(no subject)
i dont know what to do/say. i dont know who to turn to? im confused. sometimes i dont know who i can believe or let alone if i cant rust anyone. im not sure if it was my fault or his? or either of our faults. i just dont think it is right or atleast it doesnt feel it. so i wasnt prepared for this i dint think it could happen liek this yet again.
people all say everything will be ok. but i think not. i hope that this was not just a waste... a waste of about 10 months of my life, 10 months that meant everything to me, the world. i wanted to try and work it out, but you didnt, you didnt want to try. you dont care. since this is what you wanted things will look better for you but not for me. i just dont think it will be ok not now anyway.
The only reason i acted the way i did, always on your case is b/c i know you lie. just because you havent since the last (as far as i know), doesnt mean that i can trust you whole heartedly, b/c i just cant do it. I know who i am and where i am going, i know that i am a good person. But honestly what will it take for you to realize how good i am? and then what happens if by the time you realize its too late and im gone? how could you let me slip away? why would you let me slip away? i am the good to your bad, without me your just bad.
i just have been thinking all was good. i knew it wasnt. i knew you didnt want this. so why did you say that you were ready? why did you say you wanted me back? i cant just give up because i have worked hard at this. i have tried to fix all i have done/said wrong, and i regret it. I am not the only one who should regret things. i just cant throw 10months down the drain like that damn it! i just wont.
i was about the only one who can honestly say i care for you. your friends wont be there forever but i will or would have if you let me. i have spent days and nights too many to even count giving you my all, worrying hopeing all was ok, i have been hurt over and over again, loveing you more than anyone ever could, treating you the best anyone ever will. and you just want to "take a break" from it all? it's just nto that easy not for me.
this makes me feel worthless and useless. i am none of those things, but without you thats how i feel. i will either wait around until he realizes that i am perfect for him and he does need me and without me he's just not the same or just move on. maybe hopefully i can eventually make him feel complete, the way he makes me feel. i just wasnt prepared.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these brown eyes