A series of you and me [CHAPTER 8]
ATitle: A series of you and me
Chapters: 8/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst.
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: AoixUruha (others?)
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
The next day, Kouyou found Takanori sitting on the high chair that was his spot. This one was always vacant for him.
And as usual, he had ordered a slice of dark chocolate pie with a coffee, the biggest cup. But not as usual, this morning he was quiet and withdrawn into his thoughts.
- You caught Takashima's disease?
Kouyou raised an eyebrow from his place, near the window, break time.
- Uh?
Sakai laughed but none of them accompanied him in the feeling.
- You're quiet. It worries me, did something happen?
Takanori sighed and shook his head:
- I think I haven't completely gotten rid of the tiredness of New Year's Eve. And of the hangover maybe. I'll be ok.
Sakai vaguely nodded but guessed there was something going on. Since his employee and Matsumoto had become friends, they would chat every morning, even if their chatting consisted of sarcastic exchanges and ironic remarks.
Today they were both their own ghosts.
And when the hairdresser paid, put his coat on to face the cold wind blowing outside, Kouyou wondered what was the best thing to do...
To make up now or to let this day go on the same way.
I don't need more miserable feelings inside my sick head.
He didn't dare tell Sakai where he was going. He just followed Takanori, running behind him, calling his name and pacing down when the smaller turned around to wait for him.
- Are you crazy? It's freezing out there! We'll talk later!
Kouyou shook his head, trying to fight against the shivering in his body.
- I'm sorry about yesterday.
Takanori looked at his expensive boots stained by the snow.
- I'm sorry if I hurt you. But I'm not used to have people caring for me. I don't even know why you stick around me, I'm not worth it.
The hairdresser displayed how bothered by Kouyou's words he was. His expression both showing sadness and anger.
You didn't hear what I said yesterday Kou or...?
- Not because you see yourself through a certain prism means that the whole world see the same. If you're looking at yourself through a prism, you'll get everything wrong. It distorts your image completely.
Kouyou shrugged his shoulders, defeated.
- It doesn't mean I have to say amen to everything you tell me and smile like an idiot.
- I didn't ask you that.
- So what?
- So don't tell yourself Akira and I are your friends for some stupid reasons, that we'd like to use you and take your for granted and throw you away. We're not going to abandon you, to tell you that you shouldn't be alive, that you ruined our lives. No...
Kouyou looked away, Takanori's stare was too intimidating. His words were too powerful.
- We're not going to act like your mother. We want to stay around you because we like the person you are, we accept you entirely. Maybe you were brought in this world for Akira and I too, other than the man who had the bakery, other than for Sakai and his coffee shop...It was written that you were going to be our friend.
He heard steps in his back. From the corner of his eye, he could see his black coat, his grey scarf, his dark hair.
Suddenly the coldness was biting his skin and he turned around, tears in his eyes to run for shelter in the café.
- Takashima?
- Yes?
Sound normal. Don't let your voice go weak.
- I'm busy in the back, can you cover now? I'll give you another break later.
- No problem!
He turned around quickly. He was here, talking to Takanori, smiling. He was here.
Maybe Taka, you're also a reason why today I can watch him longer.
The wind blew and Takanori didn't know how he had to take Kouyou's departure, all of sudden. His emotions suffocating him maybe...
He's not used to hear these kind of things. Who would believe me if they knew how sensitive he is...?
- Ah Matsumoto! Happy New Year!
They slightly bowed to each other.
- Shiroyama-san, Happy New Year, bear with me this year too.
- I should say so! My hair is growing so fast, I think I'll pay you a visit again very soon.
Takanori laughed, pleased:
- I'll be honoured to cut your hair again. How was your New Year's Eve? Spent it with your girlfriend?
Yuu's face darkened a little and the hairdresser somehow understood he tackled a wrong subject.
- Ah, we broke up. So, I celebrated with few friends.
Takanori nodded:
- Yeah I did too.
- How was yours?
- Hm, kind of...Powerful you know? In terms of emotions especially.
- Ah mine too!
Yuu laughed, embarassed.
I can't just tell you I had sex with a perfect stranger in a room where people were all over each other.
- Hm, sorry I have to go, the salon has to open on time. Have a good day!
- You too!
Yuu then looked at the façade of the coffee shop, yearning for some cafeine to wake him up; he couldn't stop thinking about how he had spent he first hours of this new year. He finally continued his little walk on his way to the studio.
A relieved Kouyou sat, his gaze for Yuu, his heart beating insanely fast.
I thought you were looking back at me...
"Do you desire to be wholly one; always day and night in one another's company? for if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt and fuse you together, so that being two you shall become one, and while you live a common life as if you were a single man, and after your death in the world below still be one departed soul, instead of two--I ask whether this is what you lovingly desire and whether you are satisfied to attain this?"
[...]
"And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love."
Kouyou nodded in approval, closing the book and putting back on the shelf of the book shop.
Plato's Symposium about Twin souls...Kouyou admired how in today's world, it could still be applied. He had found himself a new interest in philosophy, maybe to understand himself better while he was at it. His passions should always be useful.
But he wasn't sure about reading more about it, about Plato's Symposium. It made him feel depressed. It made him think of Yuu and he didn't want that.
Because everytime the man was all over his mind, Kouyou was craving him, insanely. He yearned for his lips against his, again. At times he even wondered if it was love or just lust.
You haunt me since I've met you. I can find sex everywhere. But not you. It isn't just lust...
Door opened, the bells's door ringing out.
A short silence.
Kouyou opened a book at random.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Kouyou stopped himself from moving.
Oh shit.
- How...How are you?
- I'm alright.
- Hm...
There was a small blank in the conversation before Yutaka's voice was resonating again:
- I'm sorry about the other day. I know I shouldn't have said all these things but...
- I'm the one who's sorry.
He was too far from the entrance. He couldn't see him. But it was his voice. And he could almost remember his scent.
- You're right though. I should go on with my life...Focusing on the memories won't help me at all.
- So? Are you going back to the Black Moral this week-end?
It was quiet. Until he spoke again.
- He made me think of him, in some ways. It's not good at all. I have to stop hoping he'll cross my path another time.
- Things always happen in threes though.
A sigh.
- You tell me to forget him and then say this...
- It's just that sometimes fate likes to surprise us right?
- I don't want to be surprised to be left alone again. I wouldn't take it anymore. I think I'd go crazy if I could just see him once again. I'd be happy and mad, I'd kiss him and shout why he left me...I'd cry and laugh. I'd hold him and I'd push him away at the same time.
- I'm sorry Yuu. I think we're both mad at him for what he did. It's not fair because he had the choice to run away and didn't give you the chance to make him stay.
- Perhaps it's because he knew I'd make him stay. He was afraid of this possibility?
- We can't know.
- We can't.
- I hope one day he realizes how stupid he's been for leaving a great guy like you.
Yuu's laughs.
- Or relieved he didn't stay around!
More laughs from them.
- Then are we out for a drink tonight?
- I'm in! We need to definitely bury the hatchet around a beer.
Kouyou put the book back in the shelf, not in the mood to read anymore. He waited and when silence was growing again in the second hand book shop, he came out of the maze of shelves to leave.
- Not taking anything this time?
Kouyou shook his head, not according a glance at Yutaka.
- I'm afraid I'll be coming back way too often if I do.
Yutaka frowned and watched him walking away, wrapped in his long grey coat before entering Le Petit Crème.
Weird.
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Next chap soon! I still lack time and the right state of mind to update some other things...I'm trying to but you know, when the heart isn't in it, forcing ourselves doesn't work at all. So I'll be patient and I'm sorry to make you yearn for some of them...It's difficult for you and me.
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this :)