[001] March 7, 2008; fifteen minutes into the flight to China.

[curseyouxerox]

Help help! Is this message showing up on anyone else's Billbery? This is George Darrow, Intern for Public Relations, Business Class Upper Deck 81C -- can someone please help me with my seat-belt? I've tried to undo the buckle for the last ten minutes and I SWEAR I actually paid attention during the safety demonstration given by the flight

Comments

[savoytruffled]

Calm down, Darrow.

[curseyouxerox]

I AM calm, or at least I am by my standards. Are you coming to rescue me, or is someone else being sent over? I think my LEGS are starting to go numb ALREADY.

[savoytruffled]

You aren't my intern, but I suspect being left to sort this out on your own is for your own good.

Still, here's a tip. There's a small button with the silhouette of a person on the console above your head. Press it.

[curseyouxerox]

Well, to be honest, ma'am, I suppose there's something to be said about learning things on my own, although I don't know how 'for my own good' it will be if I lose circulation in my legs before I sort it out. Thank you for the wise words though, ma'am.

Are you COMPLETELY sure? Not that I have doubts about your intelligence, ma'am, but you did hear about the last Xerox machine I touched, right? Buttons and I don't get along, I'm afraid.

[habituallydrunk]

I'll come and help you, George. Relax. Breathe. Don't panic! Hey! Order a drink, why don't you!

Yes.

[curseyouxerox]

Are you SURE you're co-ordinated enough right now? I mean, the take-off and everything must have been at least somewhat disorienting for everyone. If you're using scissors, please don't get them near my --

[habituallydrunk]

There's no need to worry, kiddo! I've been on several flights and I'm used to it. And, well, you don't want to be forced into urinating on yourself, do you? That'd be a bit embarrassing.

[curseyouxerox]

So am I, but usually, Mom comes along on vacations and she undoes my seatbelt for me. Well, if you're the one that's going to save me, please do it quickly! I think my TORSO is starting to do numb too now. And no, of COURSE I wouldn't -- who'd want that anyway? Are you writing from experience?

[spinphd]

If you have enough circulation in your fingers to type, I doubt you're in danger of permanent damage anytime soon. Flag down a stewardess if Lindsey hasn't seduced the closest one already.

[curseyouxerox]

I have enough circulation to type FOR NOW, sir, but I don't think that's going to last much longer if someone doesn't help me with the buckle! That's a great idea though, sir, although I think one of the other interns is going to help me anyway. Thank you all the same though, sir.

[spinphd]

Hang on, isn't Parker the dr If Ms. Parker is insufficient help, I can assist you in solving your current -- difficulty, Darrow. If I hear screaming, I'll be on my way.

[curseyouxerox]

It seems like we'll be all right so far, but thank you all the same, sir. I'll keep the offer in mind though -- you know what my screaming sounds like, I think.

[notashowgirl]

Amputation of legs due to plane related circulation complications is a common procedure in Asiatic countries, I have been told.

[spinphd]

Refrain from spreading needless horror stories, please and thank you.

[notashowgirl]

Indeed.

[curseyouxerox]

Is it? I don't remember ever reading about it, or I would have been petitioning for a higher standard in seat-belts for Asian airline companies already. But JUST IN CASE, you wouldn't mind helping rescuing me either, would you? Please?

[khaaaan]

Can you hear me laughing all the way back there? Because I'm seriously busting a gut.

Thanks for getting this flight off to a great start, Georgie Porgie.

[curseyouxerox]

I think it's fantastic that you've got an excellent sense of humour, sir, but I don't think it would be very funny if I had to get BOTH legs and other parts of my anatomy amputated, would it? I'm glad to hear you're enjoying yourself already though.

[khaaaan]

I don't know, I think it'd be pretty chuckle-worthy.

We could throw you in the lake and call you Bob.

[curseyouxerox]

I don't really like the sound of that suggestion, sir -- what if I drowned? Wouldn't that reflect poorly on the rest of the company?