Every night I am beginning to be more and more disappointed with EVERYONE? I'm doing the best I possibly can to improve my life, to literally rebuild it, since I've driven it so hard into the fucking ground, and everyone else is just the same they've always been. Actually. I'm just going to pretend tonight didn't even happen. I'm going to go back ( Read more... )

I'm happy but I have mixed feelings about everything. Saying this could get me put up again, but honestly what am I gaining here? My treatment is working, my meds are working, but my heart isn't. I know there's something here but I'm losing sight. I lay awake and lose myself in a fantasy world. I want to run away and never look back with you. I ( Read more... )

I'm sure many of you have been wondering where I've been. Well, I was in the hospital and now I'm out, but I have to return everyday from 6:30 to 5:30 for day treatment. I'm not supposed to leave my house very often, at least for a while, while I heal and get better. For al of you that care, I miss you very very much, and love you.

I feel so fucking stupid now. Even after I've lost interest in everything, I still feel like I'm becoming even more empty inside. Maybe the meds will make things more clear, since they're not becoming any clearer on their own. I guess I'm asking for too much. But if you really need to hear the truth, that's what I want, and I guess I can't get it. ( Read more... )

Why can't anything go how I want them to?
I sit here waiting, but nothing happens.
And then I realize I just didn't wait enough.
The truth is I'm always going to be here.
Ready to drop everything at the sound of your voice.
Right or wrong.
I miss you.
I love you.
Those dishes would look great in our cabinet.

Everyone wants to be a part of me.

There's plenty to go around, but am I that inclined to share so much?

Truthfully, no.

I'm utterly in love.

I'll dream my life away.

I really don't consider it a holiday except for the fact that I eat more things like cupcakes and chocolate on it. [Props to my friends for hooking me up. haha. I hope you liked my cupcakes too?] Work was fine, and so was the paycheck I got today. I hate school. So pretty much nothing has changed.

I'm so tired of trying to be optimistic and positive. Naturally I'm a pessimist, but lately I try to look at the bright side of things. And for what? I work. I go to school. And I get nothing in return. I get no fucking satisfaction. There are endless possibilities in the future, but fuck. I need something now, something concrete. And I have ( Read more... )

I'm working a double today, I go back in 2 hours. Chyeahhhh. So apparently my mom is at Busch Gardens right now with Paul and his bro? Yeah, she hates amusement parks and when I called her this morning before Cory picked me up for work, she was like uhhhh....I'm at Busch Gardens and since we bought passes, we got you one too. hahah. I was wtf, ( Read more... )