A series of you and me [CHAPTER 5]
Title: A series of you and me
Chapters: 5/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. Drugs. Alcohol.
Ratings: R
Pairings: AoixUruha (others?)
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
I cry every night.
Often, I don't need any valuable reason. I just cry until I can't anymore.
Then I gaze at the ceiling in the darkness creeping across my bedroom and I can't remember when I fell asleep, in the morning.
Mornings are the worst in fact.
Because I wake up with my heart heavier. I always hope like a child that some genius is going to grant my wishes. But every day is the same Hell. I open my eyes and I know.
I just know.
"Today won't be better. Tomorrow either."
And it's when the urge to kill myself is at its highest. But I'm still here, I'm my own burden, I drag myself through life.
I think the day no more hope will be left inside...Is going to be my last. I wonder if I can leave without regrets? Obviously, I can't because, I'm still alive, still trying to find a way to erase them.
Since my shaking hand put this piece of paper on one of your pillow, my eyes capturing your sleeping face a last time and an unbearable sickness taking hold of my whole self...I'm not the same anymore.
A warm finger poked his side and he flinched, grimaced, glared at Takanori.
- Where were you again? Was God speaking to you?
- No he was just thinking.
The hairdresser rolled his eyes.
- So, as I was saying while you were indeed listening to me was that we should go to this New Year's Eve party at the Black Moral. Akira can have us VIP access and free champagne. Sounds fabulous to me, don't you agree?
Kouyou considered the idea and by the look on his face, Takanori knew that his friend wasn't that ecstatic about it.
- I really don't feel like celebrating this new year.
- When do you feel like doing something Kou?
A stab. A painful one.
What the fuck do you know about depression?
- I'm sorry Kou.
Kouyou turned around, the sad stare of his friend wasn't helping. He was still ashamed about Christmas Eve and how he welcomed Takanori and Akira with eyes betraying his true self, the sad and desperate Takashima who was weak and lonely...
Takanori had seen the sorrow glowing against Kouyou's will and it was bothering him. He had never let anyone seen those broken and ugly bits of him, the ones he was constantly hiding.
- Doesn't matter.
- You know you can talk to me.
Thin silhouette trapped in a beige apron, dark hair, large and black framed glasses, brown pants and a white shirt, delicate hands. Kouyou seemed normal at a first glance, but if you were looking closely at him, you would see, something was wrong.
Something Takanori had always wanted to decipher, from the times he and Kouyou were still perfect strangers to each other.
"He looks sad all the time. Does he smile sometimes?"
"Sometimes. But it's rare. And it feels like it's forced. So I think I'd rather have him not smiling than being a hypocrite."
Even Sakai couldn't grasp his employee. They had known each other for nine months now and Sakai still couldn't tell anything particular about Kouyou. He was always elusive, avoiding certain subjects or simply never answering personal questions.
And all the usual customers were deeply fascinated with him and all of this mysteriousness...
- I don't need another therapist thanks.
- That would be great, if we could spend the last day of the year together and begin the new one the same way, you, Akira and I.
Kouyou poured the obscur beverage in the mug and turned around to put it in front of Takanori. He then looked into his eyes, conveying how much he was strong at this instant, not being the wreck Takanori had seen at his place.
- If there's something you need to know about me, it's that I hate being pushed forward. I will think about it and if I'm coming, then I will tell you.
The hairdresser pouted and finally nodded. He didn't try to continue this conversation, left a bill near his half full coffee cup and left, wishing Kouyou to have a nice day.
You meant a bad one.
- Kouyou?
He raised his head while placing the cleaned cups and mugs on their shelf, his gaze inquisitive. Sakai held out a little package:
- This is from Matsumoto. He gave it to me while you were having your break.
Kouyou opened it and found a venitian mask, all black with feathers and a note saying "Dopey without Grumpy isn't really a dwarf".
Sakai's eyes went bigger when Kouyou giggled.
- Are you really laughing Takashima?
- That fucker...
Sakai frowned. How this was even possible? Kouyou Takashima, his quiet employee laughing and cursing!
- What is it?
- He's still a dwarf no matter he's accompanied or not!
Sakai gave up and left to have a smoke while Kouyou's laughs were echoing in his back.
Dead end street behind the Toxic. You could see that night a crowded queue full of people excited by the upcoming new year. The nightclub part of the Toxic was called The Black Moral, and after its name, you would find everything there to deprave your soul, to affect your senses and to increase the number of your sins. The major rule was that all of the customers couldn't get in without wearing a mask: inside, you were allowed to act freely without anyone seeing your face and even the employees were all masked.
Kouyou had heard rumors about The Black Moral, that there was even a room where your voyeur nature could be satisfied: orgies you could join, sexual intercourse you could let perfect strangers see...But it seemed not everyone could get the extremely wanted pink tickets that would allow you inside. And no one seemed to know how they could get any...It was a mystery that belonged to the place and it was up to you to find the answer. He didn't care much about it anyway. Kouyou had seen some scenes that would have stained countless souls in the past. Nothing like sex could shock him, at least, not anymore.
Kouyou was displaying one of his most expensive suit, black, this venitian mask given by Takanori, his dark hair pulled back by a ponytail. He sighed at the interested glances he received from some persons, of both genders, and instantly walked to the direction of this one wearing a red leather jacket.
I thought I was ridiculous but look who's over here.
He patted his shoulder and Takanori behind his glittered mask gave him a huge smile.
You finally showed up you little bastard.
- Oh good Lord, Kou, you're stunning! But how did you know it's me?
- No one around owns your impressive height.
- No one around owns your asshole's nature.
- Don't mention it please, I'm very humble about it.
Takanori smiled widely:
- Tonight is our night! Let's make of this last day the best!
The Black Moral was filled with smoke, sweaty bodies, drunken souls.
Akira for once wasn't behind the bar making cocktails, because at the Black Moral, he was a simple customer today. His mask was silver, simple and weirdly it matched Takanori's golden glitters.
- Can I ask you something?
Kouyou whinced at Akira's yelling voice. He simply nodded.
- What are you up to actually? Guys? Girls? Both? Trans? Animals?
Kouyou smirked and took a quick look at Akira's flushed face. It seemed for once he was drinking the cocktails instead of making them.
- Necrophilia now leave me the fuck alone I need a shit load of alcohol, some pills eventually, it's the last day of this shitty year, I need to get wasted and forget why I'm still alive!
He left for the bar and Akira momentarily focused on Kouyou's leaving silhouette. He then turned his head to look at Takanori's sceptic face.
- The fuck is wrong with him?
- Let him be! We should go dancing you and me!
The smaller grabbed Akira's warm hand and leaded him through the stuck bodies on the dancefloor.
Kouyou had swallowed his third vodka shot when he noticed a man who had the side of his head shaved and black long hair on the other. His left upper arm was all tattooed and it made Kouyou smile when he saw that the half of his mask was a skull's one.
He surely had caught Kouyou's gaze because he was smiling back, his face being an amazing paradox between Life and Death. Kouyou felt trapped like a prey when the stranger came closer and whispered, his breath caressing:
- What's so funny? Making fun of Death?
Kouyou grinned, his tongue wetting his full lips:
- Fond of it.
- You're in Hell here.
- I thought It'd be better than that.
- What else do you need?
- Heaven.
The stranger touched his piercing below his lower lip with a little smirk and held out his other hand toward Kouyou.
- Masato.
They shook their hands together, slowly, their eyes locked.
- Kouyou.
This man was making Kouyou's blood to boil. A rush of adrenaline. A promise of moral decay, of something above hedonism: beyond the limits, to chaos and desperation.
Those things Kouyou needed.
To hurt himself.
To destroy.
To be closer to Death.
There's an obstacle between Death and me. It's you Yuu. So if I can't erase you, within, I have to erase myself.
- What do you propose?
- She's called Molly. Open that pretty mouth of yours.
He obeyed. And he chewed, slowly, slowly, his mouth invaded by an incredible bitter taste, slowly reaching another world where happiness was taking over his whole self.
Where everything was bliss and nothing hurt.
Little rushes of energy here and there in his body, in a faint feeling of lightness Kouyou was vibing to the beat, almost believing he could fly away somewhere...
His jaw was frantically tightening, chewing nothingness to relieve the tension there and his orbs were now all dark, only a thin line of his hazel irises could be seen.
Masato was laughing uncontrollably and Kouyou couldn't resist to.
- God I feel amazing. Damn it I feel so good!
And Masato didn't stop laughing.
- Everything is right in this world. I'm so happy with my life, I don't want to die anymore Masato! Do you hear me? I feel like Jesus!
Kouyou smiled watching the colourful dancing lights above their heads.
- I feel like Jesus talking to God.
- Guys are you kidding?
Yutaka giggled at Yuu's incredulous face.
- No we really got you a ticket for the Heresy room! So get in, try to get fucked and come back to tell us everything!
- No fucking way!
Yuu arranged his white mask, his white jacket, nervous and took a lungful of air when his friends pushed him toward the door, giving the pink ticket to the keeper of the Heresy room. Before he knew it, he was inside, red velvelt curtains in front of him.
Yuu breathed in and out, weirdly anxious by this new atmosphere surrounding him. There were sighs and moans coming from behind the heavy curtains, laughs, whispers, noises of skin slapping. He could smell smoke, the particular scent of weed, and sex...
This room was a forbidden secret and Yuu wanted to find out.
----------------------------------
Chapter 6 will be posted either tomorrow or during the week-end :) Well, you shall not use drugs guys of course! I wasn't up to make of Uru some kind of junkie (he's not really that in this story anyway) but it's only one of his experiences in an attempt to cope with his suicidal ideas and his depression. Not gonna tell you everything though, patience is a virtue. I added few things to spice it up a little. Ah GazettE brought me so much inspiration for the nightclub, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ♥
Chapters: 5/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. Drugs. Alcohol.
Ratings: R
Pairings: AoixUruha (others?)
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
I cry every night.
Often, I don't need any valuable reason. I just cry until I can't anymore.
Then I gaze at the ceiling in the darkness creeping across my bedroom and I can't remember when I fell asleep, in the morning.
Mornings are the worst in fact.
Because I wake up with my heart heavier. I always hope like a child that some genius is going to grant my wishes. But every day is the same Hell. I open my eyes and I know.
I just know.
"Today won't be better. Tomorrow either."
And it's when the urge to kill myself is at its highest. But I'm still here, I'm my own burden, I drag myself through life.
I think the day no more hope will be left inside...Is going to be my last. I wonder if I can leave without regrets? Obviously, I can't because, I'm still alive, still trying to find a way to erase them.
Since my shaking hand put this piece of paper on one of your pillow, my eyes capturing your sleeping face a last time and an unbearable sickness taking hold of my whole self...I'm not the same anymore.
A warm finger poked his side and he flinched, grimaced, glared at Takanori.
- Where were you again? Was God speaking to you?
- No he was just thinking.
The hairdresser rolled his eyes.
- So, as I was saying while you were indeed listening to me was that we should go to this New Year's Eve party at the Black Moral. Akira can have us VIP access and free champagne. Sounds fabulous to me, don't you agree?
Kouyou considered the idea and by the look on his face, Takanori knew that his friend wasn't that ecstatic about it.
- I really don't feel like celebrating this new year.
- When do you feel like doing something Kou?
A stab. A painful one.
What the fuck do you know about depression?
- I'm sorry Kou.
Kouyou turned around, the sad stare of his friend wasn't helping. He was still ashamed about Christmas Eve and how he welcomed Takanori and Akira with eyes betraying his true self, the sad and desperate Takashima who was weak and lonely...
Takanori had seen the sorrow glowing against Kouyou's will and it was bothering him. He had never let anyone seen those broken and ugly bits of him, the ones he was constantly hiding.
- Doesn't matter.
- You know you can talk to me.
Thin silhouette trapped in a beige apron, dark hair, large and black framed glasses, brown pants and a white shirt, delicate hands. Kouyou seemed normal at a first glance, but if you were looking closely at him, you would see, something was wrong.
Something Takanori had always wanted to decipher, from the times he and Kouyou were still perfect strangers to each other.
"He looks sad all the time. Does he smile sometimes?"
"Sometimes. But it's rare. And it feels like it's forced. So I think I'd rather have him not smiling than being a hypocrite."
Even Sakai couldn't grasp his employee. They had known each other for nine months now and Sakai still couldn't tell anything particular about Kouyou. He was always elusive, avoiding certain subjects or simply never answering personal questions.
And all the usual customers were deeply fascinated with him and all of this mysteriousness...
- I don't need another therapist thanks.
- That would be great, if we could spend the last day of the year together and begin the new one the same way, you, Akira and I.
Kouyou poured the obscur beverage in the mug and turned around to put it in front of Takanori. He then looked into his eyes, conveying how much he was strong at this instant, not being the wreck Takanori had seen at his place.
- If there's something you need to know about me, it's that I hate being pushed forward. I will think about it and if I'm coming, then I will tell you.
The hairdresser pouted and finally nodded. He didn't try to continue this conversation, left a bill near his half full coffee cup and left, wishing Kouyou to have a nice day.
You meant a bad one.
- Kouyou?
He raised his head while placing the cleaned cups and mugs on their shelf, his gaze inquisitive. Sakai held out a little package:
- This is from Matsumoto. He gave it to me while you were having your break.
Kouyou opened it and found a venitian mask, all black with feathers and a note saying "Dopey without Grumpy isn't really a dwarf".
Sakai's eyes went bigger when Kouyou giggled.
- Are you really laughing Takashima?
- That fucker...
Sakai frowned. How this was even possible? Kouyou Takashima, his quiet employee laughing and cursing!
- What is it?
- He's still a dwarf no matter he's accompanied or not!
Sakai gave up and left to have a smoke while Kouyou's laughs were echoing in his back.
Dead end street behind the Toxic. You could see that night a crowded queue full of people excited by the upcoming new year. The nightclub part of the Toxic was called The Black Moral, and after its name, you would find everything there to deprave your soul, to affect your senses and to increase the number of your sins. The major rule was that all of the customers couldn't get in without wearing a mask: inside, you were allowed to act freely without anyone seeing your face and even the employees were all masked.
Kouyou had heard rumors about The Black Moral, that there was even a room where your voyeur nature could be satisfied: orgies you could join, sexual intercourse you could let perfect strangers see...But it seemed not everyone could get the extremely wanted pink tickets that would allow you inside. And no one seemed to know how they could get any...It was a mystery that belonged to the place and it was up to you to find the answer. He didn't care much about it anyway. Kouyou had seen some scenes that would have stained countless souls in the past. Nothing like sex could shock him, at least, not anymore.
Kouyou was displaying one of his most expensive suit, black, this venitian mask given by Takanori, his dark hair pulled back by a ponytail. He sighed at the interested glances he received from some persons, of both genders, and instantly walked to the direction of this one wearing a red leather jacket.
I thought I was ridiculous but look who's over here.
He patted his shoulder and Takanori behind his glittered mask gave him a huge smile.
You finally showed up you little bastard.
- Oh good Lord, Kou, you're stunning! But how did you know it's me?
- No one around owns your impressive height.
- No one around owns your asshole's nature.
- Don't mention it please, I'm very humble about it.
Takanori smiled widely:
- Tonight is our night! Let's make of this last day the best!
The Black Moral was filled with smoke, sweaty bodies, drunken souls.
Akira for once wasn't behind the bar making cocktails, because at the Black Moral, he was a simple customer today. His mask was silver, simple and weirdly it matched Takanori's golden glitters.
- Can I ask you something?
Kouyou whinced at Akira's yelling voice. He simply nodded.
- What are you up to actually? Guys? Girls? Both? Trans? Animals?
Kouyou smirked and took a quick look at Akira's flushed face. It seemed for once he was drinking the cocktails instead of making them.
- Necrophilia now leave me the fuck alone I need a shit load of alcohol, some pills eventually, it's the last day of this shitty year, I need to get wasted and forget why I'm still alive!
He left for the bar and Akira momentarily focused on Kouyou's leaving silhouette. He then turned his head to look at Takanori's sceptic face.
- The fuck is wrong with him?
- Let him be! We should go dancing you and me!
The smaller grabbed Akira's warm hand and leaded him through the stuck bodies on the dancefloor.
Kouyou had swallowed his third vodka shot when he noticed a man who had the side of his head shaved and black long hair on the other. His left upper arm was all tattooed and it made Kouyou smile when he saw that the half of his mask was a skull's one.
He surely had caught Kouyou's gaze because he was smiling back, his face being an amazing paradox between Life and Death. Kouyou felt trapped like a prey when the stranger came closer and whispered, his breath caressing:
- What's so funny? Making fun of Death?
Kouyou grinned, his tongue wetting his full lips:
- Fond of it.
- You're in Hell here.
- I thought It'd be better than that.
- What else do you need?
- Heaven.
The stranger touched his piercing below his lower lip with a little smirk and held out his other hand toward Kouyou.
- Masato.
They shook their hands together, slowly, their eyes locked.
- Kouyou.
This man was making Kouyou's blood to boil. A rush of adrenaline. A promise of moral decay, of something above hedonism: beyond the limits, to chaos and desperation.
Those things Kouyou needed.
To hurt himself.
To destroy.
To be closer to Death.
There's an obstacle between Death and me. It's you Yuu. So if I can't erase you, within, I have to erase myself.
- What do you propose?
- She's called Molly. Open that pretty mouth of yours.
He obeyed. And he chewed, slowly, slowly, his mouth invaded by an incredible bitter taste, slowly reaching another world where happiness was taking over his whole self.
Where everything was bliss and nothing hurt.
Little rushes of energy here and there in his body, in a faint feeling of lightness Kouyou was vibing to the beat, almost believing he could fly away somewhere...
His jaw was frantically tightening, chewing nothingness to relieve the tension there and his orbs were now all dark, only a thin line of his hazel irises could be seen.
Masato was laughing uncontrollably and Kouyou couldn't resist to.
- God I feel amazing. Damn it I feel so good!
And Masato didn't stop laughing.
- Everything is right in this world. I'm so happy with my life, I don't want to die anymore Masato! Do you hear me? I feel like Jesus!
Kouyou smiled watching the colourful dancing lights above their heads.
- I feel like Jesus talking to God.
- Guys are you kidding?
Yutaka giggled at Yuu's incredulous face.
- No we really got you a ticket for the Heresy room! So get in, try to get fucked and come back to tell us everything!
- No fucking way!
Yuu arranged his white mask, his white jacket, nervous and took a lungful of air when his friends pushed him toward the door, giving the pink ticket to the keeper of the Heresy room. Before he knew it, he was inside, red velvelt curtains in front of him.
Yuu breathed in and out, weirdly anxious by this new atmosphere surrounding him. There were sighs and moans coming from behind the heavy curtains, laughs, whispers, noises of skin slapping. He could smell smoke, the particular scent of weed, and sex...
This room was a forbidden secret and Yuu wanted to find out.
----------------------------------
Chapter 6 will be posted either tomorrow or during the week-end :) Well, you shall not use drugs guys of course! I wasn't up to make of Uru some kind of junkie (he's not really that in this story anyway) but it's only one of his experiences in an attempt to cope with his suicidal ideas and his depression. Not gonna tell you everything though, patience is a virtue. I added few things to spice it up a little. Ah GazettE brought me so much inspiration for the nightclub, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ♥