” He didn’t mean to say anything but the words suddenly left his lips and Junghwan looked up at this, still having that look in his face but something in his eyes was softening.
“I’m sorry, I should have called or texted you.”
Jinyoung shook his head and stroked over Junghwan’s hair, suddenly feeling himself smiling.
“No, I mean, all this time. I was thinking about you.”
Oops, this came out wrong. His hand froze and Jinyoung stared at Junghwan’s face, blushing furiously suddenly.
“I.. I mean, worrying. I was worrying about you. … All this time.” He couldn’t look away when Junghwan’s face lit up in one of his wide smiles, making his eyes crinkle. It was the smile that Jinyoung fell in love with, all the years back in that room with everyone else.
But now it was only them and Junghwan was too close and Jinyoung couldn’t think.
“Hyung, you’re really cute when you’re blushing.” Junghwan chuckled and poked his cheeks, having his playful smile back and his eyes were looking at Jinyoung like he was someone special.
“S-stop that.” He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even grab Junghwan’s hands and keep him from pinching him.
However after a few more pinches Junghwan let go and only leaned back at him with a content smile. His eyes focused on the mirror where he could see them only as dark shadows, not obvious who was who or where the one began and the other ended.
“Hyung, I’m really happy.” There was such a difference in these words than to the ones before and Jinyoung felt all his worries and sadness washed away. He stared at Junghwan and was glad he was looking at something else, so he could watch him in every way he wanted.
“Thank you.” Now he was looking back at him and Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat, stumbling over this beautiful look Junghwan was giving him.
He felt special, like he was the only one Junghwan would ever look at like this and that was more than enough, it was everything he ever wanted.
It seemed like nobody could draw their eyes away and Jinyoung unconsciously grabbed Junghwan’s shoulder. He slowly leant closer and without meaning to he closed his eyes.
But then there was a hand on his mouth that made him snap his eyes open again. Junghwan was laughing at him, that unique and free laughter and Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile.
Junghwan still held onto his mouth until Jinyoung took his fingers away and pulled him up.
“Let’s go home.”
They held hands all the way back to their dorm and Jinyoung told him about the food they had bought and the time they have spent without him.
He couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed, but he knew he would never forget the look Junghwan had when they were so close. And then how his face suddenly changed just before Jinyoung had closed his eyes.
Jinyoung looked at his hand and then followed Junghwan into the kitchen to warm up some food. They still had a long way to go, music wise and career wise and maybe relationship wise too. Jinyoung decided to hold onto that and the memory of that moment.