Requited [CHAPTER 1]
Title: Requited
Chapters: 1/?
Genre: Angst. Romance?
Warnings: Angst.
Ratings: PG-13 (might change later)
Pairings: AoixUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: What if unrequited is just a misunderstanding?
Comments: This is the sequel to Blind.
"At this hour, being alone makes me wanna cry and I'd like to rely on someone else. That's why I hate being alone. Writing these things.. it only seems that I'm seeking attention and I hate that too, but I'm not the type of person that can restrain himself and in the end I write. For this reason I always behave coolheaded and I play around. I have even that. I hate when I become annoying. In the end.. I end up avoiding the first recording day."
Uruha scrunched up his nose, watching the several drinks the vending machine could offer at the venue of the studio. He had decided to go for a break as Kai was recording the drums and Uruha couldn't stand being around Ruki anymore. The singer was being overcritical, bitching about the smallest details and in the end, it annoyed the guitarist.
The worst had been when Reita had agreeing with Ruki's comments.
In fact Uruha couldn't tell why today everything was more or less getting on his nerves. There was of course, the sleepless nights spent composing...The night before he had barely gotten two hours of rest before his eyes snapped open and his insomnia struck again. He had even cut caffeine and all kind of stimulant drinks, had stopped running during evenings because it seemed it increased body temperature and therefore, prevented it to prepare for bed time.
And finally, at this hour of the day, his eyes were burning and he could feel it at the way he was under the weather: sleepy, now, in the middle of his recording session.
He sighed, glaring at coffees and teas the vending machine was proposing and instead went for juice.
- But today isn't time for the guitars recording.
- Still, he didn't come at all even though everyone else is here.
- Well now that I remember this tweet, he seemed really depressed. Too bad I'm already married, I think I'd have tried to make him mine!
They laughed and didn't notice Uruha who was holding his breath, listening at first against hiw will. They carried on and disappeared behind a door at the end of the hallway.
Uruha stared at the juice in his hand, recalling their conversation.
Aoi...?
When he opened the door of the studio, Ruki slightly glanced at him, back at the screen of the computer then back again at Uruha, concentrating on the small item he was holding. He suddenly stood up from his chair and smiled:
- Oh thank you Uruha, you brought me apple juice.
The taller looked at his emptied hand, mouth open.
- You're welcome.
He then sat on the spot beside Reita, at the back of the room with a plain view on the glass through where they could see Kai performing the drums.
- Did Aoi say something about the fact he wasn't coming?
Reita turned his head to look at his best friend. He wasn't wearing his noseband and Uruha sometimes was almost surprised to see him without it.
The bicolored shrugged his shoulders:
- I have no idea. Seems like he'll come when you guys start working on the guitars parts.
Uruha nodded, half convinced by Aoi's excuse.
- Why?
Reita was trying to decipher his friend's expression.
- Just wondering. It's rare we aren't altogether for the first recording day, that's all. I was afraid he'd got sick or something...
They watched in silence Kai drumming, Ruki moving his head along with the rhythm and Uruha couldn't stop questioning himself...
Bloody why?
He found his iPhone in the pocket of his jeans, typed few words and soon a page appeared. He read carefully the same tweet three times in a row.
Uruha sighed and Reita looked at him:
- What? Is it some bad news?
Uruha made his best so Reita wouldn't take a look at the screen and simply retorted, his heart beating as fast as Kai was hitting the drums:
- Hm nothing much, it seems the One Piece video game is going to be released in august instead of july. I'm tired of waiting.
Reita chuckled:
- Oh come on, you wouldn't have time to play it in july anyway, let alone in august. Remember we're recording our next album?
- Hey we need holidays before promoting and touring.
- We'll play it in the tour bus!
- Hm sounds good. I'm sure Aoi will join, as a One Piece fan.
Reita grinned:
- Yeah, he and his Tony Tony Chopper underwear...Ah, it feels lonely without him fooling around and showering us with his star aura.
Uruha laughed.
- Very much so. You can actually feel it when someone's missing in the band. We're not a whole anymore.
Worried by the sudden sadness piercing through Uruha's tone, Reita looked at Uruha:
- You talk as if he's not going to show up tomorrow and make us regret the time he wasn't there!
Uruha blushed but his friend didn't notice:
- Ah do I sound like it...However, he'd better be here on time when we start with the guitars! I won't allow us to mess up with the schedule.
Reita poked his arm:
- So serious Uru-chan!
- Stop it!
They began a fight soon ended by Ruki's demand to keep quiet so they could work properly on Kai's drum lines. The two friends exchanged a knowing glance and poked each other a last time, muffling their laughs against the back of their hands or pursing their lips tight.
He had shut down every technology tool that could allow him to communicate with the outside world: his iPhone, his iPad.
The only thing Aoi allowed himself to do was composing, sadly nothing but sorrowful phrases would come out of his guitar so in the end he let it fall on the floor with a thick sound and watched it, there on the ground with a suffocating urge to cry.
No matter what he was trying to do, it was as productive as trying to cultivate a garden in a desert. And Aoi's desert was his heart at this instant.
Dry.
Cracking.
He suddenly thought about his bandmates, all of them busy in the studio while he was here, in desperate need of affection, wondering if they really cared whether or not he was with them.
They probably are ok without me.
He extended out his hands in front of himself, attempting to control the shaking in them, in vain. He needed a cigarette. No. Some alcohol.
He went to his stash and brought out from it a bottle of sake. He poured some in a glass and settled down on his couch, a heavy weight pressing against his chest. It burnt. It didn't soothe his heart though and Aoi wondered if tonight he'd sleep or if he'd, once again, spend it torturing himself with impossible scenarios.
We are raised up with silly dreams and no tangible expections about reality.
He sighed when his door bell rang.
He went downstairs and opened his door, curious about who would disturb him this late at night.
Feels like déjà vu.
Uruha was standing there with a plastic bag full of beers. He smiled and Aoi felt his heart tightening painfully.
- I was afraid you'd be out drinking somewhere...But I'm lucky tonight.
Aoi showed no expression:
- I'm the unlucky one then...
Uruha chuckled and stood there, soon invited by Aoi to get in, being given slippers.
- Why are you here?
The older was leaning against the wall of the entrance, watching Uruha carefully arranging his shoes in a corner.
- So rude.
- Why?
Uruha stood up straight with a small smile:
- Ah, you didn't come today and I wanted to talk to you about what we decided so far...
- Couldn't do it tomorrow?
Uruha knew that Aoi was being exageratingly rough for some twisted reason. He didn't mention he read his tweet but deep down, he knew the older had figured it out already.
He was grumpy and it made Uruha grin.
- So, let me hear that.
The older raised a suspicious eyebrow:
- Hear what?
- That song you composed here out of boredom while we were busy recording.
Aoi let out a small laugh, climbing the small stair that was leading to his living room:
- As if I did.
- You did.
He frowned slightly but Uruha didn't notice, his magenta hair hiding his forehead as he was staring at his guitar resting on the carpet.
- You can listen to it when I'm dead.
Uruha pouted, not very satisfied with Aoi's grumpiness.
- That's not funny. Plus I'd be really sad if you died.
- Today at the studio felt exactly as if I did.
Aoi couldn't stop being sarcastic. He knew his words were cruel but there was this part within himself that couldn't just deal with Uruha's gentleness in this instant.
The younger stayed quiet, his eyes locked with Aoi's. It troubled him, and so all Uruha could watch soon was a curtain of red hair. Aoi had his head turned away. Finally Uruha decided to settle on the couch, a bit crushed by Aoi's coldness.
- We were saying, with Reita, how morose the studio room was without you around. And as I couldn't talk about guitar stuff with you, I think I annoyed one of the staff member. I asked his opinion about two or three things in one of our new song and he retorted me "you should go ask Aoi-san. After all, he's the other guitarist of the band. I'm just in charge of your instruments."
Uruha marked a pause.
- That was kind of rude. I needed an opinion, I didn't ask him to play in your place.
Aoi chuckled, looking outside through the glass at the night blue sky.
- That was like that one time ago when you told me "go ask the electrician".
Uruha narrowed his eyes and pouted:
- Did I?
- Yeah.
- Well I didn't know it hurt your feelings.
- You're a bit too careless with other people's feelings Uruha.
The younger shrugged his shoulders, defeated. He was the one who was hurt now.
- Did I hurt yours a lot Aoi?
The other avoided Uruha's scrutinizing gaze. Then he looked back at him with a smile:
- Not really. Sometimes.
- Liar.
Aoi tried to decipher then Uruha's expression.
- What?
- You're not telling the truth. You're trying to spare me or something...I don't know why you would do this. I'd like you to be completely honest with me. It feels like that night in Nagoya when you were evasive.
Aoi finished his glass of beer and stood up from the couch to look through the window, tired by this late conversation. He wondered why Uruha always came to him at night when he was the most vulnerable. When his feelings were easily tickled, easily shattered, when his confident persona would get away if he had a chance to display his weaknesses.
If it was possible, if Uruha wouldn't judge him, Aoi right now, thought that he could use this chance to tell him everything.
Why Aoi could feel so broken he'd almost want to die.
Why at times he stayed away from Uruha.
Why the GazettE was both a source of pleasure and pain.
But he just couldn't announce bluntly he loved him. That would be like shooting himself in the head.
To sign his own death sentence.
No that living like this was particularly enjoyable. Being on stage, for the fans, made him feel alive. But when he was coming back to his monotonous existence, rhythmed by recording sessions, nights spent sleepless on his guitars, meetings, interviews and shootings, Aoi felt like a robot. He couldn't let his emotions control his life. During those times, he had to stay strong for the sake of the band, for the fans. So he'd supress how hard it was to be lonely when he was far from the effervescence of their busy schedule.
Until he'd choke on them. On those suffocating feelings.
Especially when Uruha had been particularly nice to him, had showed his attention, his clumsy gentleness.
His chest would flutter with happiness and instantly it would change into sorrow.
I feel for you to this point. To the point of protecting you from my destructive love.
- Because sometimes Uruha, some things are better left unsaid.
Aoi was building up a wall around him again and the more he did, the more Uruha wanted to break it.
- Ok.
The older turned around and took a glance at Uruha's figure on the couch. He was looking at the carpet, his beautiful hands joined together, elbows on his thighs, his unique silver bracelet hanging around his wrist...He seemed concentrated on something, lost in his mind, far from here.
But the truth was, Uruha hadn't left this place, his entire self was focused on Aoi, on the fact that he was rejecting him once again. It wasn't pleasant. It hurt even.
- Since you didn't come to the studio today, I can show you what I've worked on so far.
Aoi smiled and nodded, gesturing for Uruha to follow him downstairs where was his studio room. On the way he grabbed the beers Uruha had carried and thought to himself that tonight he'd finally have some company.
The best company he could ever have.
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That quote at the beginning is of course a translation of one of Aoi's tweet. Hm I think he posted it a month ago or so...It made me want to cry lol and as expected, it made me plot like crazy. The first part with the studio scene came out of that tweet and I finished it few days ago. So yes, this is the perfect sequel to Blind! I still don't know how long or how short it's going to be, depends on my inspiration that is the biggest bitchy diva ever. I'll do my best! (don't ask me, I always hear a very manly "GANBARIMASU" whenever I say this --')