Moving On - A Few Minutes Later
Genre: crack, outrage, fluffy slash
Word count: 850
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: What happened right after the events of "Moving On"
A bit of fluffy goodness to wash the taste of the finale out of our mouths.
House snapped off the television and flipped the remote onto the side table.
“Did you believe that shit?”
Wilson was speechless. After a moment or two, he stammered, “What-what-what the FUCK did we just watch?” He turned to House. “You drove a car into Cuddy’s house because she had a date?”
“Fuck that noise,” House snapped, pouring himself a large glass of bourbon. “I’m a goddamn doctor. I would have known I could have killed Rachel and maybe the rest of them. Not to mention owing millions in property damage, getting arrested and spending the next twenty years in jail. AND losing my license. What were they thinking?”
Wilson poured himself a large glass of bourbon, even though he hated bourbon.
“They forgot to think ages ago. But, the part at the end on the beach could be a hallucination, House.”
“They already did that in ‘Locked In’. And ‘No Reason’ was one big hallucination. This show has become an enormous recycling bin.” House took a large gulp of booze and stood. “What I don’t get is how did I get to a tropical island so fast, without there being a BOLO on me and me getting arrested at the airport?” He grabbed his cane and began pacing around the living room.
“Definitely a hallucination. Or a dream,” Wilson pondered. “Or really crappy writing. There’s been a ton of crappy writing. That thing with the two kids grilling you about Cuddy? Yeah, like two kids are going to give a crap about some old guy’s feelings.”
“I’m not old, Wilson.”
“You’re older than me.”
“Remember that time where I hallucinated having sex with Cuddy and ended up in the loony bin?” House paused. “Oh, God, no, please don’t have them pull THAT one again. Wait, I’ll have been sitting in chair out of my mind on Vicodin and dreamed the whole thing.” He scratched his head. “That reminds me-why did the beginning start at night when I crashed the car in broad daylight? Oh, God…it will be a hallucination. I’ll have a brain tumor from that experimental drug.”
Wilson smiled. “Or you’ll be dead from a Vicodin overdose and the whole next season will be your ghost haunting Princeton Plainsboro.” Wilson made a ghost noise. “Wooo-oooo-oooo! Oh my God, did you see that? It looked like-it looked like Greg House!”
“Fuck you, Wilson.” House sighed. “I’m sorry Cuddy’s gone. Good times, having an affair with you while I was dating her. Now I’m just your boyfriend.”
“There’s something you’ll never see. Unless the hallucination took place in your hospital bed. With me in it.” Wilson put down his glass and opened his arms wide. “Come ‘ere.”
House set his cane aside and sank down wearily next to Wilson, leaning over into his outstretched arms, letting Wilson cradle him like a child.
“So, what do you think is gonna happen?” Wilson asked softly, stroking House’s hair.
House took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Okay, here’s what I think: It’s going to be a hallucination. I’ll drive by her house and be completely freaked because the house is intact. Maybe there’s a for sale sign outside.”
“A for sale sign that fast?”
“Hey, time has no meaning for those people. Or, I’ll be at death’s door from a Vicodin overdose; you break into my apartment and call for the paramedics. Then it turns out I also have an experimental tumor in my brain-or they could go with the tumor thing to explain why I’ve been so out of control lately.” He looked up at Wilson. “The whole thing took place in my mind while I was having brain surgery to get the tumor out. By the way, why did the tumors only grow in my leg when I was shooting up the drug into my bloodstream?”
“Don’t think about it.” Wilson tickled House’s ear.
“Hey, quit it! But if I’m crazy, they’d have to send me to Mayfield. Been there, done that. Or jail. Been there, done that.” He craned his head upward for a kiss. Wilson bent down and kissed him gently, first on the forehead, then on the lips.
“I said, don’t think about it. Then you’ll really go crazy.”
“Been there, done that.”
Wilson stretched and yawned. “How about we go in the bedroom and try to forget this thing ever happened?”
House was grinning. “Been there, done that.”
“Yeah, but it’s more fun than watching you get your panties in a twist.” Wilson helped House to his feet and embraced him for another kiss. This one definitely meant business. House kissed back, his eyes shut with pleasure.
“This would be so much better than anything we’ve seen,” House muttered.
“Yeah,” Wilson said, helping House down the hall.
“Promise me you didn’t DVR the damn thing.”
“Oops-I forgot. No big whoop.”
Together they went into the bedroom.