[Fic] "At the Very Ports We Blow" (Premovie, 4/5)

[cryogenia]

Title: At the very ports we blow (Part 4 of 5)
Author: cryogenia
Pairing: None (gen)
Rating: R (rating has increased)
Prompt: For 7stages, set 3, #4: "draw a line in the sand"
Spoiler level: Post-series, pre-movie
Warnings for this fic: References to ethnic tensions, both fictional and historical

A/N: Huge chapter is huuuuge D: One more to go (I hope)! (And

Comments

[brinylon]

Good stuff, goooood. I love the characterisation so much <3 And poor Ed, man, he never gets a break least of all from himself. Thanks for writing this, it's awesome.

[cryogenia]

;_; Thank you for reading it, I am glad you like my Ed. I want to write RoyEd for you and Sky and Zakai and Tsu so bad, you have no idea. You all have been amazingly supportive and it gives me courage XD

[zakai_]

One thing I love (not just in this chapter, but in the story as a whole) is how Ed is constantly comparing this world with the one he came from. Aaaaand *chuckles* as I keep reading I think I can see what you were talking about when you mentioned ever so slight Roy/Ed-ish undertones.

It’s nice to see the implied things that you’ve written in that shows how Ed has matured. He still has things he needs to work on, yet he has definitely matured and learned how to present himself well when he needs to. Also, his thought process shows his continuing maturity rather well.

Very engrossing chapter. if only people wouldn’t have kept calling me! haha I really liked how Ed was able to get (sort of) what he wanted by calling Mr. HighAndMighty Professor down in his own office. Also the foreboding feeling at the end of that scene was excellently done. I think it will be good for both Ed and Alfons to talk out their differences. *nodnod

[cryogenia]

;_; Again, you guys are all such smart readers. You point out things that I need to improve on, and catch things I'm just hinting at. For the record, yes - Jean was mostly trying to avoid painful memories of his father. I'm not sure if it will come out much in this installment or not, but Jean and his father (his parents, really) have a kind of tense relationship. Jean wants to share, but...it's hard. (He needs alter!Roy to put his trust and devotion in, imho XD)

Ed for his part assumed it was just the French -- he's actually taken Hoho's advice about not speaking foreign languages a hair too seriously. (Hopefully I can bring that out again later :)

[engine_blue]

I knew, I absolutely knew you updated last night.

You wrote this installment particularly well; I can see why you are so devoted to it, and how it's paying off. The dynamics are so reallistic, and not every last little thing is discussed, put out in the open, and fixed, as it is with real life.

[cryogenia]

Thanks - this lets me know I missed my mark a bit at the end there. (If someone has to ask, then I wasn't doing it right XD) Mostly, Ed is in a very low place right now, and he was earlier thinking about how he should be thinking of alter!Jean as his own person - because alter!Jean is trying to reach out and be a friend to him, and here he is going on about "I like you cause you are Havoc's doppelganger :D" But then, Jean goes and does something that does directly parallel the 'real' Havoc, and Ed is all upset again. He's starting to feel like this place is a hell created just for him...and now he's running off to see this strange fake Al who is nasty and mean and hates him, unlike the real Al. (That has got to be the most painful part of all.)

[engine_blue]

Ahh, that would make sense then. That last sentence about Al would be a good one to put in there. xD I always like it when Ed talks about his emotions. hee...

But thank you for clearing that up for me. :) ( I like being able to help, too.) :]

The other thing that's been eating at me though is Ed's friendship with jean: Jean doesn't seem too emotionally invested in Ed. Is that how that's supposed to be coming across? I wonder, if I could tell more of the backstory--how it had been previously--I could grasp what's being lost or strained in this fight. Could you help me out again?--Has my reading comprehension flat-lined again, and I am missing something you put in there? :O Thanks! :)

[cryogenia]

Well, Jean isn't very emotionally invested in Ed XD; Jean thinks Ed isn't a bad guy, he's a coworker; they share cigarettes and sandwiches sometimes and they are both slightly outsiders. They're not like, best friends 4ever :) So yes, Jean's interest in solving this Ed/Alfons problem is in some ways selfish. I will get into it a bit more next chapter too, but really, both Ed and Alfons have been annoying everybody -- but Ed and Alfons are smart and the group needs their brains. This rocket project isn't just Alfons's deal or Ed's deal -- everybody who is working on it would like to see it completed. And if Alfons and Ed are being such dicks that it screws up everyone else's chances...well, that's why Jean is atm mad at both of them :)

[engine_blue]

oh, and btw, I did totally get the whole undercurrents about that Alfons ran off as well....ha ha ha. >)

and jean...what's wrong with being the hero? xD; You also write Jean's pain very well--both the kind of pain you feel when he's talking about his probably not-so-happy past, and the possibilities of his hopes crashing. :) I hope he gets some resolution. *crosses fingers*

[cryogenia]

Thanks! I'm so glad you picked up on Jean's past :3

[engine_blue]

It's totally visible. *thumbs up*

Though, I keep getting the image of the 50's home-furniture-store guy who's an abusive husband as his father. xD; I dunno, it makes me want to put his father in a brown suit for some reason, ha ha. :P Still, the way you have Jean talk is just stupendous. The diction is chez bueno~! bella bella... :)

Can't wait for the next. :3!

[zrana]

*squees* I wish I could read fresh cryo-fic everyday.

Or at least un-interrupted. (why must my roommate babble to me about her day when I'm OBVIOUSLY reading???? *flails*)

So, is this really going to end at part 5? Or is it going to continue to expand on us? XD Not that I mind, mind you. =3

*meanwhile stabs LJ for going down between loading up the fic and when she tried to add a comment*

[cryogenia]

<3 Thanks for being persistent! To answer your question, this particular arc will wrap up after the last chapter (I hope), but um, yes it has indeed inspired a longer series in my head. I just think it may start getting into slashtastic territory, so I hate to advertise this as gen and then go wait lol, heied.

[engine_blue]

I wouldn't mind that. Afterall, most fanfickers know that, usually ideas do go lol, sex. I honestly think a relationship like that (especially the way you make it plausible in your fics) would be useful to a sequal-ish story.

Especially if it happens more as a detrimental thing--like, these people don't know what to do with their lives, they're frustrated, sometimes hate each other. . . . And Ed likes to beat himself up and if the image of Al was doing it, it may just be the right kind of masochism. (er...not that I'm condoning that irl but yeah.) It really happens, you've written royxed fics to that effect before. :)

But anyway, my thought is that if you wanted to add a sexual aspect to increase the darkness of the story, I think it wouldn't be a bad or trashy move. :) Leaving out any mention sex drives in an story that is otherwise so emotional, complex, and devoted to realism could feel like you're leaving something out, if the right space came up for it to appear in. :) So...yes! I would not complain. xD;

[cryogenia]

Yeah...Ed and Alfons do not ultimately have this perfect relationship, because Ed will never be truly happy without Al :-/ But I think they can work well together if only they could stop being so :FFF at each other :) Right now, any attraction they might have to each other is mitigated by the fact that uh, they snipe at each other nearly constantly XD;