LOG: Love =/= Sex, Asshole!
Dan
Dan is standing in line waiting to get lunch. Nachos! Yay!
Ed
Ed is waiting in line in front of him, doing some mental math to see how he can get the biggest quantity of food for the smallest amount of money.
Dan
Dan considers saying hi, but since Ed is so wonderful at pissing him off these days... Well, he does it anyway. "Hey, Ed. How's it going?" There's a reason why nice guys finish last.
Ed
Stamina is where it is at. He turns around. "Hey, I'm good," he says, shrugging. "How about you?" There's a hint of something shark-like in his smile.
Dan
Which is no less than Dan expects from him. "I'm pretty good." He shoves his hands in his pockets. Okay. he's done his duty as the local nice guy to say hello and act civil. He's pretty much done now. God, why is the nacho line so long?
Ed
Because nachos are awesome, that's why. "That's nice." He steals a french fry from someone's tray and eats it. "Mmh. So everything is okay? How about our friend, Inky? Still bustin' caps or whatever he thinks he's doing?" Dancing around the issue, wooo, look at him dance...
Dan
Dan snorts softly when he sees that the guy Ed stole the fry from didn't even notice. "Yeah, pretty much," he says in response to Ed's questions. Not that Ed cares. He knows better. "Yeah, He's fine. He's... good."
Ed
Lifts an eyebrow at that. Steals another one and this time dips it in the sauce. He takes a bite... and winces. He throws the fry to the floor. "Don't try the sauce they put on the meat surprise." He nods. "Good. It will be a sad day when sociopaths give up on justice or whatever."
Dan
Dan bends down to pick up the discarded fry and tosses it in the garbage. "And when narcissists stop caring about only themselves," Dan adds with a sharp smirk. "So how're things with you?"
Ed
"Indeed, indeed. We're a rare breed. The world would be lost without us," he says without a bit of shame. "Same old. Nailed some ladies, went to jail, went to watch Dorian Gray..."
Dan
"You went to jail?" Dan asks, incredulous. "When?"
Ed
Shrugs. "I just spent the night there. I got into a fight with some rich guy. The cops never like that."
Dan
Dan laughs. "What did you get into a fight about?"
Ed
"He was a arsehole. I was dancing with a girl who turned out to be his girlfriend, and..." and she looked at him and her eyes shouted 'help'.
Dan
"Huh," Dan says, thinking this over. "Well, you've certainly been busy. More than me." Which is a lie. He's been very busy, making his own way in the world of masked heroes, trying not to die, and getting hit in the face by philosophy teachers. He's still got the bruise to prove it, but it's not like he'll ever say anything. "Man, if only my life was half as interesting as yours, Ed."
Ed
"Meh, Dorian Gray was sort of boring. No close ups of gay blowjobs or anything." Ohh neat! Hot cheese! "I don't think you'd want your life to get more interesting, though. You might not survive it." Eyeing the bruise.
Dan
Dan shrugs, putting his tray down to fill up with food. "Yeah, well... You could be right." Dan? Being criptic? Wot? He's obviously taken a page from Adrian's book.
Ed
With the tray on the bar in front of him, he has both hands free. Which is a pity because he'll use them to grab Dan's chin and lift it to inspect his cheek. "Big hands... At least I know the ex didn't do this." Please, let's not think about why Ed knows so much about bruises.
Dan
Dan reaches up and grabs Ed's wrists, then carefully pulls his hands away from him, stepping out of the reach of the other. "Look, just... Don't." He looks almost apologetic for having to push him away. "It still hurts." And it's as good an excuse as any, instead of 'my new secret boyfriend thing would murder you if he saw you touching me.' "No... It wasn't Adrian."
Ed
He rolls his eyes. "You're such a baby." And you're lying, he thinks. He's sure it hurts, bruises like that always do, but it's not that. The line advances and he has to move the tray. "Are you going to tell me or are we making a game out of this? Was it Rolf? Did the big bad bear get his toyboy back?"
Dan
Dan makes a face. "Christ, I sure hope not. That's the last thing Adrian needs, going back to him. No. It wasn't Rolf." He smirks to himself, picking up a banana to add to his tray.
"You want the truth? I stumbled onto an arms deal and got caught in the middle of it. I settled for getting hit instead of shot." He nods. At least it's the simplified version of the truth. Because big babies like Dan get in street fights all the time.
Ed
He gets a weird look in his face. One that means that maybe Dan talked too much. But he shakes his head and sneaks ketchup bags inside Dan's tray. "Is he single, then? Fantastic. The musical chairs game begins once again. Do you think I'll get to nail him before he ends up with Eddie?"
Dan
Doesn‘t care about the ketchup. It‘s only, like, fifty cents extra. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it's not gonna work, Ed," he says calmly, grabbing an extra bit of nachos for Walter to come share with him should he show up for lunch. "I broke up with Adrian. Not the other way around."
Ed
"It was a genuine question. Shit, at this point we will either kill or fuck each other. Possibly both, but hopefully not at the same time," he says, frowning. "I just hope I don't get his blonde-cooties. Why did you break up, then?"
Dan
Dan balks at the idea of Adrian and Ed sleeping together. The same goes for Eddie, but especially Ed. Ed + anybody = bad idea. "'Cause there's too much going on right now for all of that." That and Walter. Always, always Walter.
Ed
You try telling Ed that. I'm starting to think they boy might have a problem. But hey at least he got a reaction. "Right. So much homework." Nudges. "What is this about?"
Dan
Dan is in no way committed to giving Ed a serious answer, or to having a heart to heart over lunch. He takes out his wallet to pay. "It's personal, man." And none of your goddamn business. "It's just like I said. There's too much going on."
Ed
He gets his change and puts it back in his wallet, then grabs his tray as Dan pays for his own stuff. "Okay, I'm going to take a wild guess here. Either he cheated on you or Inky wised up. I'm betting on the first one." Smirk. "Who was it, Bard?"
Dan
Dan laughs softly at this. "Actually, both guesses are wrong. Though... Close, I guess." Ed's gonna drive him crazy with this. Why did he allow himself to talk to him again. He can feel himself wearing down. It’s not like Ed couldn’t just ask Adrian anyway. Not that Adrian would tell him. Yeah why not make a game out of it? "Guess again?"
Ed
Frowns. Close... What the fuck, what does that even mean. "He didn't cheat on you and Inky didn't wise up. So you're either... trying to get him to see the light that he surely lacks inside that ugly closet or..." Stops. Snorts. "You cheated on him. And you guys say I'm the bastard."
Dan
Dan's eyes meet Ed's, his face kinda grim to say the least, though he doesn't say anything at all.
Ed
Gapes. "You did! Holy shit. You cheated on Adrian! Man, he was crazy about you! He thought you where his fucking angel or whatever." Forgive him if he's smirking like a maniac. "Oh man. I bet you destroyed him."
Dan
Dan finds a place to sit, a place where Ed can sit with him, knowing instinctively that he will. After all, he's gonna want to know all about this. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I already feel horrible about it. No need to rub it in, Ed."
He indulges in his nachos for a moment. "That's still not the right answer though. That's not why. It's just a part of it."
Ed
He does, indeed, sit next to him. He likes a masochist. "I wish I had been there when you told him..."
He starts eating fries, lost in thought. "Mmh, I don't know. You cheated on him... Wait, but you said you broke up with him. That doesn't make any sense!" Chew chew. "Mmh, so did he forgive you? But then you broke up with him anyway. You left him for someone else." And then he looks mildly horrified as a thought occurs to him.
Dan
Dan sighs. "Yeah. He forgave me." And he was a mess. A great big mess. And they had somehow gone back to being happy. "Uhm... This was a while ago, Ed. We stayed together after it."
He shakes his head sharply. "No. That's not it. I didn't leave him for anyone else. I left him for myself. Because there's too. Much. Going. On. Too much shit that makes it impossible for... Well for anything to go the way it should."
He sees that horrified look on Ed's face. "What?"
Ed
Shakes his head. For a second he got the strange mental image of a guy in a furry suit shagging a smelly hobo. Weird.
"So that's it. Lame, man. What kind of reason is that? You love someone, you make it work. You don't love someone, you don't bother with that relationship bullshit. Either way? You get a trip to Europe before breaking up with a guy like Adrian."
Dan
Dan inhales sharply, sucking a piece of chip into his throat and choking on it, all for the sake of trying to stifle a laugh. He coughs hard for a moment, his eyes tearing up as he struggles to breathe. He pounds his hand on his own chest, coughing the obstruction away. "Jesus, Man, don't joke like that."
Ed
He stares at him.
Dan
Taking a long, hard swig of milk. "See, that's the difference between us, Ed. I break up with somebody because it changes me for the worse and you stay with them so you can take advantage of them." He doesn't say this meanly, just pointing out the facts.
"I can go to Europe whenever I want to," says the rich Jew. "I can't as easily forgive myself for being a bad person."
Ed
"You never did tell me what your dad works as," he says coldly. He doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he's apparently surrounded by rich people.
"The funny thing is, I don't see how dating someone can make them a bad person. What does make you a bad person is playing with someone's feelings. Trust me. I'm an expert on this."
Dan
“My dad’s a banker. Big surprise, right?”
"Well, I wasn't playing with him," he murmurs softly, swimming a chip around in his cheese and keeping his eyes low behind his glasses. "I really care for Adrian. It just wasn't gonna work. That's all."
Ed
"That wasn't a rhetorical question," he says as he steals back one of Dan's ketchup bags. "I don't know what you'd call cheating on someone, dude, but I sure as hell wouldn't call it nice."
Dan
"Yeah I know. It was a horrible, inconsiderate, selfish thing to do. And that's just... Not me. It seems like lots of things that I've done over the last few weeks or months are just... Not... Me. And that's why I broke up with him.”
Ed
"You know, it always amuses me that I'm supposed to be a criminal while the people who screwed up our economy are still respected." Ooh peas! Yum!
"...I think you lost me." Good luck trying to explain that to someone as amoral as Ed.
Dan
Dan sighs, thinking on this. "It's like... How would you feel if there was somebody in your life who made you all... I dunno. All sappy and weepy and ga-ga over every little thing? Instead of being the dick that you always are about everything. How would that make you feel?"
Ed
He stares at him. "I'm guessing... sappy, weepy and ga-ga. Since you said that this his how this person is supposed to make me feel." Nope, he's not getting it.
Dan
Dan blinks at him. "Are you, just, purposefully dense all the time?" He doesn't mean to sound so condescending, but seriously, sometimes talking to Ed makes his goddamn head hurt.
"Okay. Here's an example that maybe you can relate too. Let's say that you really like milkshakes. You really, really like them, but each time you have one, it makes you sick for a little while. And then if you have them too often, over and over again, it starts to make you sick all the time. Are you following me?"
Ed
"Then I'd guess I'm lactose intolerant and get soy milkshakes."
Tilts his head. "Adrian makes you sick?"
Dan
Dan rubs a hand over his face. "Y'know... Nevermind."
Ed
"Okay so... being with him makes you feel bad. Why?"
Dan
"Because I would never ever cheat on anybody. But I did." A few times, if you count those last few kisses the night before he broke up with Adrian. "And I keep taking and taking and taking without thinking about how it hurts people. And turning my back on the things that are most important to me and I cannot do shit like that. And Adrian." He sighs. "I dunno. Adrian's not necessarily the cause of it, but he certainly doesn't help it at all. I wanted a clean slate, to try to get things back to the way they used to be. That means Adrian had to go too."
Ed
"So basically you're not dating Adrian cause you're a shitty boyfriend." Rests cheek on a hand. "That's kinda… Pointless. Do you think you're going to change or...?"
Dan
Dan thinks about this. "Basically... Yeah. I guess that's a really easy way of putting it." He looks glum. "A shitty boyfriend, a shitty friend." A shitty son.
Moar nachos plz. "I hope I change."
Ed
The nachos are good at least. "God, that's depressing... A shitty friend?" He doubts Dan ever considered him a friend (and with good reason), which leaves... Walter. So much stuff going on in this high school. He's not sure he wants to be part of any of this.
Dan
"Yep." He pops the word. "But I'm getting better at that one again. At least there's that." He peels his banana, taking a bite out of it and looking over the excess nachos he bought, also looking around the lunchroom for his ginger-headed friend. "Preeeeetty depressing."
Ed
He nods, not even sparing a dirty glance at the sight of Dan eating a banana. "Yeaaah. You know. At some point you just have to throw everything away and run."
Dan
"That's what I did."
Ed
"No, you dropped your bag and walked home. I'm talking about blowing shit up and traveling to a distant galaxy."
Dan
"Yeah, well, this isn't Doctor Who. I like to clean up my messes when I wreck things." He's nothing if not loyal. And a bit of a nerd.
Ed
"I meet a girl once who claimed to be a Time Lady. She was kind of dumb." Ed is cool enough to be a geek. So there.
"Mmh? I wasn't talking about you."
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes then looks at Ed. "Then what are you talking about?"
Ed
Shakes head, starts to eat. "Nothing, really."
Dan
Dan blinks. And eats too. "Kay."
Ed
Yum food. Watch Ed shoveling food into his mouth. "So that's about it?"
Dan
Dan thinks. "Yeah... Pretty much. I went over to Adrian’s. Told him all this. We broke up. Adrian told me to leave. Pretty simple."
Ed
"Hah." Nudges. "You didn't tell me who you cheated with."
Dan
"And I'm not going to. Ever."
Ed
"It was Walter."
Dan
Dan's expression remains impassive. "I'm not telling you."
Ed
"Give it up. Who cares. It was either Walter or one of our teachers, and that'd be too disturbing."
Dan
Dan snorts at this idea. "Oh god. One of the teachers." He can't help his grin. "Yes, I absolutely got it on with Mr. Veidt."
Ed
Snorts. "That'd be the dumbest thing ever. Cheating on Addie with Addie."
Dan
"Yeah, you're probably right." He eyes Ed, raising a brow, almost amused. "Almost as dumb as assuming that the only people I know are Walter and teachers though."
Ed
"That's not what I said, was it? You don't have many reasons to try and hide it, ‘specially since you know I'll find out. So either your buddy doesn't want anyone to know about your gay romance or you're getting it on with someone you shouldn't."
Dan
"Or with somebody that you don't know about and don't need to know about." He perks a brow. "This is a big city. And you have a big mouth. That's plenty of reason to hide an affair if I ever heard one."
He smiles softly and laughs. "Gay romance indeed."
Ed
"Yeah, I can see you sneaking inside nightclubs, charming all the chicks. Face it, man. A nerd like you doesn't know that many people. Anyway, I figured it out."
Dan
Dan's brows raise. "Oh, did you?"
Ed
"Yep. Now I kind of hope you're going to tell me there are more scandalous details, because otherwise this whole story isn't going to be very interesting."
Dan
Dan grins though he knows he's too poor a liar to fabricate an elaborate story. But hell, he could try. "Nothing too scandalous. I mean, yeah it probably is pretty boring.
“So... there's this girl who goes to the same synagogue as my folks and me. And she's sort of seeing the rabbi's son and all that." He smirks. "And my boyish good looks and charm are irresistible, as you know. Very interesting, right?"
Ed
"Right, right. You have to find yourself a nice Jewish girl to settle down with, after all. You're parents are going to be so proud of you."
Dan
And a shitty son. "Yeah, pretty much." He sighs, feeling stressed out even about his lie, not because it's a lie, but because he just sucks at everything.
"Okay, well. If you ask Adrian, he'll tell you that I kissed Walter. And that Walter never kissed me back."
Ed
It's not like he bought it in the first place. "See? I knew it."
Dan
"Yeah, well, there's your gay romance. I cheated on my boyfriend but the boy I cheated with wouldn't indulge me because it was wrong and made me a filthy cheater. So romantic." He looks about as exasperated as he feels... Regardless of the fact that Walter has readily reciprocated many times over the last several instances of kisses.
Ed
"That's too sad for words. Want me to talk with Walter? I'm good at making people be okay with gayness, apparently." Unreadable expression.
Dan
Don't you dare, Dan thinks, but chooses not to say it. Of course, if he said something like that, Ed would probably be that more inclined to do it.
Instead he settles for a, "Nah, that's okay. I like my balls where they are."
Ed
No comments about Dan having or not balls. Nice, Ed. "You're taking this well."
Dan
Dan looks over at him. "What do you mean?"
Ed
"You break up with your boyfriend and your... Loved one rejects you and here you are." Gestures.
Dan
Dan nods. "Yep. And things are going back to normal. Walter and I are going back to being as good of friends as we always were. I'm trying not to be as much of a selfish, heartless prick all the time. I miss Adrian sometimes, but," he shrugs. "Here I am."
Ed
Considers Dan with a half smile. He leans closer and whispers in his ear with an amused glint in his eyes. "If you asked me to, I'd suck your cock right now, right here." His hand comes to rest on his thigh for a fraction of a second and then he's back the way he was, eating nachos. "So?" He asks and he's kind enough to swallow before talking.
Dan
Dan laughs nervously, getting a sort of glazed look in his eyes for a moment and squirming a bit when Ed touches him. "That... Is a really horrible idea, Ed."
Ed
"Mmh. And you're still thinking about it. What, Walter didn't put out yet?" But apart from his smug grin, he looks like he's more interested in his food at the moment.
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "No, I'm… I'm not. And No. He never will and that's okay with me. Like I said. I'm working on that whole friendship bit and that includes not mindlessly fooling around with somebody that my best friend hates. Especially not after how much we fought about it last time." He takes a drink of his milk and eats some more nachos since it seems Walter wont be appearing to claim them for himself. "I mean, unless you want him to break your fingers again."
Ed
"Out of curiosity, do you plan to ever have sex again? Because I doubt he'll ever be okay with you fucking anyone." Ed eats some chips.
Dan
Not with you, Dan thinks, having himself a cruel smile... Or at least as cruel as he can manage. "Oh, sure. Eventually." He shrugs.
Ed
"Did you even shag Addie? Because he has that look about him..."
Dan
"Who has what look about who?" Dan perks a brow.
Ed
"Adrian. Do pay attention, Dreiberg." Om nom nom. "He's starting to look less like he needs to remove the stick up his ass and more like he desperately needs someone to stick something inside him." Crude, Ed. Crude.
Dan
Dan winces. "Well, yeah, we messed around some." He doesn't like admitting this, but hell, simply dating Adrian seemed to be enough for others to assume they'd gotten busy.
Ed
"...that's it?" In Ed's world, if you date someone, sex happens. Hell, in Ed's world they don't need to buy you a drink to get sex. No exceptions. It's possible he has a problem. "Dude, I know he's glitter personified, but isn't that a bit... mean?"
Dan
"Yeah I guess so. That's it." He raises his brows a bit. "How is that mean?"
Ed
Flails wildly, looking a bit like a penguin. "He wanted you! You were dating! It's what people do!"
Dan
Dan laughs hard at Ed's flailing. "Oh, so this is assuming you think I was the one who didn't want to have sex?"
Ed
"Not necessarily but. Why wouldn't he? Why would anyone not want sex?" He might start looking like a terrified mouse very soon.
Dan
Dan feels he's said this too many times in this conversation. "There were too many things going on. Too many elements and problems in the way. We both wanted it, believe me... But we just... didn't."
Ed
He stays silent for a whole minute. A first for Ed. And then he starts to look angry. "But. But. Why would someone. Why did you. Christ, did his dick fall off or something?"
Dan
Dan has some more nachos, enjoying silence in the presense of Ed for once. "No. His dick didn't fall off. Honestly, I'm not gonna tell you all that because it's personal and none of your business, but sometimes there are more factors to consider than just getting laid, Ed. Like feelings. And stuff."
Ed
Snort. "Bullshit. A body is a body is a body. Your brain can do so much to make it stupid. You two, Adrian and you... You're just wrong." My poor boy. He actually believes what he's saying.
Dan
Dan gives Ed a look... Something like genuine pity. "No, Ed. You're wrong," he says gently. "You'll figure it out someday, I'm sure. I hope."
Ed
And now he's back to staring. "For fucks sake. You wanted to shag someone and you didn't do it out of some... Nebulous feeling or whatever. Isn't that what love is about? No barriers and shit?"
Dan
"Not in that way," Dan says, looking a bit bothered by this notion. "Not so that you can just fuck them senselessly like a slab of meat for your own gratification without considering their feelings on the matter. It's about caring for someone and mutuality and consideration, including what they do and don't need and not just yourself."
Ed
"Well obviously. You're supposed to make sex good for the other person." Rolls his eyes. "Seriously, man, do I really fuck like I don't care if the other person has a good time? But, but... Why wouldn't he want to fuck you? You're dorky, but he's into that!"
Dan
Dan waves a hand between them. "Whoa, whoa, hold on a second. I'm talking about love in general. I'm not talking about love in terms of just sex. That's not how it works. They don't go hand in hand, Ed. And... Well, no. That's not what I mean about being considerate either. You're... You do pretty well in that department.
"But I mean being considerate in that you don't expect sex from somebody just because they're you're significant other. Or that you know what they need and how, including whether or not sex is even included in that. Or that you aren't an outright ass just because you want sex all the time. I wasn't dating Adrian so that I could sleep with him. You can't just expect somebody that you're with to put out. That's just not how it works. It's something you have to achieve together, otherwise, what the hell else is the point of being in a relationship? Y'know? The key part of that word is 'relate'."
Ed
He opens his mouth, closes it. "But why the hell wouldn't someone want to fuck!"
Dan
"I don't know. Because... Because they feel pressured? Because they aren't ready? Because they're still recovering from a shitty past? Because they have hang-ups that they aren't ready to reconsile? Because they want it to be good and want it to mean something instead of just meaningless, mindless sex? There are any number of reasons."
Ed
"...I thought you said you weren't pressuring him? That's just bullshit. You get knocked off the horse, your get back on it. That's how it works. Really, I thought Adrian would have more sense than that. Self-pity never helped anyone."
Dan
"I was just giving an example, Ed. I told you, I'm not telling you why we didn't." Dan sighs and rubs his eyes under his glasses. It's like teaching basic math two a kid who oughta know how to do this by now but just isn't listening. He's getting more and more frustrated but he's trying to be patient.
Ed
"...do you even know why he did it?" And Ed's starting to think he should shut up before Dan figures out exactly how fucked up he really is.
Dan
"Did what?"
Ed
"Refuse to have sex?"
Dan
Dan gives him a look in lieu of arguing about the fact that Adrian didn't really ever refuse him... Besides that one time, though it was mostly mutually agreed upon, even then. "Yeah, I do."
Ed
It'd be difficult to define the emotion being displayed in his face. It's mostly confusion with a bit of everything else added on. He steals yet another one of Dan's flies. "Waiting is for pussies," he mumbles.
Dan
"Okay," Dan replies helplessly, not sure what else to say to this. He's not ashamed of the fact that they waited. It was honestly the best choice for them both. And he's not ashamed that he's still waiting now, albeit for somebody else. He wouldn't want it any other way.
Ed
"It's not like you're a girl. Girls can do that." And the way he says it is... strangely stilted. There's probably a lot more going on here than either of them realize, but Ed's not willing to pursue that thought.
Dan
"Girls can do what? Wait? Guys can too, Ed. Sex doesn't have to be the sole purpose for everything in life. There is more, you know."
Ed
"Yeah well, obviously they can. You didn't burst into flames, did you? So yeah, if pressed, a guy can wait."
Dan
Dan stares at him. "Did you... Wait, wait... Did you just admit that a guy can wait for sex?" He looks around quickly. "I think that's the signal for end of the universe or something."
Ed
Facepalms. "Obviously. You're the empirical proof of it. The question is why would a guy do that. It's silly."
Dan
"Haven't we covered this already? I don't wanna be one of those guys who is so obsessed with sex that he can't see the value of other people and love and relationships." I don't wanna be you.
Ed
"Why does it have to be sex or love? And why the hell is it so hard to just suck it up?"
Dan
"It doesn't have to be just one or the other, but I think one ought to be more important than the other in the grand scheme of things. That's all."
Ed
Shrugs. "Okay, yeah, whatever. I get why you had waited. I don't get why he wanted to."
Dan
"That's just gonna have to remain a mystery then, I guess. I have a feeling that even if I told you, you wouldn't understand. This conversation has been proof enough of that."
Ed
"Because there's no good reason to wait! Wait. Does he have a STD?"
Dan
"I doubt it," Dan says, his words almost a question at this left-fielded question. "If he does, that's news to me."
Ed
Throws a bit of bread at him. "Are you completely insane!? You didn't ask?"
Dan
"You didn't ask," Dan points out.
Ed
"You were a virgin! And didn't ask me, either, as far as I remember."
Dan
"How do you know, Ed?" He asks calmly. "How do you know that I wasn't lying to you? That I wasn't putting on an act, huh?" His brows raise.
Ed
Taps his forehead. "Because I figured out you're dating inky. You're a shit liar, owlboy. But that's not what we were talking about."
Dan
Dan's brow furrows. "I'm not," he replies. And he's actually, seriously not, the truth of it plain on his face. "And what the hell does that have to do with anything anyway? Aren't we talking about STDs?"
Ed
Mmh. Dan is telling the truth, but there is something that doesn't quite fit in all this mess. He'll have to investigate this. "Yeah, you are a shit liar. We're talking about Adrian's dick and whether it is diseased or not. Mine is perfectly fine, thank you."
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes. "Okay, whatever. We're not together. You can ask him yourself. He'll probably hit you in the face for talking to him, but we're still not." He huffs a laugh. "Adrian's dick is not diseased." And he knows this for a fact too. After all, he's gone to be tested yet again after having two partners now. Better safe than sorry.
Ed
"I'm not talking with him. That boy stinks." Which isn't necessarily true, but Walter gives him the creeps. He's not talking with him if he can avoid it. "How did you know that! You didn't ask! Rolf and him could have been breeding some strange german virus."
Dan
Dan shrugs. "Maybe. But if that's true, then I didn't catch it." Aww, nachos are all gone. Sadface.
Ed
That they are! He's still hungry though. Mmh, let's see, who can he charm into giving him their lunch... "Oh?"
Dan
"Oh," Dan replies with certainty. No, he's not completely stupid. He didn't ask his partners directly, but he was keen to ask a doctor shortly after.
Ed
"Ah. Well done, bird-boy."
He stands up.
Dan
Dan checks his watch. Lunch is nearly over. He watches Ed stand, assuming that he's leaving. "Okay, well, uh... Good talk, I guess."
Ed
Shrugs. "Yeah, bits of it were interesting. See you around, bard." And, after a lazy imitation of a military salute, he leaves.
Dan
Dan waves. He has no idea what just happened or what he's achieved, if anything, besides the satisfaction of Ed's curiosity for at least a little while.
Dan is standing in line waiting to get lunch. Nachos! Yay!
Ed
Ed is waiting in line in front of him, doing some mental math to see how he can get the biggest quantity of food for the smallest amount of money.
Dan
Dan considers saying hi, but since Ed is so wonderful at pissing him off these days... Well, he does it anyway. "Hey, Ed. How's it going?" There's a reason why nice guys finish last.
Ed
Stamina is where it is at. He turns around. "Hey, I'm good," he says, shrugging. "How about you?" There's a hint of something shark-like in his smile.
Dan
Which is no less than Dan expects from him. "I'm pretty good." He shoves his hands in his pockets. Okay. he's done his duty as the local nice guy to say hello and act civil. He's pretty much done now. God, why is the nacho line so long?
Ed
Because nachos are awesome, that's why. "That's nice." He steals a french fry from someone's tray and eats it. "Mmh. So everything is okay? How about our friend, Inky? Still bustin' caps or whatever he thinks he's doing?" Dancing around the issue, wooo, look at him dance...
Dan
Dan snorts softly when he sees that the guy Ed stole the fry from didn't even notice. "Yeah, pretty much," he says in response to Ed's questions. Not that Ed cares. He knows better. "Yeah, He's fine. He's... good."
Ed
Lifts an eyebrow at that. Steals another one and this time dips it in the sauce. He takes a bite... and winces. He throws the fry to the floor. "Don't try the sauce they put on the meat surprise." He nods. "Good. It will be a sad day when sociopaths give up on justice or whatever."
Dan
Dan bends down to pick up the discarded fry and tosses it in the garbage. "And when narcissists stop caring about only themselves," Dan adds with a sharp smirk. "So how're things with you?"
Ed
"Indeed, indeed. We're a rare breed. The world would be lost without us," he says without a bit of shame. "Same old. Nailed some ladies, went to jail, went to watch Dorian Gray..."
Dan
"You went to jail?" Dan asks, incredulous. "When?"
Ed
Shrugs. "I just spent the night there. I got into a fight with some rich guy. The cops never like that."
Dan
Dan laughs. "What did you get into a fight about?"
Ed
"He was a arsehole. I was dancing with a girl who turned out to be his girlfriend, and..." and she looked at him and her eyes shouted 'help'.
Dan
"Huh," Dan says, thinking this over. "Well, you've certainly been busy. More than me." Which is a lie. He's been very busy, making his own way in the world of masked heroes, trying not to die, and getting hit in the face by philosophy teachers. He's still got the bruise to prove it, but it's not like he'll ever say anything. "Man, if only my life was half as interesting as yours, Ed."
Ed
"Meh, Dorian Gray was sort of boring. No close ups of gay blowjobs or anything." Ohh neat! Hot cheese! "I don't think you'd want your life to get more interesting, though. You might not survive it." Eyeing the bruise.
Dan
Dan shrugs, putting his tray down to fill up with food. "Yeah, well... You could be right." Dan? Being criptic? Wot? He's obviously taken a page from Adrian's book.
Ed
With the tray on the bar in front of him, he has both hands free. Which is a pity because he'll use them to grab Dan's chin and lift it to inspect his cheek. "Big hands... At least I know the ex didn't do this." Please, let's not think about why Ed knows so much about bruises.
Dan
Dan reaches up and grabs Ed's wrists, then carefully pulls his hands away from him, stepping out of the reach of the other. "Look, just... Don't." He looks almost apologetic for having to push him away. "It still hurts." And it's as good an excuse as any, instead of 'my new secret boyfriend thing would murder you if he saw you touching me.' "No... It wasn't Adrian."
Ed
He rolls his eyes. "You're such a baby." And you're lying, he thinks. He's sure it hurts, bruises like that always do, but it's not that. The line advances and he has to move the tray. "Are you going to tell me or are we making a game out of this? Was it Rolf? Did the big bad bear get his toyboy back?"
Dan
Dan makes a face. "Christ, I sure hope not. That's the last thing Adrian needs, going back to him. No. It wasn't Rolf." He smirks to himself, picking up a banana to add to his tray.
"You want the truth? I stumbled onto an arms deal and got caught in the middle of it. I settled for getting hit instead of shot." He nods. At least it's the simplified version of the truth. Because big babies like Dan get in street fights all the time.
Ed
He gets a weird look in his face. One that means that maybe Dan talked too much. But he shakes his head and sneaks ketchup bags inside Dan's tray. "Is he single, then? Fantastic. The musical chairs game begins once again. Do you think I'll get to nail him before he ends up with Eddie?"
Dan
Doesn‘t care about the ketchup. It‘s only, like, fifty cents extra. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it's not gonna work, Ed," he says calmly, grabbing an extra bit of nachos for Walter to come share with him should he show up for lunch. "I broke up with Adrian. Not the other way around."
Ed
"It was a genuine question. Shit, at this point we will either kill or fuck each other. Possibly both, but hopefully not at the same time," he says, frowning. "I just hope I don't get his blonde-cooties. Why did you break up, then?"
Dan
Dan balks at the idea of Adrian and Ed sleeping together. The same goes for Eddie, but especially Ed. Ed + anybody = bad idea. "'Cause there's too much going on right now for all of that." That and Walter. Always, always Walter.
Ed
You try telling Ed that. I'm starting to think they boy might have a problem. But hey at least he got a reaction. "Right. So much homework." Nudges. "What is this about?"
Dan
Dan is in no way committed to giving Ed a serious answer, or to having a heart to heart over lunch. He takes out his wallet to pay. "It's personal, man." And none of your goddamn business. "It's just like I said. There's too much going on."
Ed
He gets his change and puts it back in his wallet, then grabs his tray as Dan pays for his own stuff. "Okay, I'm going to take a wild guess here. Either he cheated on you or Inky wised up. I'm betting on the first one." Smirk. "Who was it, Bard?"
Dan
Dan laughs softly at this. "Actually, both guesses are wrong. Though... Close, I guess." Ed's gonna drive him crazy with this. Why did he allow himself to talk to him again. He can feel himself wearing down. It’s not like Ed couldn’t just ask Adrian anyway. Not that Adrian would tell him. Yeah why not make a game out of it? "Guess again?"
Ed
Frowns. Close... What the fuck, what does that even mean. "He didn't cheat on you and Inky didn't wise up. So you're either... trying to get him to see the light that he surely lacks inside that ugly closet or..." Stops. Snorts. "You cheated on him. And you guys say I'm the bastard."
Dan
Dan's eyes meet Ed's, his face kinda grim to say the least, though he doesn't say anything at all.
Ed
Gapes. "You did! Holy shit. You cheated on Adrian! Man, he was crazy about you! He thought you where his fucking angel or whatever." Forgive him if he's smirking like a maniac. "Oh man. I bet you destroyed him."
Dan
Dan finds a place to sit, a place where Ed can sit with him, knowing instinctively that he will. After all, he's gonna want to know all about this. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I already feel horrible about it. No need to rub it in, Ed."
He indulges in his nachos for a moment. "That's still not the right answer though. That's not why. It's just a part of it."
Ed
He does, indeed, sit next to him. He likes a masochist. "I wish I had been there when you told him..."
He starts eating fries, lost in thought. "Mmh, I don't know. You cheated on him... Wait, but you said you broke up with him. That doesn't make any sense!" Chew chew. "Mmh, so did he forgive you? But then you broke up with him anyway. You left him for someone else." And then he looks mildly horrified as a thought occurs to him.
Dan
Dan sighs. "Yeah. He forgave me." And he was a mess. A great big mess. And they had somehow gone back to being happy. "Uhm... This was a while ago, Ed. We stayed together after it."
He shakes his head sharply. "No. That's not it. I didn't leave him for anyone else. I left him for myself. Because there's too. Much. Going. On. Too much shit that makes it impossible for... Well for anything to go the way it should."
He sees that horrified look on Ed's face. "What?"
Ed
Shakes his head. For a second he got the strange mental image of a guy in a furry suit shagging a smelly hobo. Weird.
"So that's it. Lame, man. What kind of reason is that? You love someone, you make it work. You don't love someone, you don't bother with that relationship bullshit. Either way? You get a trip to Europe before breaking up with a guy like Adrian."
Dan
Dan inhales sharply, sucking a piece of chip into his throat and choking on it, all for the sake of trying to stifle a laugh. He coughs hard for a moment, his eyes tearing up as he struggles to breathe. He pounds his hand on his own chest, coughing the obstruction away. "Jesus, Man, don't joke like that."
Ed
He stares at him.
Dan
Taking a long, hard swig of milk. "See, that's the difference between us, Ed. I break up with somebody because it changes me for the worse and you stay with them so you can take advantage of them." He doesn't say this meanly, just pointing out the facts.
"I can go to Europe whenever I want to," says the rich Jew. "I can't as easily forgive myself for being a bad person."
Ed
"You never did tell me what your dad works as," he says coldly. He doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that he's apparently surrounded by rich people.
"The funny thing is, I don't see how dating someone can make them a bad person. What does make you a bad person is playing with someone's feelings. Trust me. I'm an expert on this."
Dan
“My dad’s a banker. Big surprise, right?”
"Well, I wasn't playing with him," he murmurs softly, swimming a chip around in his cheese and keeping his eyes low behind his glasses. "I really care for Adrian. It just wasn't gonna work. That's all."
Ed
"That wasn't a rhetorical question," he says as he steals back one of Dan's ketchup bags. "I don't know what you'd call cheating on someone, dude, but I sure as hell wouldn't call it nice."
Dan
"Yeah I know. It was a horrible, inconsiderate, selfish thing to do. And that's just... Not me. It seems like lots of things that I've done over the last few weeks or months are just... Not... Me. And that's why I broke up with him.”
Ed
"You know, it always amuses me that I'm supposed to be a criminal while the people who screwed up our economy are still respected." Ooh peas! Yum!
"...I think you lost me." Good luck trying to explain that to someone as amoral as Ed.
Dan
Dan sighs, thinking on this. "It's like... How would you feel if there was somebody in your life who made you all... I dunno. All sappy and weepy and ga-ga over every little thing? Instead of being the dick that you always are about everything. How would that make you feel?"
Ed
He stares at him. "I'm guessing... sappy, weepy and ga-ga. Since you said that this his how this person is supposed to make me feel." Nope, he's not getting it.
Dan
Dan blinks at him. "Are you, just, purposefully dense all the time?" He doesn't mean to sound so condescending, but seriously, sometimes talking to Ed makes his goddamn head hurt.
"Okay. Here's an example that maybe you can relate too. Let's say that you really like milkshakes. You really, really like them, but each time you have one, it makes you sick for a little while. And then if you have them too often, over and over again, it starts to make you sick all the time. Are you following me?"
Ed
"Then I'd guess I'm lactose intolerant and get soy milkshakes."
Tilts his head. "Adrian makes you sick?"
Dan
Dan rubs a hand over his face. "Y'know... Nevermind."
Ed
"Okay so... being with him makes you feel bad. Why?"
Dan
"Because I would never ever cheat on anybody. But I did." A few times, if you count those last few kisses the night before he broke up with Adrian. "And I keep taking and taking and taking without thinking about how it hurts people. And turning my back on the things that are most important to me and I cannot do shit like that. And Adrian." He sighs. "I dunno. Adrian's not necessarily the cause of it, but he certainly doesn't help it at all. I wanted a clean slate, to try to get things back to the way they used to be. That means Adrian had to go too."
Ed
"So basically you're not dating Adrian cause you're a shitty boyfriend." Rests cheek on a hand. "That's kinda… Pointless. Do you think you're going to change or...?"
Dan
Dan thinks about this. "Basically... Yeah. I guess that's a really easy way of putting it." He looks glum. "A shitty boyfriend, a shitty friend." A shitty son.
Moar nachos plz. "I hope I change."
Ed
The nachos are good at least. "God, that's depressing... A shitty friend?" He doubts Dan ever considered him a friend (and with good reason), which leaves... Walter. So much stuff going on in this high school. He's not sure he wants to be part of any of this.
Dan
"Yep." He pops the word. "But I'm getting better at that one again. At least there's that." He peels his banana, taking a bite out of it and looking over the excess nachos he bought, also looking around the lunchroom for his ginger-headed friend. "Preeeeetty depressing."
Ed
He nods, not even sparing a dirty glance at the sight of Dan eating a banana. "Yeaaah. You know. At some point you just have to throw everything away and run."
Dan
"That's what I did."
Ed
"No, you dropped your bag and walked home. I'm talking about blowing shit up and traveling to a distant galaxy."
Dan
"Yeah, well, this isn't Doctor Who. I like to clean up my messes when I wreck things." He's nothing if not loyal. And a bit of a nerd.
Ed
"I meet a girl once who claimed to be a Time Lady. She was kind of dumb." Ed is cool enough to be a geek. So there.
"Mmh? I wasn't talking about you."
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes then looks at Ed. "Then what are you talking about?"
Ed
Shakes head, starts to eat. "Nothing, really."
Dan
Dan blinks. And eats too. "Kay."
Ed
Yum food. Watch Ed shoveling food into his mouth. "So that's about it?"
Dan
Dan thinks. "Yeah... Pretty much. I went over to Adrian’s. Told him all this. We broke up. Adrian told me to leave. Pretty simple."
Ed
"Hah." Nudges. "You didn't tell me who you cheated with."
Dan
"And I'm not going to. Ever."
Ed
"It was Walter."
Dan
Dan's expression remains impassive. "I'm not telling you."
Ed
"Give it up. Who cares. It was either Walter or one of our teachers, and that'd be too disturbing."
Dan
Dan snorts at this idea. "Oh god. One of the teachers." He can't help his grin. "Yes, I absolutely got it on with Mr. Veidt."
Ed
Snorts. "That'd be the dumbest thing ever. Cheating on Addie with Addie."
Dan
"Yeah, you're probably right." He eyes Ed, raising a brow, almost amused. "Almost as dumb as assuming that the only people I know are Walter and teachers though."
Ed
"That's not what I said, was it? You don't have many reasons to try and hide it, ‘specially since you know I'll find out. So either your buddy doesn't want anyone to know about your gay romance or you're getting it on with someone you shouldn't."
Dan
"Or with somebody that you don't know about and don't need to know about." He perks a brow. "This is a big city. And you have a big mouth. That's plenty of reason to hide an affair if I ever heard one."
He smiles softly and laughs. "Gay romance indeed."
Ed
"Yeah, I can see you sneaking inside nightclubs, charming all the chicks. Face it, man. A nerd like you doesn't know that many people. Anyway, I figured it out."
Dan
Dan's brows raise. "Oh, did you?"
Ed
"Yep. Now I kind of hope you're going to tell me there are more scandalous details, because otherwise this whole story isn't going to be very interesting."
Dan
Dan grins though he knows he's too poor a liar to fabricate an elaborate story. But hell, he could try. "Nothing too scandalous. I mean, yeah it probably is pretty boring.
“So... there's this girl who goes to the same synagogue as my folks and me. And she's sort of seeing the rabbi's son and all that." He smirks. "And my boyish good looks and charm are irresistible, as you know. Very interesting, right?"
Ed
"Right, right. You have to find yourself a nice Jewish girl to settle down with, after all. You're parents are going to be so proud of you."
Dan
And a shitty son. "Yeah, pretty much." He sighs, feeling stressed out even about his lie, not because it's a lie, but because he just sucks at everything.
"Okay, well. If you ask Adrian, he'll tell you that I kissed Walter. And that Walter never kissed me back."
Ed
It's not like he bought it in the first place. "See? I knew it."
Dan
"Yeah, well, there's your gay romance. I cheated on my boyfriend but the boy I cheated with wouldn't indulge me because it was wrong and made me a filthy cheater. So romantic." He looks about as exasperated as he feels... Regardless of the fact that Walter has readily reciprocated many times over the last several instances of kisses.
Ed
"That's too sad for words. Want me to talk with Walter? I'm good at making people be okay with gayness, apparently." Unreadable expression.
Dan
Don't you dare, Dan thinks, but chooses not to say it. Of course, if he said something like that, Ed would probably be that more inclined to do it.
Instead he settles for a, "Nah, that's okay. I like my balls where they are."
Ed
No comments about Dan having or not balls. Nice, Ed. "You're taking this well."
Dan
Dan looks over at him. "What do you mean?"
Ed
"You break up with your boyfriend and your... Loved one rejects you and here you are." Gestures.
Dan
Dan nods. "Yep. And things are going back to normal. Walter and I are going back to being as good of friends as we always were. I'm trying not to be as much of a selfish, heartless prick all the time. I miss Adrian sometimes, but," he shrugs. "Here I am."
Ed
Considers Dan with a half smile. He leans closer and whispers in his ear with an amused glint in his eyes. "If you asked me to, I'd suck your cock right now, right here." His hand comes to rest on his thigh for a fraction of a second and then he's back the way he was, eating nachos. "So?" He asks and he's kind enough to swallow before talking.
Dan
Dan laughs nervously, getting a sort of glazed look in his eyes for a moment and squirming a bit when Ed touches him. "That... Is a really horrible idea, Ed."
Ed
"Mmh. And you're still thinking about it. What, Walter didn't put out yet?" But apart from his smug grin, he looks like he's more interested in his food at the moment.
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "No, I'm… I'm not. And No. He never will and that's okay with me. Like I said. I'm working on that whole friendship bit and that includes not mindlessly fooling around with somebody that my best friend hates. Especially not after how much we fought about it last time." He takes a drink of his milk and eats some more nachos since it seems Walter wont be appearing to claim them for himself. "I mean, unless you want him to break your fingers again."
Ed
"Out of curiosity, do you plan to ever have sex again? Because I doubt he'll ever be okay with you fucking anyone." Ed eats some chips.
Dan
Not with you, Dan thinks, having himself a cruel smile... Or at least as cruel as he can manage. "Oh, sure. Eventually." He shrugs.
Ed
"Did you even shag Addie? Because he has that look about him..."
Dan
"Who has what look about who?" Dan perks a brow.
Ed
"Adrian. Do pay attention, Dreiberg." Om nom nom. "He's starting to look less like he needs to remove the stick up his ass and more like he desperately needs someone to stick something inside him." Crude, Ed. Crude.
Dan
Dan winces. "Well, yeah, we messed around some." He doesn't like admitting this, but hell, simply dating Adrian seemed to be enough for others to assume they'd gotten busy.
Ed
"...that's it?" In Ed's world, if you date someone, sex happens. Hell, in Ed's world they don't need to buy you a drink to get sex. No exceptions. It's possible he has a problem. "Dude, I know he's glitter personified, but isn't that a bit... mean?"
Dan
"Yeah I guess so. That's it." He raises his brows a bit. "How is that mean?"
Ed
Flails wildly, looking a bit like a penguin. "He wanted you! You were dating! It's what people do!"
Dan
Dan laughs hard at Ed's flailing. "Oh, so this is assuming you think I was the one who didn't want to have sex?"
Ed
"Not necessarily but. Why wouldn't he? Why would anyone not want sex?" He might start looking like a terrified mouse very soon.
Dan
Dan feels he's said this too many times in this conversation. "There were too many things going on. Too many elements and problems in the way. We both wanted it, believe me... But we just... didn't."
Ed
He stays silent for a whole minute. A first for Ed. And then he starts to look angry. "But. But. Why would someone. Why did you. Christ, did his dick fall off or something?"
Dan
Dan has some more nachos, enjoying silence in the presense of Ed for once. "No. His dick didn't fall off. Honestly, I'm not gonna tell you all that because it's personal and none of your business, but sometimes there are more factors to consider than just getting laid, Ed. Like feelings. And stuff."
Ed
Snort. "Bullshit. A body is a body is a body. Your brain can do so much to make it stupid. You two, Adrian and you... You're just wrong." My poor boy. He actually believes what he's saying.
Dan
Dan gives Ed a look... Something like genuine pity. "No, Ed. You're wrong," he says gently. "You'll figure it out someday, I'm sure. I hope."
Ed
And now he's back to staring. "For fucks sake. You wanted to shag someone and you didn't do it out of some... Nebulous feeling or whatever. Isn't that what love is about? No barriers and shit?"
Dan
"Not in that way," Dan says, looking a bit bothered by this notion. "Not so that you can just fuck them senselessly like a slab of meat for your own gratification without considering their feelings on the matter. It's about caring for someone and mutuality and consideration, including what they do and don't need and not just yourself."
Ed
"Well obviously. You're supposed to make sex good for the other person." Rolls his eyes. "Seriously, man, do I really fuck like I don't care if the other person has a good time? But, but... Why wouldn't he want to fuck you? You're dorky, but he's into that!"
Dan
Dan waves a hand between them. "Whoa, whoa, hold on a second. I'm talking about love in general. I'm not talking about love in terms of just sex. That's not how it works. They don't go hand in hand, Ed. And... Well, no. That's not what I mean about being considerate either. You're... You do pretty well in that department.
"But I mean being considerate in that you don't expect sex from somebody just because they're you're significant other. Or that you know what they need and how, including whether or not sex is even included in that. Or that you aren't an outright ass just because you want sex all the time. I wasn't dating Adrian so that I could sleep with him. You can't just expect somebody that you're with to put out. That's just not how it works. It's something you have to achieve together, otherwise, what the hell else is the point of being in a relationship? Y'know? The key part of that word is 'relate'."
Ed
He opens his mouth, closes it. "But why the hell wouldn't someone want to fuck!"
Dan
"I don't know. Because... Because they feel pressured? Because they aren't ready? Because they're still recovering from a shitty past? Because they have hang-ups that they aren't ready to reconsile? Because they want it to be good and want it to mean something instead of just meaningless, mindless sex? There are any number of reasons."
Ed
"...I thought you said you weren't pressuring him? That's just bullshit. You get knocked off the horse, your get back on it. That's how it works. Really, I thought Adrian would have more sense than that. Self-pity never helped anyone."
Dan
"I was just giving an example, Ed. I told you, I'm not telling you why we didn't." Dan sighs and rubs his eyes under his glasses. It's like teaching basic math two a kid who oughta know how to do this by now but just isn't listening. He's getting more and more frustrated but he's trying to be patient.
Ed
"...do you even know why he did it?" And Ed's starting to think he should shut up before Dan figures out exactly how fucked up he really is.
Dan
"Did what?"
Ed
"Refuse to have sex?"
Dan
Dan gives him a look in lieu of arguing about the fact that Adrian didn't really ever refuse him... Besides that one time, though it was mostly mutually agreed upon, even then. "Yeah, I do."
Ed
It'd be difficult to define the emotion being displayed in his face. It's mostly confusion with a bit of everything else added on. He steals yet another one of Dan's flies. "Waiting is for pussies," he mumbles.
Dan
"Okay," Dan replies helplessly, not sure what else to say to this. He's not ashamed of the fact that they waited. It was honestly the best choice for them both. And he's not ashamed that he's still waiting now, albeit for somebody else. He wouldn't want it any other way.
Ed
"It's not like you're a girl. Girls can do that." And the way he says it is... strangely stilted. There's probably a lot more going on here than either of them realize, but Ed's not willing to pursue that thought.
Dan
"Girls can do what? Wait? Guys can too, Ed. Sex doesn't have to be the sole purpose for everything in life. There is more, you know."
Ed
"Yeah well, obviously they can. You didn't burst into flames, did you? So yeah, if pressed, a guy can wait."
Dan
Dan stares at him. "Did you... Wait, wait... Did you just admit that a guy can wait for sex?" He looks around quickly. "I think that's the signal for end of the universe or something."
Ed
Facepalms. "Obviously. You're the empirical proof of it. The question is why would a guy do that. It's silly."
Dan
"Haven't we covered this already? I don't wanna be one of those guys who is so obsessed with sex that he can't see the value of other people and love and relationships." I don't wanna be you.
Ed
"Why does it have to be sex or love? And why the hell is it so hard to just suck it up?"
Dan
"It doesn't have to be just one or the other, but I think one ought to be more important than the other in the grand scheme of things. That's all."
Ed
Shrugs. "Okay, yeah, whatever. I get why you had waited. I don't get why he wanted to."
Dan
"That's just gonna have to remain a mystery then, I guess. I have a feeling that even if I told you, you wouldn't understand. This conversation has been proof enough of that."
Ed
"Because there's no good reason to wait! Wait. Does he have a STD?"
Dan
"I doubt it," Dan says, his words almost a question at this left-fielded question. "If he does, that's news to me."
Ed
Throws a bit of bread at him. "Are you completely insane!? You didn't ask?"
Dan
"You didn't ask," Dan points out.
Ed
"You were a virgin! And didn't ask me, either, as far as I remember."
Dan
"How do you know, Ed?" He asks calmly. "How do you know that I wasn't lying to you? That I wasn't putting on an act, huh?" His brows raise.
Ed
Taps his forehead. "Because I figured out you're dating inky. You're a shit liar, owlboy. But that's not what we were talking about."
Dan
Dan's brow furrows. "I'm not," he replies. And he's actually, seriously not, the truth of it plain on his face. "And what the hell does that have to do with anything anyway? Aren't we talking about STDs?"
Ed
Mmh. Dan is telling the truth, but there is something that doesn't quite fit in all this mess. He'll have to investigate this. "Yeah, you are a shit liar. We're talking about Adrian's dick and whether it is diseased or not. Mine is perfectly fine, thank you."
Dan
Dan rolls his eyes. "Okay, whatever. We're not together. You can ask him yourself. He'll probably hit you in the face for talking to him, but we're still not." He huffs a laugh. "Adrian's dick is not diseased." And he knows this for a fact too. After all, he's gone to be tested yet again after having two partners now. Better safe than sorry.
Ed
"I'm not talking with him. That boy stinks." Which isn't necessarily true, but Walter gives him the creeps. He's not talking with him if he can avoid it. "How did you know that! You didn't ask! Rolf and him could have been breeding some strange german virus."
Dan
Dan shrugs. "Maybe. But if that's true, then I didn't catch it." Aww, nachos are all gone. Sadface.
Ed
That they are! He's still hungry though. Mmh, let's see, who can he charm into giving him their lunch... "Oh?"
Dan
"Oh," Dan replies with certainty. No, he's not completely stupid. He didn't ask his partners directly, but he was keen to ask a doctor shortly after.
Ed
"Ah. Well done, bird-boy."
He stands up.
Dan
Dan checks his watch. Lunch is nearly over. He watches Ed stand, assuming that he's leaving. "Okay, well, uh... Good talk, I guess."
Ed
Shrugs. "Yeah, bits of it were interesting. See you around, bard." And, after a lazy imitation of a military salute, he leaves.
Dan
Dan waves. He has no idea what just happened or what he's achieved, if anything, besides the satisfaction of Ed's curiosity for at least a little while.