team bonding
Title: Team Bonding
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: None; Characters are: Cesc Fàbregas, Robin van Persie, Tomáš Rosický, Aleksander Hleb, Gaël Clichy, and Philippe Senderos, with mentions of Freddie Ljungberg and Thierry Henry.
Disclaimer: Crack. And fiction. But mostly crack.
Summary: The Arsenal boys discover football slash.
It’s team bonding, Aleks had said, explaining why it was absolutely necessary for them to gather at Tomáš’s house that afternoon. Especially without Thierry to inspire them in the upcoming season, they knew that stepping up will be a must and a few of the boys had reasoned that to prepare-to prevent another disappointing year-they have to really know each other well on the pitch and perhaps off it too.
It turns out to be a bit of a disaster, however; all respective wives and girlfriends are dutifully absent and the boys are left to have a bit of a barbeque-ironically and unfortunately foreign to virtually all of the ones present. The rest of the time is being poorly spent: Aleks is still trying to figure out the grill while Gaël and Tomáš are playing Pro Evolution Soccer 6 on the latter’s Xbox 360 (Copenhagen against Galatasaray for some reason). Philippe is sitting at the far side of the couch, his nose buried in a book, with Robin on the other end, talking on his mobile. And Cesc-
Cesc sits in front of Tomáš’s computer and stares at Google.cz: Česká republika. He doesn’t understand a word aside from ‘Google’ and ponders for a moment before running a decisive (and party-saving) search.
“Robin?” Cesc calls.
The striker looks up and over. “Yeah, Cesc?”
“Are you gay?”
Aleks drops his tongs and Gaël and Tomáš drop their controllers and Philippe drops his book and Robin drops his phone and Cesc hears a distant hallo? before Robin picks it back up and tells Bouchra he will call her back later.
“No!” he says as he gets up and approaches Cesc. “Why would you ask that?”
“I Googled (Česká republika) ‘Freddie Ljungberg gay’ and your name shows up,” Cesc explains, pointing at the monitor. “See? It says, ‘…if Van Persie wasn’t gay then this would make Freddie the talk of the club.’” By now, the rest of the boys have surrounded them in curiosity (and fits of giggles) and Cesc turns to look at them. “Is Freddie the talk of the club?”
“No,” Gaël answers after a pause and Cesc looks back at Robin pointedly.
“I’m not gay!” Robin exclaims, looking thoroughly flushed.
“Why did you Google ‘Freddie Ljungberg gay’?” Tomáš asks with an amused look on his face.
Cesc shrugs and says casually, “He does all those underwear ads. And some people say so. I was just wondering.”
There is a moment of silence and the boys just stare at the headline of the first result-‘Freddie Ljungberg & Robin Van Persie’-and the latter is fidgeting uncomfortably now, especially when his teammates throw little looks and smirks his way.
“I’m not gay,” he tries again and says furiously to Cesc, “Click on that.”
“Are you sure you want to find out?” Philippe interjects, putting a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “Listen, it’s probably just a joke or something; who knows what people do with the Internet now…”
Robin might have listened to the Swiss, but Cesc has already pulled up the link and now they look on at a page with a black background and large blocks of grey text.
“Look,” Aleks points out, “there’s a disclaimer.”
“‘As far as I am aware this didn’t happen or will ever happen and the characters aren’t supposed to resemble any real people,’” Philippe reads. “Well, see? It’s…not real.”
“Of course it’s not,” Robin says indignantly.
“As far as he or she is aware,” Cesc emphasizes and receives a smack around his head from Robin for it. He grins and says, “Just for that, now we have to read this.”
“Wow,” Gaël finally manages to say after the stunning silence that followed the reading period.
“That’s…” Aleks starts and Tomáš finishes, “…interesting.”
“All this time in the locker room with you, Robin,” Cesc suddenly laughs, “and I had no idea.” He quickly scrambles out of the chair and hides around Philippe’s taller frame. “‘Small but perfect’ and seven inches, is it?”
“Actually, ‘small but perfect’ referred to his nipples,” Philippe automatically corrects the boy hovering behind him-then, seeing the glare from Robin and what looks to be an impending lunge of attack, he adds, “but it isn’t real, of course-I mean, the story isn’t. Not anything else. I mean, not that I know. I mean-”
“-as far as you’re aware!” Cesc offers before yelping and running away from a very tall and menacing Robin, who promptly chases after him.
“Well…” Aleks starts and Tomáš finishes, “…team bonding?”
“Indeed.”
Notes: The football slash that the boys stumbled upon actually exists and it can be found here. The details relating to it in this piece are accurate and I only hesitate to quote the fic in any entirety because it's not mine to do so and I haven't obtained any sort of permission from the writer. The Google description is quoted, however, as well as the actual disclaimer.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: None; Characters are: Cesc Fàbregas, Robin van Persie, Tomáš Rosický, Aleksander Hleb, Gaël Clichy, and Philippe Senderos, with mentions of Freddie Ljungberg and Thierry Henry.
Disclaimer: Crack. And fiction. But mostly crack.
Summary: The Arsenal boys discover football slash.
It’s team bonding, Aleks had said, explaining why it was absolutely necessary for them to gather at Tomáš’s house that afternoon. Especially without Thierry to inspire them in the upcoming season, they knew that stepping up will be a must and a few of the boys had reasoned that to prepare-to prevent another disappointing year-they have to really know each other well on the pitch and perhaps off it too.
It turns out to be a bit of a disaster, however; all respective wives and girlfriends are dutifully absent and the boys are left to have a bit of a barbeque-ironically and unfortunately foreign to virtually all of the ones present. The rest of the time is being poorly spent: Aleks is still trying to figure out the grill while Gaël and Tomáš are playing Pro Evolution Soccer 6 on the latter’s Xbox 360 (Copenhagen against Galatasaray for some reason). Philippe is sitting at the far side of the couch, his nose buried in a book, with Robin on the other end, talking on his mobile. And Cesc-
Cesc sits in front of Tomáš’s computer and stares at Google.cz: Česká republika. He doesn’t understand a word aside from ‘Google’ and ponders for a moment before running a decisive (and party-saving) search.
“Robin?” Cesc calls.
The striker looks up and over. “Yeah, Cesc?”
“Are you gay?”
Aleks drops his tongs and Gaël and Tomáš drop their controllers and Philippe drops his book and Robin drops his phone and Cesc hears a distant hallo? before Robin picks it back up and tells Bouchra he will call her back later.
“No!” he says as he gets up and approaches Cesc. “Why would you ask that?”
“I Googled (Česká republika) ‘Freddie Ljungberg gay’ and your name shows up,” Cesc explains, pointing at the monitor. “See? It says, ‘…if Van Persie wasn’t gay then this would make Freddie the talk of the club.’” By now, the rest of the boys have surrounded them in curiosity (and fits of giggles) and Cesc turns to look at them. “Is Freddie the talk of the club?”
“No,” Gaël answers after a pause and Cesc looks back at Robin pointedly.
“I’m not gay!” Robin exclaims, looking thoroughly flushed.
“Why did you Google ‘Freddie Ljungberg gay’?” Tomáš asks with an amused look on his face.
Cesc shrugs and says casually, “He does all those underwear ads. And some people say so. I was just wondering.”
There is a moment of silence and the boys just stare at the headline of the first result-‘Freddie Ljungberg & Robin Van Persie’-and the latter is fidgeting uncomfortably now, especially when his teammates throw little looks and smirks his way.
“I’m not gay,” he tries again and says furiously to Cesc, “Click on that.”
“Are you sure you want to find out?” Philippe interjects, putting a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “Listen, it’s probably just a joke or something; who knows what people do with the Internet now…”
Robin might have listened to the Swiss, but Cesc has already pulled up the link and now they look on at a page with a black background and large blocks of grey text.
“Look,” Aleks points out, “there’s a disclaimer.”
“‘As far as I am aware this didn’t happen or will ever happen and the characters aren’t supposed to resemble any real people,’” Philippe reads. “Well, see? It’s…not real.”
“Of course it’s not,” Robin says indignantly.
“As far as he or she is aware,” Cesc emphasizes and receives a smack around his head from Robin for it. He grins and says, “Just for that, now we have to read this.”
“Wow,” Gaël finally manages to say after the stunning silence that followed the reading period.
“That’s…” Aleks starts and Tomáš finishes, “…interesting.”
“All this time in the locker room with you, Robin,” Cesc suddenly laughs, “and I had no idea.” He quickly scrambles out of the chair and hides around Philippe’s taller frame. “‘Small but perfect’ and seven inches, is it?”
“Actually, ‘small but perfect’ referred to his nipples,” Philippe automatically corrects the boy hovering behind him-then, seeing the glare from Robin and what looks to be an impending lunge of attack, he adds, “but it isn’t real, of course-I mean, the story isn’t. Not anything else. I mean, not that I know. I mean-”
“-as far as you’re aware!” Cesc offers before yelping and running away from a very tall and menacing Robin, who promptly chases after him.
“Well…” Aleks starts and Tomáš finishes, “…team bonding?”
“Indeed.”
Notes: The football slash that the boys stumbled upon actually exists and it can be found here. The details relating to it in this piece are accurate and I only hesitate to quote the fic in any entirety because it's not mine to do so and I haven't obtained any sort of permission from the writer. The Google description is quoted, however, as well as the actual disclaimer.