From where quality comes first...
The stories you are about to read are true. The groceries have been changed to protect their expiration dates.
This is the city, Malaga, New Jersey. I carry a nametag.
It was Wednesday, June 20, 2012. It was oppressively hot in Malaga. We were working the day watch out of the front end. My partners are Buttercup, Princess of Hammersmith and Artemis, Oenophilic Object of Her Affection. My supervisor is Genie, the Mighty Huntress Before the Lord. The boss is Bob, the Burgermeister Meisterburger. My name's Thursday; I’m a cashier.
In the steets, our… heads are liftin’… as we lose our… inhibition… celebration… it surrounds us… every nation… all around us…
I have learned that the “Extreme Couponing” shows are the bane of my existence, as they show customers abusing coupon-friendly policies that our store just doesn’t have. For instance, we permit only four like coupons to be used on an order, and only cents-off coupons may be doubled, to a maximum value of $1. Furthermore, we actually require that the coupon match what was actually purchased.
Enter a customer with forty two-liter bottles of various Coca-Cola products, one of which was a Seagram’s ginger ale. At the time, they were selling for 5/$5 (must buy 5, limit 4 offers please - additional quantities will sell for 4/$5.) She then presented me with twenty coupons for $1/2 bottles of Seagram’s. She insisted that because she was originally from New Mexico, that we could not limit her purchases or use of coupons at all, as state law prohibited it. She also said that we had to double the coupons to a value of $2 because the coupons themselves did not say “DO NOT DOUBLE” on them. I explained that regardless, I could not use the coupons because each coupon requires the purchase of two two-liter bottles of ginger ale, and she had bought a whopping total of one. This is when she decided she didn’t want any of the soda at all, and that it was a shame that we treated customers that way.
There are Jews in the world… there are Buddhists… there are Hindus and Mormons and then… there are those who follow Mohammed but… I’ve never been one of them…
As our grocery store has a pharmacy in it, it comes as no surprise that we carry a veritable selection of prophylactics. One customer complained because we sold condoms. I admittedly don’t remember the name of the brand she mentioned, but for argument’s sake, we’ll say it was “Inconceivable!” condoms, complete with a picture of Wallace Shawn on the package. Her logic was that they were against her religion because they prevent babies from being born, and as such, we shouldn’t sell them. I explained that not all people followed the same religion she did, and that’s when she told me that those who weren’t Roman Catholic were going to burn in hell.
I’m just a regular Joe… with a regular job… I’m your average white… suburbanite slob… I like football and porno and books about war… I got an average house… with a nice hardwood floor…
This week, we have Bing cherries on sale for $2.49/lb (limit 4 pounds, please.) Now, I understand that we have trained the customers relatively well, in that they will give us things they don’t want to purchase on occasion (as opposed to leaving them on a shelf they don’t belong on). That having been said, I do not understand the customer who gave me a bag containing the pits to about a pound of cherries, stating he did not want to purchase the cherries. I called over my manager, and she, predictably, caved in.
One of the great things about the cherries being on sale is that one can buy more of them with one’s WIC cash value voucher than you could otherwise. For those unfamiliar with WIC cash value vouchers, they are used to purchase fruits and vegetables. They are issued for a certain cash value - usually $6, $8, $10, or $15 - and are good for that value of fruit or vegetables (shoppers may exceed the limit and pay for the remaining balance with an alternative payment). Fresh, frozen, canned, it does not matter - so long as they don’t violate the WIC restrictions for CVVs (nothing added with the exception of salt, no white potatoes, no herbs, nothing from the salad bar, no mature beans), they can be purchased with the voucher.
One customer came up with three jars of maraschino cherries, valued at $1.99 apiece, and presented me with a cash value voucher worth $6. Maraschino cherries say a lot of things to me. They say, “Oh, that’s a Manhattan, not a Rob Roy.” They say, “This is an ice cream sundae that needs some visual interest.” They say, “I don’t really know how to make a Tom Collins.” They say a lot of things, but they do not say “Buy me on WIC!” I had to explain to her that I couldn’t sell her the jars of cherries on WIC, and that’s when I was accused of trying to rob her child of fruit. At least with this one, my boss did not cave, because caving too much on these could cause the state to revoke our ability to accept WIC.
I got married to the widow next door… she’s been married seven times before…
(more of a WTF here)
A bit of background information: besides my job working at the grocery store, I help out with the various athletic programs at my old high school. This high school is both single-gender and has a very unique nickname for their sports teams. Also, one of my regular customers has a relative who plays football and runs track for said school.
While I’m ringing him up, we end up making small talk about how the track season is going and how the football team looks for the upcoming year. This is mostly harmless, since I had no other customers in line. This changes once someone comes up in line and overhears the conversation, and comments that only (bundles of sticks) attend that high school. Both my customer and myself gave that lady a deathglare until he left and I had finished ringing her up.
This is the city, Malaga, New Jersey. I carry a nametag.
It was Wednesday, June 20, 2012. It was oppressively hot in Malaga. We were working the day watch out of the front end. My partners are Buttercup, Princess of Hammersmith and Artemis, Oenophilic Object of Her Affection. My supervisor is Genie, the Mighty Huntress Before the Lord. The boss is Bob, the Burgermeister Meisterburger. My name's Thursday; I’m a cashier.
In the steets, our… heads are liftin’… as we lose our… inhibition… celebration… it surrounds us… every nation… all around us…
I have learned that the “Extreme Couponing” shows are the bane of my existence, as they show customers abusing coupon-friendly policies that our store just doesn’t have. For instance, we permit only four like coupons to be used on an order, and only cents-off coupons may be doubled, to a maximum value of $1. Furthermore, we actually require that the coupon match what was actually purchased.
Enter a customer with forty two-liter bottles of various Coca-Cola products, one of which was a Seagram’s ginger ale. At the time, they were selling for 5/$5 (must buy 5, limit 4 offers please - additional quantities will sell for 4/$5.) She then presented me with twenty coupons for $1/2 bottles of Seagram’s. She insisted that because she was originally from New Mexico, that we could not limit her purchases or use of coupons at all, as state law prohibited it. She also said that we had to double the coupons to a value of $2 because the coupons themselves did not say “DO NOT DOUBLE” on them. I explained that regardless, I could not use the coupons because each coupon requires the purchase of two two-liter bottles of ginger ale, and she had bought a whopping total of one. This is when she decided she didn’t want any of the soda at all, and that it was a shame that we treated customers that way.
There are Jews in the world… there are Buddhists… there are Hindus and Mormons and then… there are those who follow Mohammed but… I’ve never been one of them…
As our grocery store has a pharmacy in it, it comes as no surprise that we carry a veritable selection of prophylactics. One customer complained because we sold condoms. I admittedly don’t remember the name of the brand she mentioned, but for argument’s sake, we’ll say it was “Inconceivable!” condoms, complete with a picture of Wallace Shawn on the package. Her logic was that they were against her religion because they prevent babies from being born, and as such, we shouldn’t sell them. I explained that not all people followed the same religion she did, and that’s when she told me that those who weren’t Roman Catholic were going to burn in hell.
I’m just a regular Joe… with a regular job… I’m your average white… suburbanite slob… I like football and porno and books about war… I got an average house… with a nice hardwood floor…
This week, we have Bing cherries on sale for $2.49/lb (limit 4 pounds, please.) Now, I understand that we have trained the customers relatively well, in that they will give us things they don’t want to purchase on occasion (as opposed to leaving them on a shelf they don’t belong on). That having been said, I do not understand the customer who gave me a bag containing the pits to about a pound of cherries, stating he did not want to purchase the cherries. I called over my manager, and she, predictably, caved in.
One of the great things about the cherries being on sale is that one can buy more of them with one’s WIC cash value voucher than you could otherwise. For those unfamiliar with WIC cash value vouchers, they are used to purchase fruits and vegetables. They are issued for a certain cash value - usually $6, $8, $10, or $15 - and are good for that value of fruit or vegetables (shoppers may exceed the limit and pay for the remaining balance with an alternative payment). Fresh, frozen, canned, it does not matter - so long as they don’t violate the WIC restrictions for CVVs (nothing added with the exception of salt, no white potatoes, no herbs, nothing from the salad bar, no mature beans), they can be purchased with the voucher.
One customer came up with three jars of maraschino cherries, valued at $1.99 apiece, and presented me with a cash value voucher worth $6. Maraschino cherries say a lot of things to me. They say, “Oh, that’s a Manhattan, not a Rob Roy.” They say, “This is an ice cream sundae that needs some visual interest.” They say, “I don’t really know how to make a Tom Collins.” They say a lot of things, but they do not say “Buy me on WIC!” I had to explain to her that I couldn’t sell her the jars of cherries on WIC, and that’s when I was accused of trying to rob her child of fruit. At least with this one, my boss did not cave, because caving too much on these could cause the state to revoke our ability to accept WIC.
I got married to the widow next door… she’s been married seven times before…
(more of a WTF here)
A bit of background information: besides my job working at the grocery store, I help out with the various athletic programs at my old high school. This high school is both single-gender and has a very unique nickname for their sports teams. Also, one of my regular customers has a relative who plays football and runs track for said school.
While I’m ringing him up, we end up making small talk about how the track season is going and how the football team looks for the upcoming year. This is mostly harmless, since I had no other customers in line. This changes once someone comes up in line and overhears the conversation, and comments that only (bundles of sticks) attend that high school. Both my customer and myself gave that lady a deathglare until he left and I had finished ringing her up.