closure (glee - rachel/jesse)
Title: Closure
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairings: Rachel/Jesse.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: After singing together for the first time in eight years, they fall into old habits. And realise they need still need to talk about it. Future!fic.
Notes: ~1600 words. Companion fic to ' Fourteen', but can be read without. I don't know what happened; it starts off all saucy, but then just.... I guess the kids needed closure (hence the lame title). :D Sorry for no smexy-times.
'Fourteen' excerpt, & continues on:
The next week, he finds himself at an impromptu audition with a director he’s worked with in the past. The two chat away like old friends, waiting for his leading lady, when she shows up. He hasn’t seen her in a month, and it’s almost like a smack in the face to see her here. He manages to collect himself quickly, and sneaks her a slightly confused look when she apologises about her lateness like they’ve never even met before.
Then they’re singing together.
He feels eighteen again, young and naive and a bit clueless about love, and her voice is perfect, and they’re singing together and it feels right. Unconsciously, he throws more of himself into that song (he fears that maybe he won’t get that part back, after).
The director is stunned, and tells them, while they’re still breathing heavily and staring at each other, that he’ll call them later.
“This is wrong,” she whispers feverishly into the cold air, his lips hot against her neck.
Oh, that’s… that feels-
She’s finding it difficult to keep her head clear, when he leans back for a second (she misses the contact, and gives a slightly frustrated sigh) and breathes an “Is it?”
“I don’t… know you,” she manages to say, eyes fluttering shut when his lips start to travel slowly up her neck, her hands unconsciously tangling themselves in his hair. She can feel her resolve slipping away, and curses the hot flush down her spine, as his lips curve in a smile at her ear.
She opens her eyes as he leans back fully, but keeps his head close to hers, even his gaze making her painfully aware of their intimate position and the cold, hard wall on her back. “I’m offended, Rachel,” he says with a smirk. He runs his tongue over his lips, and she can’t help but track its way back into his mouth, before looking up at his eyes again. There’s that smirk again. God, he knows how he makes me feel. “You don’t normally lock lips with strangers, do you?”
“No, no… I, uh.” Damn, he’s distracting. “I’ve… I mean, you’re different from when we were in high school.” Jesse stiffens, and in that moment, the mood entirely changes.
“Is it time for us to have that talk, then?”
He takes a step back, eyes softening. She straightens her blouse uncertainly while he runs a hand through his curly mop of hair, successfully messing it up even more (and she would be lying if she says it doesn’t make her heart skip a beat - as irregular as it is already). “Well, it is long overdue,” she says with a tentative smile, a hint of bitterness lacing her tone.
He stuffs his hands in his pockets, tearing his gaze from hers. “I… I don’t know where to start.”
“How about the beginning?” she says gently, raising her eyebrows at him.
He looks at her again, smile starting to curve his lips in that familiar way, like he’s appreciating that she hasn’t changed too much. “It’s a long story. Maybe we should sit down?”
Rachel looks around at the deserted hallway, and he chuckles softly.
“There’s a park across the road. It’s no Central Park, but it’s nice. No one would interrupt, even if they were there in the first place.” It’s New York, no one’s going to care what the hell we’re talking about, his eyes seem to convey.
“Sure,” she decides, and they make their way leisurely to the park, sitting down on a park bench. The wind had picked up since they had entered the auditorium hours ago for auditions, and Rachel tightens her coat around her shoulders. When she looks up at Jesse beside her, though, he’s staring at her, as if hesitant to do anything about it.
He sighs, staring ahead. “You’ve probably guessed most of it.” She’s silent, so he continues cautiously. “I first saw you at your Sectionals. Shelby usually takes us to scope out the competition, you know. I think she first realised you were her daughter, then, when you started to sing Don’t Rain On My Parade.
“She, er, told me that you were her daughter that day,” he says, avoiding her eyes, as if there’s more he doesn’t reveal. “I’m not going to lie; I was interested to meet Shelby Corcoran’s daughter, though that was far outweighed by your incredible singing talent, and when we sang together…” He trails off, but quickly snaps out of it. “Well, then Shelby she asked me to befriend you, to see whether you wanted to meet her, what you were like. Things like that.”
Rachel’s silent again, staring at her shoes.
“What we had was real, Rachel.”
She looks up at him, and can’t see any lie in his eyes (though he was always a great actor).
“Shelby never asked me to leak information about New Directions, or anything.”
“What about transferring to McKinley?”
Hesitation. “Well, that was Shelby’s idea.”
“I see.”
He looks at her pensively, but she guards her emotions. “When you made that video, I was hurt, Rachel. Maybe I overreacted, but it was only because you were never supposed to be able to make me feel that way. I was never supposed to let it get that deep.”
“So, a lot of it was an act, then?”
He runs a hand frustratedly through his hair. “No! Don’t you get it, Rachel? I was mad at you because I let you in. I told myself - Shelby told me - that I would only befriend you. But I couldn’t resist you. I told myself I would only end up hurting you, and myself, the more time I spent with you, but Rachel, I fell in love with you.”
She’s quiet.
“As much as an 18-year-old boy can love, anyway,” he says lowly. “I had to get out of Ohio. That town, that whole state! I needed to start over somewhere, where no one knew my name and I could be someone new, I could be Jesse St. James. I had to get out of there, and there was only one thing pulling me back.” A pause. “Another One Bites The Dust was my idea. I think you know why. And, uh…” He pauses again, stepping around that incident. “That day. I gave in to peer pressure.”
She’s biting her lip so hard that it looks white, and he resists the urge to comfort her. She needs his distance at this moment.
“I did love you, Rachel.”
“You looked like you hated me,” she whispers. “And I believed that. I thought you could only hate me, if you did… did that.”
“I think I did hate you, in that second,” he allows, a bitter smile pulling at his lips. “I was supposed to just go back to Carmel when it was all said and done, to go back to how things were before I met you. I… was scared that you could make me regret going back. For what happened that day, and for everything, I’m sorry.”
They sit in silence for a while, and Jesse’s only grateful that she doesn’t lash out at him, though he doesn’t know if he’d prefer her to just blurt out what she’s thinking. He studies her as she processes this overload of information, almost opening his mouth to say something, before she eventually does.
“Have you ever wanted to take it back, if you could?”
“You mean… in the parking lot?”
“Yes.”
“Every day.” She’s still not looking him in the eyes, but he doesn’t blame her. “I regret giving in. I regret leaving you with no explanation. I regret how we started what we had.
“I don’t regret us, though. As much as it hurt, I don’t regret it. You know what stopped me from ever coming back and explaining until now? I mean, aside from my stubbornness and adolescent ego? I knew you were strong enough. And I knew you had that whole Glee club to support you through this. I knew that Finn would pick up the pieces I left behind, and I knew you would move on. If you hated me, I thought it would be easier to let go of you. I knew that you would probably take my-” he hesitates at the words, “-breaking your heart and channel it into becoming the best you could be and becoming a star. I know it doesn’t justify what I did, but I’m really, really sorry.”
“How can I forgive you? How can I know that… this all, this… How can I tell it’s not just another lie?” The words are like venom, hate and bitterness spat out at him, like a blade. But its her eyes that bore into him, like it’s his fault, for everything (and it is his fault; he can’t deny this).
“I… You can’t,” he ends up saying, and it’s the truth. His eyes search hers, but she drops them to look down again.
“You hurt me, Jesse. So much,” she mumbles, and Jesse sees a tear splash onto her jacket.
He wants to comfort her, put an arm around her, and tell her everything’s okay. But he doesn’t, and she just holds her arms tightly, like it’s the only thing holding her together. “I know,” is all he can say. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I was stupid.”
She lets out a laugh - a half-strangled, bitter one that contains no joy, and it doesn’t suit her. “You were pretty fucking stupid.”
Jesse’s almost surprised by the language, but maybe it’s just a new part of this hard, new Rachel Berry.
“Love makes us stupid, hey?”
“Yeah,” he says quietly.
Rachel finally glances up at him, cracking a watery smile that catches him off-guard. “You really have changed from high school, Jesse St. James.”
“I was… bigheaded in high school, Rachel. You better hope I changed,” he says lightly.
“For the record…” She fiddles with a button on her coat, before looking at him again. “I- I forgive you.”
Jesse’s heart thumps almost painfully in his chest. He stares at Rachel, before grinning. “Thanks, Rachel.”
“You’ve had that inside you for a while now,” she explains, and Jesse’s smiles at how she still knows him, even if he has changed. “We both need to move on from this, properly. I left Lima for that same reason, Jesse. New beginnings, right?”
A memory tugs at him, and he sticks his hand out with a wry smile. “Hi. I’m Jesse.”
She doesn’t seem surprised, but looks almost pleased as she shakes his hand, a faint smile lighting her eyes now.
“I know who you are.”
+ Therapy by All Time Low
(download. It fits Jesse, post-Regionals, really well.
Plus, if he ever sang that.... Guh.)
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairings: Rachel/Jesse.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: After singing together for the first time in eight years, they fall into old habits. And realise they need still need to talk about it. Future!fic.
Notes: ~1600 words. Companion fic to ' Fourteen', but can be read without. I don't know what happened; it starts off all saucy, but then just.... I guess the kids needed closure (hence the lame title). :D Sorry for no smexy-times.
'Fourteen' excerpt, & continues on:
The next week, he finds himself at an impromptu audition with a director he’s worked with in the past. The two chat away like old friends, waiting for his leading lady, when she shows up. He hasn’t seen her in a month, and it’s almost like a smack in the face to see her here. He manages to collect himself quickly, and sneaks her a slightly confused look when she apologises about her lateness like they’ve never even met before.
Then they’re singing together.
He feels eighteen again, young and naive and a bit clueless about love, and her voice is perfect, and they’re singing together and it feels right. Unconsciously, he throws more of himself into that song (he fears that maybe he won’t get that part back, after).
The director is stunned, and tells them, while they’re still breathing heavily and staring at each other, that he’ll call them later.
“This is wrong,” she whispers feverishly into the cold air, his lips hot against her neck.
Oh, that’s… that feels-
She’s finding it difficult to keep her head clear, when he leans back for a second (she misses the contact, and gives a slightly frustrated sigh) and breathes an “Is it?”
“I don’t… know you,” she manages to say, eyes fluttering shut when his lips start to travel slowly up her neck, her hands unconsciously tangling themselves in his hair. She can feel her resolve slipping away, and curses the hot flush down her spine, as his lips curve in a smile at her ear.
She opens her eyes as he leans back fully, but keeps his head close to hers, even his gaze making her painfully aware of their intimate position and the cold, hard wall on her back. “I’m offended, Rachel,” he says with a smirk. He runs his tongue over his lips, and she can’t help but track its way back into his mouth, before looking up at his eyes again. There’s that smirk again. God, he knows how he makes me feel. “You don’t normally lock lips with strangers, do you?”
“No, no… I, uh.” Damn, he’s distracting. “I’ve… I mean, you’re different from when we were in high school.” Jesse stiffens, and in that moment, the mood entirely changes.
“Is it time for us to have that talk, then?”
He takes a step back, eyes softening. She straightens her blouse uncertainly while he runs a hand through his curly mop of hair, successfully messing it up even more (and she would be lying if she says it doesn’t make her heart skip a beat - as irregular as it is already). “Well, it is long overdue,” she says with a tentative smile, a hint of bitterness lacing her tone.
He stuffs his hands in his pockets, tearing his gaze from hers. “I… I don’t know where to start.”
“How about the beginning?” she says gently, raising her eyebrows at him.
He looks at her again, smile starting to curve his lips in that familiar way, like he’s appreciating that she hasn’t changed too much. “It’s a long story. Maybe we should sit down?”
Rachel looks around at the deserted hallway, and he chuckles softly.
“There’s a park across the road. It’s no Central Park, but it’s nice. No one would interrupt, even if they were there in the first place.” It’s New York, no one’s going to care what the hell we’re talking about, his eyes seem to convey.
“Sure,” she decides, and they make their way leisurely to the park, sitting down on a park bench. The wind had picked up since they had entered the auditorium hours ago for auditions, and Rachel tightens her coat around her shoulders. When she looks up at Jesse beside her, though, he’s staring at her, as if hesitant to do anything about it.
He sighs, staring ahead. “You’ve probably guessed most of it.” She’s silent, so he continues cautiously. “I first saw you at your Sectionals. Shelby usually takes us to scope out the competition, you know. I think she first realised you were her daughter, then, when you started to sing Don’t Rain On My Parade.
“She, er, told me that you were her daughter that day,” he says, avoiding her eyes, as if there’s more he doesn’t reveal. “I’m not going to lie; I was interested to meet Shelby Corcoran’s daughter, though that was far outweighed by your incredible singing talent, and when we sang together…” He trails off, but quickly snaps out of it. “Well, then Shelby she asked me to befriend you, to see whether you wanted to meet her, what you were like. Things like that.”
Rachel’s silent again, staring at her shoes.
“What we had was real, Rachel.”
She looks up at him, and can’t see any lie in his eyes (though he was always a great actor).
“Shelby never asked me to leak information about New Directions, or anything.”
“What about transferring to McKinley?”
Hesitation. “Well, that was Shelby’s idea.”
“I see.”
He looks at her pensively, but she guards her emotions. “When you made that video, I was hurt, Rachel. Maybe I overreacted, but it was only because you were never supposed to be able to make me feel that way. I was never supposed to let it get that deep.”
“So, a lot of it was an act, then?”
He runs a hand frustratedly through his hair. “No! Don’t you get it, Rachel? I was mad at you because I let you in. I told myself - Shelby told me - that I would only befriend you. But I couldn’t resist you. I told myself I would only end up hurting you, and myself, the more time I spent with you, but Rachel, I fell in love with you.”
She’s quiet.
“As much as an 18-year-old boy can love, anyway,” he says lowly. “I had to get out of Ohio. That town, that whole state! I needed to start over somewhere, where no one knew my name and I could be someone new, I could be Jesse St. James. I had to get out of there, and there was only one thing pulling me back.” A pause. “Another One Bites The Dust was my idea. I think you know why. And, uh…” He pauses again, stepping around that incident. “That day. I gave in to peer pressure.”
She’s biting her lip so hard that it looks white, and he resists the urge to comfort her. She needs his distance at this moment.
“I did love you, Rachel.”
“You looked like you hated me,” she whispers. “And I believed that. I thought you could only hate me, if you did… did that.”
“I think I did hate you, in that second,” he allows, a bitter smile pulling at his lips. “I was supposed to just go back to Carmel when it was all said and done, to go back to how things were before I met you. I… was scared that you could make me regret going back. For what happened that day, and for everything, I’m sorry.”
They sit in silence for a while, and Jesse’s only grateful that she doesn’t lash out at him, though he doesn’t know if he’d prefer her to just blurt out what she’s thinking. He studies her as she processes this overload of information, almost opening his mouth to say something, before she eventually does.
“Have you ever wanted to take it back, if you could?”
“You mean… in the parking lot?”
“Yes.”
“Every day.” She’s still not looking him in the eyes, but he doesn’t blame her. “I regret giving in. I regret leaving you with no explanation. I regret how we started what we had.
“I don’t regret us, though. As much as it hurt, I don’t regret it. You know what stopped me from ever coming back and explaining until now? I mean, aside from my stubbornness and adolescent ego? I knew you were strong enough. And I knew you had that whole Glee club to support you through this. I knew that Finn would pick up the pieces I left behind, and I knew you would move on. If you hated me, I thought it would be easier to let go of you. I knew that you would probably take my-” he hesitates at the words, “-breaking your heart and channel it into becoming the best you could be and becoming a star. I know it doesn’t justify what I did, but I’m really, really sorry.”
“How can I forgive you? How can I know that… this all, this… How can I tell it’s not just another lie?” The words are like venom, hate and bitterness spat out at him, like a blade. But its her eyes that bore into him, like it’s his fault, for everything (and it is his fault; he can’t deny this).
“I… You can’t,” he ends up saying, and it’s the truth. His eyes search hers, but she drops them to look down again.
“You hurt me, Jesse. So much,” she mumbles, and Jesse sees a tear splash onto her jacket.
He wants to comfort her, put an arm around her, and tell her everything’s okay. But he doesn’t, and she just holds her arms tightly, like it’s the only thing holding her together. “I know,” is all he can say. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I was stupid.”
She lets out a laugh - a half-strangled, bitter one that contains no joy, and it doesn’t suit her. “You were pretty fucking stupid.”
Jesse’s almost surprised by the language, but maybe it’s just a new part of this hard, new Rachel Berry.
“Love makes us stupid, hey?”
“Yeah,” he says quietly.
Rachel finally glances up at him, cracking a watery smile that catches him off-guard. “You really have changed from high school, Jesse St. James.”
“I was… bigheaded in high school, Rachel. You better hope I changed,” he says lightly.
“For the record…” She fiddles with a button on her coat, before looking at him again. “I- I forgive you.”
Jesse’s heart thumps almost painfully in his chest. He stares at Rachel, before grinning. “Thanks, Rachel.”
“You’ve had that inside you for a while now,” she explains, and Jesse’s smiles at how she still knows him, even if he has changed. “We both need to move on from this, properly. I left Lima for that same reason, Jesse. New beginnings, right?”
A memory tugs at him, and he sticks his hand out with a wry smile. “Hi. I’m Jesse.”
She doesn’t seem surprised, but looks almost pleased as she shakes his hand, a faint smile lighting her eyes now.
“I know who you are.”
+ Therapy by All Time Low
(download. It fits Jesse, post-Regionals, really well.
Plus, if he ever sang that.... Guh.)