IAM- Ch 3/8
Chapter 3: Masuda Takahisa
****
I sigh in relief, as I placed the last delicacy on the refrigerator. I smile widely. Ear to ear. The wind chime dinged. It means another customer.
I spun around and greeted.
"Good morning. Welcome to...." I stopped. Somehow, I suddenly felt my tongue retreated.
He smiled at me. He looked more handsome every time I would see him.
My heart started to pound uncontrollably. I wanted to clutch my chest to let it stopped.
Instead I gripped my hands. I tried my best to stay calm and cool.
"Hey..." he said laughing.
"Hi..." I greeted him formally. I went outside the counter and bow at him.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." I wanted to ask him. But somewhat I already knew the answer. He's not okay.
"So how was she?" He asked. As usual, I got hurt. However this time, its only teeny weeny-bit pain. Because I believe this is not the end of this conversation.
"Good. She kept her self busy over the past month." I replied honestly.
"Souka. (I see.)" He nodded twice. "Do you think she misses me?"
I exhaled quietly. My hand was trembling. He was smiling shyly and scratched the back of his head.
"Of course she does.... It's been a while since you guys last talked."
He held both of my hands. I smiled and pursed my lips. One thing I've always dreamt of. "I miss this place and your company."
For a second or two, I forgot to breathe. My eyes got widened. My heart was beating very fast. I wanted to answer his statement. I wanted to say, 'I miss you too.'
But.... I can’t....
Masuda Takahisa...
Is my older sister's boyfriend.
In his eyes, I can see he wanted to say, 'I miss her more.'
____________________________________________________________________________________
I can still recall the first time I met him. It was two years ago.
Same place.
I was eighteen back then. He was 22. Four years older. Same age as Ayame. I did not go to college. Because I believe, I'm skipping steps. Cooking is my passion. After I finished my high school, I immediately worked at our small cafe.
The choice was not a regret. It was a favor.
A dream came true.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I gaped upward. I look up at the wall clock; it's already 5 in the afternoon.
Still... he's not around.
Sometimes, I tagged myself as a stalker ever since I met him.
It's been a month since he regularly go and eat here by afternoon.
To be honest I don’t know his name.
But his physical appearance gives me the good vibe that he is a good person.
After 30 days of watching him from the distance, I'm not afraid to admit.
I got infatuated by him.
He's not that tall.
He has these chinky eyes.
Great smile.
He looks nice.
He looks funny.
I even thought, that maybe he's the one.
But that's insane.
I heave a sigh and buried my face on the counter.
How I wish.
He’s the one.
---
The wind chime dinged.
"Good aft---"
I looked up. I saw him with his big backpack. Three thick books on his hand.
Suddenly, my world became silent. My gaze followed him. He sat on his usual spot.
My eyes were perfectly and motionless focused on him. Only to him.
He breathes first. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
He shook his head and shifted his stare to me.
Our gazes met. I look away. I decided to play busy by wiping some glasses.
From my peripheral vision, I saw him walking closer here.
I tried to stay as casual. Like nothing happened.
I smiled at him.
"Hi... May I get your order, sir?" I asked him. One coffee, no sugar and blueberry cheesecake.
"One coffee, no sugar and blueberry cheesecake." He said.
My shoulders shrugged. I giggle quietly. I guess I really knew him after all.
I punch his order over the computer.
I gather my courage and ask, "tough day, huh?"
"Yeah. Exams will start on next week. I must study hard."
"Oh, I see...." I said innocently. He should really study hard, because he's taking up a medical course. I accidentally saw the cover of his books one time. I flash a wide grin. "Good luck."
"Thanks... I'll be needing that."
I blushed. "No problem."
He tapped his fingers, swaying his head on the left going to the right.
"If you don’t mind, there's a question running on my mind right now."
"What?"
"How come I never seen you, go out of this place? I mean, aren’t you studying?"
"No. This business is run by my parents." I smiled.
"Oh... I se---e...” He said syllabically. "I understand... by the way, I'm Takahisa Massuda."
He said and offer his hand in front of me. I feel dizzy. Did I hear him correct? I'm so nervous that I might faint anytime. I grasp on the nearest thing to me. "Are you okay?"
"Huh? Me? Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure, you're okay?" He said, gesturing with his hand. "Cause your color suddenly change. You look pale."
"I'm really okay. Thanks for your concern."
"You're welcome. Just don’t push yourself if you are tired. I'm sure your parents would understand you.... "Erm. What's your name again?"
"Ino Chiaki."
He nodded. "Chi-chan."
He said with a grin, hearing him calling me by that name and finally knowing his name made me more than happy.
_________________________________________________________________________________
My love grows every single day. I have never experienced this before. To be honest, it was a great feeling.
But my love for him will only dwell inside of me. As much as I want to shout it to the world, I can’t and I never will.
I don’t want to jeopardize this feeling over a friendship.
__________________________________________________________________________________
“Uwaaa. Chi-chan! I want to taste this.” He said. Pointing his index finger at this caramel cake. I pressed my face on the recipe book he has brought.
We were talking over the counter. There wasn’t any customer. “It looks delicious.”
“Chiaki!” I shrugged as I heard someone call my name. I was busy reading and studying this new recipe. It was my sister, Ayame.
“Onee-chan.”
“Where is mom and dad?”
“At home.” I answered and blink my eyes. I notice one thing that made me realize that I wasn’t the one.
His eyes were fixed on Ayame. Everything she do, his sight were focused on her.
Ayame wiggled her eyebrows and smile. The smile that any guy could fall for. A smile that could make his day.
“Onee-chan, this is Masuda Takahisa-kun…. Takahisa-kun this is my older sister, Ayame.”
“Hajimemashite(nice to meet you.)” Ayame said gracefully as she grinned at him again.
I took a glance at his face. He was beaming. The happiest smile I’ve ever seen from him. A smile that was never intended for me.
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Chiaki….” Ayame said almost in teary-eyed. She hugged me very tight. “Do you know how happy I am?”
“You sounded one.” I laughed. “Why? What’s new?”
“I’ve got a boyfriend!”
“Wow…. That’s great… Good for you… I’m happy that you finally get over your stupid hick boyfriend. Does mom and dad know about this?”
“Yeah… I’m sorry, if you’re the last person whom I’ve told about this.”
“Nah… It’s okay… We are sisters. So who’s the lucky guy?” my eyes were flickering in delight.
“Masuda Takahisa.” I got overwhelmed hearing his name from her mouth. My world suddenly became blank. I feel motionless.
"Th---that's.... great."
I lied.
At the back of my mind, I thought...
I feel like I’ve conspire by my only sister and the guy I love.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The front door slammed. Mom was collecting the plates we used; I wipe the table with a rag. We saw Ayame walking towards our room as she passed by the kitchen. She was stomping her feet.
“Stupid Takahisa. I hate him... Ugh!!!!” She yelled really irritated. Mom and I looked at each other.
“Go… I’ll take care of this… Comfort your sister.”
I gave her a half smile and followed her order.
____________________________________________________________________________________
I sigh in relief, as I placed the last delicacy on the refrigerator. I smile widely. Ear to ear. The wind chime dinged. It means another customer.
I spun around and greeted.
"Good morning. Welcome to...." I stopped. Somehow, I suddenly felt my tongue retreated.
He smiled at me. He looked more handsome every time I would see him.
My heart started to pound uncontrollably. I wanted to clutch my chest to let it stopped.
Instead I gripped my hands. I tried my best to stay calm and cool.
"Hey..." he said laughing.
"Hi..." I greeted him formally. I went outside the counter and bow at him.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." I wanted to ask him. But somewhat I already knew the answer. He's not okay.
"So how was she?" He asked. As usual, I got hurt. However this time, its only teeny weeny-bit pain. Because I believe this is not the end of this conversation.
"Good. She kept her self busy over the past month." I replied honestly.
"Souka. (I see.)" He nodded twice. "Do you think she misses me?"
I exhaled quietly. My hand was trembling. He was smiling shyly and scratched the back of his head.
"Of course she does.... It's been a while since you guys last talked."
He held both of my hands. I smiled and pursed my lips. One thing I've always dreamt of. "I miss this place and your company."
For a second or two, I forgot to breathe. My eyes got widened. My heart was beating very fast. I wanted to answer his statement. I wanted to say, 'I miss you too.'
But.... I can’t....
Masuda Takahisa...
Is my older sister's boyfriend.
In his eyes, I can see he wanted to say, 'I miss her more.'
____________________________________________________________________________________
Their argument finally lasted. It was just a mere misunderstanding.
Like a normal couple undergo.
Another circumstance happened when Ayame got sick. She got over fatigue due to her work.
She was hospitalize and should be confine to have her good rest.
Ayame…
Is a general manager of this company in Tokyo.
Having her job was most workers always dreamt of.
Ayame…
Is my older sister.
The perfect daughter.
The smart one.
The pretty one.
His ideal girl
Ayame…
Is twenty four years old.
Four years older than me.
His precious pearl.
However, as much as how perfect Ayame is, I’ve never envy her.
She will always be my sister.
___________________________________________________________________________________
The door opened. I turn around. I saw him. I was surprise to see him standing in front of me. I wasn’t expecting this.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. Raising an eyebrow at him. I wanted to have a chit chat with him. Nevertheless not this moment. I've got tons to do. I'm all alone running this place.
"Your dad asked me to accompany and help you. Since he said, you're alone tonight."
"Shouldn't it be you're staying beside Ayame?" He remove his coat and went inside the kitchen. He put on an apron over his clothes and started to get the orders.
"Both of your parents are staying with Ayame. You don’t have anyone, so I volunteer and accept his offer to help and stay with you."
Instead of having the feeling of happiness and being thankful, I feel the opposite of it.
It stab me.
A pierce of pain.
.
.
.
Because I know he just feet pity on me.
---
We sat across each other, I looked outside the window. My thoughts gone astray.
If only I could return back the time,
I would be selfish as hell.
I wouldn’t let Ayame meet him.
I would confess everything I wanted to say.
But those thoughts will only remain as ‘if’s.’
If only I could be selfish.
If Ayame had not meet him.
If only I have confessed everything I wanted to say.
I felt his thumb drew on the brim of my lips. I snapped out of my daze.
“Icing.” He said and laugh lightly. Afterwards he licked his thumb. My eyes grew wide. I was not ready and I never expect him to do that.
My heart is thumping very fast again. I honestly hate this feeling.
I feel like my heart and mind is going to explode any minute now.
“Thank you.” Was the only thing my mouth has muttered. I stood up. I wanted to get away. I pass by him, but he caught my hand.
He stood in front of me.
He held me by my shoulders.
His face inclined closer to mine.
With eyes close.
Our lips met for the first time.
I got lost inside his mouth.
I could feel he was breathing inside me.
And then…
He spoiled it.
We looked at contrary direction.
He scratched his head and utter, “sorry.”
I bit my lower lip.
It feels good at the same time not.
I’ve fulfill a dream, yet I broke someone’s trust.
He laughed.
I wonder why.
“Do you guys have a CCTV camera?”
“No. Why?”
“Good. Or else we would create a big commotion.”
He laugh at his own joke.
Somehow, I found his joke not funny.
I sniffed and held my breath for seconds.
I wanted to cry.
Cry my heart out.
One must really suffer to obtain the happiness of someone.
I decided to walk away from him.
Far enough, to have my own personal space and moment to reflect on every mistake I have committed.
And the biggest mistake is, I have fallen in love with my sister’s boyfriend.
“Chi-chan…”
Warm drops stream on my face. I wiped it away. I turn around and look at him. His head was tilted downward. “Hmmm?”
“Both of us… Let’s forget that it happened.”
____________________________________________________________________________________
After that night, as he wished, even if it’s against my will. I decided to forget it or act as if nothing happened. After two weeks, Ayame got out of the hospital. Everything got to back normal or them.
Except for me.
I want to forget him, but there’s a force that kept me attach to his presence.
He was like a magnet; I’ve always got attracted to him.
Months later.
Each day they became more inseparable.
As for me, I’ve always see his happy face from afar.
Their happy faces.
From the outside, I’m happy for them.
But the inside me, is crawling in pain.
Devastated. Everything hurts.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
My hand phone suddenly vibrated. A message from him.
"I have something important to tell you. Let's meet on the park, near your place."
I wonder what it is. I feel like I'm opted to go.
---
By the time I got there, I saw him sitting on the swing, playing with sand. Swaying partially.
He was wearing the same formal clothes.
"Takahisa-kun!" I yelled and jogged closer to him. He stood up and grinned.
"Chi-chan."
"Hmmm?"
He pulled my hand and we hugged each other. My heart was thumping very fast, faster than the speed of light.
"I.... I...."
I laughed lightly. He was stuttering. It was my first time to hear him like this.
"You what?" I asked. Giggling a little.
"I... I... proposed to her and she said yes"
He said breathlessly. Indeed he was very happy.
But me....
I was unconditionally hurt.
It was the last sentence that I wanted to hear from him.
My knees gone weak.
I suddenly experience loss of breath.
Tears welled up on my eyes. I cleared my throat, trying to withstand the pain.
"Th---that's.... great."
I lied.