fic: Irony
Title: Irony
Author: Crystal_marbles
Pairing, Character(s): Puck/Kut
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/Some Romance
Warnings: Suicide, character death, mentions of sex, switching.
Spoilers: Season 1
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine!
Summary: From the angst meme; "Kurt's boyfriend always cries after they have sex. He doesn't think Kurt knows."
Word count: 528
The first time they have sex Kurt is on top and it’s awkward and fumbling and Kurt keeps wondering if he’s doing it right. After all, Puck is experienced with both men and women and there’s a big chance that he’s screwing it all up. Puck remains silent through it all except for a few encouragements along the way and when they both come he feels accomplished. That is until they have turned off the lights and he can hear some small, hitched noises from Pucks side of the bed. The other boy is shaking against Kurts back, softly, and it only takes him a few seconds to realize that Puck is crying. Really, honestly, crying. Kurt stiffens but stays silent and unmoving as his boyfriend sobs into his pillow.
He wants to say something. Anything. But his body is frozen in place as his head is filled with questions. Why would Puck cry now? What happened? Was it the sex? Had he been to rough? Had Puck not wanted it? No, that made no sense what so ever. Puck had been the one to initiate the sex. Puck had been the one that thought Kurt should top. Puck had been the one who said it didn’t hurt. So why was he crying? Suddenly Kurt was feeling more annoyed than anything. If Puck was going to lie about his feelings he didn’t deserve any sympathy. His boyfriend was being a drama queen and Kurt was not going to indulge him.
It takes five days before they attempt to have sex again and this time Kurt is determined not to let Puck be unhappy about the arrangement. He lets his boyfriend top this time, giving him complete control of the situation. Puck can’t be unsatisfied now. Not when Kurt is sucking up the pain and the feelings of inadequacy and letting Puck have his way. Except he apparently is. When their finished and the lights are off and Kurt is lying there, unable to sleep due to the pain in his backside, Puck starts crying again. This time Kurts anger is filled with something else. Self-loathing. Is he really that horrible? He gets that he is not pretty like most of Pucks partners. That he has a lot to learn, but is sex with him really such a chore, so disgusting, that his boyfriend needs to shed tears over it? When Kurt feels the shift in the mattress as Puck gets up to leave he silently breathes out in relief.
They continue like that for months until Kurt can’t deal with the feeling ugly and useless and pathetic. They break up. Kurt never asks and because of that he never notices the signs. He never even suspects anything until they get a call at school that Puck has overdosed on his mothers sleeping pills and, I’m sorry, he didn’t make it.
If nothing else Kurt thinks he might get it now. Really understand. Because even the thought of sex has him on the verge of tears and he’s pretty sure he’ll never feel comfortable with another person again. He can almost appreciate the irony.
Author: Crystal_marbles
Pairing, Character(s): Puck/Kut
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/Some Romance
Warnings: Suicide, character death, mentions of sex, switching.
Spoilers: Season 1
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine!
Summary: From the angst meme; "Kurt's boyfriend always cries after they have sex. He doesn't think Kurt knows."
Word count: 528
The first time they have sex Kurt is on top and it’s awkward and fumbling and Kurt keeps wondering if he’s doing it right. After all, Puck is experienced with both men and women and there’s a big chance that he’s screwing it all up. Puck remains silent through it all except for a few encouragements along the way and when they both come he feels accomplished. That is until they have turned off the lights and he can hear some small, hitched noises from Pucks side of the bed. The other boy is shaking against Kurts back, softly, and it only takes him a few seconds to realize that Puck is crying. Really, honestly, crying. Kurt stiffens but stays silent and unmoving as his boyfriend sobs into his pillow.
He wants to say something. Anything. But his body is frozen in place as his head is filled with questions. Why would Puck cry now? What happened? Was it the sex? Had he been to rough? Had Puck not wanted it? No, that made no sense what so ever. Puck had been the one to initiate the sex. Puck had been the one that thought Kurt should top. Puck had been the one who said it didn’t hurt. So why was he crying? Suddenly Kurt was feeling more annoyed than anything. If Puck was going to lie about his feelings he didn’t deserve any sympathy. His boyfriend was being a drama queen and Kurt was not going to indulge him.
It takes five days before they attempt to have sex again and this time Kurt is determined not to let Puck be unhappy about the arrangement. He lets his boyfriend top this time, giving him complete control of the situation. Puck can’t be unsatisfied now. Not when Kurt is sucking up the pain and the feelings of inadequacy and letting Puck have his way. Except he apparently is. When their finished and the lights are off and Kurt is lying there, unable to sleep due to the pain in his backside, Puck starts crying again. This time Kurts anger is filled with something else. Self-loathing. Is he really that horrible? He gets that he is not pretty like most of Pucks partners. That he has a lot to learn, but is sex with him really such a chore, so disgusting, that his boyfriend needs to shed tears over it? When Kurt feels the shift in the mattress as Puck gets up to leave he silently breathes out in relief.
They continue like that for months until Kurt can’t deal with the feeling ugly and useless and pathetic. They break up. Kurt never asks and because of that he never notices the signs. He never even suspects anything until they get a call at school that Puck has overdosed on his mothers sleeping pills and, I’m sorry, he didn’t make it.
If nothing else Kurt thinks he might get it now. Really understand. Because even the thought of sex has him on the verge of tears and he’s pretty sure he’ll never feel comfortable with another person again. He can almost appreciate the irony.