A series of you and me [CHAPTER 1]
Title: A series of you and me
Chapters: 1/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. Depressed Uruha.
Ratings: PG-13 (R later?)
Pairings: AoixUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
Comments: I'd so go for a cup of coffee now.
His fingers drummed nervously on the formica table. A camel shade. The leather banquettes were all a deep red and were comfortable. For nothing in the world he would sit on the few high-chairs at the bar.
No, he was better there.
Same old spot near the window with a plain view on the street but sheltered from the passers-by. A certain light was always directed toward this spot and he had checked that a lot since he was working there: all the world outside could see would be their own reflection and not his hazel sad orbs searching for...
From there he could spy at ease on the street while being unnoticed.
The café was quiet today. His boss was pouring some coffee to their usual customer who would have breakfast here before leaving with a full box of donuts, a ritual he was never failing to submit to his co-workers. He even memorized all of their favourites and so Kouyou knew that Miko would never eat something else than the strawberry coco, with that light pink glazing and the grated coconut.
Kouyou also remembered that each time, Mr Matsumoto would drink his coffee with a dark chocolate pie and complain about how hard it was to rule a beauty salon when you were only two guys lost in a sea of women...
Today Kouyou had taken his break a little earlier than usual, and Mr Matsumoto had noticed because he could feel his glances, from the corner of his right eye. The news on the TV didn't seem to interest him and it slightly bothered Kouyou who wanted, who needed to shelter into his own little world.
Mr Matsumoto didn't seem to respect that.
- Hey Takashima?! I'm talking to you!
Sakai their boss laughed and shook his head:
- Here we go again, he must be flying to the moon!
No, you're wrong, I'm flying to that star...
- Sorry, I'm out of it.
- Noticed.
Kouyou thought he could reply to his boss's grin but his lips didn't move. Expressionless.
- Oi Takashima, what's wrong with you today?
The employee's gaze drowned into the ebony filling his porcelain mug, as to avoid the piercing gazes on him, as to say "leave me alone".
- I'm tired. Didn't sleep well.
- Well at least you're at the best place to wake up! Abusing coffee seems like the best mean for you to find your old self!
What if it's my true self?
- It's been months I'm working here, I think I had enough coffee for a lifetime.
Sakai put his hand on his hips, emphasizing his little belly and didn't seem pleased with Kouyou's words:
- A real coffee lover never grows tired of it!
- When did I say I was a coffee lover?
- You can't work in a coffee shop if you hate coffee!
Kouyou raised an eyebrow and Sakai leaned against the bar, shaking his head.
- I find it stupid to work here if you don't like coffee. Besides you told me that you loved coffee during your interview! Why would you try to sell the things you don't affectionate? How are you supposed to praise them to the customers?
Kouyou could see Mr Matsumoto nodding like a good student at Sakai's words and he sighed.
- This world's full of hypocrites. Smiles are faked and love is a lie, I might as well pretend I'm a crazy hysterical coffee lover who can't have a day without at least, six different types of it and that our caramel macchiato is the best in the area.
Sakai crossed his arms and rolled his eyes:
- My, my, Kouyou you're hopeless. You're allowed to take a longer break, I don't want you to scare off the customers. It's cold today, we're going to have more work so let's give our best. And I hope you can bring back that positiveness of yours before this place is assaulted.
- Speaking of assault, I should leave already, I have a salon to open on time! See you tomorrow guys!
Mr Matsumoto rushed out of the café with his box of donuts, his stylized hair streaming behind him.
Sakai was off to the back of the shop and Kouyou enjoyed the sudden calm, the TV only producing a distant background noise. It was warm inside, relaxing and he took a look at the clock on the wall behind the bar.
8:10.
His eyes for the scenery through the glass of the window, he looked at the street waking up. There was the bakery that was always the first shop to open. A block away Mr Matsumoto was unlocking the doors of his salon, his co-worker, Mr Asanuma was leaning against the wall beside, smoking a cigarette and chatting with his boss with a smile.
And he passed by them. And he crossed the street. His hands kept warm in the pockets of his black coat, the obscure locks of hair swaying with the weak wind, his gaze for the ground until he vaguely glanced up at the sky. He scrunched up his nose and tried to hide it behind his grey wool scarf. He bowed his head slightly at some old man who was his neighbour and continued his road, lost in thoughts.
When he arrived in front of the coffee shop, Kouyou held his breath and felt like his heart was ripped into pieces.
He didn't stop by.
He never did.
So Kouyou sighed and when his silhouette wasn't noticeable anymore, he closed his eyes and held his head, exhausted. He could feel the flashing fairy lights they had put on the window earlier this morning, behind his eyelids, and it was hurting repeatedly the same way within his heart. A constant never-ending ache.
The world around seemed to go back to life as some customers invaded the place. Kouyou still had some time before his shift began again and he stayed still.
- Black coffee please.
His head snapped up.
Honey tone, not too loud and not too low, promises of shivers and butterflies everywhere whenever he would open his sinful lips.
That was the kind of effect he was making on Kouyou. The way he was unsettling him, the way he brainwashed his ideas of I should die, life isn't worth living, I lost myself, I'm better off dead.
The days he wasn't crossing this street Kouyou would feel the weight of the world sinking in his stomach, like nothing had any taste anymore, like laughing was pointless and eating and sleeping would become obsolete.
Kouyou was destroying himself, dying by inches.
Because without you I'm nothing.
And wanting you would make me die faster. While having you would make me cling to life desperatly because you'd be my reason to live.
- No sugar...
Pain.
Kouyou trembled and stared at him through the curtain of his dark hair. Glimpses of him.
You're just here and it feels like you're miles away. We're so close but so far. Would you even look at me?
He didn't.
He smiled and left the shop with his coffee.
Kouyou saw the world in a darker shade of black.
I fit this place: coffee is obscure and bitter, like him, like this love, like my future.
Ivory walls and the tickling of the clock as the only sound around.
Kouyou was trying to warm his hands against the burning porcelain because he couldn't afford someone's arms, someone's kisses, someone's whispers and so any source of heat was a solution, pursing and biting his lips tight to kill the urges and listening to music as a night companion...
It gets pathetic.
The way I hurt myself for your sake.
Button pressed on the remote. Sounds of laughs invading the living-room, Kouyou looked at the TV and thought that those people were unrespectful. They were laughing while he was hurting.
Unfair.
I wonder since when happiness became an emotion I can't understand? Why do you make me feel so down when you used to make me feel alive?
I promised myself I wouldn't come back in this city. But I did. I even settled here. I have a job, a place, some fake friends...Just for you.
I went away to forget you, I tried to lose myself in lust like I used to do, to get high the next moment so I'd forget everything I did, then to trip out and almost die...
They kept me in a hospital for few weeks, I had to talk to a therapist...He said I deny both Eros and Thanatos. Life and Death are in denial within me.
"This lack of future you see for yourself creates a taste for risks based on renunciation that has to express itself somewhere. And so you focus this on violence against yourself, unconsciously."
This guy needed to waste his time into expensive studies to get it. But I know what I do to myself and why I do it.
There's still this boundary I haven't crossed. Apparently it's my taste for masochism that is expressing itself.
I am because I hurt.
I thought I was harder to understand.
I hurt because of you.
It's all relative.
I wish you never crossed my path, I'd be dead already.
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Yes this is a sequel to Lost in lust and Sucker love. I didn't know if I should mention it because I felt like surprising you. Uruha isn't blond here if you noticed...
You have to keep in mind that a lot of time could have passed since they saw each other, I mean between Lost in lust and this moment. Few months between the two oneshots and something like a year since their last encounter at Aoi's place. I suggest you read this to understand the concept of Eros and Thanatos. As I only have 3 exams left this week, I allowed myself to post this. It will be a chaptered story yes, even though I have many things I haven't finished yet but it was haunting me for the past few days lol.