my dad and the avengers (spoilers!)
Before the Movie.
Me: So, I may need to explain some stuff to you, since there were some movies before this.
Dad: I'll be fine, I saw Iron-Man.
Me: Did you see Iron-Man 2?
Dad: Uh...
Me: Didn't think so.
Dad: Look, I'll be fine. I get the basic idea. It's like the Fantastic Four -
Me: No, no, it is not. That has nothing to do with it.
Dad: Sure it is. They both have that guy....
Me: ... What? You're comparing the Thing and the Hulk?
Dad: Sure, they're the same.
Me: No. The Hulk can turn back into a regular guy. The Thing can't. He's stuck like that.
Dad: I'm pretty sure he turned back once, in one movie.
Me: Just once. But he's... THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE AVENGERS MOVIE!
At the Theater.
Me: Why are we going to this theater?
Dad: Well, it just came out, so I wanted to avoid the crowds at the mall.
Me: Ah, smart. So, what time is the movie?
Dad: 'Bout a half hour from now.
Me: Wha... WHAT. WHY ARE WE HERE SO EARLY.
Dad: Crowds! Besides, we can play on our phones until then.
Me: I CAN'T. I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE FAMILY STILL WITHOUT A SMARTPHONE, REMEMBER.
Dad: ... Um. Did you bring your kindle?
Me: WHY WOULD I BRING A KINDLE TO THE MOVIES. I DIDN'T KNOW WE'D NEED TO KILL A HALF HOUR.
Dad: ... Let's go get popcorn. All right, let's see...
Me: Mom and I just share a bucket.
Dad: Nah, that's too much. We'll get different combos.
Me: If you say so.
Dad: ... Okay I just paid more for popcorn than I did for the tickets. And there's no way I'm going to finish it.
Me: Told you. Look, it's okay not to finish it.
Dad: I just did a car payment on this popcorn, I'm gunna finish it.
After the Movie.
Dad: The thing I didn't like about it was the Hulk. You don't even need those other guys, Hulk did all the work.
Me: Are you kidding me? Everyone did their fair share, they all needed each other!
Dad: Oh please. They were getting their asses kicked until the Hulk came. He's invincible, you can't kill him.
Me: He's not invincible! You saw that one part where they were outnumbering him! Enough of those shots and he was a goner.
Dad: Ehhh... they definitely didn't need that Captain America guy. He doesn't even have powers.
Me: OH COME ON. He's the morality of the group, he does the planning! And he does too have powers! He can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Dad: He can do twenty feet in a single bound. He's more like a ninja.
Me: And ninjas are AWESOME.
Dad: And what about the Russian girl and the arrow guy?
Me: Black Widow and Hawkeye.
Dad: His name was Hawkeye? Like from MASH?
Me: I sincerely doubt it.
Dad: Well anyway, all he did was fire arrows. He's... they were also ninjas.
Me: They added humanity to the team!
Dad: And fighting scene was way too long.
Me: ... Which one? There were a million fighting scenes.
Dad: The last one. It really stretched on.
Me: It did not. It was AMAZING. Man, I can't take you anywhere.
As for the movie itself? Pure awesome. Some highlights -
- I would do everyone in the cast, good lord. Just one delicious orgy of messed up people.
- Before I saw the film, a friend of mine said a friend of hers said "The bad guys are like Evronians from PKNA". And watching the film I'm like "Huh I wonder what she - OH MY GOD THEY JUST COOL FLAMED THE BITCHES."
- Captain is forever adorkable. I want to hug him.
- WHY COULDN'T THOR SEE HIS GIRLFRIEND, COME ON ;A; JUST ONE KISS.
- Black Widow is fantastic. When she was with Loki I was all "Aw come on, is she gunna cry and break and help him? WHY DO ALL THE FEMALE CHARACTERS DO THIS SHIT" but then she pulled EPIC TROLL and I swooned. Then when she was fighting Hawkeye I again got worried "Oh great is she gunna pause in the fight and leave an opening for him to attack because of the debt/love?" but then SHE FREAKING BASHES HIS SKULL IN and I wanted to give the writer a huge high 5 for making her an awesome woman character.
- I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD AT A SUPERHERO MOVIE, BEST LINES EVER
- Movie theater burst into APPLAUSE when Hulk played whack-a-Loki.
- Didn't see the second credit scene because dad was so sure there wouldn't be one e_e
- There were times my jaw just slowly hung open from what I was seeing, like when Hulk took ONE PUNCH at the Leviathan thing and flipped the damn thing over.
- WHY PHIL WHYYYYY. I gasped in sheer horror, as did many others in the theater. I kept waiting for someone to save him, I kept thinking 'no way they'd let him die' like when Ray was dying in Princess and the Frog, I just kept thinking they wouldn't really do it BUT THEN 'THEY CALLED IT' AND THE CARDS AND AUUUUUUGH. Hooowever! research on the internets told me that apparently Joss Whedon and Phil's actor said he wouldn't die in the movie. So either they are sons of bitches that lie, or once again Nick Fury screwed our boys over. (and given the "those cards were in his locker" line that's not really a stretch.)
- Which brings me to my only complaint of the movie - Tony figures out Loki is going to hit New York. The Avengers go to New York... but don't tell SHIELD. If they had told SHIELD, then they could have talked to the government or something and at least started an evacuation of the city so there'd be less casualties. Dad said that maybe the Avengers didn't think Loki would do that much damage on his own or something but I disagree.
- MOVIE NEEDED MORE THOR. He's my favorite.
And for some last laughs, here's one more conversation with my dad, sort of. FYI Mom is a biologist.
Dad: Holy crap!
Mom: What?
Dad: There's a huge spider.
Mom: Oh. Is that all?
Dad: Gimmie some of the paper.
Mom: Huh?
Dad: Gimmie some of the paper, I need to get the spider.
Mom: Just grab a paper towel.
Dad: Hell no, that thing is huge!
Mom: Don't take the paper, I'm reading it! You know what, I'll get the spider.
Dad: No, you don't get it, it's huge! It's like a... Brown Recluse!
Mom: Maybe it's more like a dumb-ass spider. Where is it.
Dad: On the stairway railing... there it is!
Mom: Got it... ah.
Dad: Ha! See, see, it jumps!
Mom: Oh get over it... here, I got it.
Dad: Oh, god, you're touching it! Why?!
Mom: Wuss.
Dad: Biologists... they're messed up.