[fanfic] Loud Night - Silent Life. Chapter 4
Title: Loud Night - Silent Life. Chapter 4
Pairing: tiny bit YooSu
Genre: angst. drama. friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3 261
Length: chaptered -> Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 . Part 4 .
Warning: /
Summary: Something happens in that night. Something that changes Junsu's life forever. And with him it changes everything in the life of DBSK.
Thanks to: engbreakfast my beta <3 thank you, you are amazing and I really appreciate your work! ♥
Dedicated to: doublejae I miss you and i love you ♥
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK. Just the plot is mine.
A/N:
Finally chapter 4.
I took long, I know. I am sorry.
I have nothing much to say about this one.
But everyone please go and buy cookies for engbreakfast <33 because she is my beta and she does really a great job!!
Thank you, darling ♥
~
On their way back to the house they didn’t talk, but Yoochun’s smile was plastered across his face almost permanently. He was overjoyed just to hear Junsu’s voice again, even if it was just a few words. It was how he imagined a proud parent would feel when they hear their son’s first words.
He called for their members to come, and when they arrived he couldn’t help but to chuckle excitedly. Their worried gazes went to Junsu, but he just smiled at them, smoothing his hair at the sides, a habit he had when he was embarrassed.
But Junsu didn’t speak right now and Yoochun looked at him, wondering worriedly.
He jabbed lightly into Junsu’s side and earned a glare from the younger one.
“He is an idiot. And you are idiots as well.”
Junsu laughed at the surprised faces in front of him and didn’t stop when they nearly crushed him as they hugged him tightly.
“You can talk, Junsu.”
He heard a happy whisper near his ear and he patted Jaejoong lightly on the head.
After they all calmed down, they began to ask questions, but when they noticed that Junsu didn’t seem to answer any of them, they became silent again.
“Junsu-ah, will you talk again?”
The sudden, sincere question came from the youngest and everyone knew what he meant. All gazes wandered back to Junsu and he smiled, shyly and apologizing.
When no answer came, they all knew what it meant.
“But you can talk. Why do you refuse to do so?”
Again it was the youngest who asked him. Junsu smiled, a bit too bitter, and bent down to stroke Xiahki’s fur, refusing to look into their eyes.
“It’s easier like this. Please understand. Please…”
His voice was hollow and filled with still lingering pain.
Jaejoong bit his lower lip and tried to not yell at him. He didn’t want to understand, he wanted to hear his voice again, like before. Junsu didn’t have to sing or be as cheerful as he once was, but just talking to them was enough. Was that too much to ask for?
Yunho smiled and took the step nobody else could do, embraced Junsu once again and held him close.
“It’s okay, Junsu. You don’t have to talk. We just miss your voice. We were so worried that you could have lost it… Take your time, okay?”
Junsu buried his face into Yunho’s chest and breathed the familiar scent, smiling again.
He didn’t answer but he was relieved to hear such words.
They wouldn’t push him to speak again but just wait until he was ready. He knew now that he would begin to use his voice again. It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but he knew how much his members craved for hearing his voice, how much they had missed it.
Though he made this decision now because of his friends and not due to his own feelings and likings, he could feel how a little bit of the emptiness and heaviness inside himself calmed down and disappeared.
He looked up at the faces of the other four men and smiled, brightly and slightly teary eyed.
“Now let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”
The sudden comment from their magnae caused a full of chuckles between the group members.
Everything was like before, like the past days and weeks, but yet something was different. The mood of the whole group seemed to be brightened, just a bit, but enough to ease the hard expressions on their faces.
They laughed more and suddenly also the eukyangkyang laughter could be heard again.
~
It was late and Junsu lied lazily on the couch, watching some old performance of them that was airing.
He yawned and smiled at Yoochun when the older came and sat down at the other end. He took Junsu’s legs and put them on his own, caressing them a bit.
The gaze the other gave him made him laugh and he put his hands down to let them rest on the other’s knees.
“I know what you want to say.”
He made a pause and sighed, poked slightly against Junsu’s bone.
“But nevertheless you can say it. I would likely hear it from you.”
They all had tried during the day to bring Junsu to speak with them. Actually he had, several times but it was only around four to five times throughout the day.
This time Junsu stared at his friend for a moment, before he smiled and got up to sit next to him. He lay his hand on top Yoochun’s and leaned against him, so that their shoulders knocked against each other.
“What about spending some time in the music room? I want to hear your music.”
His voice was still low, but it had already got better, maybe not exactly the way it sounded but how it felt for him.
Yoochun didn’t hesitate but grabbed his friend’s hands and pulled him along to the smallest room in the house.
They both settled down on the bench in front of the piano since Junsu loved to watch him play, watching how his fingers danced on the keys.
Yoochun pulled out his latest composition and glanced at Junsu before he began to play it.
It was something sad, thoughtful and yet filled with soft and tender melodies, the pieces of a loving heart.
Junsu closed his eyes around the middle of the song and leaned a bit into Yoochun’s side, listening carefully to the gentle notes coming from the piano.
Though he smiled at the end, his face was wet from the tears he cried sometime during the song and his eyelashes still captured a few drops. Yoochun looked at him for a moment, into the face he could watch for hours.
It seemed like Junsu had fallen asleep on his shoulder, but suddenly his lips shivered a bit before he opened his mouth to say something.
Out of a sudden instinct Yoochun captured the words with his finger, holding the lips still, so that Junsu won’t talk.
Then he brushed off the tears that were still lingering at his eyelashes and corners of his eyes.
The smile found its way back in Junsu’s face and he opened his eyes, slowly and careful, brushing slightly at Yoochun’s fingers which were still at his eyelashes.
They looked at each other for a moment, sinking into each other’s eyes and Yoochun came a bit closer, while Junsu drew away so they were facing each other now.
It was completely silent in the room, it seemed like even in the world around them everybody held their breath.
Just when Yoochun was about to make a move, the door opened and a slightly flustered Jaejoong stormed in the room.
He stopped at the sight of the friends and stared at them for a moment, before he turned around and left the room just a second later with a curse.
But the moment was over for the two and Junsu moved away from Yoochun, so he sat now at the very end of the bank.
“Um… should we go to bed?”
Even Yoochun was a bit shy now and he didn’t really look at Junsu, instead he was busying himself with organizing his papers on the piano cover.
Junsu nodded to his question and stepped out of the room without looking at him again or saying anything.
Yoochun watched him going out and sighed when he was out of sight.
“Dumbass!” he whispered to himself and got up as well to go back to his own room.
Since the house was big enough they all had their own room, though Junsu had slept in the living room for a while now and didn’t seem to want to change it back any time soon.
They even moved the bed for him into this room so he could sleep comfortable.
This evening he waited until everyone was sleeping peacefully, before he changed into normal clothes and tiptoed out of the house. Nobody noticed his leaving, not even the dogs.
He wandered around the beach, watching the moon wandering around the sky and the waves under the stars whispering to him.
“Do they think it’s easy?”
He settled down, so far away from the house that he couldn’t even really see it anymore and stared into the black in front of him, the water telling him things he could not understand.
“I don’t know if they know, Junho. That I can still hear you, still see you. This moment when Yoochun played the piano today. I could feel you, so clearly. Where are you now? Where are you?”
He sighed and clenched his hands into the sand under him.
The tears came after staring too hard into the water and he didn’t even realize he was crying until a tear fell down onto his hand. He looked at it like he has never seen a salty drop of water on his hand before.
Then he laughed, bitter and sad, hating the sound of his own voice, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He laughed until the laughter was eaten by chokes that shook him.
He bit down the next choking and held his breath for a moment before letting it out in a scream, loud and painful, until he could hear it ringing into his ears.
He screamed until his throat hurt, until he couldn’t scream anymore, couldn’t speak anymore.
Then he took out the bloc of papers he always wore with him since he didn’t speak anymore.
Junsu stared a moment at it, before he pulled out the pen as well and began to write.
He wrote and wrote until his fingers hurt and no papers were left.
His eyes stared at the words written on the paper until they started to hurt. Everything hurt, his throat, his eyes and his fingers. But it was not enough, not enough pain to not feel the one in his heart anymore.
Junsu got up, stuffed the papers and the pen into his jacket and slowly went back to the direction of their house.
It was late, early in the morning and he was calm, so calm like never before, though the pain still burnt in his chest. But his face was clean, like washed and dried after hours of tears and dirt. His mind was blank and he grabbed for a moment the papers inside his jacket, just to hold them for a moment.
When he was standing in front of the house again the moon was fading into the light of the morning and he felt better.
The walk got him some air, some freedom and he was smiling again.
The dogs greeted him when he stepped through the front door and he shut them down with a few words and a bit petting.
He listened if anyone was already up but he heard no noise so he guessed everyone was still asleep.
Nevertheless when he walked into the living room, he caught the sight of Yoochun in his bed, snoring peacefully.
Junsu smiled and moved closer, until he stood in front of him. He watched the sleeping man how he turned around and was facing him now.
Like always every emotion was shown on the face of the older one and Junsu traced the lines carefully with his fingers, the slightly upside down edges of his mouth, the outline of the nose and his wide forehead. He grinned a bit when he let his hand smooth the crinkles on the forehead.
Yoochun shifted and seemed to relax a bit more.
Finally Junsu let go of him and changed back into his pyjama, before cuddling under the blanket with Yoochun. He snuggled to his friend’s warm chest and pressed a smile into it.
A moment later he was asleep and Yoochun was suddenly awake. He was more than surprised to find Junsu next to him, since he didn’t expected him to come to him into bed after coming back.
He had woken up shortly after Junsu had gone and just had the feeling that something happened. When he went into the living room to look for Junsu he saw that he was gone. He had lain down on the bed to wait for him, but fell asleep while doing so.
And now his friend was lying next to him and even snuggling to his chest.
Yoochun smiled and took the younger in his arms, embracing him carefully. He gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and cuddled a bit more into the body next to him, before falling asleep again, still with a smile on his lips.
~
Yunho and Jaejoong found them the next morning, still cuddled together in the bed. They grinned and decided to not wake them up until breakfast was ready.
Jaejoong quickly took a photo of the sight with his phone before following Yunho into the kitchen to prepare the food.
In the meanwhile Changmin got out of the bathroom and saw the two friends curled into each other on the bed. He smirked and splashed some water on their faces before escaping into the kitchen as well.
They both woke up at the same time and stared at each other’s, very close, face for a moment before they grinned and moved away a bit. It was not like they have never slept like this in one bed before and since they were like brothers towards each other, more or less, they felt it was okay to wake up like this.
However when Junsu got up and stretched in front of the bed, Yoochun could feel how he blushed a bit and turned around to not let the other see.
Junsu just slapped him playfully before he made his way to get his clothes and to go to the bathroom.
Yoochun stayed for a moment and smiled like an idiot until Junsu came back and jumped on the bed, beginning to tickle him.
After too much laughing and almost rolling from the bed they both had to catch their breath again before Junsu’s eyes appeared above Yoochun’s, sparkling and speaking to him.
He chuckled and wanted to capture that moment in his heart forever, the sparkle in his eyes, his breath making him shiver and the still lingering laughter at his lips.
“I will come right away, save my food from Changmin.”
He laughed again and jumped out of the bed to hurry up before the youngest would eat all his pancakes again. Yoochun could feel how a bigger stone fell from his heart and he glanced back at Junsu who made his way into the kitchen.
The laughing face and shining eyes from his friend made him happier than he would admit. He was so scared that Junsu needed a lot more time to be able to laugh like that again. But he seemed to have found it again; even if it was only for a moment or a short time.
When he walked by the bedroom where Junsu’s clothes were still stored, he noticed the papers lying on the floor.
Yoochun stepped closer and grabbed a few of them. Forgotten was the promised hurry for the breakfast and he sat down on the bed, trying to read the smudged and chaotic scrawl on the papers. He recognized Junsu’s handwriting and wondered when he wrote them, before he remembered that he went out the night before.
After reading a few he had tears in his eyes and his hands were shaking a bit, but he picked up a few more of the little papers and put them in order, until almost the half of them were in his hands. He wondered if he should take the others too, but decided against it and walked slowly out of the room and to his own. He could hear the others talking and eating in the kitchen and smiled a bit, placed the papers under a few other papers on his table and closed the door to his room before he went to the others.
Nobody asked Yoochun why he took so long but Junsu sent him a long gaze, before he concentrated on his food again. He saved Yoochun’s pancakes like promised and just smiled at him when he received the thanks.
They were talking about visiting a few friends in the city and maybe fly to Japan to visit a few people who couldn’t come as well. Junsu had agreed that they could do it, without him.
They all tried to convince him that he should come along, but he just shook his head, slowly and almost carefully, but firm. The other four just let him be for the moment but for sure, they would try to persuade him later again.
After the breakfast they still had not decided where to go first and when. Yoochun excused himself to work on a song while Changmin said he would go out to buy a few things, taking the dogs with him.
Jaejoong and Yunho exchanged a gaze before looking at Junsu who still sat on his chair and stared at the wall.
They sat down next to him and waited until he looked away from the wall and at them.
“What do you want to do all alone here when we are travelling around?”
Jaejoong’s voice was warm and empathetic, his motherly side coming out like during the first time after Junho’s death.
It was silent for a moment and Junsu didn’t really want to answer, but his two friends also didn’t say anything more, so he finally answered the question.
“Doing what I always do. Don’t worry so much.”
He smiled and shifted a bit, obviously feeling uncomfortable in this situation. He knew that if the two oldest decided to persuade him to come with them, it could be a long and hard fight and he didn’t really have any motivation for that.
“The dogs will come to our parents and you will be really lonely here. I know you can’t stand being alone.”
Yunho smiled with his last words and took Junsu’s hand, holding it firm, but soft and reassuring.
Junsu’s gaze flickered for a moment to their hands and then to Yunho’s face, before he finally nodded.
“Okay.”
His voice sounded small and a bit insecure, but the meaning was clear and Jaejoong smiled relieved.
“Thank you.”
He whispered into Junsu’s ear and kissed his forehead, before going out of the room to tell the news to the others.
Yunho sat still next to Junsu and didn’t let go of his hand.
He waited until Junsu looked at him, but didn’t smile; instead his voice and eyes were serious when he spoke.
“I know it’s hard for you and I promise I won’t force you into anything you don’t want. But please understand we can’t let you leave here by yourself. Jaejoong and Yoochun would get sick worrying about you and Changmin would whine all the day that he can’t tease you anymore.”
They both grinned for a short moment and Yunho patted his friend’s hand, looked at him with a grateful gaze.
“You will feel better. You know that just like I do, hm?!”
Junsu didn’t nod, but just stared at his and Yunho’s hand and listened to him standing up and walking out of the room.
He sat for a moment all alone in the kitchen and thought about the decision he just made and the following weeks that were to come with that decision.
Pairing: tiny bit YooSu
Genre: angst. drama. friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3 261
Length: chaptered -> Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 . Part 4 .
Warning: /
Summary: Something happens in that night. Something that changes Junsu's life forever. And with him it changes everything in the life of DBSK.
Thanks to: engbreakfast my beta <3 thank you, you are amazing and I really appreciate your work! ♥
Dedicated to: doublejae I miss you and i love you ♥
Disclaimer: Don't own DBSK. Just the plot is mine.
A/N:
Finally chapter 4.
I took long, I know. I am sorry.
I have nothing much to say about this one.
But everyone please go and buy cookies for engbreakfast <33 because she is my beta and she does really a great job!!
Thank you, darling ♥
~
On their way back to the house they didn’t talk, but Yoochun’s smile was plastered across his face almost permanently. He was overjoyed just to hear Junsu’s voice again, even if it was just a few words. It was how he imagined a proud parent would feel when they hear their son’s first words.
He called for their members to come, and when they arrived he couldn’t help but to chuckle excitedly. Their worried gazes went to Junsu, but he just smiled at them, smoothing his hair at the sides, a habit he had when he was embarrassed.
But Junsu didn’t speak right now and Yoochun looked at him, wondering worriedly.
He jabbed lightly into Junsu’s side and earned a glare from the younger one.
“He is an idiot. And you are idiots as well.”
Junsu laughed at the surprised faces in front of him and didn’t stop when they nearly crushed him as they hugged him tightly.
“You can talk, Junsu.”
He heard a happy whisper near his ear and he patted Jaejoong lightly on the head.
After they all calmed down, they began to ask questions, but when they noticed that Junsu didn’t seem to answer any of them, they became silent again.
“Junsu-ah, will you talk again?”
The sudden, sincere question came from the youngest and everyone knew what he meant. All gazes wandered back to Junsu and he smiled, shyly and apologizing.
When no answer came, they all knew what it meant.
“But you can talk. Why do you refuse to do so?”
Again it was the youngest who asked him. Junsu smiled, a bit too bitter, and bent down to stroke Xiahki’s fur, refusing to look into their eyes.
“It’s easier like this. Please understand. Please…”
His voice was hollow and filled with still lingering pain.
Jaejoong bit his lower lip and tried to not yell at him. He didn’t want to understand, he wanted to hear his voice again, like before. Junsu didn’t have to sing or be as cheerful as he once was, but just talking to them was enough. Was that too much to ask for?
Yunho smiled and took the step nobody else could do, embraced Junsu once again and held him close.
“It’s okay, Junsu. You don’t have to talk. We just miss your voice. We were so worried that you could have lost it… Take your time, okay?”
Junsu buried his face into Yunho’s chest and breathed the familiar scent, smiling again.
He didn’t answer but he was relieved to hear such words.
They wouldn’t push him to speak again but just wait until he was ready. He knew now that he would begin to use his voice again. It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but he knew how much his members craved for hearing his voice, how much they had missed it.
Though he made this decision now because of his friends and not due to his own feelings and likings, he could feel how a little bit of the emptiness and heaviness inside himself calmed down and disappeared.
He looked up at the faces of the other four men and smiled, brightly and slightly teary eyed.
“Now let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”
The sudden comment from their magnae caused a full of chuckles between the group members.
Everything was like before, like the past days and weeks, but yet something was different. The mood of the whole group seemed to be brightened, just a bit, but enough to ease the hard expressions on their faces.
They laughed more and suddenly also the eukyangkyang laughter could be heard again.
~
It was late and Junsu lied lazily on the couch, watching some old performance of them that was airing.
He yawned and smiled at Yoochun when the older came and sat down at the other end. He took Junsu’s legs and put them on his own, caressing them a bit.
The gaze the other gave him made him laugh and he put his hands down to let them rest on the other’s knees.
“I know what you want to say.”
He made a pause and sighed, poked slightly against Junsu’s bone.
“But nevertheless you can say it. I would likely hear it from you.”
They all had tried during the day to bring Junsu to speak with them. Actually he had, several times but it was only around four to five times throughout the day.
This time Junsu stared at his friend for a moment, before he smiled and got up to sit next to him. He lay his hand on top Yoochun’s and leaned against him, so that their shoulders knocked against each other.
“What about spending some time in the music room? I want to hear your music.”
His voice was still low, but it had already got better, maybe not exactly the way it sounded but how it felt for him.
Yoochun didn’t hesitate but grabbed his friend’s hands and pulled him along to the smallest room in the house.
They both settled down on the bench in front of the piano since Junsu loved to watch him play, watching how his fingers danced on the keys.
Yoochun pulled out his latest composition and glanced at Junsu before he began to play it.
It was something sad, thoughtful and yet filled with soft and tender melodies, the pieces of a loving heart.
Junsu closed his eyes around the middle of the song and leaned a bit into Yoochun’s side, listening carefully to the gentle notes coming from the piano.
Though he smiled at the end, his face was wet from the tears he cried sometime during the song and his eyelashes still captured a few drops. Yoochun looked at him for a moment, into the face he could watch for hours.
It seemed like Junsu had fallen asleep on his shoulder, but suddenly his lips shivered a bit before he opened his mouth to say something.
Out of a sudden instinct Yoochun captured the words with his finger, holding the lips still, so that Junsu won’t talk.
Then he brushed off the tears that were still lingering at his eyelashes and corners of his eyes.
The smile found its way back in Junsu’s face and he opened his eyes, slowly and careful, brushing slightly at Yoochun’s fingers which were still at his eyelashes.
They looked at each other for a moment, sinking into each other’s eyes and Yoochun came a bit closer, while Junsu drew away so they were facing each other now.
It was completely silent in the room, it seemed like even in the world around them everybody held their breath.
Just when Yoochun was about to make a move, the door opened and a slightly flustered Jaejoong stormed in the room.
He stopped at the sight of the friends and stared at them for a moment, before he turned around and left the room just a second later with a curse.
But the moment was over for the two and Junsu moved away from Yoochun, so he sat now at the very end of the bank.
“Um… should we go to bed?”
Even Yoochun was a bit shy now and he didn’t really look at Junsu, instead he was busying himself with organizing his papers on the piano cover.
Junsu nodded to his question and stepped out of the room without looking at him again or saying anything.
Yoochun watched him going out and sighed when he was out of sight.
“Dumbass!” he whispered to himself and got up as well to go back to his own room.
Since the house was big enough they all had their own room, though Junsu had slept in the living room for a while now and didn’t seem to want to change it back any time soon.
They even moved the bed for him into this room so he could sleep comfortable.
This evening he waited until everyone was sleeping peacefully, before he changed into normal clothes and tiptoed out of the house. Nobody noticed his leaving, not even the dogs.
He wandered around the beach, watching the moon wandering around the sky and the waves under the stars whispering to him.
“Do they think it’s easy?”
He settled down, so far away from the house that he couldn’t even really see it anymore and stared into the black in front of him, the water telling him things he could not understand.
“I don’t know if they know, Junho. That I can still hear you, still see you. This moment when Yoochun played the piano today. I could feel you, so clearly. Where are you now? Where are you?”
He sighed and clenched his hands into the sand under him.
The tears came after staring too hard into the water and he didn’t even realize he was crying until a tear fell down onto his hand. He looked at it like he has never seen a salty drop of water on his hand before.
Then he laughed, bitter and sad, hating the sound of his own voice, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He laughed until the laughter was eaten by chokes that shook him.
He bit down the next choking and held his breath for a moment before letting it out in a scream, loud and painful, until he could hear it ringing into his ears.
He screamed until his throat hurt, until he couldn’t scream anymore, couldn’t speak anymore.
Then he took out the bloc of papers he always wore with him since he didn’t speak anymore.
Junsu stared a moment at it, before he pulled out the pen as well and began to write.
He wrote and wrote until his fingers hurt and no papers were left.
His eyes stared at the words written on the paper until they started to hurt. Everything hurt, his throat, his eyes and his fingers. But it was not enough, not enough pain to not feel the one in his heart anymore.
Junsu got up, stuffed the papers and the pen into his jacket and slowly went back to the direction of their house.
It was late, early in the morning and he was calm, so calm like never before, though the pain still burnt in his chest. But his face was clean, like washed and dried after hours of tears and dirt. His mind was blank and he grabbed for a moment the papers inside his jacket, just to hold them for a moment.
When he was standing in front of the house again the moon was fading into the light of the morning and he felt better.
The walk got him some air, some freedom and he was smiling again.
The dogs greeted him when he stepped through the front door and he shut them down with a few words and a bit petting.
He listened if anyone was already up but he heard no noise so he guessed everyone was still asleep.
Nevertheless when he walked into the living room, he caught the sight of Yoochun in his bed, snoring peacefully.
Junsu smiled and moved closer, until he stood in front of him. He watched the sleeping man how he turned around and was facing him now.
Like always every emotion was shown on the face of the older one and Junsu traced the lines carefully with his fingers, the slightly upside down edges of his mouth, the outline of the nose and his wide forehead. He grinned a bit when he let his hand smooth the crinkles on the forehead.
Yoochun shifted and seemed to relax a bit more.
Finally Junsu let go of him and changed back into his pyjama, before cuddling under the blanket with Yoochun. He snuggled to his friend’s warm chest and pressed a smile into it.
A moment later he was asleep and Yoochun was suddenly awake. He was more than surprised to find Junsu next to him, since he didn’t expected him to come to him into bed after coming back.
He had woken up shortly after Junsu had gone and just had the feeling that something happened. When he went into the living room to look for Junsu he saw that he was gone. He had lain down on the bed to wait for him, but fell asleep while doing so.
And now his friend was lying next to him and even snuggling to his chest.
Yoochun smiled and took the younger in his arms, embracing him carefully. He gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and cuddled a bit more into the body next to him, before falling asleep again, still with a smile on his lips.
~
Yunho and Jaejoong found them the next morning, still cuddled together in the bed. They grinned and decided to not wake them up until breakfast was ready.
Jaejoong quickly took a photo of the sight with his phone before following Yunho into the kitchen to prepare the food.
In the meanwhile Changmin got out of the bathroom and saw the two friends curled into each other on the bed. He smirked and splashed some water on their faces before escaping into the kitchen as well.
They both woke up at the same time and stared at each other’s, very close, face for a moment before they grinned and moved away a bit. It was not like they have never slept like this in one bed before and since they were like brothers towards each other, more or less, they felt it was okay to wake up like this.
However when Junsu got up and stretched in front of the bed, Yoochun could feel how he blushed a bit and turned around to not let the other see.
Junsu just slapped him playfully before he made his way to get his clothes and to go to the bathroom.
Yoochun stayed for a moment and smiled like an idiot until Junsu came back and jumped on the bed, beginning to tickle him.
After too much laughing and almost rolling from the bed they both had to catch their breath again before Junsu’s eyes appeared above Yoochun’s, sparkling and speaking to him.
He chuckled and wanted to capture that moment in his heart forever, the sparkle in his eyes, his breath making him shiver and the still lingering laughter at his lips.
“I will come right away, save my food from Changmin.”
He laughed again and jumped out of the bed to hurry up before the youngest would eat all his pancakes again. Yoochun could feel how a bigger stone fell from his heart and he glanced back at Junsu who made his way into the kitchen.
The laughing face and shining eyes from his friend made him happier than he would admit. He was so scared that Junsu needed a lot more time to be able to laugh like that again. But he seemed to have found it again; even if it was only for a moment or a short time.
When he walked by the bedroom where Junsu’s clothes were still stored, he noticed the papers lying on the floor.
Yoochun stepped closer and grabbed a few of them. Forgotten was the promised hurry for the breakfast and he sat down on the bed, trying to read the smudged and chaotic scrawl on the papers. He recognized Junsu’s handwriting and wondered when he wrote them, before he remembered that he went out the night before.
After reading a few he had tears in his eyes and his hands were shaking a bit, but he picked up a few more of the little papers and put them in order, until almost the half of them were in his hands. He wondered if he should take the others too, but decided against it and walked slowly out of the room and to his own. He could hear the others talking and eating in the kitchen and smiled a bit, placed the papers under a few other papers on his table and closed the door to his room before he went to the others.
Nobody asked Yoochun why he took so long but Junsu sent him a long gaze, before he concentrated on his food again. He saved Yoochun’s pancakes like promised and just smiled at him when he received the thanks.
They were talking about visiting a few friends in the city and maybe fly to Japan to visit a few people who couldn’t come as well. Junsu had agreed that they could do it, without him.
They all tried to convince him that he should come along, but he just shook his head, slowly and almost carefully, but firm. The other four just let him be for the moment but for sure, they would try to persuade him later again.
After the breakfast they still had not decided where to go first and when. Yoochun excused himself to work on a song while Changmin said he would go out to buy a few things, taking the dogs with him.
Jaejoong and Yunho exchanged a gaze before looking at Junsu who still sat on his chair and stared at the wall.
They sat down next to him and waited until he looked away from the wall and at them.
“What do you want to do all alone here when we are travelling around?”
Jaejoong’s voice was warm and empathetic, his motherly side coming out like during the first time after Junho’s death.
It was silent for a moment and Junsu didn’t really want to answer, but his two friends also didn’t say anything more, so he finally answered the question.
“Doing what I always do. Don’t worry so much.”
He smiled and shifted a bit, obviously feeling uncomfortable in this situation. He knew that if the two oldest decided to persuade him to come with them, it could be a long and hard fight and he didn’t really have any motivation for that.
“The dogs will come to our parents and you will be really lonely here. I know you can’t stand being alone.”
Yunho smiled with his last words and took Junsu’s hand, holding it firm, but soft and reassuring.
Junsu’s gaze flickered for a moment to their hands and then to Yunho’s face, before he finally nodded.
“Okay.”
His voice sounded small and a bit insecure, but the meaning was clear and Jaejoong smiled relieved.
“Thank you.”
He whispered into Junsu’s ear and kissed his forehead, before going out of the room to tell the news to the others.
Yunho sat still next to Junsu and didn’t let go of his hand.
He waited until Junsu looked at him, but didn’t smile; instead his voice and eyes were serious when he spoke.
“I know it’s hard for you and I promise I won’t force you into anything you don’t want. But please understand we can’t let you leave here by yourself. Jaejoong and Yoochun would get sick worrying about you and Changmin would whine all the day that he can’t tease you anymore.”
They both grinned for a short moment and Yunho patted his friend’s hand, looked at him with a grateful gaze.
“You will feel better. You know that just like I do, hm?!”
Junsu didn’t nod, but just stared at his and Yunho’s hand and listened to him standing up and walking out of the room.
He sat for a moment all alone in the kitchen and thought about the decision he just made and the following weeks that were to come with that decision.