2007, Take Your Final Bow
Year 2007, it’s time for you to say your goodbyes, for 2008 will take the lead in a while.
You’ve brought so many changes for me this year; I can’t say all of them have been good, though.
In January, I was still a high school student who couldn’t quite grasp the fact that she was about to leave the school she had known for thirteen years. As the months progressed, the feeling of change and of departure from high school life drew near. With the things that were happening in school - a mountain of projects and some conflicts with the faculty, among others - I was caught between a desire to break free from SJCS life (which got pretty crazy sometimes) and a desire to remain sheltered within the four walls of SJCS, where things would always be familiar and the good times (hanging out with friends and getting good grades) wouldn’t have to end.
So I tried to enjoy the last months of my SJCS life, even though not every day was enjoyable, even though I sometimes looked forward to never seeing certain people again.
Along came March and graduation day. I heard that graduation day was a memorable day when tears would be shed in memory of the times gone by, but I did not shed a single tear. Was it optimism that I would see my friends somehow, feelings of relief and freedom, the cheesy graduation songs (we sang this Yeng Constantino song that I disliked), or just plain apathy? I wonder. In any case, graduation day kicked off a long and blissful summer.
Well, not exactly blissful. See, we did go to Hong Kong - and I went gaga over seeing Hong Kong, whom I consider to be an old friend that I haven’t seen for years - and have fun, but not everything was roses. My grandmother was afflicted with an on-and-off sickness, which had everyone on my dad’s side of the family worried sick about her. It would continue to plague her for the rest of the year, sometimes causing my relatives to break down and cry, fearing that she might breathe her last. To our utter relief, though, she made it until the end of the year, and we’re hoping that she will keep up that spirit to survive.
So, anyway, back to summer. It was almost an endless summer, and when I hear High and Mighty Color’s “Dreams”, specifically this line: “Owaranai natsu doko made mo ikou yo” (Let’s go somewhere this endless summer), I think back to those idyllic months when I watched anime, read books, bummed around, blogged, wrote poetry and fanfics, waxed nostalgic about SJCS days, went into emo/sentimental mode about friends, and bothered my friends (and even my blog - my online friend) to no end about college-related fears. I also became a driver for a few days, or at least, I gave people the appearance that I was a driver, because I was such a failure that my driving instructor gave up on me, and I gave up on my driving lessons. From summer onwards, I considered myself a frustrated driver.
Fast-forward to June, my first month ever in ADMU. The OrSem was fun - I got to meet new friends (sort of), but then I realized that I failed to make a good enough impression, so now I guess I’ll still be trapped within the nerdy, goody-two-shoes image that people have of me. At least with my blockmates, that is. I think I gave M04, my beloved English/Lit block the impression that I’m a nervous wreck and a weirdo, haha, but at least I think I made a good impression on my classmates in Japanese class. Speaking of Japanese class, one of the joys of college was having a semester’s worth of Nihongo with Fermin-sensei. I sure had a lot of fun, and was genuinely sad when it ended. Seriously, I felt lonely and deprived, because I truly loved Nihongo lessons.
Oh, wait, regarding friends, I neglected to mention that during the first few weeks of school, I was all emo and angsty because I still hadn’t found friends. I was advised not to think about it too much, that I would find friends if I didn’t try too hard to do so. And sure enough, I found new friends in Andrea, Willy and tanteicchi (whom I met through very interesting circumstances), among others. I also had fun with the organizations I joined, particularly Celadon, where my loyalty lies and will lie.
In August, I turned eighteen and realized that being eighteen doesn’t mean turning back on the things I love - anime and manga, which some people think to be kids’ stuff. I also realized that I did not, and have not, changed much, as I am still rather plucky and awkward and insecure. I had a simple and small party to celebrate my eighteenth birthday, and even though not everyone I invited attended (to my initial disappointment and dismay), I enjoyed it immensely. In retrospect, I would like to relive it all over again.
The first semester went by quickly. My first thoughts upon its passing were, “Wow. I survived a semester of college!” At that point, I couldn’t really say whether I liked college life or high school life better, as I liked and hated some aspects of both. Also, by that time, I had sort of adjusted to college life and found friends of my own and studied hard to get good grades. With a QPI of 3.81, I made it to the Dean’s List and was immensely overjoyed.
I got to enjoy a month-long semestral break, engaging myself with anime, the Internet, fan fiction…things like that. It was during the semestral break that I developed a strong interest in cosplay, to the point that I truly wanted to cosplay, despite my figure and lack of budget. I never felt a desire to cosplay so strong until that time; perhaps it was because the HeroCon was near, or because I became acquainted (not personally) with some of the country’s top cosplayers.
Enter the second semester. Some things didn’t change, such as English and Lit with M04, but I had to bid goodbye to Nihongo and chemistry and say hello to Math 19 and (ugh) botany. Thankfully, I got Sir Tuason, who almost made me love Math, for a prof. I do not know whether he will succeed in drawing Math and I closer together next year, as Math and I have a relationship bordering on hate.
And then on December 1, I attended the HeroCon with Andrea, Leslie and Willy and had fun admiring cosplayers, checking out the merchandise, and fawning over Leslie, who cosplayed L from Death Note. It was then that I swore to cosplay at the next HeroCon.
So here I am, enjoying the Christmas break but not quite getting into the Christmas season. 2007, today is your last day; your time is numbered. The feng shui masters forecasted early on that this would not be an auspicious year for me, a Snake. Indeed, 2007, you brought with you some changes that I did not appreciate, for they disrupted the way I wanted things to be. You tested my sanity at times: there were times when I felt thought that I was dying of stress, that I wanted to do unspeakable things to people who pissed me off (uncooperative groupmates, annoying people, haha, that I would turn green with envy, that I would drop dead from boredom or that I would cry from overflowing sadness (won’t elaborate on this).
Personal issues aside, I think that you gave the country some turbulence during the last few months of the year. There were the Glorietta and Batasan blasts and the failed coup that caused the country enough trouble. Perhaps many would’ve agreed that 2007 delivered a somber year-ender.
Even so, I am thankful for certain things - for making it to the Dean’s List and for a blissful summer, among others. How have I changed this year? Have I changed for the better, or for the worse? I’ve grown more cynical, more paranoid and more disillusioned, but at the same time, I think I’ve grown more sentimental. And I think I’ve been more honest with myself, at least when I blog or write. Speaking of writing, have my writing skills deteriorated? Unfortunately, I think so; on a related note, I think my grammar skills have deteriorated, too, which is a shameful thing, especially when people bring up the fact that I’m a Merit English student. :( Or is it just paranoia speaking? In making a no-bake mocha cake on my own, I’ve finally acted on my desire to learn to bake/cook/create pastries, thanks to Andrea. Also, I’ve developed a love for cosplay. Math and I have been on slightly better terms this year, haha. Hmm… how else have I changed? Well, thanks to college life and my friends, I’m learning a bit more about the “real world,” in order for me to become less naïve and more street smart. I think I’ve also become a bit more independent - emphasis on “a bit” - but still, yeah, I’m still naïve, but I’m hoping that that will change next year. In sum, I think I’ve slowly been breaking out of my comfort zone, what with joining a Leadership Development Program (and going overnight with fellow participants), making my first creation in the kitchen, running around Binondo in an Amazing Race, singing in front of an audience (and in Japanese, no less), participating in a marketing/advertising seminar, and learning to drive, among others. Many times, I made a fool of myself in the process, but sometimes, looking like a fool was worth it.
A few things haven’t changed - it gives me joy that my old friends are still my friends (in fact, I’ve strengthened my bonds with some of them); I still love to write; anime still has a special place in my heart; I still have a vivid imagination; I’m still indulging my inner child and my inner dork; I still enjoy reading local showbiz news as a guilty pleasure; and I am still a homebody that hasn’t developed any vices. I like things that way. Still, when lack of change is mentioned, I am unhappy about one thing: my weight. My figure. Ugh. I still look homely. I do want to lose weight, but I still lack willpower and determination. It isn’t easy! >_< Every time I see nice outfits or costumes, I feel the desire to lose weight, but I am unsure when and how to start; plus, I get all cynical as to whether I my determination to lose weight will last. Determination and willpower are, after all, flighty.
So here’s to you, 2007. Goodbye; time sure goes so fast - has it really been a while since Ouran High School Host Club debuted on Japanese television? (The weirdo in me sometimes thinks of anime titles and the years they were aired in relation to the passage of time.) And hello there, 2008; I’m not one for superstition, but I hope that you will be a good year for me. I can’t think of any resolutions for next year, except for the same cheeky resolution that I’ve made (and stuck to) every year: “I will not make any resolution other than the one I’m making now.” XD
Ah, enough talk. I’m getting sleepy now, and my thoughts are becoming less coherent.
Happy New Year, one and all!