Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot [Batman (toonverse), Poison Ivy, Joker)
Reclining back onto the gentle cushion her passionately blossoming plants created her, Ivy petted fondly at the wisteria vines that were creeping slowly along her legs. She sighed, relaxing into the touch of her lovelies and cooing softy into the petals and leaves of morning glories and sweet peas that brushed across her lips. She reached a hand out to caress her unmoving, neglected roses, letting her eyes slip shut…
“Hellooo, Pamsie-oops! Seems I’ve interrupted a rather private moment; how embarrassing!”
Cracking open one eye in irritation, Ivy directed her best sidelong glare to the man standing outside her cell. The Joker chortled, wiggling the fingers of one hand at her.
“What do you want, clown?”
“Oh, just a cup of sugar, neighbor.” He pressed his lips against the glass in an exaggerated kiss, and Ivy scoffed in disgust. “Yes, you see, with all this spare time, I thought I’d try my hand at baking,” he explained as he pulled his face away slightly. “And I started with what I like to call a Sweet Escape.” He pulled his other hand out from behind his back, revealing a set of keys that he was twirling around his finger.
Ivy wasted little time in disentangling herself from the vines, unable to keep her eyes from lighting up in excitement as Joker started trying out the keys.
“Why isn’t anyone coming after you?” She asked, growing impatient as he took his time with each key. “Haven’t they noticed your cell is empty?”
“Oh, my cell’s not empty, Pamela.” Joker squinted at the last key he’d tried, as if he’d been sincerely certain it would be the one to work. “That new guard of ours has a lot to learn; he was a bit of a disappointment, I must say.”
“Hurry up!” Ivy hissed, tapping her foot.
“Why? Got a hot date?” Joker whistled triumphantly when he got the cell unlocked and Ivy almost knocked him over in her haste to get out.
“Yeah,” she said over her shoulder as she took off down the hallway, him following close behind, “with your girlfriend.”
Joker laughed humorlessly as he caught up. “That was funny.”
“Wasn’t a joke,” she smirked. “I called Harl weeks ago and told her I had the perfect scam for us as soon I got out. She was thrilled.”
Joker narrowed his eyes and Ivy got the feeling he probably regretted letting her out. Then he laughed again, “So sorry, but I always have first grabs on our little girl.”
They came to a quick stop at the end of the hall and Ivy did a quick check around the corner. Once she made sure the coast was clear, she looked at Joker and whispered unkindly, “Tough titty.” And she started to turn the corner and make a run for it again, only to be pulled back around by a firm grip on her arm.
“I’ll play you for her,” he said. “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”
“No way,” she snapped, trying to tug her arm free; he just dug his fingers in harder. “Fine, fine. C’mon.”
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”
Ivy cocked an eyebrow, looking deliberately from the Joker’s face to her flat hand and his balled fist.
“Best two out of three,” Joker said as they set off down the new corridor.
“I don’t think so.”
“She’s at least worth two out of three,” he insisted between making faces at the inmates they were passing.
Ivy sighed and relented, “Next corner.”
Joker reached the corner first and checked for guards before turning to look at her expectantly. She frowned, but kept her word.
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”
Joker smiled smugly, lifting his fist to lightly bop against her scissored fingers. “Next corner?” He asked, mockingly.
Ivy scowled darkly. “No. Now. Let’s get this over with.”
“Rock, paper, scissors-”
“Shoot!” The Joker nearly shouted in his excitement, as Ivy found herself staring down the barrel of a handgun. He couldn’t help the loud that escaped him. “Oh, the look on your face is hilarious! I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t resist!” He cocked the gun and pressed the barrel against her forehead. “Looks like I win this round, Red.”
Ivy’s chest heaved in anger as Joker cackled, but she didn’t have time to reply. Just before his finger pulled the trigger, a shrill alarm went off and the heavy footfalls of running guards sounded. Joker saw them coming over Ivy’s shoulder and made a tsk-ing noise in disappointment.
“They sure know how to ruin our fun, don’t they? Oh well!” He kicked her in her stomach, hard and merciless, sending her flying back into the arms of the guard closest to them before taking off around the corner.
Ivy grunted and growled and struggled, but it was all in vain, and they wrestled her to the floor where they injected a needle in her arm and everything went black.
When Ivy came to, her vines were sliding around her limbs anxiously. She lifted a hand to rub her fingers across them soothingly, quietly murmuring, “It’s all right, babies. Momma’s all right.”
And Momma was much more than all right when, half an hour later, she saw The Joker being dragged back to his cell by a few guards and none other than the Batman, sporting some nice new bruises, a busted lip, and a bloody nose. She smiled and cackled loud and mockingly, hoping he would hear: “Looks like it’s a draw, clown!”
“Hellooo, Pamsie-oops! Seems I’ve interrupted a rather private moment; how embarrassing!”
Cracking open one eye in irritation, Ivy directed her best sidelong glare to the man standing outside her cell. The Joker chortled, wiggling the fingers of one hand at her.
“What do you want, clown?”
“Oh, just a cup of sugar, neighbor.” He pressed his lips against the glass in an exaggerated kiss, and Ivy scoffed in disgust. “Yes, you see, with all this spare time, I thought I’d try my hand at baking,” he explained as he pulled his face away slightly. “And I started with what I like to call a Sweet Escape.” He pulled his other hand out from behind his back, revealing a set of keys that he was twirling around his finger.
Ivy wasted little time in disentangling herself from the vines, unable to keep her eyes from lighting up in excitement as Joker started trying out the keys.
“Why isn’t anyone coming after you?” She asked, growing impatient as he took his time with each key. “Haven’t they noticed your cell is empty?”
“Oh, my cell’s not empty, Pamela.” Joker squinted at the last key he’d tried, as if he’d been sincerely certain it would be the one to work. “That new guard of ours has a lot to learn; he was a bit of a disappointment, I must say.”
“Hurry up!” Ivy hissed, tapping her foot.
“Why? Got a hot date?” Joker whistled triumphantly when he got the cell unlocked and Ivy almost knocked him over in her haste to get out.
“Yeah,” she said over her shoulder as she took off down the hallway, him following close behind, “with your girlfriend.”
Joker laughed humorlessly as he caught up. “That was funny.”
“Wasn’t a joke,” she smirked. “I called Harl weeks ago and told her I had the perfect scam for us as soon I got out. She was thrilled.”
Joker narrowed his eyes and Ivy got the feeling he probably regretted letting her out. Then he laughed again, “So sorry, but I always have first grabs on our little girl.”
They came to a quick stop at the end of the hall and Ivy did a quick check around the corner. Once she made sure the coast was clear, she looked at Joker and whispered unkindly, “Tough titty.” And she started to turn the corner and make a run for it again, only to be pulled back around by a firm grip on her arm.
“I’ll play you for her,” he said. “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”
“No way,” she snapped, trying to tug her arm free; he just dug his fingers in harder. “Fine, fine. C’mon.”
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”
Ivy cocked an eyebrow, looking deliberately from the Joker’s face to her flat hand and his balled fist.
“Best two out of three,” Joker said as they set off down the new corridor.
“I don’t think so.”
“She’s at least worth two out of three,” he insisted between making faces at the inmates they were passing.
Ivy sighed and relented, “Next corner.”
Joker reached the corner first and checked for guards before turning to look at her expectantly. She frowned, but kept her word.
“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”
Joker smiled smugly, lifting his fist to lightly bop against her scissored fingers. “Next corner?” He asked, mockingly.
Ivy scowled darkly. “No. Now. Let’s get this over with.”
“Rock, paper, scissors-”
“Shoot!” The Joker nearly shouted in his excitement, as Ivy found herself staring down the barrel of a handgun. He couldn’t help the loud that escaped him. “Oh, the look on your face is hilarious! I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t resist!” He cocked the gun and pressed the barrel against her forehead. “Looks like I win this round, Red.”
Ivy’s chest heaved in anger as Joker cackled, but she didn’t have time to reply. Just before his finger pulled the trigger, a shrill alarm went off and the heavy footfalls of running guards sounded. Joker saw them coming over Ivy’s shoulder and made a tsk-ing noise in disappointment.
“They sure know how to ruin our fun, don’t they? Oh well!” He kicked her in her stomach, hard and merciless, sending her flying back into the arms of the guard closest to them before taking off around the corner.
Ivy grunted and growled and struggled, but it was all in vain, and they wrestled her to the floor where they injected a needle in her arm and everything went black.
When Ivy came to, her vines were sliding around her limbs anxiously. She lifted a hand to rub her fingers across them soothingly, quietly murmuring, “It’s all right, babies. Momma’s all right.”
And Momma was much more than all right when, half an hour later, she saw The Joker being dragged back to his cell by a few guards and none other than the Batman, sporting some nice new bruises, a busted lip, and a bloody nose. She smiled and cackled loud and mockingly, hoping he would hear: “Looks like it’s a draw, clown!”